Season Gleetings
At Hessian Sacks we�re all getting into the festivities of the holiday season (hence garish background. Forgive us, thank you prease), and so we thought we�d embrace the Christmas spirit and dedicate a special article to this wonderful time of year�J-Rock style. A great way to start off your J-Rock xmas is by singing some carols and songs. That�s why we bring to you the *alternative* versions to some happy, happy Christmas tunes.
The Twelve Days of Christmas
On the first day of Christmas my J-Rocker gave to me some shonen-ai to read.
On the second day of Christmas my J-Rocker gave to me fan-service hugs and lots of shonen- ai to read.
On the third day of Christmas my J-Rocker gave to me PVC, fan-service hugs and lots of shonen- ai to read.
On the fourth day of Christmas my J-Rocker gave to me bad Engrish words, PVC, fan-service hugs and lots of shonen- ai to read.
On the fifth day of Christmas my J-Rocker gave to me Gackt endorsed crap, bad Engrish words, PVC, fan-service hugs and lots of shonen- ai to read.
On the sixth day of Christmas my J-Rocker gave to me Six Ugly playing, Gackt endorsed crap, bad Engrish words, PVC, fan-service hugs and lots of shonen- ai to read.
On the seventh day of Christmas my J-Rocker gave to me skinny boys a-slimming, Six Ugly playing, Gackt endorsed crap, bad Engrish words, PVC, fan-service hugs and lots of shonen- ai to read.
On the eighth day of Christmas my J-Rocker gave to me eight screaming fangirls, skinny boys a-slimming, Six Ugly playing, Gackt endorsed crap, bad Engrish words, PVC, fan-service hugs and lots of shonen- ai to read.
On the ninth day of Christmas my J-Rocker gave to me nine Mana�s prancing, eight screaming fangirls, skinny boys a-slimming, Six Ugly playing, Gackt endorsed crap, bad Engrish words, PVC, fan-service hugs and lots of shonen- ai to read.
On the tenth day of Christmas my J-Rocker gave to me fake blood a-seeping, nine Mana�s prancing, eight screaming fangirls, skinny boys a-slimming, Six Ugly playing, Gackt endorsed crap, bad Engrish words, PVC, fan-service hugs and lots of shonen- ai to read.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my J-Rocker gave to me fanfic writers typing, fake blood a-seeping, nine Mana�s prancing, eight screaming fangirls, skinny boys a-slimming, Six Ugly playing, Gackt endorsed crap, bad Engrish words, PVC, fan-service hugs and lots of shonen- ai to read.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my J-Rocker gave to me twelve Shinya�s drumming, fanfic writers typing, fake blood a-seeping, nine Mana�s prancing, eight screaming fangirls, skinny boys a-slimming, Six Ugly playing, Gackt endorsed crap, bad Engrish words, PVC, fan-service hugs, and lots of shonen- ai to read.
Shopper�s Guide � Buying for a J-Rock fan
Christmas shopping isn�t easy, especially when your friend/children/siblings/other obscure relative is only interested in things that come with the �Made in Japan� label attached. This is why we�ve come up with this essential guide to shopping for the J-Rockers amongst us. Force this list upon all friends, relatives and random strangers in the street. You never know who might be buying for you this Xmas.
� Soft toys of famous Japanese people are COOL. Honest. �Plushies�, as they are known to the elite, are especially prized by J-Rock fans and should be treated with utmost respect. This is an excellent gift idea as it is suitable for fans of all ages, (no you�re friend/relative still hasn�t grown up). Just don�t be alarmed when they refuse to talk to you through any other means than via the plushie. This is perfectly normal and should not be a cause for concern. (Booj Speaketh - Yus, Aluss made me a Kyo plushy for Christmas. Yus, I spent the entire day of school talking through it. No, I'm not sad.)
� EBay and Amazon are your FRIENDS. Type in �J-Rock� and stare at all the pretty things you find. No one cares if it costs up to �40 for a CD, some people would sell their souls for J-Rock. �I said *some*�
� Buy fans anything pink. Trust me, the minute they see it they�ll run around in circles shouting �WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE hide!!!!!!!!!� (or for the freaks who should be shunned, �Izam�)
� Engrish is good. Engrish is amusing. Engrish is jumpily, and not to mention a good thing generated. (Yus, Booj bought Aluss Engrish for Christmas. Yus, it was amoosing. No, the Bunny was not holding weed.)
� Be inventive � make something. Get a picture of a J-Rocker�s head, stick it on a balloon and tell the fan it is an exact replica of the aforementioned J-Rocker. They�ll love it. Or attack you mercilessly for saying that a balloon looks like their idol.
� Sign them up to a life time membership of the Got Cake? Campaign. Members will receive a bimonthly newsletter that will inform them as to how to improve their health using controversial treatments involving cake and J-Rockers. Mmm�
� If the fan has just reached driving age buy them a car. Make sure it�s a Japanese make.
� Kidnap their favourite J-Rocker, wrap him up (shackling him first, obviously � otherwise he�d escape), and put him under the tree. This is the best present the fan is ever likely to get. They�ll love you eternally for it.
� If all else fails buy them a pen that states it is made in Japan.
Merry Clistmas and a new year splent jumpily!
Christmas images far more exciting than your uncle drunk and asleep, (and far less sexy...unless your uncle is Kaoru - in which case please send in your christmas photos.)
Not who the children stayed up to see
Save a tree this Christmas!
