Toshiya bustled about his apartment, cleaning up and making the place look respectable. Respectable was his message tonight, respectable and true. He needed clean carpets and all the lights on just so there was no room for confusion. The problem with Toshiya was that his sultry and seductive ways had a tendency to exude into his surroundings, and as a result, his flat gave off the same vibe. Right now, Toshiya was trying to reverse this effect, or at least reduce it. There really was very little likelyhood of him being able to repaint the entire place yellow instead of broody purples and blues before Kaoru arrived. He tried rearranging furniture but it didn't really seem to work. He had all the curtains drawn and the blinds up, so that the windows were un-obscured. This meant light streamed into the place and made it seem exposed and un-intimate. However this would only last until the sunset.
This was a matter of timing. The night was far sexier than the daytime, especially more than the afternoon. And the evening was even sexier than the night. So the afternoon was where the whole affair had to take place. What Toshiya was wearing had been carefully selected over the course of an hour. It was important that he was looking at his least attractive. Well, within reason of course. His tee shirt was old and baggy, and had belonged to an old girlfriend of his, possibly belonging to her ex-boyfriend before that, as it was miles too big for him and had been even bigger on her. The choice between trackies and jeans had been a tough one. On the one hand, tracksuits weren't the slinky sex-garb of most people's choice. On the other hand, Toshiya wasn't sure he could look so sloppy without feeling like he was on the very wrong side of fashion. It was a crisis. He chose jeans. Feeling the sudden need to accessorise, he had selected a baseball cap that he had not known he owned from the bottom of his wardrobe. It would do.
There was orange juice to drink. Surely that couldn't be taken the wrong way. He had made sure the radio channel was on something jumpy and innocent. Seductive music was the last thing he needed. What he did need was a smoke. Opening a window, Toshiya found a lighter on the kitchen worktop and lit up. His hands shook a little. He inhaled and felt better. He smiled at a brief thought for his health and exhaled. Being healthy was all well and good, but he would never be this young again, and nothing would ever provide such a solution to worries as his good old Virginia Slim Lights. They bought a sloppy grin to his beautiful face. He finished the cigarette and crushed it into the ashtray, wafting the air with his hand before closing the window. For a moment he experienced a little nicotine induced calm and then the intercom buzzed.
"Totchi? It's me. Are you ready for me?"
Toshiya's breath caught in his throat and then pressing the button, he answered.
"Yeah� yeah come up. The door isn't locked"
*
Kyo thrust his hands into his pockets nervously and started the walk to Toshiya's place. The weather was cold and bright, but clouds were gathering on the horizon, moving in slowly and ominously as clouds do. He kept his eyes looking down at the floor, because the floor was reliable and for now, he could deal with looking at the floor.
In his pocket, he could feel his cigarettes. The cardboard packaging was relatively new, but he could feel the surfacing of it wearing away. He had three cigarettes left. He hoped that Toshiya would be in. That, however, was a scary thought and prompted his attention back to his pocket. He needed a fag. Kyo stopped and turned his back towards the wind while he lit his cigarette. Nervous times called for nervous measures. He turned back to walking in the correct direction, reburying his hands in his pockets.
He took a left at the next street junction and waited at the crossing for the lights to change colour. Kyoto was so predictable� places become that way if you stay there all your life. As a child, Kyo had wasted as much time as possible out of the house, pretending his life did not exist. The result was he knew half the streets backwards and so many short cuts from lonely afternoons spent wandering the streets. Mie, he was not so hot on, having not started to work his way around Mie until his early teens when he was hanging around with Die, but his knowledge of Kyoto was excellent. He loved the city and had tried to lose himself in it any times� he had even taken it as his name. But now was not a time to be lost. Now was a time to find himself. Now was a time to find Toshiya. He turned another corner.
*
Kaoru turned the handle and let himself in.
"Totchi?"
"I'm in the kitchen!" Came the hasty reply. "Take a seat, I'll be there in just a second. Do you want anything to drink? I've got orange juice."
Kaoru shrugged though he was alone in the room.
"Yeah that sounds great." He sat down sensuously on the armchair, leaning back into its soft surface. He'd done nice things with Toshiya in this armchair. Toshiya's place always seemed so much like home. Comfy. Toshiya walked briskly in, carrying two glasses of orange juice with him. He set one down in front of Kaoru and sat down on the sofa facing him. He clutched his orange juice tightly in one hand, sliding one finger round the rim nervously. He started.
"Well. How are you?"
"I'm good. I'm here aren't I? How about you? You seem a little stressed." Kaoru smiled lazily. Toshiya looked down at his drink.
"Yes well� work and things. Shinju isn't there at work to help me while away my hours. Then Miki is expecting, so she's mood swinging like there's no tomorrow. I just need a day of sleep I think. To catch up on it all. I'm fine really." Toshiya took a large gulp of his orange juice and tried to remain focused.
"Great. I haven't seen you in what seems like forever you know. Since-"
"Yeah I haven't seen you at the club� where have you been?" Toshiya was perfectly aware that he was making polite conversation here. He was trying to think how to phrase things.
"Oh, about. I had some people to see, you know? Same old. There's been a new club opened up in town, I had to go check it out. It's alright, but no live entertainment, you know? That�s what makes a place these days, and they haven't got it. But the DJ was good. You should mosey on down there sometime, I'll take you there, it'll be a laugh." Kaoru looked at Toshiya. It had been a very long time since they'd gone out for themselves. He still had memories of Toshiya in black with bright blue hair dancing up close, as if only for him. Those memories felt good and although they were distant, they were not alone. On a far more recent note were memories of alleyways and sparkling eyes and being crushed into the wall. Kaoru smiled. Toshiya looked up at him for a second and then quickly let his eyes flick away.
"I don't know Kaoru. A lot has changed since when we used to go out clubbing on a Thursday night." Was the best response he could muster for now. It was true enough. Toshiya just needed to elaborate. He was working himself up.
"Well, I guess Neon Sushi isn't open anymore�"
"That�s not what I mean Kaoru. There are a million clubs. Kyoto will move on but it will never change. But life's changed. I've changed. Hadn't you noticed?" Toshiya was only vaguely aware of what he was saying. It seemed like it was making sense. "Things change and you can't go back�" Toshiya's expression was hard to read - it could have been joyful or sad.
*
Shinju yawned a lazy-in-front-of-the-television-and-not-really-paying-attention yawn and rested her head on Die's shoulder.
"What else is on?" Die flicked the channel onto something equally pointless and sighed.
"Not much, it seems." He flicked again without thinking. Shinju looked up at him.
"You seem a bit distracted� what's on your mind?" She leant up and pecked him on the cheek and he smiled at her, excitement sparking suddenly in his eyes. He pressed his lips against hers and breathed-
"Things�" He smiled and Shinju giggled.
"Oh things is it now? These being your little secret things that you refuse to tell me about?" Die nodded, grinning and changing position, laying his head in Shinju's lap.
"Might just be."
"Well that's just unfair� not only do you know stuff that I don't, you're letting it steal your attention when there are obviously other matters of the here and now who require your attention? But no matter�" She smiled deviously, fingers idly playing with Die's hair. "I have my own things to muse over. Big changes are going to happen today, I think."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yes." Shinju looked smug.
"Bigger than us?"
Shinju paused for a second, as if musing on this information.
"Well� maybe. It's leading up to good things. Big things. I think."
Die moved his gaze from the smooth white of the ceiling to Shinju's face, trying to catch her eyes.
"Big things you're going to tell me about?"
"Haha!" Shinju smirked triumphantly. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Her pink lips curled up at the side and her tongue poked out tauntingly. Die took his cue, sitting up speedily and tickling Shinju in the ribs, pinning her under him and giving her a ferocious warning kiss.
"Don't think you can turn the tables on me missy! You're going to spill your gossip!" Shinju laughed because she'd already won the attention she knew she could get out of Die.
She shook her head playfully, squealing "Nooo!" when he ticked her again. "Nope! Noo! Haha, erk! No- oh for crying out loud, okay! Just stop that already would you?" Shinju smiled with white teeth. "It's not even very interesting. I was just trying to get a reaction out of you!"
"Well it worked! Now you can quit your coy little ways and spill your beans Shin-chan!"
"Fine! But you have to tell me yours after!"
"Fine."
"Well�" She propped herself up on her elbows as Die backed off and sat back down properly. "Like I said, it's nothing you'd probably be interested in. Toshiya's going to talk to Kaoru today, and sever all ties. So he should be out of his life for good. Which is great because Kaoru really is a bit of a-"
"-Distraction?"
"-Distraction, yes. It wasn't doing anyone any good. Come recent events, Toshiya has decided it isn't really appropriate for Kaoru to stick around distracting people."
"Ha! That's great. It's fits in well with my news."
"Which is?"
"Well� I shouldn't really tell you this, but so long as you can keep your mouth shut around people, it should be okay. Kyo thinks� well. He has feelings for Toshiya."
"Cute! Aww that's great. Toshiya will be chuffed-"
"Though you're not going to tell him."
"Though I'm not going to tell him. But you must know Toshiya loves the little bugger to pieces."
"Well it is pretty obvious to everyone but Kyo it seems. But Kyo's going to tell Toshiya, see what happens."
"Wow� you're right, that is good news. I mean, the tension has been mounting between those two for months. It's been driving me insane!"
Die nodded, chuckling.
"Tell me about it� But Kyo's very shy. It's taken him a lot of gut's to get the courage to do this."
"Yeah, I can imagine. So when's this all going to happen?"
"Well this afternoon. Now-ish really." Die's expression changed from excited to puzzled as the colour drained from Shinju's face. "What?"
"Now is when� well when Kaoru is having a good talking to. And� well. That won't look good, will it?"
The smile fell from Die's face.
"�Crap."
"And� well. Even if everything is okay, he won't say anything will he? Not with Kaoru there?"
"Definitely not." Die shook his head. "And� well, it'll be a knock. Kyo will probably mope about it for another month�"
"And if the worst happens� well. Kaoru is a distraction. I couldn't trust myself around him, let alone Toshiya."
"Shit. Oh fuck." Die stood up. "This is not good."
"We can't let this happen, but what can we do?" Shinju frowned and looked up at Die, imploring that he give her the answer.
"I dunno�" He took a pace forward and then back, placing a hand on his temples. "I'll try phoning him." Die got out his mobile and quickly dialled Kyo's number. His impatient lips pressed themselves white as he heard ringing� and then Kyo's voicemail. "He's not answering. Must have it on silent." He stopped in thought. "Well we can go and find him� before he gets there."
"And if we can't find him� well, we can turn up at Toshiya's and make things less like a one on one? Or something." She stood up and grabbed her coat. "Come on. Else we'll miss everything and it'll be horribly wrong."
*
"I notice a lot of things about you Totchi-"
"But are they the right things, Kaoru?"
Kaoru cocked his head and smiled. He got up and sat down on the sofa, next to Toshiya, not seeing the tiny flinch Toshiya gave off.
"Let me see�" Kaoru looked up and down. Toshiya looked sort of different, that was true. His hair was a bit messy, and his clothes a little malco-ordinated. A baseball cap slightly obscured his makeup-less face. But Toshiya was still the Toshiya he desired. Smooth skin and almond eyes, a neck that was good to kiss and lips that were even more so. The shapely back that leaned pertly into the sofa right now was the same one that had arched in pleasure just for him in days past. "You look just seem just as� engaging as always, Totchi. And things change but stay exactly the same. I myself am not one for change, � How long have you known me Totchi? Do you think I've changed?"
And Toshiya looked at Kaoru. His smile was still arrogant and charming, his pose was still a masterpiece and ever so inviting. His hair had changed. It had been blue and blond and pink before, presently settling on the plum purple colour that set off his eyes so well. Kaoru had not changed.
"No. No I don't think you have." This, in its way, was reassuring. Toshiya knew that what needed to be done was the right thing. Kaoru hadn't changed, and he wasn't going to.
"Good." Kaoru flashed a razor grin. "I quite like being myself." He ran his tongue along his lips deliberately and his brow knotted. "Toshiya�" he reached and touched the other man's arm. "What is this about� are you still upset about something?" he squeezed. Toshiya shuddered. "I want to help�"
Toshiya turned his head quickly towards Kaoru.
"If you want to-" He inhaled abruptly as he realised just how close Kaoru's face was to his, almost a gasp. "�help. You can. Uh�" Toshiya trailed off.
"Hmm?" Kaoru seemed closer still, a kindly smile hovering on small, well-shaped lips. "You were upset the other night� Just tell me what's wrong, and I'll make it go away." He caught Toshiya's eye, giving him a look that was turning rapidly from warm to hot. "I'll make you feel better."
*
Kyo had arrived outside the apartment block and was quietly contemplating what, exactly, he was gong to say over the intercom. In his nervousness he seemed to forget that really a simple 'Hi, can I come up?' would suffice. Whilst staring intently at the set of buttons, he failed to notice a middle-aged woman walk up, request entrance to the building and gain approval. It was only when the click of the front doors unlocking reached his ears that he realised if he slipped in now he wouldn't have to say anything at all. So he did.
The interior was much nicer than the inside of Kyo's block of flats. The smell of vomit did not hover unsubtly in the air, and there were carpets on the floor, not dirty concrete. He took the stairs. Each step took him closer to everything and further away from the ground. He felt like if he went on far enough, if he forgot to turn off on Toshiya's floor, he could keep walking into the sky. Kyo decided nerves did surreal things to your mind. He did not forget, and he did turn off, and he did not reach the sky. Instead he reached Toshiya's door. This left only one thing to do. Kyo delayed it.
*
"Kaoru�" Toshiya could feel his head spinning. Kaoru's magic was working well once more, and Toshiya found himself struggling to keep his mind clear. "�Kaoru it�s about the other night." Toshiya felt proud. He could do this. But Kaoru just smiled. It was all Toshiya could do not to melt right there.
"I thought so. Something happened then, didn't it?" Concern and lust were a whirlwind in Kaoru's eyes, one mixing with the other until they became indistinguishable. The effect was intoxicating.
"�Yes." Toshiya's response was a whisper. "I felt so� and then- then we�" Kaoru nodded, a slow movement of encouragement. "then we-"
*
He went to knock on the door, Kyo discovered it wasn't closed properly, swinging open slightly at the touch of his knuckled. He took a deep breath and-
"Kissed?" Kaoru filled in the word that Toshiya seemed to be having so much trouble with. His hand slipped from his lap to Toshiya's thigh and he squeezed gently. Toshiya's eyes widened and a small gasp escaped his lips as his sense of arousal peaked. He blushed and tried refocusing, opening his mouth to continue what he was saying but suddenly his lips were against Kaoru's and really there seemed nothing more to say. That voice in the back of his head was screaming that this really did defeat the objective of telling Kaoru they couldn't see each other anymore. However, in the heat of the moment, that voice was being very hastily ignored. Kaoru was winning again, grabbing Toshiya's shirt and dragging the younger man in towards him, lifting the baseball cap from his head and dropping it over the back of the sofa. He had known that Toshiya would come around. Toshiya let himself become closer, feeling Kaoru's hands all up his spine and all the while forgetting to think what all this was about. He kissed.
*
-pushed.
"Toshiya?" He called quietly before really taking in the scene before him. He saw Toshiya and he saw Kaoru, and he saw what was going on. "Oh." He said slightly louder. "Um� Oh."
It was loud enough. Toshiya heard something and broke the kiss, turning his head to see a paling Kyo at the door. He leapt off of Kaoru and just stood there. What could he say?
"I er�" Kyo began, unsure of what he really ought to say here. Tears were welling in his eyes and the back of his throat started to feel raw and uncooperative.
"Kyo." Toshiya began, his mind freezing up like a rabbit caught in the headlights.
"I just� I've got to go-" his voice broke and Kyo turned and ran. There was nothing else he could think to do.
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