"And that, I believe," Kyo pressed two more buttons on the control pad "Is how to kick your arse." He smirked cheekily while Toshiya looked from the control pad to the screen to Kyo and back again. It would seem that he was having trouble working out how he'd gone from starting the game to losing it horribly.
"How� um. How?"
"I used to spend more time round at Die's playing Street Fighter than he did. The only person I could never beat was his youngest sister� she was a demon on the games console. She started on some My Little Pony's Big Adventure crap and ended up kicking unholy tush on Blood Warriors II: Return of the Death Curse. It was damn scary. Die and I could turn a profit by making people bet that they could beat her.
Toshiya giggled.
"Oh yeah? And what was her cut in the deal?"
"We bought her bubble gum. Die's mum wouldn't allow it, but obviously we didn't need permission to go down to the shops. We used to smuggle it in and make it like a secret mission for her."
"That so sweet! Where is she now?"
"I don't know to be honest. I haven't been round the Andou household since last Christmas, but I think she's still in education somewhere. She was such a sweet kid. Except for the arse kicking."
"Mmm. You wanna go again?"
"You want to lose your dignity all over again?"
"Heh, we'll see." Toshiya grinned in his mad and wonky way and Kyo pressed restart on the games console.
"You ready?" At Toshiya's nod, the furious button pressing commenced. Kyo gained an obvious lead but his success was cut short by Toshiya grabbing hold of his control with one hand whilst furiously controlling his onscreen player with the other. "-Hey! What!?" Toshiya shrieked excitedly.
"I'm winning! See I'm winning-"
"Ha! Do you want to fight dirty, eh? Well two can play at that game!" He took one hand off the control, but Toshiya was one step ahead of him, batting Kyo's hand out of the way and poking him playfully in the ribs.
"Oh no, no! Don't think you can outsmart me that easily! Just because you have science qualifications, doesn't mean I'm not the master of these things! And- hey!" Toshiya's apparent victory was thwarted by quick thinking as Kyo wrapped his foot in the cable of Toshiya's control and, jerking his foot, managed to yank the control out of Toshiya's hand. "Hey no getting clever of your own accord! That's not fair!" Toshiya turned poking into tickling, snorting his high laughter out loudly as Kyo struggled against the vicious assault. Abandoning all sense of the actual game, he tackled the unsuspecting Toshiya who promptly fell off the sofa, Kyo following shortly after. There was a power struggle, and Kyo managed to stay on top.
"Ha!" He grinned. "You know just because you have seven inches on me doesn't mean that-" Toshiya leant up quickly and peck Kyo on the cheek. Startled, Kyo froze, only to have his distraction taken advantage of by Toshiya, who flipped their positions. Kyo pouted, staring up into Toshiya's eyes with confusion and then disappointment. "You cheated."
"Aww sweetie," Toshiya smirked. "Sometimes you've got to cheat to win."
"And what, exactly, did you win?"
"Well I'm sitting on top of you aren't I?" With a wink, Toshiya stood up, offered his hand. Kyo took it and got to his feet, blushing an incredible shade of red. Toshiya loved it when he did that. Sometimes he'd make stupid sexy comments just for that effect. He never could have guessed anyone could be so shy� especially someone who presented himself in the way that Kyo did.
He never knew how far to push it. He would wonder if going further would drag Kyo into a kiss, or push him away in fear. It was strange with Kyo. The way he just seemed to elude attention as if he were no more than a shadow. Despite the hair and the metal, he could still sit invisible in the corner of a room. Perhaps it was this that attracted Toshiya. The fact that no one else could see something that was blatantly so desirable. And because Kyo didn't want but then didn't not want Toshiya, Toshiya seemed to want Kyo all the time.
Toshiya liked to clarify his feelings. He felt that if he at least knew what he was feeling, then working out what everyone else was feeling would be that much easier. Of course, he was often wrong, but he stuck to his principles. When he was in his early teens, he had kept a diary and listed practically every emotional interlude of his day. Every crush was duly noted, every scuffle taken down. But then one day his father found it and read it and wasn't very glad to hear what he had been up to. Toshiya never knew what to say to his father; they didn't speak much anymore.
Toshiya didn't keep diaries now, but he made sure that he took notes in his head. He loved Miki just like this, and loved Shinya just like that. And Kyo� He grinned at Kyo, musing over whether he should try something he would later regret. He gave Kyo his best sexy smile, and turned chuckling to sit back on the sofa. Something had flickered in Kyo's eyes, but Toshiya wasn't been sure what it was. It could have been fear, desire, disgust - any number of things, but Toshiya chose not to push it.
Kyo watched Toshiya without taking in what was going on, and realised too late that Toshiya had picked up the control again and won the game.
"But-"
"I told you" Toshiya reiterated "I was going to win this time." Kyo nodded in acceptance and sat down, returning his glasses to a slightly straighter position on his face. These days he always seemed to feel so confused around Toshiya. Kyo would be sitting there, or talking about this, and Toshiya would come out with something and it would totally throw Kyo. He never knew the weight of the comments that could be serious or flippant, and so he never knew how to react. To his own irritation the result would usually be him stuttering and going red until Toshiya said something else on a different topic.
"You got work tonight?"
"Mmhmm, unfortunately. I will get out of that place if it kills me."
"Is it really that bad? I thought you enjoyed working at the club?"
"I did� when Miki and Shinju were there� but then Miki left, and then Shinju got fired and... well now I'm all by myself. It's not that I don't get on well with the other entertainers, they're like family, but it just doesn't feel secure anymore... especially after what happened to Shinju. Gotta turn a wage though� so yeah, got work tonight."
"Hmmm."
"You wanna come and watch?"
"Oh, I don't know� it's not exactly my scene, on my own-"
"Nonsense� I'll get Kaoru to come along, he'll take good care of you. It'll do you good, although you'll have to watch Kaoru a little, he has a tendency to drink and drink- he doesn't notice when he's too far gone. Please? I'd really like it if you came, it would brighten up an otherwise dismal evening of work."
"Uh-" When Toshiya put it like that, Kyo could hardly refuse. "Sure of course. I'd love to."
"Yay! I'll send Kaoru to pick you up!"
"Okay." Kyo sighed and wondered what he'd got himself into. "What time do you have to go?"
"Mmm. Soon." Toshiya had closed his eyes and sat back with his head rested on the sofa. His mouth and his body seemed to be in contradiction. He spoke as if to clarify matters. "I like it at your place Kyo. Everything else seems so distant� I just like sitting here talking to you, you know? In this place that�s so full of words and paper and strangeness. I like your poems."
"Thanks. And Toshiya, I� I like you being here."
*
Kyo sat on the kerb, his elbows resting on his knees and his chin in his hands. He had been there a while, but not too long, and he was wondering if Kaoru was ever going to turn up or if he was going to be left waiting on the kerb for the rest of his life. A car rolled up and stopped in front of him, music blaring at a deafening volume. The window winded down, more noise pouring out as Kyo stood up, peering inside.
"Hey there Blondie, how much for a blowjob?" Kyo's head shot back again in disgust, his face reddening. This was certainly not Kaoru's car. "Well?"
"How about you go ask your mother, dickwad." He took a step away from the car as a stream of insults flew his way. The car screeched off down the road, knocking against a dilapidated post-box as it went past and the boom of music slowly fading off into the distance. Radiating a blush that he was sure could be found labelled down at the paint shop as "glowing rage and/or embarrassment", Kyo sat down again.
Kaoru rolled up and leaned over, opening the door on the kerbside. Cautiously and with a sulky nature to his aura, Kyo climbed in. Kaoru started it moving again.
"Hey there. Man, this is a scary place! You like slumming it or something?"
"Yes."
"Whatever floats your boat. I'd be scared that with a pretty face I'd be picked up as a prostitute, hanging around on the street corner like that."
"Yeah, you might think that."
"Uhuh. You ready for tonight? Is that all you�re wearing?"
Kyo raised a metal laden eyebrow.
"Yes. What's wrong with this?" he looked at his own shirt and jeans and then at Kaoru who was clad in slinky black from head to toe. Kaoru smiled almost pityingly, pressing painted lips together and narrowing defined eyes.
"Nothing. I just thought, since we're going to a dressy place you might want to be a little dressy."
"Oh." Kyo seemed to dwell on this. "I guess dressy just isn't my thing."
"Fair enough, fair enough. All the more dress for the rest of us, eh?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"So� how did you meet Toshiya?" Kaoru decided he could use this event to privately work out his chances with Toshiya.
"At the club. My best friend was dating Shinju at the time. He wanted to come and see Shinju dance, and he dragged me along too. But I'm glad he did. What about you? I know you two used to be together."
"Yeah� I used to be a regular at the club. It was a really great place for nightlife. I met several girlfriends and boyfriends here. Good for socialising. And Totchi is so friendly and bright and I wanted him straight away. He was officially straight at the time, but I soon saw to that." Kaoru grinned sexily "There's not many as can resist my earthly charms."
Kyo stayed silent. He didn't want to mention that he had managed it quite well. He didn't quite understand what everyone found so intoxicating about Kaoru. He was abstractly aware that Kaoru was an attractive man, but he was also slightly less abstractly aware that he was certainly not attracted to him. He also didn't want to mention the fact that Toshiya seemed to have been able to drag himself away somehow. Instead, he kept quiet.
*
"Ahh, Kaoru-san!, long time no see!" Kyo and Kaoru had barely sat down before Kaoru had attracted a group of girls from the neighbouring table. "Where've you been? What's the matter, aren't we pretty enough to keep your attention?"
"Not that at all, ladies, I've merely been busy. There are other clubs to go to than this you know."
"Yes but you never drop by to see us anymore!"
"That's not true, we saw each other the other night! At Happy+Cute+Sexy? We had fun! Didn't we Kaoru?"
"Uh sure, babe."
"Aww that's not fair"
"Yeah!"
"Hey, who's the blond?" All attention was suddenly focused on Kyo, who squirmed accordingly.
"Aww he's so little! Is he your new boyfriend?"
Kaoru laughed loudly as Kyo glared.
"I am NOT his boyfriend!" he flushed a shade of crimson.
"Aww and he's cranky too"
"Hey don't worry about it, all the more for us!"
"Girls!" Kaoru chuckled. "He's rather shy! If you keep on like this, he won't say anything all evening!"
"Well what's he doing here anyway?"
"He's a friend of Toshiya's."
"Oh Toshiya? Well why didn't you say? Are they screwing?"
"We are NOT having sex!" Kyo butted his way into the conversation that seemed to be going over his head yet again.
"But-"
"Hey, hey" Kaoru cut in. "the show is about to start. You lot had better go sit down. I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"Okay babe. We're just over there if you need us." The girl winked and shuffled with the crowd back to their table.
"Bloody hell." Kyo stared at Kaoru, a look of disbelief plastered across his face. Kaoru looked back questioningly.
"What?"
"Do you have a fan club like that where ever you go?"
"No so much� generally I'm less with the crowds. But most clubs I know about forty percent of the people there. I've always been a fan of a night on the tiles. Some things never change."
"I dare say."
The music was starting. A man walked past the table, and ran his hand through Kaoru's hair and across his jawbone without looking at him, moving past quickly to another table, as if nothing had happened. This time it was Kyo's turn to give a questioning look.
"Shige. He's a� friend."
"Uh... okay." Kyo decided to leave it at that. Dancers had begun to filter onstage, and sure enough, Toshiya came bouncing on, cluttering beauty in a skirt and platform boots. And to see him performing, you would never know his discontent - the way he threw himself whole-heartedly into the entire performance. His cheeky smiles and sexy swagger kept him as much a part of this scene as he had ever been - integral and loving it.
No longer secured to a prominent partner, Toshiya was now moving around like various other entertainers, stopping amid a duo or trio before moving on. To someone watching very closely, someone watching who knew Toshiya better than himself, he might have seemed ever so slightly alone. He was still a part, still necessary, still a cog that made things work, but although he was a part he was somehow separate. But of course only someone looking very, very closely might see this. Kyo was staring intently, but unsure of what he was seeing.
He had almost forgotten how dizzying this place was, how bright the colours, how loud the noise, how mysterious the smoke. How beautiful Toshiya was when he was doing what he loved. His thoughts flickered back to the night he'd first seen Toshiya and thought him beautiful; even if he had thought him a woman. Things had definitely changed since back then. But what was still the same? Toshiya still shone with excitement and glamour in some elusive way that Kyo felt he never could.
For a second, he was sure that Toshiya looked his way - that Toshiya was staring back at him, and his heart leapt. His inner monologue took on a stern guise and told his internal organs to please remain seated, as really it was just Toshiya, and he saw Toshiya everyday, and a part of that was eye contact. But his stomach still churned with butterflies and blood rushed to his face at a sickeningly fast pace.
His head throbbing, Kyo turned to see a girl whispering to Kaoru, her lips possibly a little closer to his ear than they needed to be. Kaoru smiled and let out a brief chuckle, waving her away with a careless hand. She stood straight and pouted before seeming distracted by someone else across the room. When Kaoru caught Kyo's sceptical glance, he raised an eyebrow, defiantly, and went back to watching the stage.
The music changed a couple of times, acts changing accordingly. At one point there was a drag queen who did some spectacular singing whilst the rest did comic backup dancing. Kyo considered how a couple of months ago this sort of place would have scared him. Now the entertainment seemed almost standard, just a grittier version of the commercial Visual Kei. There were still too many people, Kyo didn't like that - but all that seemed almost forgotten in the wake of Toshiya dancing on stage. Then the music faded into applause as the entertainers bowed and curtsied to their adoring crowd. Of course there was the timeless ritual of collecting the money so carelessly thrown at them before they filed off stage and into the crowd.
Toshiya found himself flagged down by several tables before he could even start making his way over to Kyo and Kaoru. However, this meant extra tips, so he wasn't arguing. He played the usual cards, playing coy at the compliments, giggling at the jokes. Someone even asked as to the location of Shinya.
"She's now Shinju, and has sadly left the establishment, honey. I'm sure you'll see her about, but just for you, if I hear any place she's working, I'll give you a shout." This went down a storm, and Toshiya grinned bashfully as the inquirer sung his praises. Politely he excused himself and returned on his quest to find Kyo and Kaoru. He had seen their table from the stage, and with a touch of private pride, he could have sworn that Kyo was staring at him. But then when it came to Kyo, Toshiya indulged himself in many little fantasies.
He would imagine that Kyo's gazes lasted just a little longer than they really did, or plan answers to questions that he knew Kyo would never ask him. He knew a lot of it was in his mind, but sometimes - sometimes he was so sure. He sighed wearily, but managed to catch Kyo's face in the crowd. Excitement sparked again and Toshiya made his way over.
Kyo sat tensely on the edge of his seat, his eyes scanning nervously for Toshiya. Every now and then he would look back to Kaoru, who was always busily engaged in conversation with someone else, a new person every time Kyo glanced that way, it would seem. He sighed pensively and caught sight of Toshiya coming towards them. He felt excitement coupled with anxiety run through him.
"Hey sweetie, how's it going? Not too loud I hope? Kaoru looking after you okay?"
Kyo choked on his tongue for a second before he was able to speak.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Kaoru is-" he looked to Kaoru to find him alone and attentive looking.
"Good. I'm good. How are you, Totchi?"
"Meh. Good, I suppose. The drag act went down a storm, don't you think? Haru has been begging management to let him do it for donkey's years. I don't think they'll regret the decision"
"He was certainly very impressive." Kaoru nodded dutifully. Kyo's agreement was distant but enthusiastic - the man Toshiya referred to as Haru, quite a contrast from the flamboyant stage name he has been publicly introduced by, had commanded such attention that Kyo had been astounded. There was such energy and vocal passion within the whole thing - and such confidence. He felt so envious of this intangible power.
He mumbled his own comments.
"He has a good voice� very well projected." Kaoru snorted and Toshiya beamed in response.
"So you're having a good time?"
Kyo nodded.
"This place makes me miss music� it's not the concerts that I used to go to when I was younger but� the same sort of performance spirit is here, you know?"
"I guess. That feeling is the only reason I'm here. Need to perform. Need to be onstage. Need to prance around like a spack. It's all good." Toshiya giggled and Kyo chuckled along too. He sipped at his water, the plain glass and colourless liquid seeming quite out of place compared to all the fancy cocktails. It was the same with the clothes - Kaoru had been right.
Everyone else seemed to be dressed to please - bright colours and elaborate makeup. Toshiya moved to sit down, budging Kyo up for a place round the table. Kyo could feel the contrast burning through him. His own jeans and shirt, next to Toshiya, dolled up in leather and blue. He felt ugly again, as he inevitably did when he went to the places where the beautiful people hung out.
Kyo observed Toshiya in his stage garb; the black slimmed him further, if possible, turning him from his usual lanky and awkward self to sleek and sexy. The charm that was usually boyish and lively was morphed by smouldering makeup, turned into something more seductive.
Before he knew what he was doing, Kyo found himself admiring long thighs in sheer stockings, enjoying the sight of elegant fingers with dark painted nails. There was a comfort in being close, and yet a terrible strain - a holding of breath, waiting for something to go wrong.
Kaoru made a comment and Toshiya giggled loudly. Kyo smiled, but hadn't been listening. He let his fingers clutch tighter against the cold glass of his drink. The cool was soothing and somehow quiet, Kyo drank the remaining liquid slowly, then turned his head to see Kaoru down another shot of strong liquor. He raised an eyebrow.
"Well guys, I had better be off in a second, there's another act coming soon, and I need to change costume."
"Oh. When will you be back?"
"Half an hour? Three quarters? I'll be onstage again in fifteen minutes." Kyo opened his mouth and then closed it again, his lips coming together in the perfect pout. He caught Toshiya's eyes for just a second before-
"I need some more alcohol." Kaoru peered at the bottom of his shot-glass scrupulously. "You're all outa water too Kyo. You wanna come with me too the bar? That way we'll be sorted by the time Totchi comes back on stage again." He stood up and nudged for Kyo to follow. Kyo complied without thinking.
"See you guys later!" Toshiya remained sitting and smiled, pulling in Kyo's glass and wiping his finger absentmindedly round the rim. He watched Kyo and Kaoru as they picked their way over towards the bar. They really were very different. Not only in physique and appearance, but body language. They held themselves completely different, gave out completely different auras.
Yet they were both entirely attractive. Kaoru in his usual 'I-have-underwear-and-you-want-in-it' sort of way - an intoxicating combination of over-powering pheromones and chiselled cheekbones. Then Kyo in a quiet and subconscious way - shy and unintentional. Toshiya smiled.
Chancing a glance behind him, Kyo saw Toshiya watching them and flushed red, turning his attention back to Kaoru and the bar in front of him.
"Vodka for me. And some water, I think, for the little guy." Kaoru tipped his head in reference to Kyo and the barman nodded.
"Sure thing buddy. He the designated driver then?"
"Search me." Kaoru shrugged. "He just doesn't drink. Probably has his rea-"
"Hey there, big boy," All of a sudden another man had appeared, draped over Kaoru's shoulder, close - sensual. "Did you miss me?"
Kyo watched with his eyebrow raised as Kaoru leant back into a grope.
"Hello Maiku�" Kaoru let out a throaty chuckle, forgetting himself for a moment. Kyo looked back to Toshiya, to see him immersed in deep conversation with someone else. He wasn't sure what to do.
"I'll take that as a yes then� Are you here alone? On the pull again?"
"Ha!" Kaoru smirked with perfect lips. "You should be so lucky. No I'm here with Toshiya." There was a significant slouch in the man's posture.
"Oh, I see. Who's the hot little blond?"
Kaoru did not have to turn around to know that Kyo was blushing.
�Kyo? He�s a friend. We both came to see Toshiya working the stage.�
�A friend, eh?� Maiku seemed suddenly to turn his attention fully to Kyo, who was only then able to take in the full effect that was Maiku.
By looks, he was Western, but although his name sounded like the adaptation of something foreign, his fluent Japanese and strong Kyoto accent told a different story. As Kyo looked, Maiku pouted glossy lips, raking a hand through long red-brown hair and down his slim form. It was clear from the way that he dressed that he was trying to attract attention. Like Kaoru, he seemed to revel in others staring up and down his body, coveting what he would like them to believe they couldn�t have. He placed his hand on Kyo�s shoulder and traced circles with his index finger.
�Is he a� good friend? Intimate, shall we say?�
�Uh�� Kaoru lent in quickly, sweeping Maiku�s hand off Kyo�s shoulder, before Kyo could do anything a little less gentle. �I think I can safely say he�s not. We should be going to sit down now, the act will be starting in a second. C�mon Kyo.� Kaoru took both drinks from the bar and started on his way back to their table. He inhaled quickly as Maiku�s arms moved themselves round his waist.
�Well then big boy�� Maiku ran his tongue along Kaoru�s neck. �I�ll catch you later, shall I?� Kaoru paused a second, seemingly in contemplation. Maiku�s head loomed next to his, cheek resting against his, chin against shoulder. Kaoru turned his head, slowly, and pecked Maiku on the cheek. He sidled away from him and tipped his head for Kyo to follow him.
�Perhaps.�
*
The final act for the night started and finished. All the time an itching uncomfortable feeling swirled inside Kyo - a pleasant adrenaline rush buzzing away somewhere in the back of his mind. He applauded along with the rest, half concentrating on how entertaining the act had been, half trying to figure out what was going on in his brain.
Kyo and Kaoru waited around and after a few minutes Toshiya appeared, back in jeans and a sloppy jumper, that daft smile plastered back over his face. The seductive swagger was, for now, gone � dissolved into a playful lollop.
�Hey guys. Did you enjoy the show?�
�Ah Totchi, is there any way we couldn�t have?� Kaoru donned his most charming of smiles and got a giggle in return.
�Oh shut up Kaoru! And Kyo? Did you have fun?� Toshiya�s eyes shone expectantly, his face lighting up as Kyo let a smile creep across his face.
�Yeah� it was good.�
�Good.� Kaoru found it hard to fight off the sulk reflex. Kyo was getting all the attention that Kaoru was after. Life always seemed to play unfair.
The club had now switched roles, the stage was dead, curtains drawn, and the audience were wandering around socially - chatting, drinking, flirting. The noise level had risen considerably, the air humming with laughter and talking.
The trio began to make their way towards the exit, loitering as Toshiya was dragged into conversations with various entertainers, customers and patrons. All the while Kyo was, on some level, trying to figure out what was going on. The butterflies keep subsiding and then returning stronger, pangs of happy nausea playing havoc with his insides. His skin seemed in overdrive, more prone to flushes than ever. Kyo would look at Toshiya and feel his face heat up, and then he would start thinking about this sudden change in temperature, and then it got even worse. This had never happened before. Or never to this extent.
Kyo felt ill but like he was grinning inside, on some higher spiritual level. It was odd that. For some unknown reason, Kyo�s mind flicked back to that conversation he had had all that time ago with Die, about love and loss � except that it hadn�t been that long at all. It seemed like an age ago, Kyo felt like he had come so far. He tried to go about this logically, attempting to pace his thoughts to a speed where he could actually analyse them and work out precisely what they meant.
He felt� unsure of himself and what he was feeling. Everything had become different, and yet stayed the same. When it came to Toshiya, matters became confused. Lines became blurry. Though Toshiya was out of costume now, no longer the dark temptress of his working hours, he was still� Toshiya. And that meant everything. But what did everything mean? Internally Kyo sulked, frustrated at his own lack of inner sense-making. Then, much to his surprise, he realised it all. He was attracted. Suddenly Kyo was scared.
�I� I� I�� He stammered, trying to put thoughts into words. Toshiya looked at him, confused. The room was too noisy now, too crowded. Yet for all the people there, it was only one presence that was important to him. Kyo was going to throw up. �I have to go.�
�What?� Toshiya�s eyes widened, but the confusion remained on his face. �Why, what�s wrong?�
�Nothing, I�� Kyo stopped, pressing pale lips together, a faint sheen of sweat appearing on his forehead. �I don�t- I need to- I have to go�� Kyo turned to leave, but Toshiya grabbed him by the arm.
�Don�t you want a lift? I�ll drive you back if you�re not feeling good. You-�
�-No-� Kyo pulled from Toshiya�s grip. �I�m sorry but I- I have to leave. Bye.� And Kyo was gone, a lost silhouette in a forever moving crowd. Toshiya watched him go in helpless desolation.
�Drat. Oh fuck. Shit.� What had he done? Had he not spent enough time with Kyo? Perhaps it had been too much to drag him to a place like this, a place that wasn�t his scene and never had been. How could he have been so stupid? Toshiya cursed his soul a million times over. He had only wanted an opportunity to show off to Kyo, to try and include Kyo in his life. Maybe that had been selfish. Toshiya cursed again.
�Hey Totchi, where did Kyo go?� Kaoru, ever attentive, found himself alone with Toshiya and was not complaining.
�He� he had to go. I must have� oh God Kaoru, what�s wrong with me? Is it me?� Toshiya started walking towards the door, Kaoru following quickly after. A couple of people attempted to catch Toshiya�s attention, but he brushed them aside � almost storming out of the building. Kaoru stumbled out of the door and into the cold air of the alley outside to find Toshiya, a cigarette gripped between his teeth, fumbling frustratedly with his lighter. Toshiya swore under his breath when the cigarette failed to light yet another time. Kaoru sighed and flicked his own lighter on, holding it out for Toshiya to light up.
�Jesus Totchi, what was that?�
Toshiya brought the cigarette from his lips with shaking hands and breathed out a long jet of grey-white smoke, his voice catching in his throat. Kaoru saw it then � that Toshiya was on the brink of tears.
�Toshiya��
�Well is it? Is it me? I don�t know what to do!� Tears were turning swiftly back to anger, and Kaoru didn�t know what to do. He reached out and touched Toshiya on the arm, only to have his hand batted away viciously. �You know for a second, I thought I might actually be making some progress, that he might actually like me! But no, I have to go do something, push something too far, I mean-� Toshiya broke off, his breath coming out in rags, taking another frantic toke on his cigarette. Frustration welled up and broke down again, and Toshiya could only feel confused. What more could he do?
He stopped pacing and sighed, a sob running through him. Kaoru leant forward to hold him, but Toshiya struggled. Kaoru held tighter.
�Toshiya, what are you talking about?�
�I don�t bloody know! What am I ever talking about? I just� arg! Tell me straight, is there something I�m not doing? Is there something I�m doing too much of? Because I never used to have this trouble, you know-� Toshiya struggled again, pushing until Kaoru was against the wall. He was so angry. �I used to be able to get who I wanted.� He pressed himself against Kaoru, slightly taller, his face hovering a few inches from Kaoru's. Kaoru was distantly aware of Toshiya�s cigarette, smoking away patiently just by his ear, but his more immediate attention was focused on Toshiya�s breath, hot and soft on his face. It struck him that now was a good time to be sexy. Toshiya spoke again. �I used to be wanted.�
Kaoru stroked a hand down Toshiya�s jaw and smiled.
�Oh you are, Totchi�� He lifted his face to Toshiya�s and skin brushed against skin, Toshiya dropping his smoke and grinding himself recklessly into Kaoru, smashing their mouths together, the tears welling in eyes full of anger and desperation. Kaoru�s hands swept lower, curving over ribs, waist, hips and thighs. Toshiya gasped and stumbled backwards out of the embrace. Kaoru let out a disappointed hiss.
�I� I�� Toshiya stammered, his hand floating anxiously by his mouth. �I�m sorry Kaoru-� He turned and ran, leaving Kaoru alone in the alleyway.
He sighed, dissatisfied with the past minute�s events, crushing the still smoking cigarette on the floor into the ground. It proved one thing though � Toshiya was still attracted to him, things could still go his way. He had very little idea what the hell Toshiya had been ranting on about, but if this sort of occurrence was the outcome, he certainly wasn�t complaining. He lit his own cigarette and went to find his car. Walking past the club, he noticed Maiku�s face in a crowd. He waved and caught the redhead�s attention.
�Well?� Kaoru smiled coyly, his tongue gliding over white teeth. �It appears to be later and I�m just waiting to be caught.� He winked and Maiku grinned wickedly in response.
�Well I�m sure that can be arranged�� The answer was practically a purr.
�Good.� Kaoru chuckled and threw him the keys. �Back to my place. You can drive.� Maiku slipped an arm round Kaoru�s waist, Kaoru placing his hand in Maiku�s back pocket. They swaggered to the car park, hip to hip, laughed at the jealous stares and stayed at Kaoru�s place for the night.
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