"Toshiya it was HORRIBLE!" Toshiya passed Shinya another tissue, and Shinya blew his nose loudly into it. "He hates me! I love him and he hates me!"
Toshiya sighed mournfully. Shinya had been like this for the last half-hour. Toshiya had gone round earlier in the morning to find Shinya all teary, and frankly he didn't blame him. Why did bad things happen to good people?
"Shinya� I'm sorry. I really am� but he's not worth you beating yourself up over. I mean he hit you for Christ's sake!"
"I - I n-know! I-its just� I guess I shouldn't have been so quick to fall head over heels in love. I d-didn't do it on p-purpose. It j-just happened� and I thought he loved me too�" He broke off sniffling.
"Well Shinya, it looks like you and I both have a knack for attracting idiots. Life just continues to screw us up the backside. But we're okay and we'll bounce back. In a couple of weeks you can proudly say 'I'm a big tough girl and all men are just nasty!' because you'll be your very own chickadee. And you can rant on about women's rights and female empowerment. And you and Miki will be all 'Men! Pft, who'd have them?' And I can sulk in the corner with my lack of girly assets whilst you laugh." Toshiya stuck his tongue out as Shinya let out a slight giggle. "It's no laughing matter!"
"Shit� it's less than two weeks! And I'm going to be a girl! Can you imagine?"
"Sure thing! My little Shinya�" Toshiya sniffed dramatically "He's grown to become a beautiful young lady!"
"You really think so?" Shinya lit up for a second. He so wanted to be the young lady that resided within him.
"Sure! Why after the operation, you'll have every straight guy in town and half the lesbians after you!"
Shinya smiled in response, a cover for the shadow that passed over his mind. The fact was he didn't want any of the straight men, or the lesbians for that matter� he wanted Die. But Die wanted a man. And Shinya was going to be a girl. He cursed the world with great internal might. "Totchi� I think I'm going to go home. We have work tonight, and I want to be able to perform well, I still haven't asked for sick leave."
"Ah, say no more. I have to wash my hair. I'll see you later then. And try and think positive. Die's just not worth your time. This has done you a favour because now you know he's a shit-head."
Toshiya watched Shinya go with a worried face. He knew Shinya could get through this. He was going to make one headstrong woman. But he could also tell that this thing with Die had hurt Shinya more than he was letting on. Stupid relationships. He went in to wash his hair.
*
"He said what!?" Kyo stopped the most likely very important chemical mix-up he was doing to stare incredulously at Die.
"He said he's a woman. Going to be. Or something - I don't know. He's got the operation in less than two weeks." Die sighed. He really didn't like replaying the painful events of the previous night.
"And did this just slip his mind until now?"
"He found out on Saturday."
"Oh." Kyo sucked furiously on his labret and put the test tube down - this was not going to be a simple conversation. "Which leaves you where?"
"Fuck. I don't know. Wait- yes I do. I broke up with him." He shifted uneasily from foot to foot. "I mean� it was such a shock� Here was I, lulled into this state of security when along comes Shinya and tells me that� I thought he� Kyo, he said that he loved me and it was the best feeling in the world. And then he tore it all out again by taking away the person I love and replacing him with an it." Die's knuckles were white as he gripped onto a package he had been delivering.
"Die, I'm sorry. I really am� I thought everything was going so well."
"And it was. That�s the bloody thing. It was going so goddamn fine until that tiny hiccup."
"So you told him what? That it was over?" Kyo took the package from Die's hand� he was obviously angry and Kyo didn't want him to hurt himself or anything else. Die barely noticed the absence of the parcel.
"Yeah mostly."
"Then Shinya said?"
"That he didn't want it to end� God Kyo, he started crying and it was horrible." Die had sat down by this point in time, bade to do so by Kyo who had been dealing with Die long enough to know exactly how to react. He fiddled with Die's long red hair.
"But you wanted to break off the relationship?"
"Well yes. You can't just turn around and change something like that and expect it to still be all the same. It doesn't work like that. I don't work like that. I'm into men, Kyo. And I thought that�s what Shinya was, but I guess I was misled."
"Maybe not misled� maybe Shinya didn't -"
"Kyo he knew since Saturday� he knew and he let me touch him. God� I feel so� I dunno� yuck." Die massaged his temples - he could feel a migraine coming on. All this thinking was driving him insane. All this thinking about Shinya. The man who he's fallen for and fallen for bad� only to have this thrown in his face. "I better go. I've got stuff to be getting on with." He stood up, lanky legs holding him almost a several inches over Kyo.
"Well don't go moping� I'm sure things will work out."
"Thanks." Die drew him in for a tight hug, feeling the little man's nose bury somewhere into the recesses of his chest. Kyo hugged back. He was worried about Die.
"Anytime you want to talk. Just any time." Kyo spoke as he was released and found he could breathe again. "I'll call you later."
"Okay." Die picked up his load and started on his rounds again. Kyo continued his work, thoughts of Die pressing heavily on his mind. He'd talk to Toshiya about it.
*
"Shit." Miki dropped it on the floor and threw up into the toilet bowl. Lifting her head, she looked at it again. "Son of a bitch. Son of a fucking bitch." She swept the hair out of face and into a ponytail, fixing her eyes on it, in case it should do something out of the ordinary. But the little line remained pink. Positive. Miki was pregnant. Miki was pregnant.
"I'm pregnant."
It was part gasp, part sigh, part groan. She needed to hear it from her own lips first, to make it real. Stupid test. Confirming her stupid fears. Stupid little pink line. Stupid stupid. In a way, she had suspected it. She had skipped a period, restarting on the pill when her period failed to materialise. But pregnant?
A string of curses ran through her head proving that she could probably out-swear any drunken sailor. She'd bloody well gone and got pregnant. What the hell was she going to do? It was undoubtedly the Boss's. She was no slut. He was the only person she'd slept with since she'd come to Not Kabuki and their relationship had started. She knew she wasn't as young as back then but she'd thought she could still stave off the young and arrogant bitches like Sakura for a while longer. However, this just went and threw a huge, big spanner in the works.
It was a rule at Not Kabuki. You don't get pregnant. Sleep with whom you please and by all means reap the benefits. But pregnancy did not sell. Miki was now worth nothing as an entertainer. Most likely the Boss would throw her out. She could be replaced easily enough. Kyoto was teeming with girls even more beautiful that Sakura who were just dying to work at a place like it.
Miki threw the test in the bin and proceeded to cover it with rubbish. Though this was the private toilet to the apartment, he was the last person she wanted to find it, and he was the only one who was likely to go in here. Checking the door was still locked; she sat herself onto the real marble work surface and flipped her mobile open. She press the 1# AutoDial.
"Totchi?"
"Hmm? Miki is that you?" Toshiya wondered if he was ever going to get around to washing his hair properly. He had yet to condition and if he didn't do it soon it would go all tangley.
"Yeah. Toshiya�"
"Yes� what is it? I'm kind of busy-"
"Toshiya I'm pregnant."
There was the sound of a towel being dropped. For a second Toshiya stood naked and in shock in his apartment. Then his senses returned and he covered himself, half-embarrassed though no one was around to see him.
"Toshiya? Toshiya are you even there?"
"Ye- yes Miki. Would you mind running that past me again?"
"I'm pregnant. Me. Miki. Pregnant. Preggers, Bun in the oven, up the duff, with child, expecting and God knows what else."
"Shit."
"No kidding." Miki prodded her stomach, observing it in the mirror. She decided most of what was there was probably only chub anyway.
"Well maybe the test was wrong."
"Three tests can't be wrong Totchi."
"You took three tests?!"
"I� I wanted to be sure."
"Well� is it� is it-"
"Yes it's his. What do you take me for Toshiya?"
"I dunno Miki. It's just� how did it happen?"
"Well I don't know if they ever told you about the goings on between a man and a woman and how babies are made, but a man gets his pe-"
"Oh piss off Miki! I'm serious. You're not stupid, and even I know the rules at your place. How did you let it happen? You're on the pill!" Toshiya was genuinely concerned. He knew the implications for Miki.
"I have no idea. I haven't really thought� I guess I didn't think it was actually going to be true. Maybe� Oh God�"
"What?"
"The other month, I took the pill and then we went out to a party. I wasn't feeling too good to start with and then I had too much to drink� I threw up quite a lot. Maybe I threw it back up again?"
"Hmm. It's a possibility. You forget I'm not the most knowledgeable about female contraception. I have no uterus to impregnate."
"No need to rub it in Totch."
"Sorry. So� what are you going to do now?" Toshiya sat down and fiddled with the phone cord nervously while on the other end, Miki pushed the hair out of her face. She felt decidedly old for a second, as if everything was catching up with her at once.
"I don't know. I just don't know. You know we're not allowed to get pregnant while we work here. When I first started, I saw a girl have to leave because she got pregnant. She was careless� she ran off with a lover I think� I never heard what happened to her after. God, Toshiya... is that what is going to happen to me? I'll be out on my arse before I know it. Not that Sakura will be in the least bit mournful. I'll just disappear. I should have seen it coming."
"You're going to� you're going to keep it then?"
"I don't know. I don't think I can. If losing it means I can keep him� What's he going to say? Oh God, what is he going to say? I can kiss good bye to the Not Kabuki. And him. Shit." Miki's mascara was running. "I love him Totchi. I just wish I meant the same to him. I m-mean, who w-ants some pregnant d-dancer who couldn't hold her sh-shape anyway? N-no one! I'll just disappear off the face of the earth. And-"
"Miki, stop talking like that. Don't be stupid. He's not going to let you go without your last lot of wages. He might even let you stay until the bump shows. And you're intelligent and pretty. You could get a job anywhere. And until that point, you know you're welcome round mine anytime. If you want to move back in just give me a call."
"Aww Toshiya? You'd do that for me?" Miki admired the grey smudges all over the backs of her hands from wiping her face. She sniffed audibly.
"Well duh! What are adorably gay best friends for anyway? I love you to itty bits and I'm not about to watch you shuffle off onto the street with nothing but a developing foetus and a cardboard box!"
"You say the sweetest things."
"Hey, you're only a month in, don't go getting all emotional on me yet."
"Don't worry about it. I'll sort things out. I� I'll go to the clinic without him. I don't need to tell him."
"You sound just like Shinya."
"Oh yeah. How did that go?"
"Crappy. They split. Die left him and now he's not in a good way."
"Bugger. I suppose it was possibly a little too much to hope for." there was a sinking in Miki's stomach. If Shinya's man couldn't take a knock, what was to say hers could? She just wouldn't tell him.
"Do you want me to come with you? To the clinic, I mean." It was an excruciating thought, and Toshiya still cared for Miki dearly. He didn't want her to get hurt.
"No. Thank you, but no. I'll do this by myself." Miki slid herself down off the counter and straightened her skirt, holding the phone to her ear with her shoulder. She took out her lip-gloss and applied an even coat of deep pink, as if this made things better. "I'll be fine."
"Okay Miki. I'll see you around."
"Bye Totch."
"Bye." She flipped the phone shut. In the mirror she looked just like normal as if nothing had changed. She still had her face and her hair and her chubby thighs. Her lips sparkled and for a second, so did her eyes. But Miki was a strong person. So she sniffed it back and with out a second thought, unlocked the bathroom door and waltzed out. She could manage this by herself.
*
"Well Shinya-san, I don't know. The schedule is pretty busy at the moment, you know that. At best, we can let you off for a week maximum. Maybe if you can find someone to cover, but if not, your chances are looking pretty slim."
"But Sir, I won't have recovered fully after just a week!" Shinya practically squealed. The thought of dancing when he'd only had his genitalia shifted around a week ago was not a pleasant one. He needed this time off.
"I'm sorry Shinya. That's not my problem. I'll see what I can do. But there are no promises. If the worst comes to the worst, you either cancel your operation or find alternative employment." The club boss was not the most sympathetic one they'd ever had. The previous owner had given them free reign, but he had left only a couple of years after Shinya had joined. This guy meant business. His aim was to overtake all the big places, at most costs. He was not a bad man - Shinya could see he was trying to let him off. But business was business.
"Yes sir." Shinya pursed his lips and stood up to leave. He shook the man's hand delicately, as a woman would, and left, closing the door behind him.
When he reached the outside, he saw Toshiya throw his cigarette to the floor and crush it underfoot.
"How'd it go?"
"Not so good. He can't guarantee I'll get the sick time."
"Bummer." Toshiya took Shinya by the arm and hugged him tightly. "But we'll figure something out. C'mon babe, I'll take you home."
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