"Kaoru?" Toshiya was a little startled to say the least. He hadn't buzzed the man, but he guessed Kaoru still had his old key. So Toshiya stood there, hair a mess and flour all down his front, in the haughtiest stance he could manage. "What do you want?"
"Uhm. To apologise mainly. I'm sorry that I came and wrecked your thing. And that I couldn�t remain faithful. And everything really."
"Right." Toshiya placed his hand on his hip and let a cynical look play across his face.
"And� I was wondering, if we could be friends." Kaoru's expression was the epitome of sincerity. He had missed Toshiya so much.
"Well�" Toshiya thought about this. It had really hurt him to break things up with Kaoru. Up until now, he had been keeping up the whole 'oh he's just a bastard is all' thing. But he didn't want to upset Kaoru. He had obviously tried. He knew how proud he was, and a proper heart felt apology must have taken a lot. "Okay. Kyo and I are baking cookies. You can join us. But if you dare hurt me again, you will be out of my life so fast. Understood?"
"Of course." Kaoru's face was grave, but hopeful.
"Then come in." Toshiya stepped away from the door, letting for Kaoru to close it behind him and follow him into the kitchen. "Kyo? Kaoru's, er� come over to help bake cookies."
Kyo turned to see the man he had punched all those weeks ago. Presently wearing his glasses, he tilted his head to the side and squinted, blurring his vision enough to now recognise him as the man from the bar. His cheeks reddened slightly and he looked down at the floor, mumbling a greeting. Kaoru was on the same train of thought� the little blond he'd met� 'oh-so-not-gay-san'. However, that night had not played out to his advantage, so he kept quiet.
The afternoon dragged on. By the end of it, Kyo and Kaoru actually got on quite well. Everything seemed to be forgotten in the wake of cookies. Kyo, as it turned out, could cook almost anything, he had had to learn it very young, but cookies were never something he learned how to cook. Toshiya delighted in showing him the secret to the best cookies, and Kaoru was just pleased to be around his old lover again. His mind wandered frequently back to the time when he was free to hold Toshiya as close to him as he pleased. When he could stroke that hair or that thigh or� he inwardly cursed the sexiness that had brought about the demise of their relationship. However, he could still win Toshiya back if he tried hard enough, of that he was sure.
However, he now had competition. Whether the short little punky one knew it or not, he was quite the apple of Toshiya's eye already. It wasn't a heated passion, the same as Toshiya had always felt for Kaoru, but rather a patient and ever present need to protect, molest or some strange combination of the two. However, Kyo had made it more than clear he wasn't interested in that sort of attention. Idiot. But then he was really quite adorable in his own sly and spiky way.
"Are they ready yet?" Kaoru hopped about excitedly as the smell of cookies wafted around the kitchen. Toshiya was finding oven mittens as Kyo washed up the dishes.
"Hmm� should be." Toshiya opened the oven, and bent over to get the cookies out. Kaoru tried hard not to look like he was staring really hard at Toshiya's cute backside. Toshiya stood up, cautiously holding the hot tray in his gloved hands. Cookies made everyone feel better.
"Who wants cookies?" Suddenly the kitchen was a warmer place, and all that could be heard was contented munching
*
"Hello?"
"Good day. Is that Terachi Shinya-san?" A pleasantly female but secretarial voice answered him.
"Speaking."
"Terachi-san, I'm calling on behalf of Kyoto Hospital's gender re-assignment clinic."
"Oh." Shinya's heart leapt into his throat. This could be very important. "I understand. What is it you would like to tell me?"
"Well, some-one has backed out of their operation, last minute. This means you are next on the list. We know you have been waiting a long time, so we called you as soon as we could to tell you that we can schedule an operation two weeks from today. Terachi-san? Are you still there?"
Shinya was silent for a second before he could regain his speech.
"Ye-yes. I'm still here. Sorry, this is a lot to take in at one go. I guess I just assumed I would always be waiting."
"Mmhmm. It is a very big decision. Have you changed your mind? Having doubts?"
"Oh no! Of course not. This is what I want. I just� two weeks from now, did you say?"
"Yes. Can you manage it?"
"Uh... yeah sure. Though I shall have to see about getting sick leave from work. But it should be fine."
There was a pause, and Shinya could hear the clicking of a keyboard.
"Okay then Terachi-san. I've got you marked in for the Saturday after next, to arrive at the clinic at ten am. Write it down now, you don't want to forget!"
"Oh I won't. Thank you very much."
"Not at all. Good luck, I hope it all goes well for you!"
"Thanks. Bye."
"Good bye."
Shinya sat down on the sofa, his legs giving way. Two weeks from now? It was really very short notice. But it meant two weeks and he could be done being male for the rest of his life. The only problem was Die. He hadn't told Die. He didn't want to tell Die. Why did things have to be so complicated? Shinya had just fallen in love, and he was loved back, and the only thing left until perfection was losing the penis. And that was the problem� Die was into men� Shit. Two weeks�
*
"Toshiya?"
Toshiya got up slowly and walked over to the intercom. He'd had a tiring day.
"Shinya? What's up?"
"Um� can I come up please?"
"Sure." He pressed the lock button and waited for the knock on the door. When he finally opened it, he was greeted by a rather depressed looking Shinya. "Aww, Shinya, what's wrong?" He stood back and let Shinya inside who immediately made straight towards the sofa and sat down. Toshiya sat down next to him and wrapped a lanky arm about him. "Come on, I can't bare to see you looking so blue."
Shinya managed a brief smile before he began.
"Toshiya� this morning I got a phone call."
"Yes? Don't tell me your mother died?"
"No, no. Nothing like that. It was the hospital. Someone dropped out of having their operation at short notice. And they said that� well they said that I could take his place. Toshiya, I'm going to have the operation in two weeks."
"Oh my God! But Shinya that's brilliant! You've been waiting so long for this. No more peeing standing up!" Toshiya hugged him excitedly. He knew how much this meant to Shinya. When he noticed that Shinya wasn't half as bubbly as he should be, he stopped. "Shin? It is brilliant, isn't it? What is the matter? You haven't changed your mind have you?"
"No." Shinya shook his head vigorously. "No, nothing like that. This is what I want. It's what I've always wanted - nothing has changed that. But now� Toshiya I've never felt this way about anyone. Die means everything to me. I've only known him for a little while, but I've never been so happy."
"So what is the problem then?"
"He's homosexual, Toshiya. Die is gay. Which is all well and good while I'm still a man. But after the operation� I don't know. I haven't told him yet."
"You haven't told him? Shinya, he needs to know. I mean, does he have any idea that you had been planning this?" Shinya shook his head silently as a response. "Well� it will be a shock, I'm sure, but he'll get over it� what's the worst that could happen?"
"The worst thing that could happen is that he could break the whole thing off and leave me alone completely. Toshiya, what if-"
"But he loves you Shinya! You should know that!"
"But he loves the me that I am now, not the me that I need to be. I've never felt so wanted, but now if I can't be the man he wants� What am I going to do?" Shinya pulled irritably at his long hair, sniffing to suppress a sob. "I have to do this, but what am I going to do?"
"You're going to do fine, sweet. You have to tell him. And if he can't deal with it, then it's his fucking loss. Anyone stupid enough to let you go is obviously denser than lead. If he's worth it, and I really hope he is, for your sake, then he'll love you regardless. That's what it's all about, Shin. I mean, my relationships aren't exactly the best examples. But I loved Kaoru even though, at the time, I thought I was into girls. Just show him that he's into you, not a person of a specific gender group. I know you can babe." Toshiya squeezed Shinya's hand extra tight. "But you have to tell him. What ever his response will be, he has the right to know."
"I know." Shinya nodded mournfully. "I wish I had more time, you know, maybe to ease him into the idea, drop a few hints. I can just hope he'll react fine, and say he was expecting it, really, what with all the dresses, or something."
Toshiya nodded. He hoped that all would go well.
"I mean this is the twenty-first century and all. He's got to be open-minded. And he obviously loves you. So let's hope for the best."
"Thanks Totchi."
"Not at all. I'll drive you there on the Saturday, yeah? You don't want all the hassle of getting a taxi, or finding the overnight parking."
"You don't have to-"
"Shinya, I want to. Your one of my two best friends in the entire world, and this is going to be the most important day of your life. I'm going to make sure you get there and get sorted. No crummy bed for Shin-chan! Else they'll have Toshiya to deal with!"
Now Shinya was smiling. Toshiya was the best friend he had.
"Hey, Toshiya, you know you'll still be my best friend even when I'm a girl?"
"Of course, you fool! I wouldn't have it any other way. I shan't have you feeling all aloof just because you lost your penis. I'll still be here to call you a wuss and shout at you for having pretty hair."
"Awww, Totchi!" Shinya hugged him quickly. "I'm glad to hear it. But I better go� I have to think how to break the news to Die."
"Good luck."
"I'm going to need it."
*
"Die?" Shinya attempted to slip words in between kisses.
"Yes baby?" Die kissed Shinya's neck hungrily. It had been a whole day since he'd last seen him and God - it seemed like forever.
"Die, I need to tell you something� about us�"
"Mmm� about how we're great, and how you can never have possibly made anyone this happy and� God Shinya�" Die cried out as Shinya bit on his ear. Shinya giggled.
"That and other things� Die� nnnn�"
"Right that�s it." Die picked Shinya up and dragged him off to the bedroom.
*
"You're amazing Shinya. I've never known someone so amazing. Or beautiful."
"Hmmm� yes well, you'd be surprised. Die� I like you a lot, you understand that, right?"
Die held him tighter.
"Well I'm sure as hell glad to hear it. Because I'm so lucky to have you� It's not every day you meet the boy of your dreams. Everything is so perfect, you know?" he stared contentedly at the ceiling until he felt hot wet drops on his chest. "Shin?" Die looked down as the beautiful man in his arms, who, for some reason seemed to avoid his gaze. "Shinya what's wrong?"
"N-nothing." Shinya sniffed back the sobs. He couldn't tell him. It would ruin everything� He didn't ever want to leave this moment, and have to think about how changing his body to be himself would affect his relationship with Die. He buried his face into Die's chest, planting a saddened kiss there. "Nothing wrong. You're perfect."
In his bliss, Die did not notice the strange emphasis. However, Shinya was quite aware that Die was perfect. It was himself that was wrong. His eyes remained teary until he fell asleep, some half an hour later.
*
Kyo awoke in a cold sweat, from a nightmare he could not remember. He curled up tighter on his bed and rooted round for the plushie that Toshiya had leant him as a comfort blanket. Confused, he held it tighter, his brain, half asleep, still deciding over trying to forget the shock of the dream, or trying to remember its contents.
In the darkness, he suddenly wished that Toshiya were there, as if the presence of that skinny individual would make everything okay. In his absence, Kyo turned onto the empty side of the bed and sang himself to sleep.
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