| Family Guy Quotes |
| Peter |
| Stewie |
| "Damn you vile woman, you've impeded my work since I escaped from your dreaded womb!" "No sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!" "Haha. Oh, this is so good it has to be fattening!" "Damn you Brocolli!" Li: Stewie, come complete our rainbow Stewie: I've got a better idea. Let's play "swallow the stuff under the sink!" "Do these huggies make my ass look big?" While eating a waffle "OH!!! Mmm, yes, that's good. Oh God, this is better than SEX!" Lois: What's going on here? Stewie: We're playing 'house' Lois: Why is this boy all tied up? Stewie: Roman Polanski's House! "Oh, I feel so delightfully 'white trash'. Mommy, I want a mullet! "Yes, I rather like this 'God' fellow. He's very theatrical you know, a pestilence here, a plague there. And omnipotence? - got to get me some of that!" "For God's sake, shake me. Shake me like a British nanny!" |
| "Holy crip, he's a crapple!" Riding a circus elephant: "Look Lois, the two symbols of the republican party. An elephant and a fat white guy who is threatened by change" "Isn't 'bribe' just another word for 'love'?" Peter: What could you and me do together Lois? Lois giggles Peter: Lois! You've got a sick mind Lois: Peter, I'm talking about making love! Peter: Oh! I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money "Oh, you people can kiss the fattest part of my ass!" Peter: Brian! There's a message in my Alpha Bits - it says "OOOOO" Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios! "I know you're a feminist and I think that's adorable, but this is grown-up time and I'm the man!" Brian has just pissed on the supermarket floor "Jeez Brian, where do you think you ae? Payless?" "Joe, I've had new neighbours before but none of them were half the man you are. And considering you're half a man already, that splits them inot some kind of fraction I cannot even measure" Brian: Face it Peter, you get very competitive Peter: I am so not competitive. In fact I'm the least competitive, so I win! "Excuse me, is your fridge running? Because if it is, it's probably running like you. Very homosexually" Talking to Chris and Meg "I don't want your mother to worry alright? When she worries, she starts saying things like "I told you so" and "Stop that, I'm asleep" |
| Brian |
| "Whose leg do you have to hump to get a decent martini around here?" Brian: Okay, insert Road A into Slot B Peter: That's what... Brian: If you say "that's what she said" one more time I'm going to pop you! |
| Chris |
| Brian: Ah, if my memory serves me - this is the Physics department Chris: That would explain all the gravity Security Guard: You're just a fat kid. Sorry about that fatty, fat, fatty. Hey Tom, he's just a fat kid! Aren't ya fatty? He's a big ol' fat kid! Here's some chocolate fatso! Chris: Thanks |
| Other Family Guy Characters |
| ADAM WEST "I love this job more than I love taffy, and I'm a man who loves his taffy!" DEATH Meg: You could kill all the girls that are prettier than me Death: Well, that would just leave England CULT LEADER: "Are you a confused adolenscent desperately seeking acceptance from an undifferentiated ego mass that demands conformity?" BOB ROSS: "OK, we're going to draw a little bush right here. This could just be our little secret bush. If you tell anybody about this bush, I will come to your house an I will CUT YOU!" LIBRARY GUY: Peter: Yeah, I'm looking for books on toilet training Librarian: Yes, we can help you there. "Everybody Poops" is still the standard of course, but we also stock the less popular "Nobody Poops But You" Peter: Well, see, we're Catholic Librarian: Then you'll want "You're A Naughty Child And That's Concentrated Evil Coming Out Of The Back Of You" Peter: Perfect! QUAGMIRE: "Hey, have any of you girls been penetrated? Oh yeah!" "The Griffins? Bunch of crad-carrying Commies if you ask me" TOM TUCKER (NEWSANCHOR): looking at himself in a spoon "I'm sorry but there's a handsome man in my spoon. You'll have to come back later" DIANE (NEWSANCHOR): "Tom, you're so far into the closet you are finding Christmas presents" TICKET SELLER: Chris and Peter are trying to sneak into a fair by wearing a horse suit "Wait a second, your ass just sneezed. And...and horses can't talk! No, nothing adds up here at all!" |
| Meg |
| Lois: Meg, could you change Stewie? Meg: Fine, but this time if a boy calls please don't tell him I'm wrist deep in poopy |
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