| ///Catharsis/// |
| I don't know whats to say except that as I'm writing this I'm really depressed, so that may effect the outcome of this a little...my name is chad mckinney..I live in oklahoma, it's not great, but it's not as bad as i like to say it is...there are a lot of things that i'm not totally truthful about just like everybody...i don't think i'm anybody that special except in the minds of those who hold me there of...my life mostly consists of going to school, writing music, hanging out with my friends and wishing that i could be with my girlfriend more often....i am a classical composer....i'm not that good, even though jesse and saruh would disagree , but i love to write so that's what i do, i hope thats what i do until i die...i think the best insight into a person is to let them ramble...i wish the world didn't have to be the way it is..but i realize it has to be that way...i wish i could live with saruh (my girlfriend) and i wish i didn't have to get a job, i wish that i could just write and play music and be appreciated for both..i wish that i could always be with my friends... thats all i ever want..yet i can't always have that..in fact most of the time i cant have that...i complain too much and i am irrational...i am defensive and i hurt my friends...i am not a great person..i know my friends would dissagree, and a lot of the time i would too..but its at least part of the truth...i edit things that i say...sometimes i think i'm insane...i am a jealous person...i am imperfect in every aspect, my friends would disagree though..so would saruh..but thats one reason why i love them..i believe that i am alive and that my only reason to be alive is to try to find happiness and love..any other reason is a lie...i will not live a life behind a desk being miserable and pretending that money can bring me happiness, even though it does to some people..i am not one of them...i've done things in the past i am not proud of..i've done things in the past i am proud of...colleges don't think i've done much that is anywhere near as commendable as athleteic prowess..but thats ok..because i am at the core an artist..art is meant for entertainment..athletics is entertainment too..but athletics don't convey emotion...or make us human...i am agnostic..i am disheartened that a large number of people don't realize that such a belief exists...i don't hate many people...i am forgving..i do hate my father...i interrupt people too much...i've been told that i need to focus..when i do it turns out that what is important to me makes me unable to function correctly in society..but it has to be that way...i'm not going to pretend that somehow if i complain enough to nobody in power i am going to bring about some form of mass change...i wish that problems always had answers and that if they did i could find them...i break promises i lie..i forget..i make excuses for things i shouldn't..i lie to myself and to people i love...no matter what some people do i will always love them and in general i will always love everybody and everything.. |
| staring at the sea will she come is there hope for me after all is said and done anything at any price all of this for you all the spoils of a wasted life all of this for you all the world has closed her eyes tired faith all worn and thin for all we could have done and all that could have been ocean pulls me close and whispers in my ear the destiny i've chose all becoming clear the currents have their say the time is drawing near washes me away makes me disapear i descend from grace in arms of undertow i will take my place in the great below i can still feel you even so far away -Nine Inch Nails "the great below" |