For the first time in five years, Jump City was quiet. No costumed supervillians attempted
to rob banks. No giant, unthinking monstrosities had suddenly appeared in the middle of
nowhere and commit random acts of property damage. Nothing had come down from space and
tried to kill anyone.

For the first time in five years, the Titans had nothing to do but nothing, no time but
free time, no plans but lying around the tower and wasting time. None of them had ever
been so relaxed and carefree.

By the second straight month…not so much.

“You’re sure this thing is on?” said Beast Boy, fiddling with the Trouble Alert. “We
usually get something each week and now there’s nothing! Do the guys that want to destroy
us not like us anymore?”

“Maybe they’ve just learned to stay out of Jump City,” said Robin. “I doubt that any of
them would ever come back now.”

“Well, we are awesome,” said Beast Boy.

“But if Robin’s right, what are we still doing here?” said Cyborg. “If there isn’t any
crime here, we gotta go where the crime is.”

“It doesn’t seem likely that they’d keep coming back to a single city,” said Raven.
“They’ve probably all moved on across the country.”

“Yeah… we’d have to disband the core five if we wanted to stay on top of them.”

“Disband…” said Starfire. “Does that mean we will be friends no longer?”

None of the Titans could think of anything to say to that. Fortunately, the Trouble Alert
did.

“A crime?” said Beast Boy. “A CRIME! SOMEONE’S TRYING TO ROB OR DESTROY SOMETHING,
WOO-HOO!”

“There’s two of them,” said Robin, bringing up two video monitors. “It looks like Mad Mod
is attacking City Hall, and Control Freak has been sighted headed towards him up Wolfram
street.”

“Raven and I will try to catch the Control Freak,” said Starfire.

“And we’ll handle John Bull,” said Cyborg.

“Okay, team, let’s get ready and-“

The other Titans were staring up at him with big, hopeful eyes.

“Oh, right. Nearly forgot,” he cleared his throat. “TITANS, GO!”

* * *

Team Titans
A fan continuation of the animated series Teen Titans
Episode 2: Elseworlds
Written by Captain Sarcasm

* * *

“PICK IT UP YOU SORRY LOT! DOUBLE TIME, QUICK-SMART!”

Mad Mod’s Queen’s Guard robots were swarming over the City Hall rotunda, carrying about
bits of machinery and metal. Mad Mod himself was wearing a hardhat, overcoat and a long
scarf and barking orders into a megaphone as another robot held out a set of blueprints.
A red, jewel-shaped device was steadily taking shape

“I TOLD YOU MECHANICAL MALCONTENTS TO HAVE THE REALITY REVERBERATOR UP BY TEATIME! IT’S
GONE QUARTER-TIL AND WE’RE BARELY HALF DONE, SO PICK UP THE BLOODY-”

A robot behind him exploded in a flash of blue.

“My tea! The water had just got done boiling! Who’s playing silly buggers?”

“You’re the only silly one,” said Robin. “We’re stopping this British invasion right here!”

“Well, well, well,” he said, throwing away his hat. “It’s the little snot brigade. What
happened to your girlfriends?”

“They were out shopping,” said Cyborg. “We didn’t think we needed to bother them.”

“Still got no respect for your betters, I see. You’ll soon change your tone once my
little scheme kicks off. I may have been able to turn the city around the way I want,
but I could never change any of you little monstrosities! So, that’s when I realized,
if you can’t beat ’em,” he waved his hand at the giant jewel in a huge, sweeping gesture,
“BEAT ‘EM BIGGER!”

The Ruby at the top of the building was nearly complete, and the Robots were working
even faster.

“If this little bit of red can change an entire city,” he said, holding up his cane.
“Then one the size of a townhouse will allow me to remake the entire world however I want
it, and that includes you little snots! And once again, the sun will never set on the
British Empire! Long live Moddy the First!”

“The same old plot,” said Robin. “We’ve beaten you before, and we can beat you again.”

“So you say. But I think it’s time for something completely different!”

He snapped his fingers twice and two rows of man-sized salt-shaker tanks appeared out
of nowhere and circled the Titans.

“Destroy them all!”

“DE-STROY-THEM-ALL!” the tanks chanted. “DE-STROY-THEM-ALL!”

* * *

“Is he coming?”

“Stop asking that,” said Raven. “Of course he’s coming.”

“But I do not see him!”

Raven pulled Starfire back into the alley.

“He started out 20 miles east of here, and he’s heading 20 miles west of here. You can
figure out the rest.”

“But why can I not see him?”

“Because he’s still too far aw-”

A huge gust of wind blew up Raven’s cloak.

“I stand corrected.”

“Hooray! Come, the chase is afoot!”

Raven just sighed to herself. “Way too perky for this job.”

Starfire pulled up alongside Control Freak’s car and tapped on the glass. “Hello? Freak
of control?”

He, however, was slightly distracted.

“Nagare nagare te kita mon da,
Kita kara nishi e kake nuke te kite,
Tadori tsui ta koko wa ittai doko…”

“EXCUSE ME?” she tapped again. “HELLO?”

“Karada wa yake ni karu ku naru,
Too kude min na tema neki shiteru,
Hata mata koko wa ten goku ka chi no hate ka…”

“MISTER CONTROL FREAK?”

She stepped back a bit and flicked the glass with her middle finger, shattering it.

“AAAA! AAAA!” The car swerved a bit, but Control Freak was able to stabilize it in time.
“WHAT ON EARTH WAS THAT FOR? I’M NOT EVEN TRYING TO DESTROY YOU OR ANYTHING?”

“You are not?”

“No! Do you have any idea how many times you guys kicked my butt? Five times! Five
separate times, including the cameo bits in season 5! Even I know when to quit.”

“If you’re not here to destroy us, why are you here?” said Raven. “You should be in jail.”

“I turned State’s Evidence. Testified against the Brotherhood and then took a nice, long
walk away. Now I’ve turned over a new leaf and I’ve got a whole new plan for life ahead
of me.”

“You plan to no longer commit acts of meanness and geekery?” exclaimed Starfire, reaching
into the car and pumping Control Freak’s hand. “M’nexat! This is wondrous news, truly
wondrous, frabjurous, fantasmic news, new friend Control Freak! We must inform the others
of this new ally and sup Kwalta juice in the festival of Fnongbar!”

“Hold up, Star,” said Raven. “What exactly is this plan of yours?”

Control Freak grinned and put on a pair of black sunglasses.

“I’m gonna be a Teen Titan!” He hit the rocket boosters and sped off, leaving Raven
and Starfire hanging dumbfounded in midair. Starfire blinked twice and turned to Raven.

“M’nexat?”

“I wouldn’t go that far…”

* * *

“DE-STROY-THEM-ALL! DE-STORY-THEM-Akhsshhsss…”

“Stop saying that!” said Beast Boy, dodging a laser shot as a bird, and then picking up
the dead tank thing as a gorilla and throwing it at the attacking one. Cyborg was being
pushed backwards by an entire squadron, firing sonic blasts wildly into the crowd.

“They’re not hard to take down, but there’s way more than I ever want to see!”

“DE-STROY-THEM-”

“SHUT UP!” Cyborg swept his sonic beam across the front row, wiping them out. Robin had
been quickly surrounded, but he has somehow managed to duck and dodge all the beams,
finally getting close enough to one of them to jump on top of it and run over the crowd
by stepping on the tops of their domes. He took a bird-a-rang in hand and punched into
one of the tanks, pulling out the fire control actuator. The tank starting firing wildly,
and Robin kept his hand inside and rotated the turret around the base, sending out a
deadly circle of red hot light, completely decimating Mad Mod’s entire attack force. He
then stuck a bomb inside the last one standing and ducked behind a pile of debris.

“Y’know, Mod,” he said, dusting himself off. “I have to say I missed doing that.”

“You can say that again,” said Cyborg.

“Yeah, that wasn’t bad for a warm-up,” said Beast Boy, stretching. “I guess we showed
him who’s going to DE-STROY-THEM-ALL!”

Cyborg and Robin stared.

“Oh, hang on, let me get one of their heads and wear it! That’ll make it way funnier,”
he said, and lifted up one of the robot tank’s dome-shaped heads, only to have it fly up
and out of his hands.

“Huh…” he said. “Usually it goes the other way.” He looked up and saw that bits of metal
were flying up from all over the battlefield and combining into some sort of huge lump.

“It won’t be that easy to defeat my Davreks,” said Mad Mod. “They’re quite a lot like old
Britannia in that respect. They take a whole lot of little tiny places from all over the
earth…”

The lump had grown and grown, and started taking a recognizable shape. A 50-foot tall
Davrek tank now towered above the three Titans.

“…and they turn them into ONE COLLOSSAL EMPIRE!”

Giant jets on the base of the tank fired, and slowly but surely it lifted up in the air,
drifting slightly forward in exactly the way bricks don’t. The giant, broad shadow
drifted slowly across the ground, eclipsing the Titans.

“So sorry to wrap this up so soon, loves, but I’ve got an empire to forge. Davrek –
CRUSH THEM!”

The jets abruptly ceased firing and the Titans were barely able to get out from under it
as it crashed down, cracking the pavement and throwing it into the air like ripples on a
pond. The Titans were thrown 25 feet away from the impact site, but the colossal Davrek
was hovering over them again within seconds.

“Titans – RUN!”

They took off running at full-tilt down Perez street, the giant hovering tank following
them, slamming into the ground every five seconds.

“We need to split up!” said Robin. “That way, at least two of us will surviv-”

“Not gonna happen!” said Cyborg.

“Yeah,” said Beast Boy. “You know how we do things here – we all get out of this or-”

A long, black car crested the hill in front of them and went flying.

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAW!”

The car flew over the Titans and towards the Davrek in slow motion. An instant before it
hit, the front of the car folded downward and split apart into a torso and a pair of legs,
and a pair of arms unfolded from the back. It punched the flying tank once and shattered
it like the most expensive vase in your home. It then landed on its head and plowed into
a china shop.

“Wow,” said Beast Boy. “That first bit was pretty cool.”

“Yeah,” said Cyborg. “But I could swear I saw that car somewhere before.”

“Friends!” Starfire and Raven alighted next to the other three. “Friends, I bring the
news of good and the news of bad. The first is that we have in the same man lost an enemy
and gained an ally.”

“You mean another supervillian turned good? Wow, that is good news.”

“GREETINGS, FELLOW TITANS!”

“Now for the bad news,” said Raven.

The car reversed out of the shop and out jumped Control Freak, only slightly worse for
wear for someone that had just crashed through a plate glass window and several dozen
plates.

“Ahh, no,” said Cyborg. “Just no.”

“Wow!” said Control Freak. “Did you see that? I took that thing down in one punch! That
was so cool! Wasn’t that cool?”

“Yeah!” said Beast Boy. “Too bad you totaled your ride like that.”

“Um…” said Robin.

“Ah, that’s no big deal. I ripped that thing right from the Gochangers cartoon. The
only thing that can even dent it isn’t even from this planet.”

“Gochangers? I love that show! But the new versions totally killed it.”

“Control Freak…”

“Don’t I know it. They took classic characters and totally ruined them. Cartoon producers
better start making something that lives up to the legacy of the original source material
or so help me…”

Cyborg handed Robin a microphone, and two large speakers emerged from his shoulders.

“Dude, do you think that you could make me a Plasmatron? The original one, before they
couldn’t sell toy guns to-”

“MAY I HAVE A WORD, PLEASE?” said Robin, blowing them off their feat. “THANK… thank you.”
Robin tugged on the microphone and it retracted back into Cyborg. “Well, Starfire tells
me you’ve reformed, and we appreciate the help, but we can’t just-”

“Oh, of course not!” Control Freak shouted. “That’d be totally ridiculous.”

“Oh…” said Robin. “Well, I’m glad that you-”

“You probably need to interview me first!”

“Swing and a miss,” said Raven.

“I took the liberty of typing up a resume,” said Control Freak, taking half an inch of
paper from inside his coat. “I don’t really have any “references,” but most of that is
just statements from the TitansGo message boards.”

“Dude!” said Beast Boy. “We have message boards?”

“And FANFICTION!” said Control Freak, pulling out a much thicker stack. “Here, you might
like some of these.”

“Now look,” said Cyborg. “We appreciate your offer, but we aren’t exactly open to new
membership.”

“WHAT?” a vein started pulsing on Control Freak’s forehead. “But… but I’m awesome! I can
control TV! I’m the king of all media! I JUST SAVED YOUR LIVES!”

* * *

“So…” said Starfire, flipping through the stack of papers. “This is a story written about
your ceiling-mounted cooling devices?”

“Wrong type of fan,” said Raven. “They’re stories written by people about TV shows or
movies that they like… sometimes, even about real people.”

“Ohh…” she flipped through another few pages. “EEEK!”

“What, what is it?” asked Beast Boy.

“This fiction of fans… it… it lies! Horrible, horrible lies!” she turned red. “Raven and
I have never done such things!”

“WHAT?” yelled Raven. She quickly scanned it for a few lines, and then turned a deeper
red that moved to her eyes. The paper spontaneously caught fire. “When I find out who
wrote this filth…”

“Oh, like that’s any worse than the one about you and Batm-”

“If you want to become Beast Man, you’re going to remain silent.”

“Yes dear.”

* * *

“Alright, that’s enough,” said Robin, breaking up Cyborg and Control Freak. “No more
beating around the bush. Control Freak, it’s good that you’re not doing evil anymore, but
it doesn’t matter how many newbs you’ve pwned. We don’t just allow former villains to 
automatically join us.”

“What about Jinx?”

“We didn’t recruit her, we only let her join after she helped defeat the Brotherhood,
and she’s still only a provisionary member.”

“Look, I understand if you don’t trust me-”

“It’s not that we don’t trust you, man,” said Cyborg. “I wanna believe that you’re good,
but… well, we can’t trust you.”

“Three years ago, we let someone join the team,” said Robin. “We trusted her, we fought
with her, we lived with her. She wasn’t just a teammate, she was family. She nearly killed
all of us, and she nearly killed herself. Even now we can’t be sure how much damage has 
been done. We can’t let that happen again.”

The other Titans approached, and all of them walked past Control Freak towards City Hall.

“You’ve got to live on your own,” continued Robin. “If you really have changed your ways,
prove it, and we may let you in. If you haven’t, act as you have, and we’ll stop you
again. If you want to join, prove it with your life.”

And then they were gone.

* * *

“Hmm,” said Mod. “The Titans are usually back by now. I may not need this giant reality
transmorphiser thing after all.”

Behind him, five figures appeared on the road.

“But, seeing as I did just get it done…”

He pressed the gem on the tip of his cane and the huge gem lit up, turning the sky red
and giving off an extended bubble of energy.

“No!” said Robin. “We’re too late!”

“Meanness will engulf the world!”

“This is bad!” shouted Beast Boy. “This is very bad!”

“Not if anything to say about it I have!” Control Freak’s robot stomped up behind them
and pointed its arms at the gem, driving its feet into the pavement to brace itself.
“Prove it with my life, huh?” he shouted, a manic gleam in his beady eyes. “Let’s see
how this works for you! F.R.E.A.K.A.S. L.C.L. – counter real-warp!”

Each of the Robot’s arms morphed into giant versions of his dog-faced remote controls
and fired beams of pink energy at the gem, piercing the bubble and striking the exact
center of it. Instead of being destroyed, however, the glow of the gem turned slightly
pinkish, and the energy bubble, now a swirling pink-red continued to expand at ten times
the speed.

“Uh-oh…”

“You… you bloody garden tool!” screamed Mad Mod. “You’ve messed with the radiation!
There’s no telling what it could do now, and I can’t turn it off! We’re totally friared,
you little sod! We’re friared, daffied, cattled, vincented and totally, unquestionably
FU-”

And then everything went reddy-pink.

* * *

The flashlight snapped on with a hiss.

“Everyone okay?” asked Robin.

“I am unharmed,” said Starfire, who took a few steps towards Robin and fell over. “Almost
unharmed.”

“We’re okay over here!” said Cyborg, who had shielded Raven and Beast Boy. “Where are…we…?”

“Wow…” said Beast Boy. “Would you look at that?”

“Huh…” said Raven.

The best way to describe the Titans’ new situation was to use a Venn diagram.
Unfortunately, this is a textual medium, so we run into a few problems.

The Titans were situated in the intersection space between two immense circles, or, more
accurately, spheres, immense spheres curling off into infinity. And these spheres were the
windows into other universes.

“Good god,” said Cyborg, staring off into the distance. “Where are we?”

“A pocket dimension,” said a voice. The Titans turned to see a man clad in blue and gold,
wearing a gold helmet that covered his entire face.

“Dr. Fate?” said Raven.

“Hello, Raven,” he said. “Good to see you again.”

“What’s going on here?” asked Robin.

“Mad Mod and Control Freak had each unwittingly tapped into the darkest forces of Chaos
Magic.”

“Magic?” said Beast Boy. “But they were using remote controls and special effects and
stuff!”

“If sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic, then magic must
be indistinguishable from sufficiently advanced technology.”

“…well that’s good enough for me.”

“Oh,” said Cyborg. “So *that’s* how I beat Brother Blood.”

“More or less,” Dr. Fate continued. “The combination of their differing magics in those
magnitudes was enough to unmake the world, and remake it as they saw fit. Only you, at
the middle point of the two magics were spared this change, and only you can undo it.”

“But…” said Raven. “But you’re the most powerful sorcerer on Earth!”

“But I was inside these new realities when they were formed, and so I have no perception
of their abnormality. This projection was made with the last of my sense of self.”

“How did you know what we would say?” asked Starfire.

“I have my ways,” said Fate. “In order to restore the world, you must make their creators
cease generating them. Be warned, for you will be subject to the laws of these new
universes, and the laws of created realities are far more than simple physics.”

He started to fade.

“I have given all the aid I can. I trust that you will succeed…”

And then he was gone. The Titans looked up at the spherical portals surrounding them.
To their right, black thunderclouds loomed in a red sky and a towering, twisting black
fortress of spikes loomed over a burnt and gutted city.

To the right, birds flew past a rainbow sky and rosy-cheeked children skipped down a
lane of flowers and sunshine.

“Let’s go right.”

“Aww, I knew you were going to – hwha?” said Beast Boy. “You don’t want to storm into
the most dangerous evil place headfirst?”

“Well, usually we don’t have a choice in the matter. This is different.”

“Oh yeah…”

“Let us go, then!” said Starfire.

The bubble felt strange and sticky, and walking through it was like walking against
rubber, but they eventually made it through into the bright, four-color world beyond.
The bright, golden sun was shining in a clear, cloudless sky. The air was cool and sweet
smelling, the streets so clean you could eat off of them, and bright red brick buildings
stretched up to the sky.

“Wow,” said Starfire.

“Amazing,” said Cyborg.

“Holy flashback, Titans!” said Robin.

“Roinks!” said Beast Boy.

…

“You didn’t just say “Roinks,” did you?” asked Robin.

“”Rhat’re rou ralking rabout? Ri ridn’t ray…” his eyes went wide, and then he closed
them tightly. “Rell me Ri ridn’t…”

“Yes-you-did-“Reast-Roy”,” intoned Cyborg, petting the lime green Great Dane on the head.

“Roh, rou’re rone to rank!” he barked. “Risten ro rourself! Rou round rike ran ranswering
rachine!”

“Hey-that-is-a-little-weird…” Cyborg tapped the mechanical side of his face, and then
tapped the *other* mechanical side of his face. “Oh. If-I-were-human-I-imagine-I’d-be-
sad-about-this. But-meh.”

“That’s enough talk,” said Robin. “We have to find which of those two was running this
place. I’m guessing by the 60’s look that this was Mad… Mod’s… what are you staring at?”

Beast Boy put a paw over his mouth and giggled. “Rour rants!”

“My aunts? I don’t have aunts?”

“Ro! Rot raunts! *RANTS!*”

“I’m not a stand-up comic, Beast Boy.”

“Rour RANTS!” he laughed. “Rou’re rot rearing RANTS!”

“Starfire, do you know what he’s talking about?”

“U-huh…”

“Starfire, why are you staring at my legs?”

“U-huh…”

Robin raised an eyebrow, and then looked down at the sad piece of apparently chain mail
underwear and green pixie shoes that had once been a pair of pants.

“Holy Wardrobe Malfunction! This universe expects me to wear this?”

Beast Boy couldn’t stop laughing. “Rold rou!”

“I-probably-would-have-found-that-funny-too.”

“Grow up you two! This is serious!”

“Rokay, rokay… rey…roes Rarfire rook ra bit raller ro rou?”

“Raller?” she turned to the side and extended a hand out at eye-level. “That is odd… I
do not feel any taller.”

“Ro, ro, ro,” said Beast Boy, looking at her noticeably thinner profile. “Rot raller,
RALLER! RALL… roh, revermind.”

“Probably-a-good-idea.”

“Hey, wait a second,” said Robin. “Where’s Raven?”

Beast…Dog sniffed the air and then pointed back at the boundary between worlds. “Rhere!”
Raven was standing back in the sliver of Normalcy, silently pounding on it with both 
hands.

“Hmm-that-is-really-odd.”

Robin stuck his head back through.

“Can you not get through?”

“I’ve been trying,” she said. “Apparently this universe wants nothing to do with me. You
may as well just go on without me.”

“Alright,” said Robin. “Stay safe.”

Starfire stuck her head through next to Robin’s. “If you need us, we will be in the
parallel dimension!”

Raven sighed as they left. “Stay safe, they say. Shouldn’t be a problem here.”

…

“Wish I had brought a magazine.”

* * *

“Lah lah lah lah lah lah lah…”

“This-is-way-too-weird-for-me-guys.”

“Lah lah lah lah lah lah lah…”

“Ri row rhat rou mean. Rand rhis roke ris ralready retting rold.”

“Lah lah lah lah lah lah lah…”

“At least Starfire seems to be enjoying herself.”

“Lah lah lah lah lah lah lah…”

“Although I wish she’d stop singing that…”

So far, the journey had gone about as well as one could expect a sanitized romp through
an editorially sanctioned child-safe wonderland to be. At some point, however, it had
somehow managed to get old.

“Lah lah lah lah lah lah lah…”

Starfire was the only one that didn’t seem to mind their new setting and was happily
skipping along, ahead of her beleaguered teammates.

“Do-we-even-know-what-we-are-looking-for?”

“Ro clue.”

“Yeah, this is going to be harder than I though,” said Robin. “I wasn’t expecting
something as obvious as a huge black pointy tower, but I had hoped that we’d at least
get a little-”

“EEEEK!”

“-well, there’s a hint.”

“Oh-no.”

“Rou’ve rotta re ridding re…”

Ten bank robbers were walking out of a bank in broad daylight onto the busiest street
in the city. While it is true that, when confronted with a person or persons exiting a
bank, it’s not one’s first impression to view them as having robbed it.

This is because most people don’t normally put on the best newsboy caps, black domino
masks and horizontally striped shirts to go down and deposit money into a checking
account, and they don’t usually leave the bank holding large sacks with dollar signs
on them.

Again, bank, broad daylight, busiest street in the city. Just wanted to emphasize that.

“Cripes!” said one of them. “It’s da Teen Titans! Look sharp youze mugs!”

“Those coppers won’t take us alive, see!” said another. “Let’s rub’em out!”

“Holy softball, team!” said Robin. “Titans-”

*GO!*

The Titans stared at the large, neon-colored word “Go” hanging in the air a few inches
from Robin’s Head. They collectively shrugged and attacked the bank robbers. Robin was,
as usual, the first to reach one of them, and delivered a punch to the gut-

*POW!*

-and jumped in the air to deliver a double spinning roundhouse kick to his face-

*OOF!* *OW!*

And knocked him into the three other bank robbers with a satisfying –

*BOWLING PIN SOUND EFFECT!*

-that doesn’t really have any onomatopoeia. Just as Robin was turning to another opponent,
however, the first criminal got up, completely unharmed, and gave Robin an uppercut-

*SOK!*

-and then put his two fists together and hit him across the face.

*SLAM!*

Robin was knocked back into a brick wall, but found that he too was unharmed, and karate
chopped the robber in the side-

*KER-POW!*

…and they continued on like that for a while. Beast Boy had long since hidden in a row
of trash cans, and was somehow able to get from one to the other without the bank robbers
noticing. Cyborg was surrounded by the criminals and was shouting “DANGER” at the top of
his lungs while Starfire was making vain little slapping motions at an approaching thug.

“What are you guys-”

*CRACK!*

“-doing? You’re-”

*BANG!*

“-superheroes! Fight back!”

“Hey-he-is-right!” said Cyborg, transforming his arm. “Let-us-see-how-you-humans-enjoy-
some-of-my…boxing-glove. Seriously-a-boxing-glove? This-is-the-best-I-have?”

He shrugged, and fired it at one thug, who promptly fell down onto the thug next to him,
who promptly fell down on the thug next to *him,* and so on all down the line.

*BOO-YAH!*

“I-have-got-to-get-one-of-these.”

Starfire, on the other hand, could still not bring herself to actually hit her opponents
and fired starbolts from her fists at them. Starbolts in this universe seemed to be
nothing more than green flashlight beams, but they worked well enough.

*WHAM!*

Somehow.

*BAM!*

At that point the criminals apparently decided that they had done enough evil for one
day and thought it would be good to have a lie-down.

“Alright, that’s it,” said Robin. “I’m done playing this game. Beast Boy, stop running
in and out of those doors!”

“Rorry… rit relt right.”

“Cy, can I get that microphone again?”

“Sure-thing-human.”

“Thanks,” Robin tapped it once. “I KNOW YOU’RE HERE AND I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR US! COME OUT
RIGHT NOW AND WE’LL GO EASY ON YOU, MAD MOD!”

“MAD MOD?” said a voice from nowhere. “YOU THINK THIS WAS HIM?”

A flash of lightning came out of a clear sky and Control Freak was before them.

“Holy plot twist!” said Robin. “Control Freak?!”

“I PUT ALL THIS WORK INTO MAKING THIS UNIVERSE AND YOU DON’T EVEN… you do know that
you’re not wearing any-”

“I’m aware of that,” said Robin. “But what’s with this universe?”

“You-never-seemed-like-a-sunshine-and-rainbows-kind-of-guy.”

“Do you guys read comics?” he asked, and the Titans shook their heads, “I do. I think
I’ve read every comic that A.C. has ever published. The new stuff like Watchers, The
Catman Returns and The Authorization were pretty much my inspiration to be a villain.
But when I first met you Titans and your shining heroism, I remembered the comic book
that first got me interested in them.”

He reached deep into his coat and pulled out a polybagged comic magazine that must have
been 50 years old. On the cover, a giant purple starfish was attacking a city, and five
costumed men and women were trying to beat it back. The Streak, Tom Turbine, Green
Guardsman, Catman and Black Siren.

“The Justice Guild of America.”

“Rou reep ra romic rhat raluable rin rour rocket?”

“…sorry, what did the wonder dog say?”

“In the language of the ancient Warlords of Okaara, he may have invited you to eat his
head,” offered Starfire.

“…probably not.” Control Freak continued. “This universe here is based off of Seaboard
City, the home base of the JGA. I only went bad after I heard about the movie version
in production. It was supposed to be set in the present day, and Green Guardsman would
wear black and Tom Turbine would kill and Catman would have nipples on his costume… I
felt with all the remakes and next generations and prequels we were just strip-mining
our collective culture. The kids would never know how great Captain Strange is because
all they’d have is Captain Hunter, from the New Generation.”

“But are you not of the geek?” said Starfire. “I thought you liked things that were new
and flashy?”

“Yeah,” he said. “But part of being a geek is realizing that the only good kind of
newness is originality, or at least really flashy unoriginality. The other part is
realizing that there’s nothing better than the original series.”

“You-cannot-just-change-the-world-by-tearing-down-the-new,” said Cyborg. “You-have-to-
work-and-sacrifice-to-make-the-world-the-way-you-want.”

“I’ve done that here,” he said, turning his back. “I’ve fixed the world. Now live in it
or leave it.”

There was a moment of silence, and then Beast Boy spoke. He spoke about heroism and
personal responsibility and the importance of making a difference. He spoke about how all
the Titans had given up their homes, their lives, even their humanity for the ideals that
the JGA had fought for. He spoke so eloquently that it would do it a great injustice
trying to replace all the first letters with “R” so I won’t even bother.

“Wow,” said Control Freak. “I did not understand a word of that. I guess there are some
parts of the old school that really suck.”

Beast Boy hung his head and the universe collapsed around them, leaving the world split
between reality and the glowing white wall that was the border to Mad Mod’s world.

“Ow…” said Beast Boy. “I never want to spend a moment as a dog again.”

“So, that’s Mad Mod’s universe, huh?” asked Control Freak.

“Yep,” said Cyborg. “Raven’s already inside.”

“Then she probably needs our help,” said Robin. “C’mon, team.”

“I’m coming too!” said Control Freak. Robin turned around angrily, but he saw the
determination on his face and the pouting look on Starfire’s.

“Well, I guess I can’t really stop you.”

“M’NEXAT!” they shouted.

* * *

The passage into Mad Mod’s ruined dimension went as smoothly as the last, and only
Starfire was unable to enter. Raven, Beast Boy and Robin had each grown a foot taller
and a few years older upon entering, and Cyborg appeared to be entirely made of gold,
and floated several inches above the ground.

“[BLEEP!]” he said, looking at himself. “Wait, did I just say [BLEEP!]? Why the [BLEEP!]
did I say [BLEEP!]! I never [BLEEP!]ing swear!”

“The dimension changes you,” said Raven, who was basically the same, except that her
leotard was now a shiny, sleeveless black dress. “You’ll eventually learn to like it,”
she said, rubbing the fabric.

“I know I like this,” said Robin. His hair was at least a foot longer, and his costume
was entirely black with a blue bird insignia on the front. “What’d Starfire call this?
'Nightwing?'”

“I don’t feelll good, guys,” growled Beast Boy. He was nearly naked, and covered with
shaggy green fur and hard, sinewy muscles. His face was longer, giving him a visible
snout and he couldn’t even stand up anymore, and he was forced to crawl on his clawed
hands and feet. He clutched his stomach. “So hungrrry… so lllong… so lllong since I had 
some meat… nice, nice juicy meetses… Must eat… you look… so good… allllll of you…”

“[BLEEP!], Beast Boy, calm down…”

“I’ll try and reverse the transformation,” said Control Freak, pressing buttons on his
remote. “It should only take a few-”

“Hello my duckies!” Mad Mod was suddenly standing behind them, wearing an all-white suit.
“You lot seem to be having a bit of an identity crisis!”

“Meat…meat…meat…meat…”

“Mod!” said Nightwing. “You’ve gotten away from us before. We’re going to make sure that
doesn’t happen again.”

“Oh, I’d think twice about that.” There was suddenly a gun in his hand.

“He’s bluffing,” said Control Freak. “I know how this universe works, and there are
standards and practices in place that mean he can never fire that gun.”

“You’re right about that, my fine spot o’ gristle,” he said. “But I know a way around it.”

There was a blur of motion and a tremendous bang, and Raven fell, clutching her stomach.

“Rubber Bullets,” he smiled horribly. “Honest.”

“Rrraven!” Beast Boy ran over to her and kneeled by her face. He sniffed her, and then
softly licked her cheek, causing her to groan. “You… you shot herrr… YOU SHOT HERRR!
I’LLLLLL KILLLLLL YOU!” he cleared the distance between them in a single pounce, claws
and fangs bared. “I’LLLLLL EAT YOURRR FILLLTHY FACE CLLLEAN OFF!”

He plowed into Mod and felt the taste of flesh and blood in his mouth for an instant,
but then they were gone. He passed through the space where Mod was and kneeled, retching
at what he had just done. He looked up and saw Mod, completely unharmed, swinging his
cane like a golf club.

“Down, boy.”

He went out light a light.

“Now you’re going down [BLEEP!]er[BLEEP!]er!” his hand shifted, turning into a rotating
gatling gun barrel and opened fire. Mod took off running, dodging the hail of gunfire as
he sped insect-like over buildings and piles of debris. “You’re totally [BLEEP!]ing dead,
[BLEEP!]! I’ve seen this battle a million [BLEEP!]ing times in my head and beat you in
each-”

There was a flash of white, and Mad Mod was holding his severed head.

“’guess this is one million and one, eh scrag?”

“How’d you do that?” said the head. “How’d you beat my systems?”

“You just don’t get it, do you, love?” he sighed. “Tch tch tch… I made this place. Here,
I make the rules. Here…” he hurled Cyborg’s head directly up and out of the atmosphere.
“I’m the God Mod.”

There was a snap-hiss and two blades of light were at Mod’s throat.

“You broke apart the universe,” said Control Freak. “You hurt my friends. You ruined my
childhood dreams. You killed Captain Strange.”

“That’s not all, my son,” he said. “Control Freak… I am your father!”

“…no… that’s not true!” he dropped the blades. “THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE.”

“Maybe,” he said. “But it did get you to drop your guard.”

Control Freak looked at his empty hands. “Oh smeg.” Mad Mod flicked him out of the universe.

“Now, that just leaves-” Nightwing dropped out of the red sky and brought his Eskrima
sticks down, but Mod blocked with his cane. “Robin.”

“That’s Nightwing.”

“Suit yourself. A brat by any other name would die as quick,” he moved faster than
Nightwing could see and brought his knee up into his gut. Then he started singing.

“I'm singing in the rain,”

Mod cracked Nightwing in the face with his cane.

”Just singing in the rain.”

And he ducked under a weak punch and hit him in the back of the knees.

“What a glorious feelin'.”

Nightwing lost his footing and fell down.

“I'm happy again.”

Mod caned both his legs as he tried to stand.

”I walk down the lane.”

Nightwing tried to roll away, but Mod kicked him in the stomach and he curled up around it.

“With a happy refrain”

A swift cane stroke to his back brought him onto his stomach.
“Just singin',”

Mad Mod placed a foot on his back and raised the cane. Nightwing looked up weakly.

“Ssiinnggiinn' iiinnn tttthhhheeee rrrrraaaaaiiiiinnnnn…”

Mod’s final cane stroke slowed to a crawl and stopped an inch away from his head.

* * *

“Starfire,” said Control Freak. “Starfire, you can look now… it’s going to be okay.”

She gingerly lowered her hands a bit, peeking her tear-stained eyes through her fingers.
“Robin! Why are they not moving?”

“I managed to put them on Pause,” said Control Freak. “But I can’t help them any more than 
that.”

“THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE!” Starfire grabbed him by the front of his shirt and lifted him up.
“You are powerful! You can stop him!”

“No I can’t!” he pulled away. “He rules that universe! If I go in there, I’ll be subject
to his rules, and he can do anything he wants!”

“But there must be SOMETHING we can do!” she cried.

“Not we,” he said. “You.”

“Me?” she blinked away some tears. “Do you have the insanity flu? I cannot get in there!”

“That’s because Mad Mod is keeping you out!” he grabbed Starfire’s shoulders. “He doesn’t
want you in there because he knows he can’t make you fit his world, just like I did to 
Raven. You have an indomitable spirit of kind-heartedness and joy that no force can crush!”

Starfire sniffed and rubbed her eyes. “You think so?”

“I’m a fanboy, Starfire,” he said. “I know so.”

She smiled weakly and stood up. “Very well. I shall try.”

“No!” she whirled around. “Do! Or do not! There is no try!”

She smiled wider. “I shall do it, then.”

She braced herself against the wall, and for a moment, it was as if trying to push the
earth itself. Her flight came from joy. Her starbolts came from fury. And her strength
came from confidence.

The Earth began to move.

Control Freak smiled, and pressed rewind.

“Just singin',”

Mad Mod placed a foot on his back and raised the cane. Nightwing looked up weakly.

“Singin’ in the-”

“YOU WILL LET MY FRIEND GO!”

Starfire flew through the shattered boundary of universes and rocketed towards Mad Mod.
And reality came behind her. It swept over everything, restoring the world, fixing,
mending and undoing. It swept over the ground, the buildings, the sky, and the Titans.
And it swept over Mad Mod.

“NO! NO, THIS WAS MY WORLD! MY WOOOORLLD!”

And then the sky was blue. Jump City was Jump City, and Robin was-

“ROBIN!” Starfire jumped on him, holding him tightly in her arms. “Robin, you are
unharmed!”

“Actually, I’m still a bit sore,” he gasped. “Can’t… breathe…”

“Oh, sorry,” she said, letting go. “I am just overwhelmed with joy to see that you all
are – RAVEN, BEAST BOY, CYBORG!”

“Ow…” Raven stood up, holding her hand to her stomach. She opened it, and inside was a
rubber bullet. “Well, what do you know?”

“Ew…” said Beast Boy. “I bet that taste never comes out.”

“FRIENDS!” Starfire hugged them both. “It is so good to see you unharmed!”

“Wait,” said Beast Boy. “Where’s Cyborg?”

“Over here!” Robin levered Cyborg’s headless body into an upright position.

“Oh no…” gasped Starfire.

There was a high-pitched whistling noise, and Cyborg’s head fell directly out of the sky
onto his neck.

“BOO-YAH!”

“Oh come on, that’s pushing it,” said Robin, but he was drowned out by Cyborg’s hug.

“Hey, I found Mad Mod!” shouted Beast Boy.

Raven reached down and pressed two fingers against the old man’s forehead. “He doesn’t
remember what happened.”

“Good,” said Robin. “We’ll take him back to jail.”

“Wait, he…practically killed us,” said Cyborg. “He’s got to stand trial for that.”

“We all did things we wouldn’t normally have done,” said Robin. “I’d call that temporary
insanity. Besides, it’s not right to punish people for things they have no memory of.”

“That just leaves Control Freak,” said Beast Boy.

“I know where to find him,” said Starfire.

* * *

“RRRRRGH!” He pressed his back against the leg of his robot. “Stupid manual transformation
protoc-” Starfire put her hand on it and pushed it in with one hand and he fell.

“New friend Control Freak,” she said. “I thank you for your assistance.”

“You know we can’t let you just join us,” said Robin. “But… you did good, today, and we
wouldn’t have won without your help. Thanks.”

“Ah, don’t worry about it,” said Control Freak. “You’re my number one favorite heroes,
I can’t just let you get killed.” He moved to the other side of the car and pushed on
the other leg. “You two better get that Mod guy back to jail.”

“Take care of yourself,” said Robin, walking away.

“Farewell, friend!”

He started pushing for a minute, grunting.

“Hey, Control Freak!” He looked up to see a yellow, circular communicator sailing through
the air towards him. It sparkled and tumbled in slow motion and Control Freak’s face
filled with a warm glow.

Then it clocked him in the face.


STARRING:

Beast Boy: Greg Cipes
Cyborg: Kary Phayton
Raven: Tara Strong
Robin: Scott Menville
Starfire: Hynden Walch


WITH:

Control Freak: Alex Polinsky
Mad Mod: Malcolm McDowell