Heroes of the Multiverse

by Ari Rockefeller

 

 

Special thanks go to Crinos Galavar, who volunteered his help for this chapter of my fanfic.  Thanks a bunch, man.

 

Usual disclaimers apply.  These characters do no belong to me.

 

 

 

 

            At the convention center, the three heroes Goku, Ash and Tuxedo Mask had taken a break to have lunch.  Fortunately there were plenty of places in town that catered, so getting food for thousands upon thousands of super- and anti-heroes was not a major problem.  It was good food too. Ash was already in his third helping of dim sum. Tuxedo Mask, who wasn’t particularly hungry, was sipping a cup of soup.

            Goku, predictably enough, was eating like it was going out of style. Two-thirds of the table the three were sitting at was occupied by empty dishes and dishes that would soon be empty. Ash and Darien, still not fully used to Goku’s rampant appetite by now, only seem mildly surprised by this. The same could not be said of the potential heroes who were near the front of the line, who simply stared in bewilderment.

            Even more surprised were the two caterers who had supplied lunch. One of the caterers, a purple haired teenage girl, gulped in astonishment.

             “Ayah! Monkey man eat like demon! He not human!” The girl exclaimed in very broken Japanese. Her companion, a young boy with long black hair and even longer sleeves, pushed his glasses up on his face.

             “Um, Shampoo,” the boy, Mousse, said, “he’s not human.  He’s a Saiyan named Goku.”

 

             “Sayin’ what?

 

             “…Nevermind.”  Mousse hung his head.  “And to think, we left Nerima to get away from weirdoes like that.”

             “Oy, Ranma…why he no try out?  He make good hero!”

 

            Mousse shrugged.  “As soon as I get off work, I’ll suggest it to him.  But if we have to keep cooking food for those three I may never get that chance.  I’ll be here all night!”

 

            “Shampoo think we should get to work cooking seconds.” The girl stated. 

            It turns out that it wouldn’t be needed, as Goku finished his latest plate of food (both Ash and Darien had given up trying to count how many bowls the Saiyan had consumed.) Sometime around half passed noon in the Multiverse, the convention center and the neighboring buildings were rattled by a loud, booming (booming as in dynamite exploding inside a subwoofer) belch. The hero of earth patted his stomach contentedly and leaned back.

 

            “Woo!” Goku puffed, leaning back in his chair.  “That was great!”

 

            “That…” Ash squeaked, “that was incredible.  How can you eat that much and look…like you do?”

 

            “Simple,” Goku answered.  “Saiyans have much higher metabolisms than humans.  And given as hard and as much as we work out, it gets burned off pretty quickly.  Come on, I told you about this, didn’t I?”

 

            “Doesn’t change the fact that it’s damn bizarre to watch,” Tuxedo Mask added.

             “Now then…shall we continue?”

            Darien and Ash both nodded, and the heroes motioned for the next hero to step forward.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER VIII

NEXT!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

            Goku, Ash and Darien looked down at the next candidate. He was roughly the same height as Ash, clad from head to toe in blue armor.  By his side was a dog clad in what appeared to be red battle armor similar in style to its master.  The humanoid robot had a kind face, while the dog panted calmly.

             “Um, hi. My name is Mega Man,” the little blue robot introduced. “Dr. Light sent me here to apply for the hero position?”

            Goku looked over the strange little blue man and smiled, “Oh yeah! I’ve heard of you, they say you’re pretty tough.  How goes the fight-o for everlasting peace?”

 

            The robot boy blushed a bit and rubbed the back of his head. “Well gee, thank you sir. That means a lot coming from you.  And as for the fight?  Could be better.  Dr. Wily just keeps coming and coming…and he seems to get more and more insane every time he tries to overthrow my world with his Robot Masters.”

            Darien was unconvinced however. “Reputation isn’t enough to land a spot on this team, kid,” he said.  “Everyone has to pull their own weight.  What kind of powers do you have?”

             “Oh! Um…well…I have this plasma cannon called the Mega Buster, which fires compacted type-4 energy rounds,” he explained.  He raised his left arm, and his forearm morphed from a hand to a cannon in less than half a second.  Mega Man squeezed off a few rounds, each of which struck the wall above the heroes high above their heads.  He then spun around, and the sound of an electronic urrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! filled the room.  With a loud shout, Mega Man fired a blast of plasma roughly the same size as himself.  He turned to the three heroes.  “I also have a special integration function that permits me to adapt the circuitry of other mechanical devices to my own, thus permitting me to take on some of their functions and abilities as my own and…”

             “Wait, what?” Ash interrupted, “I didn’t understand any of that last part.”

             “Basically he said if he can take parts from other robots, install them in himself, and then use their powers.” Darien explained.

            Mega man nodded, “Yeah, he’s got it.  Parts from the Robot Masters, to be specific, and mostly their weapons.  It’s called the Copy Weapon program. I also have a lot of experience fighting against evil robots, mad scientists, and the occasional alien life forms.”

 

            “What about your dog?” Ash asked.  “What can he do?  It is a ‘he’, right?”

 

            “Rush?” Mega Man asked.  “He’s my support unit.  He can do all sorts of things.  Come on, Rush!”  Mega Man shouted as he jumped up and towards his dog.  The dog, in turn, barked, and stiffened up.  The blue robot landed on his back, but stayed there for all of half a second.  A large spring shot out of Rush’s back, hurling Mega Man almost to the ceiling.  Rush then leapt forward, and his limbs locked against the side of its body.  Its tail straightened out, turning into a powerful jet engine.  While on Rush’s back, Mega Man flew about the room before landing in front of the heroes.

 

             “Nice,” Ash said.

 

            “Thanks,” Mega Man said.  “I could go on all day about what Rush and I are capable of doing when we go into battle.”           

             “That’s fine Mega Man,” Goku said assuredly.  “We’ll definitely consider you for the team.  Next!”

            Mega man sighed to himself.  He called for his dog Rush as he walked towards the back of the auditorium. The robot warrior had worried about making a good impression on the three heroes, and it seemed that he had done so quite handily.  In fact, Mega Man was so pleased with himself that he wasn’t watching where he was going and walked right into another hero, a blue humanoid hedgehog wearing red sneakers.

             “Hey! Watch it buddy!” The hedgehog exclaimed sharply as he turned to face Mega man.

             “Sorry about that, I didn’t…” Mega Man didn’t finish finish. Looking down in horror the robot warrior saw that one of the hedgehog’s back spikes had pierced his armor.  The color drained from his face.

            Sonic the Hedgehog, not understanding the problem, stared at Mega Man. “What?”
Mega Man’s only reply was to shriek in pain and explode into a shower of glowing energy spheres, which cascaded in every direction. Everybody, including Goku, Ash and Darien stopped and stared at Sonic.

 

            The tension was as thick as the amorphous blob the three heroes fought not long ago.

            Sonic looked around nervously. “Alright, before anyone says anything—that was SO…not my fault.”

 

 

 

 

* * * * *

 

 

 

 

             “Alright, thanks again Dr. Light. Tell Mega Man we’ll call him when he’s functional again. Bye.”

            Goku closed his Capsule Corp brand cell phone and slipped it into his pocket. “Alright,” he explained, “the good news is Mega Man isn’t dead. That bright flash of energy we saw when he exploded was a failsafe retrieval system which collects Mega Man’s energy when he’s destroyed and brings it back to Dr. Light’s lab to be reconstructed.”

             “But why did he explode in the first place?” Ash asked.

             “Pika, pika, pi ka chu,” {“I think it had something to do with that blue hedgehog guy,”} Pikachu offered.

             “Well, according to Dr. Light,” Goku explained, “Mega Man has a slight design flaw in his armor that makes him vulnerable to piercing attacks. If he so much is grazes a spike or something to that effect, it can totally destroy him.”

             “I thought only the bad guys were supposed to have the indestructible-except-for-one-glaring-weakness deal,” Ash said.

 

            “Pika,” {“Guess not,”} Pikachu chirped.

 

             “Well that stinks,” Darien commented, “Guess we can count him out of the running then.”

             “Not necessarily,” Goku pointed out. “Sure it’s a glaring weakness, but not a completely crippling one. From what I was told by Dr. Light, that Dr. Wily that Mega Man told us about is aware of this weakness and frequently employs it against Mega man, loading his hideout with spiked pits and ceilings. And Mega Man still manages to triumph over Wily time and again.”

            Darien nodded in agreement. “The ability to overcome a weakness such as that is the sign of a true hero if you ask me.”

             “Yeah,” Ash added in, “But you think after twenty years fighting evil his creator would find a way to keep him from blowing up when he touches a sharp pointy object.  I mean…I feel like he would job to me with a sharp pencil.”

             “Um, excuse me…”

            The three heroes looked up at the next hero to audition, who had been waiting patiently as the trio talked over the Blue Bomber’s predicament. This guy was bizarre looking to say the least. At nine feet tall, he stood head and shoulders over that Vash the Stampede character easily.  The tall, lanky man wore a white business suit with a tie. On his back was an oversized scalpel, and he was wearing a brown paper bag with one eyehole over his head. The man was hunched over in a strange crouching position, which did little to show off his most unusual stature.

 

            “Uh…” Ash started.  The characters in this Multiverse were getting more and more unusual by the second.

            After a moment of staring, Goku smiled apologetically.  “I’m sorry for the delay,” he started, “we had a little mishap with the guy before you, Mr.…”

             “Doctor.” The man corrected. “Dr. Baldhead Faust, the world’s greatest physician and medical genius, at your disposal.” Faust capped off the introduction with a theatrical bow.

            Darien and Ash exchanged a quick glance, while Goku on the other hand gulped nervously. “You’re…you’re a doctor?”

             “No, I’m THE Doctor.” Faust lifted a large medical bag for emphasis.  It gleamed in the midday sunlight, complete with lensflare and shwing! effects. “I can cure any illness and treat any wound. On my world I am considered a legend in the medical field!”

             “We could use a medical doctor on the team,” Darien thought aloud. “Somebody to patch us up in case of injury or the like, but were going to be facing a lot of dangerous opponents in our line of work. Can you fight?”

             “Well of course I can fight my boy! Not only am I a great doctor, but I am one of the strongest fighters from my world!”  He unsheathed and spun his giant scalpel around for emphasis.

            Amongst the boasting of this doctor, Ash had grown silent.  Pikachu was rummaging around the files strewn about the table, looking for anything on this Dr. Faust.  Pikachu picked up one folder after looking through it, called to his master, and handed to him.  “Hey what’s this?” Ash said aloud. Goku, Darien, and Faust looked over to the young Pokémon trainer, who was looking through the file that held information on this potential “hero”. Ash’s face was white as chalk as he read through Faust’s entry.

             “What is it Ash?” Darien inquired.

             “According to this, Baldhead Faust is wanted for multiple counts of first degree murder, operating without a medical license, and massive property damage.”

            Goku’s face turned stern. “Is that true, Faust?”

            Faust gulped nervously and tugged at his collar, “Well…um…uh, heh-heh…eh…”  Eventually, the not-so-good doctor broke down.  “ALL RIGHT! I CONFESS! I’LL TELL YOU EVERYTHING!” A waterfall of tears cascaded from Faust’s one eyehole as he pounded on the table. Faust then told his story, about how he had once been a respected doctor, how losing a single patient had driven him to madness and made him become a mass murderer, and how he later learned that the patient’s death had been the work of an assassin. And how afterward Faust once again dedicated himself to helping others.

             “…And that’s pretty much the whole story. So what do you think?”

            Goku, Darien and Ash looked at each other and whispered amongst themselves for a bit. Then finally Darien spoke.

             “Well… Although your previous activities as a mass murderer are unforgivable, we do hold the opinion that anyone can change their ways, and that everyone, no matter how evil, deserves a second chance. It seems that you’ve turned things around for yourself, and was happy for you, but I’m afraid you’re not what were looking for right now. No offense but having a reformed serial killer on our team would cause mistrust between us and the local law enforcement agencies of whatever world were on.” Darien extended his hand to shake, “Still, I hope there are no hard feelings.”

            Faust shook the Earth Soldier’s hand, “None at all. In fact to show were all cool I’m gonna do you a solid and give you all a free flu vaccination.”

 

            Now it was Goku’s turn to turn the color of alabaster.

            Ash raised an eyebrow.  “In the middle of the summer?” he asked.

             “Don’t get cross with me, kid.” Faust commented, pulling out a huge syringe.  It too produced the same visual and sound special effects as his medical bag.  “Now…who’s first?”

            Upon seeing the needle Goku fell out of his chair screaming. “NO WAY! NOT ME!” he wailed.  “I DON’T NEED A SHOT! KEEP THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!”

            Ash, Darien and Faust stared at Goku as he attempted to crawl away in terror. Faust shrugged and put away his needle. “Uh, okay. I think I’ll get going. Ciao!”

            Faust produced an umbrella, opened it, and caught a draft on it and glided away as Darien and Ash helped Goku up. “Real professional there Goku.” Darien commented.

            “Sorry about that,” Goku said with a nervous chuckle.  “I just can’t stand needles...they’re the only thing that really scares me.”

            Ash patted Goku on the back. “Don’t worry about it,” he said.  “My friend Misty was the same way with insects.”

            Goku nodded, “Alright then. Next!”

 

 

 

 

* * * * *

 

 

 

 

             “Hello,” the new hero, this time with spiky, blond hair and dark blue clothing with an armored left shoulder pad.  “I’m a soldier.  The name’s Cloud.”

 

            “Alright,” Goku said.  “What do you got for us?”

 

            “Well, I can summon the gods themselves to do my bidding.”

 

            “Wait…gods?” Ash asked.  “As in more than one?

 

            Cloud scratched his head.  “Well, they’re god-like, really.  Not all of them are actually gods.”

 

            “Well then…summon us a god, or something,” Tuxedo Mask said.

 

            “Yeah!  Smite something!” Ash exclaimed.

 

            “Okay.”  Cloud raised his arms.  “Now bear with me, here…” Energy of all sorts flared up around him, and his position.  “Hold on…just gotta do a few more cool poses and special effects…maybe throw in a lensflare or two…”

 

            This display lasted another five minutes.  By the time the summoning was finished, the heroes were bored almost to sleep.  Pikachu had to slap Ash once or twice with his tail in order to keep him from drifting off.

 

            And what was the end result of Cloud’s summoning?

 

            “Wark!”

 

            The beast Cloud summoned was a large, ostrich-like bird, but wasn’t as thin and covered in yellow feathers except for its legs.  It had wings, but not nearly big or powerful enough to actually provide the creature with flight.  It looked confused as it strutted around the hall, chirping every now and then.

 

            “A chocobo?” Tuxedo Mask asked.  “That’s it?”

 

            “Well…they’re pretty cool, right?” Ash asked.

 

            “Let me put it this way—they’re the equivalent of a horse in his world.”

 

            “So, what else do you have?” Goku asked.

 

            “I’m also an accomplished swordsman.”  He hefted a sword.  It was a very large sword, indeed—more than five feet long, and nearly a foot wide.  The handle was a foot and a half long, and Cloud swung the sword with one hand at the end of it and the other where the handle met the blade.  However, he miscalculated just how large his weapon was, and for a brief moment, his eyes grew wide as he felt himself falling backwards, landing with a loud thump right on his back.  The chocobo he summoned squawked at him, puzzled.

 

            “Well, so much for that,” Goku said.  “Next!”

 

 

 

 

* * * * *

 

 

 

 

            Several recruits, a hole in the wall and a ground-splitting fissure later, a large hero presented himself to the panel.  He was…big. Really big.  And extremely muscular.  The large man stood roughly seven feet tall, clad entirely in a one piece blue bodysuit with a pair of antenna on top. A large, chiseled-from-stone jaw house a set of large, pearly white teeth, which the hero had no problem proudly displaying.  Standing behind the giant was a smaller, pudgy man dressed in a white suit with a backpack and a pair of what look like bunny ears.  The big man had a maniacal looking grin on his face while the smaller one looked around nervously.

            “Okay…” Goku started.  This guy was easily one of the weirdest recruits they have had today.  “And you are...”

            “Greetings, fellow do-gooders!” he bellowed.  “I am…The Tick!”  He struck a righteous pose.  “Defender of justice…” and another, “…protector of the weak…” and for this last one, jumped up and landed on the table.  “SCOURGE AGAINST EVIL!”

            The force of his landing made the table crumple into a tangled mass of broken wood and twisted steel.  Papers flew everywhere, and the heroes plus Pikachu just barely got out of the way.  The Tick chuckled nervously and stepped away from the wreckage. “Heh, sorry about that old chum. I get carried away sometimes.”

            “That’s okay,” Goku said nervously, “It shows you’ve got a passion for helping others. Now then, what are your powers?”

            “Well I’m nigh invulnerable, super strong, I can jump pretty far too.” The Tick explained, turning to the small pudgy man behind him, “Oh, did I mention I have a sidekick? This is Arthur.”

            Arthur smiled nervously.  “Um…hello,” he said.

            “Arthur here has a pair of moth wings that let him fly.” The Tick explained.  To demonstrate, Arthur reached back and flicked a switch on his backpack, and two wings like a moth’s sprang forward.  There were two handles on the wings, just at the right spot where he could reach his arms up and fly.

            “Alright then,” Ash asked, “I got a question for you…”

 

            The Tick laughed.  “And you are?”

 

            Ash’s eyes dimmed and narrowed.  “I’m Ash Ketchum,” he explained, wondering if this guy was serious or giving him an are-you-supposed-to-be-a-hero routine.

 

            “So, are you supposed to be a hero, kid?”

 

            Ash rolled his eyes.  “Yes.  Now anyway…you say you’re invulnerable, just how invulnerable are you?”

            “I’m afraid I don’t follow, son,” The Tick answered.

            “I think what Ash means is there’s a limit on people’s invulnerability,” Tuxedo Mask interjected, “including yours.  What Ash is asking is how much can you take before you feel it?”

            The Tick had to think about this.  In his battles against the forces of evil, he had taken a great deal of damage—falling from space, getting stomped by a dinosaur, eating exploding bread. Then the blue giant got an idea.

            “Say Goku, you’re a tough guy right?” he asked the Saiyan.

            Goku shrugged, “Well, I don’t like to brag but…”

            “Okay then—hit me. Best shot right in the kisser!”

            “What?” Goku was shocked at the request. “Buddy, I don’t think you’re that tough…”

            “Come on…” Tick leaned over what’s left of the table, right into Goku’s face, “You know you want to…”

            Goku sighed and stood up. “Alright, but remember you asked for it.”  He called out to everyone waiting outside.  “Everyone give us some room, please?”

            Either by first hand experience or word of mouth, mostly everyone there knew who Goku was and how the extent of his great strength. So the heroes waiting outside made themselves sparse, hoping they wouldn’t get hit by a flying Tick.

            “Tick,” Arthur said from the sidelines, “You’re sure you know what you’re doing?”

            “But of course, Arthur,” The Tick said.  “These fine fellows want to know how invulnerable I am, so I’m giving a demonstration.” The Tick turned to Goku.  “Alright, give me your best shot!”

            Goku took a fighting stance and took a long, slow, meditative breath.  Of course he wasn’t going to use his full force to punch the Tick; that kind of force would have sent the blue giant clear into the next dimension. But Goku was going to put enough force behind the punch to make a good showing.

            “Okay, you sure you want to go through with this?” Goku asked one more time.

            “Sure thing,” The Tick said, his smile beaming.  “Now hit me!”

            Goku sighed.  After taking a few more controlled breaths, he wound up and punched The Tick with a quarter of his full strength.  The sound the impact made reminded Goku of the sound he made when he slammed headfirst into that brick wall in the Pokémon world.  The giant blue hero shot like a bullet down passed the crowd, through the walls of the auditorium and halfway across the parking lot.

            Goku promptly screamed in pain and grabbed his fist.  He was doubled over, his right elbow against his stomach while his left hand clutched his right forearm.  Punching The Tick was like punching a block of adamantium. Arthur quickly rushed to aid his fallen mentor as Goku went back to his seat.

            “Man!  This guy’s a rock!” Goku said.  “I haven’t had that happen since I was a little kid.”

            “Yeah,” Tuxedo Mask mused.  “Too bad you probably killed him with that blow.”

            Goku looked down, knowing well enough to feel ashamed, “Yeah that’s too bad. I tried to warn him.”

            “So what do you think?”

            Goku, Ash and Tuxedo Mask looked up in shock to see the Tick staring down at them. Obviously dazed (He was currently being propped up by Arthur, an impressive feat considering he was half the size of his partner) but otherwise apparently unharmed.

            Goku smiled, “Wow, you really are nigh invulnerable.”

            “Indeed I am!” Tick said, pushing his partner aside and raising his fists to the air. “I am a wall, an impregnable barrier of justice. Protecting the people of this fair city from crime, corruption, from Jehovah’s Witnesses and girl scouts! AND FROM THE EVER PRESENT DANGER OF THE ACCURSED FULLER BRUSH MAN!  THAT FIEND!!!”

            Goku, Tuxedo Mask and Ash stared at The Tick.  The three heroes had the same question on their mind, but no one wanted to say it.  “You’re insane aren’t you?” Ash said at last.

            The Tick shrugged, “Is that going to be a problem?”

            “NEXT!”

 

 

 

 

* * * * *

 

 

 

 

            “Okay, first off…” Sonic the Hedgehog started, “let me start by saying that what happened with that little blue dude earlier was totally NOT my fault.” He pleaded his case to the others, trying to keep as cool as possible.

            “Sonic, relax…we already told you it’s alright.” Goku reassured the little blue hedgehog, “It was an accident.  Nobody blames you for what happened.”

            “Alright, just making sure.”

            “Alright, moving on,” Tuxedo Mask thumbed through the papers before him.  “I understand that your principle power is super human speed, or rather super hedgehog.  But you know what I mean.”

            Sonic smirked. “Yep! I’m the fastest creature on my home world,” he explained.  “I’ve fought against robots, mad scientists, sorcerers…”

            Ash Ketchum wasn’t paying much attention to Sonic.  He was too busy arguing with Pikachu.

            “Pika Pi Pika, pika chu!” {“I’m telling you, he’s a Pokémon!”} Pikachu argued.

            “He can’t be a Pokémon, Pikachu,” Ash retorted. “He can talk!”

            “Pika Pi Pika!” {“So what? Meowth can talk and he’s a Pokémon!”}

            “Meowth is a special case and you know it.”

            “Pika, pika, pika chu? {“How do you know this isn’t a special case?”}

            “Alright, fine.  Listen, there’s a simple way to resolve this.” Ash turned to Sonic. “Excuse me, Sonic?”

            Sonic stopped talking about himself and turned to Ash.  “Yeah?  What’s up?
 
            “I was wondering if you could help me settle an argument with my friend here.” Ash said as he pulled out a Pokéball.

            “Yeah, sure…what do you want me to do?”

            Ash wound back with his Pokéball “Just hold still.”

            “Alright, but I don’t see how that—”

 

            “Pokéball!  GO!”

            Sonic never got to finish his thought. Ash flung the Pokéball straight at Sonic. But for the moment, Ash had forgotten that with he had been training pretty heavily with Goku since he came to the Multiverse, and he had become a bit stronger.  Much stronger.

            The Pokéball hit Sonic, in the head, right between the eyes.  However, it didn’t capture the young freedom fighter (thus confirming Ash’s story that Sonic isn’t a Pokémon) but it did knock him out cold.

            “See? I told you he isn’t a Pokémon,” Ash said flatly.  Pikachu just pouted.

            Goku, rather than be upset at Ash’s display, was impressed with the young Pokémon master’s throwing precision. “Hey, hat was a good throw Ash! Good accuracy, excellent speed…hell, you could play in the majors.”

            Ash blushed, “You think so?”

            Goku nodded, “Yeah! In fact, it kind of gives me an idea for some new weaponry for you when we get back to Capsule Corp.”

            “Uh guys,” Tuxedo Mask pointed to the still unconscious Sonic, “He still isn’t moving.”

            Goku and Ash looked down at the prone Sonic, then at each other. The pair gulped nervously, like a pair of brothers who had just broken a window playing baseball.

            “Medic!” Goku and Ash yelled out together. Tuxedo Mask just shook his head and rubbed his brow.

 

 

 

 

* * * * *

 

 

 

 

            “Come on now, don’t be shy,” Goku coaxed to the hero in a green tunic standing before them.

 

            “Oh, well, uh…” the green-clad hero said as he scratched his blond hair under his green cap.  “I usually don’t have a lot to say, really.  There’s not much time to talk in the middle of battle.  You understand how it is.”

 

            “You got that right,” Goku said.  “Now then…Link, is it?”

 

            “That’s right,” he said.  “I’m a renowned swordsman who has saved the kingdom of Hyrule on a number of occasions.”  He reached behind his back and unsheathed his sword.

 

            Tuxedo Mask recognized the blade instantly.  “The Master Sword,” he said.  “Quite an exceptional blade you have there.”

 

            “That’s not all I have, either,” he said.  “I also have a wide array of other weapons and devices at my disposal.  He drew a pouch off his belt with his right hand, and after shaking out his left hand, stuffed it into the pouch.  It was only there for a second before he yanked it out, emptying its contests all over the floor.  What was most surprising was the sheer amount of items contained within—a boomerang, a bow and a quiver with more than fifty bolts, various bottles, canes, and potions, magic amulets, a cape, a giant hammer, and a strange looking contraption with a metallic, triangular hook on the end.

 

            The three heroes stood up.  “Geez!” Goku gasped.  That’s a lot of weapons you’ve got there!  How do you get them all to fit in there?”

 

            “I know how,” Ash said with a hint of pride.  “It’s through advance applications of the Sub-Space Theory.”

 

            Goku raised an eyebrow.  “Sub-Space Theory?” he asked. “What’s that?”

 

            “That’s where people can store pretty much anything they want in a small, sub-dimensional space stored in…say, a pocket, or a handbag.  It’s usually something small like that, but it can be bigger.  Like where Link keeps all his tools, or where Optimus Prime’s trailer goes when he transforms from tractor trailer to giant robot!”

 

            Tuxedo Mask rolled his eyes.  “Transformers aren’t real.”

 

            At that very moment, there was the sound of loud, squealing tires raked against their ears.  A large, red tractor trailer with a gray trailer came to an abrupt stop right outside the building.  The wall between the street and the heroes had been destroyed earlier during the auditions.  Therefore, they got a clear view of the trailer disconnecting and sliding away and the rest of the truck transforming.  The classic sound of oooort-urrrrt-arrrrt-ahhhht-ehhhht-eiiiit! could be heard by everyone at the convention center.  But they weren’t hearing that noise; they were too shocked by the fifty foot tall robot staring down at them, pointing a finger at them threateningly. 

 

            “Don’t you believe it!” Optimus Prime bellowed.

 

            Seconds later, Prime was transformed back into his tractor trailer form, and peeled off, leaving a cloud of dust and a few confused heroes in his wake.

 

            Tuxedo Mask picked up the thing with the hook on the end.  “What does this thing do?”

 

            “That’s called the Hookshot,” Link said.  “I can snag stuff with it, use it to cross chasms, you name it.  It packs a decent punch, too.”

 

            Darien ran his hand over the handle of the object.  “So how do you—” By mistake, he found a small red button.  He pushed it down inadvertently, and with a loud clank, the bolt shot outward and upward.  He saw that the bolt was attached to a very long chain.  “Oh,” he said.  Also, seeing as he found it by accident, he had no idea the user was supposed to hold on to the handle and let the device’s retracting mechanism pull him along.  So when the bolt struck a broken piece of wood hanging into a hole in the wall, the rest of the Hookshot shot out of his hands and retracted to where the bolt hit.  It laid hanging in that beam for a few moments.

 

            “You’re supposed to hold the handle when you use that,” Link said.

 

            “Yeah, I gathered as much.”  He looked over at the stuck Hookshot.  “And now it’s stuck up there.”

 

            “Don’t worry, I got it,” Goku said.  He effortless jumped up and snatched the device out from the broken piece of wood and landed easily enough.

 

            Pikachu was looking over a small, buckskin sack with a metal clasp on it.  “Piiii-ka?” {“What’s this?”} he asked.

 

            “What did he say?” Link asked.

 

            “He wants to know what that bag is,” Ash said, palming a larger bag made of similar material himself.

 

            “That?”  He saw Pikachu turn it upside down and try and undo the clasp.  “No, wait, don’t!  That’s my—” Just as he said that, Pikachu got the clasp open, and was instantly covered in green, blue and red hexagonal jewels.  “…wallet.”

 

            Ash, with more dexterous fingers than his little mouse Pokémon, had no trouble getting the bag he was holding open, especially considering it was held close with a drawstring.  “And what’s in here?” he asked, shaking the bag out.  Instead of jewels, what cascaded out of that bag were more than four dozen blue spheres about the size and weight of a medicine ball.  Each one had what looked like a cap with a piece of rope sticking out of it.  Link’s heart froze as each one was also making a sound.

 

            A hissing sound.

 

            “Oh, no…” he whimpered.

 

            For what felt like the millionth time that day, downtown Multiverse City was rocked by an incredible explosion.  The blast caused by about fifty bombs all going off at once left the inside of the auditorium where auditions were being held covered in a layer of soot.  The doors (and the wall they were in) were gone as well, the doors blown off the hinges, the hinges blown off the frame, and the frame blown off the wall.  Inside, the four heroes were similarly charred, hair standing on end and clothing singed.

 

            With a groan, all four collapsed.

 

 

 

 

* * * * *

 

 

 

 

            Elsewhere, in a deep corner of the some unknown universe, the forces of darkness were gathering their own forces.  Only…they weren’t having nearly as much success as their heroic counterparts.

 

            It’s unknown if the two factions knew the other was putting out a call to arms against the other.  Nevertheless, Freiza, Cell and Queen Beryl were doing their best to find villains who wanted to conquer all of existence the way they wanted to.  Some of the villains didn’t quite fit the bill as to just what they were looking for in a villain.  Others were just plain bizarre even for them.  Others had motives as transparent as glass.  Others…well, they didn’t know what to think about them…

 

            Like this motherfucker…

 

            “Thousands of years ago, before the dawn of man as we know him,” a billowing white mist enveloped the strange duck like robot as he spoke, “there was an ancient war for control over the food industry. The Elves, who controlled the cookie production, were much envied and despised by their cousins, the Dwarves, who toiled endlessly in the mushroom mines. After a long and arduous battle the Elves and Dwarves came to an uneasy alliance with the creation of a new food product known as…Mushookies.”

            Freiza, Cell and Queen Beryl traded confused glances as the robot continued.

            “But this alliance proved to be disastrous, as the Elves and Dwarves began to crossbreed, producing a hideous new creature that was neither Elf nor Dwarf. And they were known… as Italians.”

            The three villains were silent.  Queen Beryl felt her eye twitch.

            “Soon the Italians began to develop their own foodstuff, with which the Elves and Dwarves could not compete. These new ‘Italian foods’ possessed the powers of sauce, and dough, and noodles. The clever Italians even incorporated the mushrooms and cookies of their forefathers into their devilish confections.”

            Freiza shakily lifted his right arm, his index finger outstretched to blast the robot. He valiantly forced it back down.

            “The elves and dwarves banded together for one final push against the Italian menace, but to no avail. The Dwarves were driven to extinction, and the Elves were forced to retreat to Mars, where they evolved into the warlike toy makers that were later enslaved by the red ape known as…Santa Claus.”

            Cell leaned over to Freiza and Queen Beryl, “Why hasn’t anyone blown this idiot up yet?”

            “I can’t bring myself to do it,” Freiza answered, “It’s like watching a train wreck.  It’s so horrible a site, but no matter how hard you try, you can’t take your eyes off it.  I can’t bring myself to stop listening to this imbecile.”

            Beryl’s explanation was different.  “I’m so pissed right now I might just destroy reality if I try an attack.”  Her eye twitch was growing noticeably worse. “What’s your excuse?”

            “A little of column ‘A’, a little of column ‘B’,” Cell said with a resigned sigh, as he and the others went back to listening to the robot’s story.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TO BE CONTINUED……………