| Title: Return to Venden Author: HB Fandom: 13th Warrior Category: Action, drama, romance Rating: NC-17, m/m Pairing: Herger/Ahmad Status: not sure Archive: Yes Series/sequel: maybe Summary: Herger gets another chance to declare his feelings Notes: Post film, using film as canon with details from the book Disclaimer: not mine, no money made Warning: If you don�t like the thought of two men having sex or are under 18, then what the sam-hell are ya doing here?. Part 1 So, he�s leaving. Rothgar tried his best to delay him, but in the end I intervened, and he�s leaving. My friend Ahmad, I called him Little Brother; it was meant as a joke, this soft Arab who was to accompany us on our mission, but he proved that he was as much a man, a warrior, as any of us. We stood on the beach as he prepared himself, once more clothed in silks and once more I asked him, � What is the nature of your god, Allah?� I saw him try not to smile, he�s heard this many times, and he answers always the same, � Allah is the one God, who rules all things, sees all things, knows all things and disposes all things.� I decided to ask him something new, for in truth I was curious, � Do you never anger this Allah?� He looked at me for a moment, as if trying to decide how to answer, � I do, but He is all-forgiving and merciful.� � When it suits his purposes,� I said, he nodded. I shook my head, � The risk is too great. A man cannot place too much faith in any one thing, neither a woman, nor a horse, nor a weapon, nor any single thing,� I was lying of course. I had faith, faith in him, and yet still I said nothing. � Yet I do,� he replied. � As you see best,� I said, � but there is too much that man does not know. And what man does not know, that is the province of the gods.� Ahmad sighed and shook his head, we�d had this discussion many times. It was time, I gripped his shoulder and he gripped mine, in farewell. I looked him in the eyes searching� for what, I don�t know. I�m not sure what he saw in mine but it surprised him, and for a moment I thought he would say something. But then Edgtho called for him, and the moment passed. As I watched the boat leave, I called out, � We shall make prayers for your safe passage.� � Prayers to who?� he asked. � In your land, one god is perhaps enough, but we are in need of many. I will pray to all of them for you, do not be offended,� I shouted. � I�ll be in your debt,� he called back. � Goodbye Arab,� I called and I waved to him, but I did not say what I wanted to say; stay, stay with me. He touched his fingers to his lips and then to his forehead and waved. He said something but I did not catch it. I waved to Ahmad, Edgtho and Weath until they were out of sight and then I stalked away, angry with myself. I needed to be alone, so I went to the tree by the watchtower and climbed up. Buliwyf�s dog lay below waiting for me. I should have said something, �fear profits a man nothing�, did I not say this to Ahmad, did I not believe this? I have faced death willingly, I have laughed in the face of danger, yet love causes me to fear, fear what? He was leaving anyway, if I had said something, maybe, just maybe he would have stayed. I felt shame, if it had been merely lust I know I would have spoken immediately, buddy-fucks are nothing new to me, indeed I have always enjoyed them more than coupling with women. The involvement of my heart is something new to me. I do not even know how his people view such relationships. Damn, if I had not pledged my protection to Venden until such time as Wulfgar has returned and beyond that, until he has become a warrior, I would be straight after them. I sighed, maybe I should not have been so hasty in killing Wygliff, but no, that snake did not deserve to live. Prince! I spat on the ground in disgust. I realised there was much work to do, the village had to be rebuilt and better defences planned, there was also the matter of hunting down the remaining Wendol; removing their scourge from the land would afford me much satisfaction. Buliwyf may have died a warrior�s death but still I felt the need for revenge, I have never mourned a death before, although if Ahmad was to die, I know I would mourn him too. The weeks seemed to pass so slowly. I threw myself into the work, counting each moment until Edgtho and Weath returned and at least then I would have some friends to talk to. The villagers viewed me with some nervousness, although I was not sure why. It may have been my �hero status� from the battles with the Wendol, but I thought that it was more likely the way I have been since Ahmad and the others left. I have heard whispers, they question why I do not laugh and drink with them, why I spend so much time on my own. Because of the way I have been when fighting the Wendol, they have even said I am possessed! Possessed, I hardly think so. I am just sick of this place, sick of being alone, heart sick. I miss Ahmad, I miss Buliwyf, Edgtho and Weath, I miss all those who died, even Skeld. Only Olga has spoken to me out of choice but I have avoided her as much as possible, for she reminds me of the night I should have spoken instead of walking away. Ahmad had spent the night in her arms instead of mine. Weilew approached me one night after a battle with the Wendol, she told me that the others feared me, that I had been in a berserker rage. � What troubles you, my friend?� she asked. I didn�t know what to say, this woman who I respected and who I know Buliwyf loved did not deserve to be lied to, but I was unwilling to speak the truth. She spoke for me. � I miss Buliwyf,� she said, I nodded in agreement. � You miss your friends,� she said, again I nodded. � It was foolish to let him go,� she whispered, she put her hand up to stop me from speaking as if she knew I would deny it, she raised an eyebrow. � He wanted to go home, so I helped him, I let him go so that he would be happy,� I replied not even trying to pretend. � And that is why he will return,� she said seriously, I stared at her questioningly, � They come,� she said, � soon,� with that she stood and left me to my thoughts. As had become my habit I rode out to the watchtower and climbed Edgtho�s tree, I seemed to be able to think better out there. I was curious as to how Weilew could know, I did not think I had been obvious. It wouldn�t have mattered anyway, if two men are to be together, it is the will of the gods and not for any man to judge. I wondered if she had �the sight�, how else could she say with such certainty that they returned, that they all returned. I did not return to the hall until the morning and once again was called out to hunt Wendol. A small group had been seen to the north, scavenging. Without their mother and warrior chief they seemed as children, there was no organisation to them. It made them easy to kill but it was hardly a worthy battle. No matter, it was best to be rid of them altogether than to risk this changing. A group of men rode with me, most of them too old and too young, but warriors nonetheless. These skirmishes were good practice for the younger ones. We rode out to a hill a couple of miles from the hall and dismounted at the top. We descended on foot, silently weaving our way through the trees. I could feel my heart begin to pump harder as my vision began to turn red and the all too familiar feeling of rage descended. With a roar I couldn�t hold back, I flew into them, twisting this way and that as I swung my sword, relishing the screams and crunching of bone, the feel of the hot blood splashing my face. I felt the odd pain as one or two fought back, but it was over quickly and they lay at my feet. I�m not even sure if the others had time to join in. I leant on my sword, waiting to catch my breath, trying to keep blood out of my eyes. Then I straightened and turned. I glanced at the others, they watched me almost fearfully, I waved at them to leave me and then I turned and walked away. I walked down to a small creek, wiped and sheathed my sword, and then knelt at the water�s edge. I washed the blood from my face and hair as best I could, feeling the cold water wash away my anger. My shoulders relaxed but felt stiff and sore as if the fight had lasted many hours. I had a few cuts, not deep enough to concern me, so I washed them and ignored them. I do not know how long I knelt there, but when I stood I realised that it was almost dark and that I was cold. I walked unsteadily to my horse and put my cloak on. Then I mounted up and rode back to the village. As I drew near I pulled up and sat for a moment, I was not sure I wanted to return, to have to face stares and whispering. In the end I decided to return to the watchtower and sleep in the tree again. The next couple of weeks progressed the same, some days we hunted Wendol, some days I helped rebuild houses, other days we planned and built defences. Each day I finished on my own and rode out to the watchtower to think and to sleep. I ate when I remembered, I drank only water. I knew that Weilew watched me, and when she caught my eye, she smiled encouragingly, that gave me hope. I tried to remember how long our original journey to Venden had been to estimate when they might return, but I couldn�t compare it, those had been happier times and time had gone much quicker. Part 2 I awoke one morning to the sound of horns, I sat in the tree and tried to see what was happening but I was too far away, and I do not have Edgtho�s eyes. I sat in the tree debating whether or not to go and see for myself or wait. As I sat there I heard a horse approach, I thought maybe they�d sent someone to tell me what was happening. As I watched, the figure became familiar, a dark shape on a white pony. I wasn�t sure if I could believe my own eyes, so I shut them. � Herger?� he shouted, I opened my eyes, it was him. Ahmad grinned up at me, � come down, I�ve brought some food,� he said. I took a deep breath and then slid down the rope attaching the tree to the watchtower. He strode up to me, grinning and grasped my shoulder. As I went to grip his, he stepped forward and pulled me into a hug. I put my arms around him and held him tightly for a moment, then I pulled back. � Surprised to see me?� he asked. I laughed, and shook my head, � A little, maybe. It is good to see you, my friend,� I said. He sat down and I sat opposite him. He opened the bundle he�d brought and gave me some of the food. Suddenly ravenous, I started to eat. He watched me until I�d finished and then gave me some water, I drank deeply. He watched me thoughtfully, something passed over his face for a moment but too quickly for me to catch, then he spoke, � You�ve lost weight,� he said. It was true, but then I could have said the same about him, so I did, � So have you,� I replied, raising my eyebrow. � Ah,� he said, � but you know that the sea and my stomach do not agree with each other.� I laughed again, � It is good to see you,� I said again, � How did you find me?� I asked. � Weilew said that you come out here often,� he shrugged. � Why have you come back?� I asked, the question had been burning in the pit of my stomach since I�d laid eyes on him. He shifted uncomfortably and shrugged, � Unfinished business,� he said vaguely, determinedly staring into space, then he turned to me and spoke more seriously, � I don�t belong there any more, I belong here, with you,� he paused and for a moment I felt hope, then he continued, � and the others.� I felt my jaw tighten slightly, but I just nodded and somehow managed to reply, � Yes, you belong here, you are our brother,� I said, he seemed relieved. � You are bleeding,� he said, I looked down and realised one of my deeper cuts had reopened when I�d descended from the tree, � Wendol,� I said, he nodded in understanding. He looked thoughtful, then he spoke again, � They say you are obsessed with finding them, with killing them,� he said. � It is my duty,� I replied evasively, I could not admit that the killing rage was the only thing that stopped me thinking about him. � But not your only duty,� Ahmad pointed out, I sighed and squeezed his arm, he was always the observant one. � I�ve missed you, Arab,� I said, shaking my head and smiling ruefully at him. He stood and held out his hand and I took it. As he helped pull me up, we stumbled and fell against each other. Our faces were close enough to exchange breath and the urge to kiss him was unbearable, but I pulled away, I was not ready to lose my friend just yet. We mounted up and headed for the hall, where preparations were underway for a massive celebration in honour of Wulfgar, the heir who had returned with Edgtho, Weath and Ahmad. I think the villagers viewed me with surprise as I laughed and joked with my friends, I listened happily to the story of their journey, and of how Ahmad had demanded to return with them, deciding that if he�d been banished from his home then he would do what he wanted; and that was to return, to remain part of our group, although there were only the five of us left. The hall was crowded that night and spirits were high. As the night wore on things became louder and rowdier, drink was flowing freely, but I shared only one horn of mead with Ahmad and then returned to water. Many of the men had grabbed women and were coupling on skins that lay around the room, Ahmad was used to this by now and it no longer embarrassed him although he still could not watch, as many did. As was now my habit, I did not indulge, I think Edgtho and Weath, and even Ahmad were surprised by my restraint. I preferred to sit with Ahmad and talk. As the festivities wound down, we settled down next to each other on some skins and he was asleep very quickly. I lay awake for a while, watching him. It surprised me when he turned and laid his head on my shoulder, but I put an arm round him and pulled him closer. Weilew was watching me, and when I caught her eye she smiled, and I smiled in return. I still did not know if Ahmad felt any of what I felt for him, but I was happy that he�d returned and took comfort in his presence. I woke with the dawn and took a moment just to lie there and feel his warmth and weight against my body, but my dick was a little too interested so I carefully disengaged myself and walked quickly outside to relieve myself. Then using one of the barrels of water I washed my face, cleaned my mouth out and cleared my nose, as was my morning habit. I flicked my hair back and was surprised by an exclamation. I turned and saw Ahmad standing there, wiping drops of water from his face. He looked sleep ruffled, his shirt rumpled and askew and still undone. I was hard just looking at him. I licked my suddenly dry lips so that I could speak. � You�re up early,� I said. He nodded, � My pillow was gone,� he said it jokingly but he looked uncertain. I didn�t know what to say, � I�m sorry I slept on you,� he said. Don�t be, I thought, � The added warmth was welcome,� I said carefully. He looked relieved, � I�m going to bathe in the river,� he said turning to the horse�s enclosure. � Good idea, I�ll come with you,� I said almost eagerly, he turned and looked at me in surprise, � What?� I said, � I bathe�occasionally.� He laughed, we had joked many times about the differences in our sanitary habits, � Come on then,� he said. I followed eagerly, thinking that I would soon see him naked. We rode a fair distance from the hall, I wanted to take him to a quiet spot beyond the bend in the river that was hidden from view. We dismounted and he followed me through the trees. I stopped at the edge of the river and he stood beside me, I stared out over the water and was almost startled when he spoke. � Change your mind?� he asked. I looked at him and shook my head, smiling. He started to strip and I continued to stare at him hungrily, until he looked back up at me. I turned away hurriedly and undressed. We ran into the water quickly, the best way to do it when the water is this cold, and I quickly submerged myself to wet my hair. � C-cold,� Ahmad stuttered as I emerged. I laughed, � Puts hair on your chest,� but I was shivering just as much as him. He snorted, � I have no wish for more hair,� he said. I nodded, his chest was covered in a thin layer of dark hair which narrowed into a line down his belly, almost like an arrow. He also had finer, dark hair on his forearms and legs. I realised I was staring again and I looked away. I wet my hair again, leaning back into the water. As I straightened up, I realised Ahmad had moved in front of me, close enough that if the water hadn�t been so cold I would have been touching him, I was half hard as it was. I tried to step back but he put a hand on my shoulder to hold me still and looked at me seriously. � What is it?� I asked nervously. � I have been wondering whether or not to say anything,� he started. � About what?� I asked, trying to swallow past the pulse in my neck. � I have been speaking with Weilew,� he said. � And?� � She tells me that since we left, you have not been eating properly, you have not been drinking, you rarely take pleasure with women, you sleep poorly and that you do not laugh,� he said in a rush. I felt my jaw tighten in anger, although at what I�m not sure. He sighed, � She also said you spend too much time alone and most of your time killing the Wendol,� he continued. � Weilew says much, but knows nothing,� I said angrily. � I want to know what is wrong,� he said, � I want to know if I can help.� I glared at him, but he met my eyes unflinchingly. I laughed, it was an ugly sound even to me. � Help me, yes you can help me, let go of my arm,� even as I spoke I felt the anger leaving me, it was despair that made me pull away from him and walk out of the river. He followed me out and we walked to our clothes. I knew I�d been unfair, I had no right to expect anything more than friendship, he didn�t even know how I felt. I sighed, � I�m sorry Ahmad, I know you were just trying to help,� I pulled on my leather pants, and then turned as I realised Ahmad hadn�t spoken. He had pulled on his trousers and was sitting on the river bank, arms wrapped round his bent legs, head resting on his knees. I went to kneel next to him, � I�m sorry,� I said. He turned his head, so that his cheek rested on his knees and he faced me. I could see the hurt in his eyes and I grasped his shoulder. � Weilew�s words worried me, I�m your friend, I worry. I do not understand why you are so angry,� the bewilderment was obvious in his voice. I sighed, � It was not so much that I was angry with you, although I am angry with Weilew, it was your timing,� I sighed again as he looked at me in confusion, I was not explaining myself well, � I confess, I missed you�and the others, I still miss Buliwyf, I am not used to mourning, I should be happy for him that he died in battle, and is even now fighting and drinking in Valhalla. With you all back I want to put it behind me.� He stared at me, � You are telling me that all this�� he gestured at me, � was because you missed us?� He lifted his head and twisted to face me better, � What if you had died?� he spat the words out angrily, � That is not a good enough reason!� � You know I believe that my fate is fixed�� I started, he gripped my arm painfully. � Missing us, mourning Buliwyf, is not reason enough to stop living, to seek death,� he insisted angrily. I do not know why he was so angry, except that it seemed tinged with fear, certainly the only other time I�d seen him close to anger had been when I fought with Angus; and he had not realised that I could easily have won at any time, but chose not to until everyone had thought I would lose. � What else is there?� he asked suddenly, I looked at him in confusion, � That is not the only reason, missing friends is not enough of a reason for you to stop living,� he said insistently. I tried to pull away again, we were both shivering from the cold and I wasn�t sure where this was heading, but he wouldn�t let go. � Tell me, tell me why,� he said, my head dropped to my chest to hide the tears I suddenly felt, he shook me. � I was unhappy,� I said. � Why?� he asked. � Because�� I stopped, he shook me again. I blinked away the tears and lifted my head, staring at him fiercely. Fear profits a man nothing! � Because you left,� I said, I held his eyes as he stared at me in silence. I watched as emotions crossed his face and his eyes filled, then he spoke. � Leaving was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I thought it was the right thing to do. I realised that I had no real obligation to return, and once I made the decision to come back , it was as if I could breathe again. The thought of seeing you, was all that kept me going. You idiot, what if you had died?� his breath hitched and I could see he was fighting against tears. I took his head in my hands, � I�m sorry, I didn�t know, I didn�t think I�d ever see you again,� I bent my head and brushed my lips over his mouth. Ahmad stared at me, � Did you just kiss me?� he asked, my heart sank and I let my hands fall away from his face. But he caught them and put them back, then he put his hands on my face and pulled me back down. He paused for just a second and then kissed me. No gentle kiss this one, his mouth opened immediately and I felt his tongue probe my lips, I opened them and willingly sucked his tongue into my mouth. It was hard and full of passion as I thrust my tongue into his mouth and tasted him. We pulled apart after what must only have been a few minutes but felt like hours, he rested his forehead against mine. We were still kneeling, but our bodies were pressed tightly together and our arms were wrapped around one another. |