Title: My Arm Doesn�t Bend That Way
Author: HB
Fandom: Xena
Pairing: J/A or C/S, C/S or J/A, I don�t know you decide
Rating: NC-17
Category: First times with a twist
Archive: yes to list archives
Challenge: Christine�s real life sex challenge, featuring bodily odours, pain, strange noises etc.
Disclaimer: I don�t own them, no money, yadda yadda yadda!

To Christine for being inspirational, and a thoughtful beta!

My Arm Doesn�t Bend That Way

� Ow!�

� Sorry.� There�s a struggle with fastenings.

� For fuck�s sake, will you get it off.�

� I�m trying. Oh, hello, is this for me.� A sniggering fit abounds.

� Yeah, yeah. Shut up and touch me.�

� Sorry. Never seen one that shape before.� More sniggering.

A thin body is hauled up to lie against a muscular one.

� Ow!�

� What?�

� You�re crushing my balls.�

� Sorry.� Bodies shift to get comfortable.

� Oh yeah, better.� A sigh and lips meet at last.

� Oh man, you had to eat onions?�

� Oh, sorry. Didn�t exactly plan on this you know.�

� Just move. Oh yeah!� Bodies slide sinuously together.

� We need oil.�

� Why can�t you, oh!� Teeth latch on to an exposed neck.

� Woah!� The thin body slides off the muscular body.

� Too much oil. Stop laughing, it�s not funny.�

The laughing stops abruptly, when hard cock is gripped tightly.

� Oh!� The hand starts to move slowly. � Oh yeah.�

The slim man crawls back on top of the large man, ignoring a pout as the erection is released.

� Want you on top.�

� Okay, just a sec.� More manoeuvring.

� Um, my arm doesn�t bend that way.�

� Sorry.� Quiet curses are muttered until hard cocks are at last sliding together again.

� Oh yeah, that�s good.�

Small, breathy sighs issue from the smaller man.

*Thwarp*

All movement ceases.

� Did you just?� A snigger escapes.

� No, I did not!� More sniggering is followed by a sharp slap. The larger man stares in shock at his partner.

� Fucking move would you.�

� Gods, you�re demanding.�

A smirk covers the slim face.

� Aren�t I? So, are you going to fuck me, or what?�

A growl echoes through the room.

� Turn over.�

A muttered expletive causes the larger man to pause.

� I beg your pardon?�

� Why do I have to move again?�

� Would you quit whining. Okay, okay, we�ll do it this way.�

Legs are parted and pushed back and oiled fingers pressed into the exposed hole. A moan of pleasure is followed by a moan of disgust.

� Tell you what, you top.�

Fingers are hastily cleaned and positions are reversed again.

� Ow, ow, hair!�

� Sorry.� Sniggering starts again.

� Just fuck me.�

� But��

� But nothing. Fuck preparation, fuck lube, just do it.�

� Okay! Pushy!�

A hard thrust is followed my a low moan of pain. Teeth are gritted.

� Maybe a bit more lube.�

� Are you okay?�

� Yes.�

There�s a long pause.

� You can move now.�

� Oh, right.�

There are two moans, this time of pleasure. A strange schlurping noise is ignored in the heat of the moment; until it occurs again, and again.

� Will you stop making that noise.�

� It�s not me, it�s you!�

� Whatever, just keep moving.�

Breathing is harder now.

� Touch me.�

� I have to do all the work.�

There is a mock sigh.

� Just fucking touch me!�

� Okay, okay.�

� Oh yeah.�

The room is silent, except for the creaking bed, quiet moans and the odd schlurp. Then twin cries shatter the quiet, followed by a loud crash.

� Oh shit!�

The men stare at each other and start to laugh.

� I can�t believe you broke the bed.�

� Me? I�m not the one on top!�

More laughter follows, until eventually the two men curl up on the broken bed.

� I love you, you know.�

� Yeah. Yeah, me too.�

The End!!!!
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