That the shock of it did take me quite aback
For there was something never seen in our reality
As the inkblot did begin to stare right back.
It said: "Why do you gape so, as though you had been stunned?
To stare and gawk is never quite polite
You'd think you'd never seen a little young bacterium
Oh, you haven't? Why, let me relieve your plight!"
I found myself quite worried at this rare and friendly speech
For bacteria, as you may well suppose
Ain't commonly the sort to speak, to lecture, or to preach.
They're simply not the type for common prose . . .
I mentioned this intelligence to my new friend. He laughed
(If laughter it can be, without a throat)
"Bacteria, as you may know, are tiny- but not daft!
Bacteria will always learn to cope."
"A covert operation is my little mission here
An experiment, with noble purpose high
I'm a test-run new infection on a mission great, my dear
For the end of mammal races now is nigh!"
I listened as he outlined all his rare and devious plan
And an astute little bugger-all was he;
He said that Earth was not intended for creations such as man
'Twas created for prokaryotes, y'see-
"Now viruses are planning, and bacteria amass
To rise up and devour humankind
They'll sound the cry for combat if my mission's a success
Kid, join us! We can use an evil mind."
So spake the small bacterium, his pseudopods agrin
And his cells all shimmered with a poisoned sheen
And that day, I saved humanity. But on it I'll put no spin
For I dumped him in a cup of Listerine.
My story's done; no wondrous tale of heroism, true
But things I've learned (cogito ergo sum)
On days when you are sniffy, and you've got a touch of 'flu
Don't speak to any smart bacterium.