Marriage

Danny Ong   9 April 2003

The pain a very dear friend is going through inspired me to write about this.

When we are in love, we are blinded by the faults of our partner. Incidentally, as most of you know, I am married. Although we go through the EE (Evening for the Engaged) , the programme still cannot fully prepare us for married life. I'm not saying EE is not helpful. In fact, I find the EE programme extremely helpful for couples who are ready to commit to each other.

So, before you take the next step, think about it. You will be saying "..... for better or for worse, in sickness and in health........". Please understand the vow. Incidentally, you will be saying this vow in front of God and your families and friends.

Are you absolutely sure you can take your partner "for worse"? The words also mean for poorer. What happens if he/she gets retrenched? What happens if he/she gets disabled? What happens if he/she becomes a bankrupt? Are you ready to still accept him/her?

Of course, none of us wish for such things to happen. But, we live in an imperfect world. Things we don't expect to happen could happen.

Although, Catholics are not supposed to get divorced, some manage to do it. But, divorce is a very painful experience. Although, he didn't tell me about it, I can sense how much pain he is going through. No doubt, she is probably going through the same pain.

Normally, a marriage is about two very different people becoming one. As a married man, I can tell you that it has not been a bed of roses for either of us. There will be conflicts when both people are strong-willed.

What about the behaviour of the partner? During courting, maybe he, scratching like a monkey amuses you. But, after a year, two years, 10 years of marriage, would you still find it amusing or irritating?

Maybe her singing while bathing is amusing although her voice cracks at various notes. Would you still feel the same after 10 years?

Maybe he is a top management person at the office. How would you feel if he is retrenched and has no job? Would you kick him out of the door?

Maybe she is a beautiful gal. How would you feel when the sands of time ravages her beauty? What if she gets into an accident which disfigures her? Are you going to kick her out of the door?

Marriage is a sacrament. It is a commitment between a man and a woman. A Catholic marriage is a commitment between a man and a woman in the presence of God. When the couple make their vows, they are not only making their vows to each other and to their families and friends, they are also making their vows to God.

I know there will be people who will say what happens when they have problems? Have the couple discussed it together? If so, and the problem persists, have they discussed it with their priest? I understand some parish priests are so busy that one can't even see them without an appointment. There is the Married Couples Group. I won't say how helpful the group will be since I am personally involved in the group. I will let you decide how helpful the group is. But, what I have to say about the group is that we realise the priests can't always be there for us. We realise that as married couples, we will surely encounter difficulties. So, why not share some food, drinks and laughter with some friends. Talk about religion. Sometimes, we go back and realise that the problem can be overcome. Sometimes, a friend in the group can shed some light on the issue.

For where two or three come together in My Name, I will be there. Matt. 18:20.