Scenes from Dutch life

(ãhepzz1999)

Here is a story all you dog-lovers will certainly enjoy.

My friend Hennie has two large dogs, Woody and Tjendo. Woody is a golden retriever, not the square-faced teddy bear kind, but the smart mischievous type. Tjendo is a full breed gentleman, a magnificent Belgian shepherd with lion’s manes and of irreproachable behaviour.

Every morning hennie walks these guys in a little wooded area between The Hague and Scheveningen, known as the Scheveningse Bosjes. It is also a popular rendez-vous spot for homosexuals who use it as an open air night club.

During these walks Hennie often teams up with other dog-walkers, and on this particular morning she was chatting with mrs. van Dam, owner of a young dalmatian. The dogs are frolicking ahead of them, when suddenly mrs. van Dam remarks that Woody has something in his mouth - it looks like a doll’s leg or arm.

They come up closer and are quite dismayed to find it is a big flesh-colored artificial penis. Now woody has discovered they seem very interested in the object he has found, and decides it is apparently worth holding on to. No way is he going to relinquish this prize. Hennie gets more and more annoyed, it has started to rain and she sees herself having to walk back home through the streets of The Hague with Woody proudly chewing on this dildo like a fat cigar - the penis’ tip is sticking out, no one will mistake it for anything else!

They try to make him let go by ordering the obedient Tjendo to take it from him.This manoeuver succeeds, but Tjendo lets go of it too fast, and Woody has ‘retrieved’ it immediately. Hennie doesn’t even want to think of trying to pry it from between his powerful jaws, he is most tenacious, and moreover, she is determined not to touch the thing, in this era of aids and other diseases.

Finally they think up a trick: Hennie inserts Woody’s leash between his teeth like a horse’s bit, and pulls back tight. When he swallows he has to loosen his grip.He indeed drops the penis and mrs. van Dam quickly picks it up with a handkerchief…. and drops it again with a giggling screech. it’s VIBRATING… somehow Woody must have activated it, and no wonder he wouldn’t part with it: it’s alive!

Mrs. van Dam quickly gets hold of it again with the handkerchief and stuffs it, still vibrating, into a mole’s hole while Hennie yanks Woody away from the scene of the crime.