**

Chapter Twenty-Eight

" ‘Ensign Pillsbury? He’s bread, Jim!’"

Alois chortles. "He’s dead, Jim!"

"Jim, he’s dead!" I reply, grinning. Another generation of Trekkies has been created, and it even includes nonhumans, now, I think. What would Gene Roddenberry think? He probably wouldn’t be surprised…

The young boy jumps up to stand on the seat of his chair, and proclaims: "Jim, he’s dead!"

"I’m a doctor, dammit, not a…" I pause for a moment, thinking.

"Historian!" yells Alois, dancing up and down.

"Librarian!"

"Horse handler!"

"Draka!"

"Oh, yeah, that’s great, Tantie-ma! ‘I’m a doctor, Jim, not a Draka!’ That’s great!"

"What in the name of Race Spirit are you two up to in here?" Gwen strides smoothly, like a tiger, into the library, an amused half-grin on her face.

Alois looks at her, pauses, and then says: " ‘I’m a doctor, Jim, not an Archon!’" He then jumps from his chair onto the couch I’m sitting on…

The two of us collapse helplessly, laughing. I laugh until tears run down my face, and Alois’ face is red from his hilarity. Gwen watches us, walking over to sit in her chair by the fireplace. She stretches out and waits until we’ve finished. I sit up, on the couch, and prop a still-giggling Alois up next to me.

"Have to warn me, old boy, when you’re going to leap across the room like that!" I chuckle. "Or I’ll be… bread!"

Amidst Alois’ high-pitched, wolf-like yips of laughter, Gwen looks completely puzzled. "I must have really missed something here… I don’t understand."

"Oh, Muhmis, it’s related to that show, the television show that Peter and I told you about so many years ago. The reruns are still on, and Alois and I have been watching them. Star Trek, remember?"

"Ah," she muses, stroking one long finger along her chin. "Yes. I think I do. Going boldly where no one has gone before, something like that. Odd little show, but it had some surprising correlations to things that actually have happened. Not bad acting, either. So that’s a favorite show of yours, Alois?"

"Y-y-yes, Mama." He sits up, and tries to look more serious. "I like it, and AdventureZone, and Mars: the Next Step. It’s cool, too. When can we go to this Mars, Mama? I really want to go."

"I think it will be a little bit before you can go. One, you have school; two, I’m busy with my job, darlin’, and three, it’s not as much fun or as safe as Mars is on our PrimeLine. We’ll go there for your birthday, how’s that sound? Visit Aunt Tam?"

"Wow! Yippee!" He dashes over and hugs her, hard, around the neck, climbing into her lap to get there. She laughs, a husky, mellow sound, and hugs her son back. It makes me feel good to see them like that, together, without focusing on who’s in charge, or who has more prestige, or all the other myriad things that Draka think about when there’s two or more of them together. I sigh a little, and sit back, brushing my hair out of my face. Time to get it cut, girl, I think to myself, looking at the strands of long, dark blonde hair in my hands. Looking like a hippie girl, you are.

Oh, no, it is sounding like Yoda I am. The line goes through my head and I’m snickering before I can stop myself. Gwen looks up from gently nuzzling the top of her son’s head, her purr rumbling from deep inside, and raises an eyebrow at me. I blush, and shake my head from side to side, trying to indicate that what I was tickled at has nothing to do with anything…

"No, no… why were you laughing, my pretty-girl?" Muhmis kisses her son and then puts him on his own two feet. Alois turns to me, and smiles.

"I bet I know why… she thought of another way to say, ‘He’s dead, Jim!’ Right?"

"It is dead, he is being, Jim." I say it like Yoda, and for a moment, I am faced with two confounded Draka; their faces mirror each other’s almost perfectly. Then Alois snaps his fingers, and laughs.

"It’s that movie…um, The Empire Strikes Back, right? From the Star Wars trilogy! It’s, oh, what was his name, the guy who could float… uh… Yodel? No. Yada? Yoda! That’s it!"

"Is this different from the Star Trek show?" Gwen chuckles, amused and tolerant. She’s used to my mind going off in different directions by now, after twenty years of… owning me, I think, the last part harder to think than the first. My smile fades a little, and I nod to Alois.

"You’ve got it, Mr. Eidetic Memory Boy. Yoda, it is. Indeed, yes." I grin at Gwen. "Yes, Muhmis, it’s different from the Star Trek show. The Star Wars trilogy is a classic collection of movies. You should watch them sometime with us. I’d love to see what you think of The Force."

"Which is?"

"Can’t tell you--it’d spoil the movie!"

"There’s absolutely nothing you can’t tell me, my wench!" Gwen springs to her feet and lands astride me, white teeth flashing in a wide smile. "Nothing. And I know ways of getting it out of you, too. So does Alois, don’t you?" She’s bending over me, her face inches from mine. I see some deviltry in her eyes, and humor, and watch wide-eyed as she raises a hand, forming it into a claw…

"Oho, yes, Mama, I know ways…" Alois climbs up onto the couch next to me, holding his hand like his mother’s hand. He looks down at me, and does his best Evil Laugh. "Wuh-huh-huh-ha-ha-haaa…"

"Y’all, now…" The rest of what I was going to say turns into a shriek, as both Gwen and Alois start tickling me, one on either side. I manage to get about half-way up the back of the couch, hoping to boost myself over and away from them, but then Alois grabs my legs, and begins tickling my feet unmercifully.

They’re both laughing, as I squeak and try to slither away, helplessly. I finally decide, while I’m still able to breathe and think relatively coherently, that the best defense is a good offense… I start by blowing a raspberry on Gwen’s neck. She arches up, surprised, and then kisses me, hard and slow.

"Eeeuuw. Mushy stuff." Alois looks up from his torturer’s work at my feet, and makes a face. Gwen wraps a leg around him, her double-jointedness always surprising to me, and hikes him up in the air next to her.

"Mushy stuff, eh?"

"Yeah, Mama…we were having fun, and then you have to go an---" He breaks off in a helpless giggle as she moves. She turns, lightning fast, and sits on me, almost crushing my breath away, and then pulls Alois onto her lap. Her hands move, blurring, and he begins writhing, trying to tickle back. "Mama!"

"Muh-mis!" I groan, trying to move under her. She laughs out loud, and leans back against me.

"Yes, darlings?"

Together, both Alois and I yell: "Pax!"

"Pax it is, then, sweetlins…" Gwen kisses both of us, gently this time, and gets up off me. "But you will tell me about ‘The Force’, won’t you?"

"Yes! Yes! I will! Just no more tickling, or Draka-squashing! Please!" I manage to get out, holding my sides. "I’ll tell you everything you ever wanted to hear about Star Wars, Lord Vader!"

"Hmm?" Gwen runs her hands through my hair. "Don’t you mean Muhmis?"

"That’s the big bad guy in Star Wars--Lord Darth Vader. He’s on the Dark Side." Alois has perched on the arm of the leather couch, and cocks his head my way. "I want to be Han Solo, myself. Are you supposed to be Princess Leia?"

"No, I feel like C3PO right now…"

"Okay, I’m going to have to see this thing, if I want to be able to communicate with you two, right?" Gwen says, sitting down next to me and then wrapping an arm, muscles moving like machined steel in oil, around me. "So let’s plan on having a movie night. We’ll have some hot cocoa, and maybe some toasted sandwiches…"

"Popcorn, Mama, you have to have popcorn for movies!" Alois says, condescendingly. "Really, Mama! Toasted sandwiches… but that reminds me, I am a bit hungry. Let’s go get something to eat from the kitchen!"

"You’re always hungry," I laugh. "But then again, you are a Draka. Just like your Mama here, who could probably eat a moose in one setting."

"Been there, done that. Enjoyed it." Gwen’s long legs stretch out before us. "Quite tasty, actually. Better raw."

"Blech!" I make a face. "That is, with respect, Muhmis. Blech, respectfully. I want my steak dead. Cooked, not quivering. Vittles jest ain’t vittles if they’s still a’runnin’ around when you done et ‘em."

"Silly wench!" She kisses me again, on the lips, and Alois sighs. I can picture his eyes rolling expressively, I think, as I return the kiss with interest. Gwen tongues me one last time and then waves a hand at Alois. "All right, don’t carry on so… I won’t take her in front of you, if that’s what’s worrying you, darlin’ boy. Let’s do go get something to eat, though. That sounds…what was Peter’s word for it, Erin? Festive? Come on. Last one to the kitchen has to clean the plates…"

Of course I’m the last one to the kitchen, I think, as the two red heads race down the marble-floored corridor. Unless they decide to… ambush me. Hmm. Well, let’s see about that. I don’t hear them running any more, but that may be because they’re naturally silent when they run. Draka place their feet down, instead of tapping them, Gwen explained to me once. I duck into the next room, an office, and wait a moment. Then I double back to the library.

A panel on one wall, by Gwen’s desk, hinges open, and the floating dumbwaiter is there, patiently awaiting its use. It’s big enough, I think, but am I crazy enough? My ears strain to hear the slightest sound, and then I check with my transducer. Nope, Gwen’s jamming their location out. That’s proof enough for me, they’re planning an ambush. I climb into the dumbwaiter and use my transducer to order it to the kitchen.

As it descends, I realize it’s going too damn slow. I override the built-in speed limits with a terse order, and it begins to drop faster. In seconds, I’m there, and I pop out of the dumbwaiter as it sighs to a smooth stop. The controller unit in the machine complains to me about wear and tear, and then threatens to report it to the Household Steward. Oh, like whatever, I think. Report me to my wife. That’s fine. I send a mental finger to the up-tight control unit, which of course it doesn’t know how to interpret. As I come to my feet, I realize everyone in the kitchen has frozen.

The night cook, MaryBeth, stands with a frying pan hefted over one shoulder, looking about ready to whang it up side my head. I spread my hands in a peaceful gesture, and grin. Just then, Alois and Gwen burst into the kitchen, Gwen slightly behind her son. Their eyes are narrowed, and they’re looking for me. I duck behind MaryBeth, and she stands there, like the rest of the staff, frozen in shock.

"All right, Erin. Come out from behind her," Gwen says, instantly catching my movement from the corner of her eye. "Damn. How’d you… the dumbwaiter??"

"Yes, Muhmis. And I believe the deal was the last one in the kitchen washes the plates, wasn’t it?" I grin, and walk over to take her hands in mine. She meets my eyes and I swear I see some admiration for my sneaky tactical move in them.

The kitchen staff, on hearing this, starts to gather round, all ears. Gwen looks from side to side, so fast no one but me catches it, and then relaxes. "Ah… well. That was what I said, wasn’t it?"

"Oh, yes, Mama, it’s what you said, and I wasn’t the last one!!" Alois says, grinning from ear to ear. "Guess who gets to wash our dishes, Tantie-ma?"

Gwen sighs, then nods briefly. "I made the bet, so I’ll keep it. MaryBeth, what do you have for two hungry Draka and a tactically-advanced human wench?"

"Oh, Muhmis, just let me show you what I’ve got. Y’all come on over here, and take a look. There’s roast beef, there’s chicken, there’s fresh salmon, there’s some of that buffalo hump steak you like so much, Muhmis… there’s salads, and some fresh fruit, and some corn, fresh from the garden this afternoon. And some melon, and I’ve got some sweet potato pie for Sera Erin, too, and some okra I can fry up in seconds…" The woman walks us through the larder, and we pick out our meals.

The kitchen servers are efficient and friendly, and almost before we’ve sat down at the large, wooden table in the kitchen, our meals are being placed before us. I enjoy the sound of each plate landing on the table, and Alois, winking at me, leans over, his hand cupped around one ear. "Oh, what a lovely sound, Mama, I never noticed before. China sounds so nice being placed on the table!"

"Oho, I’m going to pay for this, aren’t I?" Gwen finishes her steak with relish, and smiles over her coffee cup at her son and me. "Enjoy it while you can, both of you!"

The meal is soon history, and I see Alois nodding over his dessert plate. "Honey, why don’t you go up and get ready for bed? I’ll come check on you in a bit, okay?"

"Aren’t we…" he pauses to yawn, "aren’t we gonna watch those movies, Tantie-ma?"

"We can watch them tomorrow night, after you and I go over your assignments for the week, Alois. Now run on up to bed. I’ll do my chore, and then tuck you in. Hmm?" Gwen finishes her brandy and runs her hand along the side of his face.

"Aw, Ma…"

"No complaining, now, young pup…off to bed."

"Yes, Mama. Goodnight, MaryBeth, thanks for dinner and the chocolate cake you made me!" He scoots out from the table, nods at his mother and then scampers out the door. MaryBeth signs for one of the two remaining servers to clear the table.

"No, stop. You can go ahead and leave; I’ll finish up here." Gwen touches the young man’s hand, and his eyes bulge in surprise.

"B-b-b-but, Muhmis, that is… I mean… um, Sera MaryBeth?"

"MaryBeth, go ahead and release them for the night, there’s a dear. I made a bet, I lost it, and I’ll do the dishes. The rest of you may leave. Thanks for a lovely late-night snack, all of you. It was quite good." Gwen stands, holding her plate.

MaryBeth closes her mouth, and nods fractionally at the servers. They disappear. The cook walks over to the sink where Gwen stands, looking down at the apparatus. "I’ll do it, Muhmis, and nobody’ll know! You don’t need to be doin’ no dishes!"

"It’s what I bet, and I stand by my word, sweet. Thanks anyway. Where’s the soap?"

I walk over to the two of them, and slide an arm around Gwen’s trim waist. "I’ll assist this helpless waif, MaryBeth. I’ve done enough KP in my time to know a thing or two."

"You sure?" MaryBeth’s brown eyes are as wide as teacups.

"Yes, honey, we’re sure. Thanks, Erin." Gwen smiles at the shocked cook, and nods toward the kitchen door. "Go on, now, we’ve kept you up later than usual anyway. We’ll have this place cleaned up in a little bit, promise."

"Well, if you say so, Muhmis…" MaryBeth shakes her head, looking at Gwen admiringly. "You sure do stand by your word, if you don’t mind me sayin’ so…" She grins whitely and then winks at me, taking off her apron and handing it over. "You’ll need this, and there’s more in that closet over there."

"Thanks." I take the apron, and expertly tie it around Gwen. The effect is rather comical; it’s a sight I never would have bet on… a homo drakensis, the biggest, baddest predator in the universe, in an apron, doing her dishes. Betty Crocker, watch out, I think, and smile up at my Muhmis.

"Let’s get this over with, my dear," she murmurs, and walks over to the table to begin stacking plates and bowls.

"Yes, Muhmis," I grin. I get another apron, and start the water and soap for the rinsing; thank god there’s a state-of-the-art dishwasher here, so we won’t have to do everything by hand. I won, though, I think, I won the bet, and that’s amazing. I surprised Gwen. That’s even more amazing. I jump slightly as she kisses me on the back of the neck, and plunks dishes into the hot, soapy water. Hmm. Washing dishes with Gwen may be an interesting experience, I think, as she looks me over. I know what that look means.

"Remember, Muhmis mine… your son is waiting for you to tuck him in bed…" I say quietly, watching her face. She grins, and leaning over, gives me another kiss.

"Oh, I know. I know. We’ll tuck him into bed, and then I’m tossing you into bed, too. ‘Indeed, true it is, wench mine.’ "

"Oh, god, you’ve already caught it… there’s no hope for you now, Gwen!" We laugh, human and Draka together, as the pile of dishes slowly makes its way into the dishwasher. The odd friendship this person and I have, I think, is getting more and more interesting as time goes by, and now I have as much time as she does…

**