Chapter 18

**

"Why do you get so damn bossy sometimes, Ari?" I stomp my foot. It makes an entirely unsatisfactory thud on the carpeted floor of our room. "I mean, I know you’re my muhmis and all, but you don’t have to be such a witch about it! Give me a gorkin’ break, will ya?"

Ariadne turns slowly from the window and eyes me coldly. Suddenly, it seems like she’s aged, or changed, or something, and she’s no longer the person I know so well. Shivers run down my back, and I find myself stepping backwards, towards the center of the room. "Ari?"

"May, you better listen to me and listen well. This should be the only time I have to say this. You’re mine. My saafn. You will obey me. There are times you may not like me very much, and that’s too bad. You’ll still do what I say. I know what this’s about," she sighs. "It’s about me enjoying Wallace the stableboy, and some others. That’s my right. They’re serfs of my family’s, and I can enjoy them, pleasure myself with them, pretty much as I please."

"It is not about them. It’s about us. And you. You’ve gotten all grumpy and moody and sullen and no one likes to be around you now." The words have popped out of my mouth before I can stop them, seemingly, and now I wish I could stuff every one of them back in, and put a lid on top. Ariadne walks towards me, eyes holding mine.

"What?"

I moved further back into the room, holding my hands up defensively. Ari’s never hit me, not once, but this time may be the first, I think. My stomach churns and the bright colors of the late fall day outside seem to have dulled. Everything seems focused on these few moments, I realize; I wish Mama Erin was here, or even Uhmis Gwen. Somebody…

"What did you say, wench?"

How’d her voice get so cold, my mind wonders, it sounds like Uhmis Gwen when she had that one stablewench whipped for letting a colt die one night… her voice was positively glacial, and now Ariadne sounds just like her mother. Oh, jeezie petes, get me out of this, someone… "Ari, please," I whisper, pleading with her.

"Tell me again, wench, what you said," Ariadne grinds out, her hand flashing to my collar, and pulling me within inches of her cold, angry face. "If you dare…"

"What the bloody hell’s going on here?" Alice says, standing in the doorway of our quarters, blue eyes snapping fire at both of us. "Ariadne, put her down. Immediately."

"Stay out of this, Tantie-ma Alice," the Draka says quietly, her eyes never wavering from mine. "This is none of your damn business."

"Oho, me bucko, it bleedin’ well is. Put her down, or you’re in more trouble than you’d like to think about. Now, Ari. I’m not foolin’ with you."

Ariadne drops me, and I stumble, trying to keep my balance. I put out a hand to hold her arm, more to stay on my feet than anything else, and she pulls away before I can touch her. Her hiss warns me not to try again, either. I back away, the hairs standing up along my arms and the back of my neck. "Uh, Mama, she’s…"

"I know. She’s angry at you. You’re angry at her. Now go over to the study table and sit down, both of you sheilas. Now!" Alice snaps out the last word and I find myself sitting down, eyes exploring the fine grain of the ebony study desk. Ariadne coolly walks over and pulls out a chair, sitting down sulkily, staring at Alice.

"Now, let’s iron this out before it has to go any further. I don’t think either one of you want to greet Muhmis Gwen and Tantie-ma Erin with a fuss as soon as they get back, now do you?" Alice sits down between us, at the head of the table, where our Instructor usually sits, and waits for our nods. They come, rapidly from me, and slowly, haughtily, from Ari.

"Tantie-ma Alice, it’s between me and my serf. That’s it."

"No, that’s not it. One, I’m in charge of Household affairs. Two, your little tiff this morning upset quite a few people at breakfast, myself one of them, Ari. Your pheromones bothered everyone, not just May. Three, anything that goes on like this affects the way the Household runs, and I won’t have it disrupted like this. No way. So we’re going to bloody well sit here until we get to the bottom of it, even if we have to miss greeting your parents. Is that understood?"

"So you’ve already told Ma, haven’t you?" Ari’s eyes have widened, and she’s made fists of her hands on top of the table. "Great. Now no matter what, I’m in for it. Thanks a lot."

"Hell, I haven’t told anyone about this. Not yet. But much more lip from you, missy, and I will. And you will be ‘in for it’, believe me." Tantie-ma Alice’s voice is as cold as Ari’s was earlier, and I cringe in my seat.

"And you…" Mama turns to me. "You better learn how to be more respectful. Even when you disagree, you still need to maintain that respect. Or you’ll be in more trouble than this, I guarantee it. What’s gotten into you, May? You don’t have any right to criticize Ariadne for who she sleeps with, and you know it."

"But it’s not about that…" I begin, and Ariadne growls, low in her throat. "Ari, you think you know everything, don’t you?"

"May!" Alice’s face is getting red under her tan, and I know she’s furious.

"But it’s true! Please, listen to me! It’s not about that. Yes, I was mad that she took Wallace as her pretty pony yesterday. I wanted to… but that’s not it. She’s been getting so mad recently, like everything bugs her, and then she snarls or hisses at everybody… you can ask Tara, and Julie, and Carson… they’ll tell you the same thing. She’s been mean, recent-like. Just mean, and I said the truth earlier, about no one wanting to be around her. Mama, it’s true. I said it wrong, when I was mad, but I meant it the right way." I hang my head down, trying to hide the tears. One spatters onto the dark wood, and I smear it away with a fist.

"Regardless… you better work on the respect angle. I mean it. But," Alice says, turning to Ari, "what she says is true. You’ve been so moody lately I could just swat you. Tell me and May what’s going on."

"No."

"No? That wasn’t a request, Ariadne Ingolfsson."

"That’s Missy Ariadne Ingolfsson to you, human." Ariadne starts to stand up, aristocratic face cold in the afternoon light.

"Sit down! Now!" Much to her surprise, and mine, and maybe even to Mama’s, Ari sits back down. "Now you listen up. As long as you live under your mother’s roof, you’ll live under her rules. One of those is that I’m in charge when she and Erin are away. So don’t give me any more gods-damned shit about ‘missy’ this and ‘human’ that. I won’t have it. I respect you for your station, Ariadne, but I won’t have you dissing me like that. Period. Got it? Got it?"

Ariadne nods. I sit, frozen with fear and anguish, wishing I could be anywhere else than here. I wriggle in my seat, and Mama spears me with a look. One of those looks, I think, that means you’re centimeters away from a spanking. I sit still.

"Now you tell me what’s got a pickle up your butt. Now." Alice says quietly to Ariadne.

The young Draka sighs, then puts her face into her hands. "No… I don’t know… hell. Maybe I’m going crazy. I don’t know…"

"Come on, what’s eating you? You’re not going crazy. You may be driving me batty, but you’re in perfect health. Come on, tell."

"It’s just that… you’re human, Tantie-ma, you won’t understand…"

"Try me."

"Ah…" Ariadne pauses for a long moment. "It’s just that… this sounds stupid. I know I’ve been a bitch lately, and I’m sorry. I apologize, May, Tantie-ma. I’m sorry. It’s just that I have a lot on my mind, and I don’t know how to fix things… if they can be fixed…"

"What’s broken?" I say, reaching across the table to put her hand in mine. "Tell us, and we can help!"

"No, you bloody well can’t! You can’t, May!" She tries half-heartedly to pull her hand away, but I grip onto it tenaciously.

"What? Now you’ve got me really concerned, Ari. Tell me what’s going on." Alice reaches out for her other hand, and holds it tightly. Ari turns from me to her, and back again. With surprise, I notice her bright blue eyes are full of tears; one trickles down her cheek as I watch.

"I don’t wanna grow up, Tantie-ma." A tiny whisper, forced out of her, and she hangs her head down. "I don’t wanna."

"But…" I begin, and Mama makes a face at me. I shut up.

"Ari, tell me why." Mama’s voice has gone from harsh and cold to warm and soft, and I relax a little. When she gets that tone of voice, Mama Erin says, watch out, cause Alice’s on the warpath. But she’s always fair, if tough. I’d rather have Mama Erin fuss at me, though. Her punishments aren’t as rough. I watch a vein pulse on the side of Ariadne’s face, and wait in the heavy silence.

"Cause… cause I’m not as good as Alexandra, and she’s scared, too. Scared of duels and stuff. I’m not half as good as she is with unarmed, and only passable to her with weapons. Neither of us can stand up to Ma. She beats the tar out of us in practice. And I’m scared. I mean, she’s our mother, and she whups up on us. I’m scared of her half the time. But I’m even more scared of other Draka. I’m not ready, Alice, I’m not ready!" The last words are cried out, and she jerks her hands from us, covering her face again. "I’m not ready!" Sobs shake her now, and my heart aches.

"Oh, Ari, Ari… honey, please…" I blurt, and bolting from my chair to kneel next to hers, I hug her tightly. This time she doesn’t pull away, and I hold her for a few moments, the room silent except for her sobs and harsh breathing. Alice’s gotten up and walked to the window, looking out over the russet fields, hands held behind her.

Finally, the sobs slow, and she rests her head on my shoulder. "Now you think I’m a real gorky idiot, don’t you? Not much of a Draka."

"No, that’s not what I think. I think you’re one hell of a Draka. Top of that, you’re even cute when you snuffle. So there." I kiss her forehead, looking down into her sapphire eyes.

Alice walks back over and puts her hands on our shoulders. "Ari, you’re going through one of the hardest parts of growing up there is. You’re becoming a woman."

Ariadne laughs quietly. "Oh, been there already, Mama. Two years ago, wasn’t it, May?" I blush and sit back, running a hand through her thick red hair.

"No, you goofer, I mean maturity wise. Not virginity," says Mama, smiling. "The part about challenges… you’re right, I don’t know a lot about that, from a human perspective. But your Ma does. Talk with her about it."

"No way! I’d rather swallow a rattler…"

"Yes way! She’s on your side, whether or not you believe it. Talk with her about it. She went through the same stuff you’re going through, for the most part. Really—she was your age once, as hard as that may be to realize. Alexandra can be someone to talk to, as well. She loves you a tremendous amount."

"Yeah, that’s why she always calls me ‘squirt’ or ‘shorty’. Yeah…"

‘Honey, she doesn’t do that to hurt your feelings. It’s her way, and Patrick’s way, of showing you how much they like you. Talk to her, if you’d feel more comfortable than talking to your mother. But Gwen is there, darlin’, really, to listen. Try it—the worst she can say is no, if you ask to talk with her."

"The worst she could do is laugh at me." Ari looks down at her hands. "Like she does after practice, sometimes. She just sits on top of me, or holds me upside down, and laughs. I end up feeling like… like…"

"Like I do, sometimes. Yeah, I know.That’s the way we humans feel, a lot of the time," Alice grins. "But there again, honey, she’s not doing it to hurt you. She’s trying to teach you, and I think she likes doing that. There’s also a part in all of you Draka that really, actively enjoys conflict, and coming out on top. Right?"

"Yes."

"And another part of you that hates coming out on the bottom."

"Yes!"

"Well, then. Just practice harder, and one of these days, it’ll be you on top and her underneath. Then you can share in the laughter."

"But then she wouldn’t be laughing."

"Don’t bet on it." Alice’s voice is gentle. "She loves you kids, so damn much, honey. But she isn’t sure how to show that to you, sometimes. Maybe she’s afraid of…"

We look up, surprised, as Alice suddenly trails off. "What, Mama?" we both chorus.

"Um…" Alice looks a little embarassed. "Well…"

"What?" Ariadne looks her in the eyes, a direct, challenging gaze. "What’s Ma afraid of?"

"Afraid of doing whatever she did with Alexis. She’s talked about that some, with me; she’s really not sure what she did to make him turn out the way he has. Not that there’s anything wrong with uhmas the Archon," Alice says, hastily, eyes flicking from side to side nervously, "but just that… well, they missed something together way back, and she’s worried about doing the same with you three kids."

"What do you mean, she missed something?" Ariadne runs her hands through her hair, frowning.

Alice looks down at us. "Well… their relationship could be so close, so friendly, but something went awry there, and for the life of her she can’t figure out what. She was Archon for a good part of his childhood and adolescence, and now she’s Archon again, with three kids to bring up. She really does worry that she’ll make the same mistake again, and you’ll grow up disliking her somehow."

"But I love her! With ever atom of my self! How could I not love her when I’m older?"

"Me, too. But I’m kinda scared of her, too, even though she’s never mean to me." I cross my arms, as Ariadne sits up.

"Things happen, ducks, as you grow. I don’t know… Gwen’s hard to get to know on one level, easy on some others. I really don’t know her that well, myself. Erin does, probably better than anyone else on any timeline. Maybe Tamarindus, too. But cut Gwen, ah, Ma, a bit of slack, Ariadne, and please, just try to talk with her. Please? You’d be surprised at how much it means to her, or would mean, if you’d go ahead and try."

"Okay…"

"Hey, how about a walk along the river? Before dinner?" I take Ariadne’s hand in mine, feeling the heat and the strength in her grip as she squeezes back.

"Sounds good…" she grins. "Hey, Alice, May… I’m sorry. Really. I’ll try not to be such a gorky bitch from now on. I just figured y’all wouldn’t understand, and I didn’t have anyone to talk to…"

"We’re always here for that, love. Don’t make your poor Tantie-ma’s blood pressure skyrocket like it did a few minutes ago, anytime soon again, either." Alice chuckles, ruffling our hair with her hands. "Go enjoy your river walk, and don’t be late for dinner. Muhmis Gwen and Tantie-ma Erin are due in around seven, too."

"Are we gonna have to wait for them for dinner?" askes Ari, always the chow-hound.

"No, silly…" laughs Alice. Her amusement and her voice make me feel warm inside, and relieved, knowing the worst is over, and that we managed, somehow, to work things out. "They’re planning on eating in New York, and then coming here afterwards. So dinner’s in… say, an hour. Be there, or go hungry, is what I say! Steak, tonight, and fresh shrimp, right from Tantie-ma Erin’s shrimp boats in the Gulf. Okay?"

"Mmm-hmmm! We’ll be there!" Ariadne stands up, taking my hand. "Come on, sweet, let’s go for a walk, and let me apologize to you…"

"So that’s your code word, eh?" Alice laughs at us, as we walk outside.

"One of ‘em!" calls Ari, making me almost die of terminal embarassment. Alice’s laugh follows us down the path toward the river and its grassy walking strip, and privacy…

**