Chapter 16

**

I’m nursing the Mother of All Headaches, but still plugging along, I think, somehow. The negotiations have to go on, no matter what. That’s what we’re here for. I pull my tunic over my head, and smooth it down in front; Rosta sighs and tugs it straight in the back, and hands me my dark slacks. I slip them on, and wobble for a moment, trying to balance. That’s still off, I realize, and I’m glad, for a moment, that Rosta’s there, playing nanny for two now. She catches my arm, balancing me, and I finish stepping into the pants, with a blush. I hate being helped all the time like this…

"Your balance will come back, Muhmis said, so stop blushing and let me do something with that hair of yours. I don’t know why in the universe you don’t let me colorize it; the natural blonde in it’s so pretty, Sera Erin, and the grey just makes you look old. Older… um, it’s not so bad, though, really…," she amends, quickly, and begins running the brush over my tousled mop.

I realize with a start that I had growled slightly at her. My god, what was that? I’m no dang Draka, goin’ around growling at folks, I think to myself. I catch myself frowning in the full-length mirror in front of me, and look at the reflection, trying to settle down inside. Looking back is a woman in her mid to late thirties, having her hair brushed by a beautiful young woman whose skin is the russet glow of a peach in late summer. The woman looking back at me has hazel eyes, and they look… tired, worried. I notice for the first time the lines by my eyes, my mouth. Didn’t know they were getting so distinct, I think. Maybe it’s about time to ask Muhmis… no. Not yet. Don’t want to take that step yet, not right now. Triggering the rejuve process is one hell of a big step, I muse, as Rosta deftly ties my shoulder-length hair in a neat twist, with a black silk ribbon interwoven.

"Sorry I’ve been so touchy today, Rosta. It’s nothing personal, believe me."

"Oh, I know. Glitch protect us, but the sheer nerve of that primitive, attacking you like that. How our Overlords stand to talk with them over a table like they are is completely beyond me. The further apart we are, the better, I say. Samothracians, yecchh!" She makes a face at me in the mirror, then hugs me impulsively. "I was so frightened you were seriously hurt, Erin… I was scared for you."

"It’s all right now. Just a bad headache. That’ll go away, given some time. The dociline dose earlier this morning seemed to help."

"I’ll get you another, then…"

I turn and smile slowly. "No, no more of that stuff. I’ll be fine, and I need to be aware, a bit, if I’m serving Muhmis today… thanks, though."

I slip into my tooled leather boots, enjoying their softness. As I take a look around, missing something, Muhmis comes into the compartment, wearing her semiformal blacks again. "Ready to go, Erin, or would you like a day off? Andri could download the files necessary from you, and work for me today, if you don’t feel up to it."

"No, Muhmis, I’m okay. I reviewed all the new files you sent me, already, this morning, so I’m ready to rock and roll. Well…" I wince slightly. "Maybe a slow waltz would be more my speed today, but I’m prepared to serve you in the Negotiation Room. Truly…" I look up into her leaf-green eyes, and see approval, some pride, even. Or maybe I’m just imagining things, a voice whispers in the back of my mind. Are you seeing things that aren’t there?

Something’s bugging me, and I can’t remember what it is… I frown again, and look distractedly around the small room; Rosta stops making the bed and walks over to me, a quizzical expression on her face. "What’s wrong, Sera Erin?"

"What are you looking for, sweetlin’? We need to go, if you’re going with me." Gwen puts her arm around my shoulders and hugs me gently, and I relax into her embrace for a moment. That brings it to mind, somehow: my necklace, the one she gave me years ago. That’s what I’m missing. I always wear it, or try to.

"My necklace, Rosta. Where’d I put it?"

"Oh, it’s over here. I took it off you yesterday, when they brought you here from the medclinic. Here it is…" She hurries over, the gold glinting in her hand, and fastens it around my neck for me as Muhmis holds my braid up. "There, now you’re all ready. Please don’t let any more Samos stomp you today, my Sera…"

"Not if I can help it!" I laugh, giving her a quick hug and kiss. The dizziness comes back, though, and Gwen steadies me.

"Still having balance problems? We’ll stop by the medclinic during the lunch break, darlin’, and have them run another scan. Are you sure you feel ready for this? This is important, Erin. I can’t take a break if you pass out on me or something…" Her voice is concerned, but there’s a gentle undertone to it. She knows me well enough after all these years to know I’ll push myself as hard or harder than most folks, to get the job done right.

Like Jennifer, I think, suddenly. She just pushed a little too hard, and paid the price. I hope she’s okay; if she wasn’t, we’d have heard by now. "I’m okay, Muhmis, and I know how important these sessions are, and how important your role in them is. I won’t embarrass you today, I promise. I’m fine. Just wobbly every once in a while. Nothing major. More like a hangover from hell."

"Well…" Muhmis sounds somewhat reluctant, but she knows how good I am doing information searches and retrievals, and how much I’ve assimilated in the last few weeks to be her assistant here. "All right, my saafn. Let’s go. Medclinic for lunch…"

"Mmhh… that sounds delicious," I say sarcastically, and she pats me lightly on the fanny as we walk out the door.

"I see you’re still spicy, my pretty-girl. Glad that didn’t get ‘stomped’ out of you," Gwen says with a smile. Then her face becomes all business, and I hurry to keep up with her long-legged stride as we go towards the conference room.

**

GWEN POV OF INITIAL NEGOTIATIONS

**

I wake in the night, cold and sweaty, my heart thudding in my chest. The nightmare is still with me when I close my eyes, so I sit up, and hug the blanket to my naked body, relishing the warmth. The room’s dark, but I can see the outline of the hatchway, illuminated by a thin strip of glowlight. For emergencies, I guess. Hell, if there was one in the Dome, by the time you woke up and figured it out, it’d probably be too late to do anything, anyway. If one of these critters gives way, it’s to an antimatter bomb or something like that, so massive you’d probably wake up in Hell first… I shiver.

Great thoughts to be thinking, genius, after that damn nightmare, I silently scold myself. I hear Rosta’s steady, quiet breathing from the bunk opposite mine, and control my own breathing with an effort. I’m glad my scream was only in the dream, I think, or she’d be prying herself loose from the overhead right now. Probably fuss at me, too. She’s a little sweetheart, but she can get fussy at times. I realize I’m still shivering, despite the blanket, and quietly, slowly get up to find my tossed-off tunic and pants.

Even putting them on doesn’t help, and I sit on the edge of the bed, yearning for something. I could always wake Rosta up, and she’d be happy to… no. That’s not what I want. Friendly, jovial sex with my servus pal ain’t it. Well, then, rocket scientist, what is it? I rock myself back and forth, thinking things over. Gwen’s busy, with Andri, and her planning, I’m sure. I don’t want to intrude. But I… I push the thought away roughly. I don’t need anyone. I’m here, I can manage, I can carry on. But the yearning, the need, pushes back savagely, and tears well up in my eyes. It’s not fair, I can’t help it, I need her, her strength, her perspective… her centeredness. I hate needing people. Once I do… then…

I find myself walking silently down the corridor, past the other servus compartments, following the red stripe along the wall until it turns gold, indicating Citizen quarters. Several minutes later I’m standing outside her quarters, shifting from bare foot to bare foot. Should I buzz? Should I go? This is stupid, I should just go back to bed, curl up with a vidchip or something if I can’t sleep, and—

The hatch dials open, and Andri steps out, clad only in some skin-tight briefs and a huge, but tired, grin. "Erin!"

"Erin?" Gwen says, coming to the hatch, looking over his shoulder at me with a raised eyebrow. "I sent you to bed hours ago…"

"I know. I’m sorry. I’ll go now… it was nothing, really… just, ah, couldn’t sleep…"

Andri smiles wickedly. "I’m sure Muhmis has a cure for that, pretty…"

I blush and turn to go, but Gwen reaches out, past the lithe, handsome servus and holds my hand. "Stay, and talk to me for a bit." She turns to Andri and gives him a long, deep kiss. "Thank you for the fun. I’ll see you and Rosta for breakfast, darlin’. Good night…"

He replies with a kiss to the palm of her hand, and bows, then saunters down the corridor with a saucy thrust of the hips at me, and a grin. I smile back, tiredly, and look up at the Draka holding my hand. "I’m really sorry to bug you…"

"No, you’re not ‘bugging’ me at all. I know you’re upset. Come in and let’s talk. Fetch me a coffee and yourself something, if you want it." She gives my hand a squeeze and walks over to the couch, moving clothes out of the way with a foot as she does so. The room smells of clean sweat, sex, and Andri’s perfume, I realize, so maybe she’s sated for a bit. I don’t really feel… I don’t know what I feel, I think to myself, as I pour her a coffee and bring it to her.

I hand it to her and wait. "Here, sit here with me, Erin," she says, patting the couch next to her. I climb up, next to her, and pull my legs underneath me. I’ve crossed my arms before I realize what I’ve done. Now I’m too embarassed to undo them, I think. Great…

"Why are you upset? The assault?"

"Mmmm… yes. I guess. I don’t know…" I shift uncomfortably under her direct, questioning look, and blink back sudden tears. Damn it, don’t start sniffling now, you bean-head, I say to myself.

"Ssssaaa… you’re not a ‘bean-head’, whatever that is. And I think it is the assault that’s upset you. Bad dream?"

"Yes, Muhmis."

"One of those dreams, or just a bad one?"

I know she’s referring to the ‘seeing’ dreams I’ve had on occasion, and shake my head no. "It was just a dumb nightmare, and then I got cold, and I couldn’t sleep, and I ne—" I stop myself, biting my lip savagely. I won’t say it, I won’t

Gwen puts the china cup and saucer down on a small table next to the couch, and the lights dim. I blink in surprise, and then feel her arms surround me, moving me with iresistable force onto her lap. I feel the muscles of her thighs, so hard, like marble, under my legs, and the firmness of her chest, the solidity of her, the warmth… tears don’t stop this time, even with biting my lip.

"Erin, my Erin… stop biting yourself. Really, stop. No more of that. If you need to cry, that’s fine. I’m here for you. Ssshhh…" She begins to rock me, slowly, gently. The tears roll down my face and I cry, silently, steadily, for several minutes.

"I’m s-s-s-sorry, Mu-mu-muhmis," I manage, after a few moments. She chuckles, and hands me a tissue. I wipe, then blow, and hiccup. Her chuckle turns to a purr, and she caresses me, rhythmically, up and down my back.

"No need to be sorry. You’re stressed, upset… I’m here to guide you, protect you. I wish I had done a better job of that yesterday."

"You were there for me when I needed you, Muhmis." I sigh and snuggle against her, the cold inside growing worse. The shakes come over me again, and I feel her grip tighten fractionally.

"What were you about to say, earlier, Erin?" Her voice is soft, but I hear, or sense, the harmonics of Command in them.

"I… um, it was… um…" I shift in her arms, trying to hide my face from her piercing green-eyed stare. She’s relentless, though, and turns my face up to hers. Her eyes seem to draw mine, and I’m unable to look away. "I was going to say… ah…oh, hell, Gwen, no… I can’t say it…"

"Say it."

I whimper, trying to tug my head out of her hand. Her fingers squeeze, ever so slightly, and I stop, feeling the strength that could tear a human apart in her hands. My eyes are still locked to hers, though, and the moment seems to be frozen in time…

"Say it, my saafn."

"You know what I was going to say, so can’t we just go on? Please?"

"No. Say it, Erin."

"Please?" I whimper again, louder, and plead with my eyes. That usually works, when she’s not being very serious with me, but this time… it is serious, I think. This is another step we’re taking, and I have to take it now, there’s no going back… "Aw, Gwen…"

"Erin…"

The tone of her voice is a warning one, and her eyes are steady, direct. This is Muhmis, I realize, not just Gwen. This isn’t play time. "Muhmis… I was going to say…I need you." The words come out as a tiny whisper, and my throat tightens. "But… but… I don’t want, I mean, I do, but if I say it… shit, I’ve already said it… now…"

"Now, what?" Gwen shakes my chin, lightly, and we look into each other’s eyes.

"Now…" I close my eyes, and whisper: "Now you’ll go away, like all the other people I’ve needed… oh, god, no… no… it’s not fair…"

"Darlin’, where would I go? I’ve told you before, and I’ll tell you again: you’re mine, until the day you die. You’ll be with me for centuries, with any luck. And that’s what it all boils down to: luck and skill. You’ll spend the rest of your time with me, at my side. You’re mine, Erin Kane d’Ingolfsson. And that means forever." Her tone has warmed again, and she kisses me, lightly, on the lips.

"But…"

"Erin, everyone you’ve needed hasn’t gone away. Some have, but not voluntarily. You must come to terms with those losses, especially now that you’ve an unrestricted lifespan. You’ll lose people. I have. Friends, lovers, family… but you have to come to grips with it. Now. Look at the humans you have around you—Alice, Jennifer, Tom, Shawonda, Bret, the others—look at the servus, Yannan, Andri, Rosta—even Mawtah likes you, so you’ve got a kawtuh that cares. Not to mention the Draka: Alexandra, Ariadne, and Alois. Your Muhmis. Schalk, Tamarindus…"

"But…"

"You lost your grandparents. You lost your best friend from youth. You’ve lost Peter and Ruthann. But that doesn’t mean you lose everyone you need. It’s a normal thing to need. For both human and Draka, and servus, and kawtuh… all of us need others, Erin. Listen to me, now. Listen," Gwen says, holding my head firmly in both hands. "I won’t go away. Or if I do, it won’t be voluntarily. If I do, you’ll go to Tamarindus. It’s in my will. You’re in my will. That makes you very unique and rare, as I think you are. But you need me, and I need you."

"You…"

"Yes. I do. And believe me, that’s not an easy thing for me to say. But I know you’re hurting, and afraid, and you need to hear that. It’s the truth."

"I am afraid… to tell you… I don’t know why. I wasn’t afraid to tell Alice…"

"You’re afraid because it’s a normal human reaction. You’re breaking to me, sweetlin’, on an entirely new level. It’s been so hard for you, harder than almost any other human I’ve ever known, but after you and I reach each stage, it just gets better. Deeper. You know that, too."

I nod my head slowly. "Oh, god, Gwen… it’s not just that I’m afraid of. I’m afraid of them…"

"Who?"

"The Samothracians… jeezie petes, Gwen, if you’d seen her face, the hatred, the pure, intense, thoughtless hatred… I’ve never seen that before, that much. Not even on the faces of those three terrorists, or Stan Phillips. Why? Why? I don’t hate them! I’ve never done anything to a Samothracian. I barely know any, come to that. Why? She would’ve killed me if her daughter hadn’t knocked the hell out of her."

"She hates you because… because you belong to me. You lead a life that she thinks is basically a sort of evil. A living evil, one she can focus all her fear and anger and guilt on, and absolve herself from it all by taking it out on you. Their state religion supports thinking like that. That’s one of their weaknesses, I think. Smythe doesn’t seem to have that blindness, so he’s much more dangerous. Much more. But I can deal with that, and with all of them, if I have to, to protect what’s mine."

"But I’m not evil, Gwen…" I sob. "I chose life rather than death, but that doesn’t make me the antichrist…"

"No, of course it doesn’t." I look up at her, to see if she’s being facetious, and her steady leaf-green eyes meet mine. "I’m not being humorous. I mean that. You’re not evil, no matter how you define that term, Erin. You’ve done so much good for so many, you don’t even realize all of what you’ve done. Or when you do, you always find a way to share the plaudits."

"I got so scared, lying there on the deck, knowing she was going to…"

"Ssssaaa, little ‘un, it’s all over now. Ssshhhh… it’s done with. You’re safe now. Erin, my sweet Erin, it’s all right. I know you were frightened. I’ve taken steps, as has Smythe, to make sure no more incidents like that happen again. Period. That’s been taken care of, my pretty-girl. No more tears now, no more. It’s all done…" She cradles me and we sit like that for long moments, until my tears finally stop. Another tissue, and I’m better.

Her head rests on mine, and I feel and hear the rapid thumping of her heart as my ear presses against her chest, the smooth curve of her breasts so inviting, so warm. I feel my pulse begin to speed up, and hear her purr turn deeper. Her hands keep stroking my back, delicately precise. Trying to calm myself down, and not get all fired up, I clear my throat.

"Silly of me, really, to be so upset about them hating me. I got Tom through all that before we left, and that’s one reason you took me over him. I guess maybe now you do want to substitute Andri for me as your assistant, don’t you?"

"Whatever would give you that idea? I certainly haven’t. No, I’ve no intention of substituting that sweet pretty-buck for you as my personal assistant, Erin. Your insights are too valuable. If we need to calm you down before the next session, if you’re that afraid of them, we’ll manage that medically. That’s not a problem, as far as I can see."

She stands, lifting me smoothly as she does so. "Muhmis??"

"Time for bed, and a treat…"

"A treat, Gwen? What in the world are you ta—" She hushes me with a deep, hot kiss, and I shudder with delight. Muhmis walks us to her large, luxurious bunk, and lays me down gently.

"A treat, for a brave saafn of mine, who’s coming to terms with a new level between us. Who’s being honest with me about her fears. A pretty-girl I adore." She strips, then undresses me quickly. Gwen slides into bed next to me, her leg slipping between my thighs, one arm under my head. The other rests across my chest, hand slowly stroking my full breasts. She kisses me again, and then looks into my eyes.

"Tell me how you’d like to be pleasured, Erin. Tonight’s your night to choose."

"Uh…" I blush, and try to hide my face under her chin. "God, Gwen…"

"No, come on. Look at me, now. Tell me what you want. I’ll give it to you."

Her thigh presses up, against me, and I groan softly with pleasure. "That’s fine…"

Gwen chuckles. "No… that’s not an answer, my pretty-girl. Tell Muhmis what you want. It’s all right. Tell me, sweet."

It’s now or never… she’d probably never do this with me again, I think silently to myself, watching her face in the near-darkness, if I don’t tell her… I blush even more deeply, and begin to kiss the line of her neck, moving from collarbone to point of chin. "Muhmis…"

"Mmm-hmm?" Her hand is cupped around my left breast, kneading firmly, and I feel the wetness on her fingers, and shiver…

"Do you remember that afternoon on the yacht, by Andros? When I made a pass at you?" I whisper, crimson and trembling with desire.

A whisper back: "Yes, I remember."

"Muhmis…" my voice shakes. "Muhmis… my Gwen… I…I want you to take me like that. Like you did…"

"Hmmm…"

"Please?" I kiss her lips, raising up to reach her. She presses me to the bed, her mouth hot on mine, tongue delving, thrusting. Her thigh presses rhythmically, and I rise to each movement, on fire. "Oh, gods above, I want to feel you like that, Gwen. Take me, make me yours, please? Tonight, that’s what I want. I want Muhmis, this pretty-girl wants to buck for you…" My voice breaks.

"Then that’s what you’ll have, my saafn, my pretty-girl. You’ll buck so well for Muhmis, like you always do… mmmhhh… yes, you will, won’t you?" Her hands grip me, and turn me over, onto my stomach, and she begins…

**

I prop myself up on an elbow and smile down at Gwen’s relaxed face in the near-darkness she prefers in her bedroom. She can see just fine in it, but I have to work at seeing anything much at all. "Gwen?"

"Yes, ma douce?"

"Feel like talking?"

She stretches, muscles taut under her tanned skin, and smiles up whitely at me. "Meaning you need a rest?"

"Well…" After three solid hours of friskiness, yeah, lady, I need a rest, I think to myself. Anyone would, unless they happened to be a Draka powerhouse like you. "Yeah, if you don’t mind terribly…"

Her purr changes to a chuckle, and she sits up, brushing her long red hair behind her ears. "Ah, Erin, my pretty-girl… I’ve never taken it to, well, extremes, with you, now have I?"

"There was that time I passed out…"

"Well, once. I got a little carried away and forgot how long I had held you upside down. All right. Let’s talk for a bit, and maybe you’ll catch your breath…" A toe strokes down my thigh, and I squeak.

"Gwen!"

Still laughing, she bounds from the bed, returning after a momentary break for a call of nature, with a glass of brandy in one hand, a glass of wine in the other. She hands me the glass of wine, leaning over to kiss me; we stay that way for a long moment, and then she curls up in bed, against the head of the large bunk, eyes bright in the darkness.

"What would you like to talk about?"

I sip from the wine; it’s a white, sweet one, one she knew I’d like. "Um… well, I was sort of thinking about some things, and wondered what you would think about them, Gwen."

The woman across from me, fingers laced behind her head, looks at me and smiles. "Yes?"

"Ah…" Where do I start? I had a list of questions all ready to ask her, and now they’ve all gone away, into hiding. Damn it! "Let’s see…" I sit up, pulling my legs underneath me and sitting on the bed cross-legged. I wrap the blanket around me for warmth, and try to concentrate.

"What are you nervous about, Erin?"

"Um, I’m not… it’s just that I have to get my brain back in gear, after you sort of, well… had me thinking about other things there for awhile." I grin. "Okay. Here’s a question, a hypothetical. What if you had a choice—to go back in time or forward. Which would you choose, and why?"

"Hmm. I suppose you want a thoughtful answer, not a silly one."

"Yeah. Here’s another: If you could be human for a day, would you? Do you ever wonder what it’s like to be human, not drakensis? And another: tell me a defining moment in your life."

"Well, you’re just full of questions, aren’t you?" Gwen chuckles, and then leans back against the headboard, closing her eyes. "Which one do you want me to answer first?"

"Whichever one comes to mind with an answer, first, I guess."

"Then do I get to ask you questions?"

"Yeah, Gwen." One leaf-green eye slits open and she spots my huge grin. She tosses a pillow at me and then goes back to her relaxed position.

"Vixen…" A sigh. "Hmm… let me think for a moment. These are interesting questions."

"Okay." I take a sip of my wine and wait for Muhmis to start talking. The silence is friendly, companionable; it doesn’t feel awkward at all, I realize. This is a peaceful time for the two of us; they’re rare, and valuable. Especially now, during these negotiations and all. She’s a unique person, even for a Draka, I think, and smile.

**

I sip my brandy, feeling relaxed and content. With Erin I can be myself… pleasant, to let down the barriers. And she is a marvelous mount.

"Forward in time, I think," I say. "Effectively, I can go back in time – into a preserve, and so into the Pleistocene. And I have gone back in time, to Earth/2 – back and sideways, of course. Forward would be new and interesting… of course, I am going forward in time, day by day. With some luck, I’ll see the far future – so will you, my sweetlin’." I run a hand down her flank. "We’ll see the millenia together."

I pause. "Human for a day? That would be interesting. Yes – so long as I could be absolutely sure of switching back!"

The last question is the most difficult… "Defining moments? Plenty of them. Hmmm. Really realizing my mother was different… that I wasn’t the same type of creature as she was. That was a bit of a shock – I was about four. Hmmm… but to date, I’d say being thrown through here to Earth/2 and realizing how completely and utterly alone I was."

I open my eyes again. "My turn. What were your defining moments?"

**

"Hmm… knew this would come back around…" I grin. "Yours… thanks for sharing them with me, Gwen. It means a lot to me. Mine? Oh, I don’t know. Right off the top of my head…" I close my eyes and think for a moment. "Finding out that Mamaw and Papaw didn’t hit me like Mother and Father did. That was a moment when I realized I could survive, somehow. I remember getting Mamaw mad about something… what was it? Something dumb… oh, I had laughed at old Mrs. Gepper, down the road from us. I didn’t know that she had some sort of tic disorder, and I laughed out loud. Mamaw got really mad and that’s the first time I heard ‘there but for the grace of God’ thing."

"When we went home, she went into their bedroom, and I had this awful, sinking feeling that she’d come out with Papaw’s belt. But when she came out, she apologized for yelling at me, which was a shock, and then she sat me down for a long, long talk, which was an even bigger shock. But she explained about Mrs. Gepper, and how you can really hurt someone by laughing at them; that what I did as a person really impacted other folks a lot. She taught me a lot that day."

"Sounds like it."

I open my eyes. "The two other moments I can think of that defined me are more recent. One’s the moment in the water, as the Nimitz sank, that I stopped being afraid of dying. I didn’t want to, at all, but it lost its fear for me. It was such a simple equation, too. Do this, and you might live; do that, and you’ll die, sure as hell’s hot. The other moment was in the cabin, up by Tahoe, with you." I blush. "By the open doors."

Gwen smiles slowly, and reaches out a hand to stroke my cheek. "What did that define for you?"

"How much I’m yours now. How that part of me copes."

The woman across from me nods, still smiling. She cocks her head and looks at me closely for a second, and says, "Do you ever feel alone, Erin? Like you’re the only sentinent being in the universe?"

"Sometimes. When I had the babies, the moment of having them, I felt distinct, separate, sort of looking in on my life from outside. When the Nimitz went down, and I heard all the screams, the moans, the prayers… and how they slowly drifted to silence… then I felt alone. Even though I was holding on to a raft full of people, shipmates, Peter… I was alone in the darkness." I shiver, and take a deep drink of wine.

"What was it like for you, Gwen? When you realized you’d fallen down the rabbit hole like Alice? Was it the scariest thing you ever felt?"

"The scariest part for me was being disconnected from the Net, the information web. My transducer was useless for communicating with others, but at least it maintained its information storage capabilities. Being the only Draka in the Universe was… startling."

"What’d you think about your Mom, when you realized you were a different kind of person than she was?"

"Different kind of creature…" Gwen says slowly. "Not that she was separate from me; I’d already figured that one out. But when I realized she was a different kind of being, a human, and I was drakensis, now; that was a defining moment for me. It made me realize that although she was my mother, I’d have to base my respect for her on her accomplishments, and her rank in our society, not just on her physical abilities."

"Was it hard for your Mom, seeing you and your generation growing up, knowing that she was the last human Draka generation? I’d think it would be, at times."

"Yes, I think so, too. She never really talked about it much, and rarely mentioned any themes like that in her poetry. ‘Unaging grace, neverending beauty/Fired by glory, conquering the heavens’ was as close a reference as she made, I do believe. By the time I was old enough to truly understand things her way, she was ready to let the younger generation ‘do their own thing’, as your people say."

"Was she looking forward to being with, um, what’s her name, your biomom, ah…"

"Myfwany Venders. Being with her? Oh, in some sort of afterlife? No, we really don’t believe in all that, Erin. Once you’re dead, you’re dead. No heaven, no hell. Just life and not-life."

"There’s no real Draka religion at all? How odd!" I sip more of my wine, watching Gwen’s face. She’s a little flushed with the brandy; it has a slight effect on her. Wine, on the other hand, is mere taste for a drakensis; they metabolize things so fast, I think, that wine’s like water. Hmm

Gwen stretches her legs out in front of her, the muscles bunching clearly under her smooth, hairless skin. I itch to stroke those legs, feel their warmth, their power, moving under my hands, but restrain myself to a lecherous look. Grinning, Muhmis returns the look, and I blush deeply. Gwen goes on: "No, no real religion for the Race. I guess you could say our belief in our destiny is our religion. There were a few efforts to establish a religion for the Race, but it all petered out after the Final War. No need, I think. Or not much of one. The pagan revival attempt, back, oh, before my mother was born, just gave us some great ‘cuss words’, that’s all."

"Cuss words, eh?"

"Bedamned Balding Baldur’s Balls is one I remember saying in front of my Tantie-ma, Marya, and getting a smack on the fanny…" Gwen laughs. "There were others. I’ve noticed over the centuries that even the greeting of the Race has changed, a bit, from ‘Service to the State, Glory to the Race’ to ‘Service, Glory’. It’s rare to hear the whole thing any more. Shorthand, succinct; everyone knows what it means. The memory of the Race is a long one."

"So you’d be human for a day if you were absolutely sure you could change back?"

"Yes, with that caveat." She gestures with her free hand, and I curl up next to her, under her arm, and lean back against the backboard of the bunk. Her body heat washes over me, and seems to soothe me, and I sigh. "It would be interesting, Erin, to see what it’s like from your point of view."

"You might not like it very much, Muhmis…"

"No, but it would help me understand humans better. Would you like to be a Draka for a day?"

"With the same rule as you had, yeah."

Gwen’s eyes widen with surprise. "You mean you wouldn’t want to stay a drakensis? You’d voluntarily go back to being a human?"

I chuckle. "Oh, yeah. In a flash. I like being human. I’m not sure I’d like being a Draka."

"Why ever not?" Gwen sounds intensely curious.

I think for a moment, organizing my thoughts. "Well, for one, I’m not sure I’d want to own anyone. Ever. And even if I got accepted as some oddball Draka who refused to own serfs, I’d still be in a society that did that. I don’t think I’d like that. Two, I’d be worried about all the duels and challenges you guys have all the time. That seems a waste of potential to me, and a bother. Three, I’d miss my creative side, the one I’m used to. It would be cool to be so powerful for a little bit, so I could do something like free climb a mountainside or stuff like that, or walk underwater for fifteen minutes at a time, or do the fancy flying you were doing on Mars… but in the end, I’d rather be human."

"Truly?"

"Mmh-hmm!!"

"Interesting." She puts her head on top of mine, an affectionate gesture, and I hear her purring begin, deep in her chest. "You’re very interesting, my sweet. Sometimes you surprise me when I least expect it."

"I hope I’ll always be able to do that, even after centuries with you. That’s something we really haven’t talked about. I guess we should, huh?"

"Yes. I don’t want to force the issue, but it’s about time you thought seriously about having the sequence activated. It’s not painful, like a whole-organism makeover, or molecular armor growth. But I think you’d enjoy the benefits right away."

"What about the costs, though? I’m not sure I’d enjoy those, Gwen." I hand her my empty wine glass and she puts it on the bedside table, next to her similarly-empty brandy snifter. "I just don’t know, Muhmis…"

"Costs?"

I snuggle against her. "Costs like seeing friends age, and me not; it’d be like being a vampire or something. As long as I stay out of the sun, and get fresh blood…wuh-hah-hah-ha…" I make a fangy face at her, and she laughs out loud, her bronze-like voice ringing in the compartment.

"Erin, you are a silly little wench, sometimes." Gwen leans down and kisses me, firmly.

"But I’m serious, Gwen…"

"I know you have reservations about it, and I want to do my best to reassure you about them. Most of your friends will probably receive several lifetimes in reward for their service to the State, so that issue won’t come up right away. You do realize that I’ve made the choice for you; I’ve just left it up to you as when to implement it. Do you understand the difference?"

"Yes, Muhmis."

"That sounded a little… reluctant. Are you, still?" Her arm tightens around me, and her purring slows.

"It’s just…" I sigh deeply. "I feel like by activating it, I’ll become less than human. Different. I’m just not sure I’m ready to. I understand that you’re being your unique self in allowing me the choice of when to do it, and that you’ve already made the decision of whether or not to do it at all. I’m honored, too, that you think I’m that helpful to you."

" ‘My unique self’?" Muhmis chuckles. "I guess I am unique. I’m one of the oldest drakensis alive now. That alone makes me unique. I’m one of the very last to remember being brought up by humans, and having human parents."

"Maybe that’s why you understand us better, Muhmis. At least you seem to. The others try, but sometimes you can see steam about to come out of their ears, when we do something completely human, but goofy, and they can’t figure out why we’re acting the way we are…. It must be frustrating for them." I smile up into her aristocratic face, and I’m rewarded with a smile back.

"Like right now?"

I duck my head, burrowing against her side in embarassment. "Yeah, Gwen," I say, in a tiny voice.

"Ssssaaa, my sweetlin’… look here. Come on, look up here to Muhmis." Her hand guides my head back up, and I look into her leaf-green, ancient, amused eyes.

"I’m sorry, Gwen, for being so wishy-washy on it…"

"No, nothing to be sorry for. But I do want you to decide, now, when we’re going to activate the sequence in your system. I’d prefer sooner than later, for personal as well as professional reasons. You and Jennifer have been working so hard, trying your best to keep up with my needs, and it’s catching up on you. You saw that yourself with Jenny, right before we left, to come to the negotiations."

"I know. God, that scared me. I thought we’d lost her."

"If you’d go ahead with the plan, that wouldn’t be a problem. Ever. So… what’s the decision, Erin?"

"Can I think about it and tell you at breakfast?"

"You’re not going to be doing much… thinking… in the next couple of hours, my pretty-girl," Gwen says with a hungry smile. "Other things, yes, but thinking? Not much. I guarantee it."

"Oh."

"Yes."

Her hands are beginning to caress me, and I feel my body responding in no uncertain terms. She must be letting her control of her pheromones relax, I think, and raise my lips to hers. Long moments pass, her touchings so precise, so delicate, so arousing…

"Erin?"

I’m beginning to pant by now; it takes me a minute to realize she’s spoken. "Muhmis?"

"Decide."

"Aarrrgh… now??"

"Yes." Her voice is soft, silky, but there’s steel there, and I know it.

"Muhmis, I’d like to do the activation thing after Patrick gets back with Alexandra, on their midwinter breaks. Is that all right?"

"Yes." Her kisses grow deeper, more passionate. "Since you’ve been such a good little pony, roll over and let’s see if I can make you whinnie some more…that’s right, ah, yes. Yes, my pretty-girl. Ahh…"

"Uuuhhhhhnnnnn…."

**