[Leery House – Joey and Dawson are walking up to the porch after school.]
Joey: I hate finals. I mean, what kind of a sadist bases 1/3 of the semester’s grade on whether or not you can recite the opening of the Canibury Tales in perfect (missed word?) English.
Dawson: Joey… We’ve been over this a thousand times. You pronunciation is flawless.
Joey: Well maybe so, but I’m still gonna continue torturing myself until test time. I just have to.
Dawson: Of course you will. I’m aware of the Potter neuroses.
Joey: I prefer to think of them as quirks!
Dawson: Do you?
Joey: Yeah.
Dawson: Well, whatever works for you.
Joey: I can get into the Leery neuroses.
Dawson: No, no, no, you don’t have to do that. Besides, umm, I’m nervous enough on my own.
Joey: Why?
Dawson: Uhh, well, there’s an event… looming on the horizon. And, uhh, I seem to recall a certain pact made my two freshman regarding said event.
Joey: Junior prom. We both agreed that if we didn’t have dates we’d go together.
Dawson: So you do remember.
Joey: Are you asking me to prom? Dawson: I don’t want to go with some random person and have it mean nothing. I want to go with my oldest friend… that would be something I’d want to remember.
Joey: Or we could both agree that it’s a meaningless event and not go at all.
Dawson: But it does mean something. I mean, there’s a million reasons why proms are ridiculous and stupid. But we made that pact because it obviously mattered to us. It’s a right of passage. And I can’t think of any better way to move forward, than to fulfill a pact made by two old friends and just have a good time.
Joey: Okay.
Dawson: Okay!
Joey: But I have two rules. No cheesy corsage for me and no blue ruffly tuxedo shirt thingy for you.
(Dawson nods. Just then Gail and Mitch open the front door and they are kissing. Gail is mumbling about having to go but Mitch is stopping her. They do not notice Joey and Dawson who stand there watching in shock. Suddenly Mitch and Gail notice they have company and stop. They look at Dawson and Joey and just smile uncomfortably.)
Joey: You know what? I’m not wearing a watch but I’m probably at least late for something that I should probably be at, so… see you guys later. (Joey walks off the porch and makes her way home.)
Dawson: See ya.
Gail: Uhh, sweet heart, we should probably talk about what you just saw.
Mitch: You know what, I’ll talk to Dawson. You should probably go ahead and get to the restraunt.
Gail: Okay. (she leaves)
Dawson: (going into the house) This should be good.
Mitch: You okay?
Dawson: You know what, yeah, I am.
Mitch: About what you just saw…
Dawson: What I just saw, Dad, is something I’ve seen about five million times over the course of my life.
Mitch: Under the circumstances, don’t you think we should talk about it?
Dawson: At this point, I’m numb.
Mitch: You’re numb?
Dawson: Yeah. You and Mom have always had a relationship that’s been a little dramatic. All the while I’ve been in the middle for all the backs and forths and ups and downs… And a little while ago, I realized I don’t need to do that. I can just kinda sit back unattached and watch from afar.
Mitch: Yeah, you can do that. But I think you should know that what’s going on between your mother and me is a lot more than casual.
Dawson: Are you saying that you and Mom are getting back together?
Mitch: No, we haven’t discussed that.
Dawson: In that case, I’d prefer that you left me out of it entirely. I’m enjoying the numbness right now. You haven’t talked to mom. You don’t know even what she’s feeling.
Mitch: I was married to your mother for twenty years. There are some things I know without having to ask.’
[Dougie’s House – Andie is sitting in the living room, I guess studying with Pacey. Pacey walks in from the kitchen and joins her.]
Pacey: How’s the studying going?
Andie: Fine.
Pacey: You want anything? I can get you water, lemonade…
Andie: No, I’m good. (flashing bottle of Canada Dry) Umm… do you want me to go?
Pacey: (sitting on the couch) Why would I want you to go?
Andie: I don’t know, I just get that feeling that you… want me to go.
Pacey: No, I don’t want you to go.
Andie: ‘kay.
Pacey: I just… sometimes I… I feel kinda…
Andie: Thirsty? Tired? Mad? Sad?
Pacey: Yeah.
Andie: Sad.
Pacey: Yeah. It’s something like that.
Andie: You know maybe it’s time that you come out of this cave. You know, just get back out.
Pacey: Back out where?
Andie: (pointing around her) Out there! Go to the prom.
Pacey: With who, Andie?
Andie: I don’t know, anybody. A girl. You could go with me if you wanted to.
Pacey: You don’t have a date to the prom?
Andie: I am currently sifting through offers. I have just yet to make my final decision.
Pacey: Do you want me to ask you to the prom?
Andie: I just want to see you happy again.
Pacey: I don’t think the prom is gonna act as some magical happiness elixir for me. You’re probably better off taking one of those other guys up on their offer.
Andie: Sure will.
[Potter B&B – Bessie and Joey are sitting on the couch at night.]
Joey: Dawson asked me to the prom and I said yes. Now I feel like I made a huge, horrible mistake. I mean, he assured me that it will only serve to recement our admittedly shakey friendship. But, I don’t know. I mean, what about the undeniable romantic implications? And not to mention Pacey, what about Pacey?
What did you think accepting Dawson’s prom invitation would do if not put you right in the middle of his tug-a-war with Pacey?
I know, it’s just… I’m trying! I’m trying so hard just to get things back to the way they were.
Come on, Jo. You are not that naïve.
I have to be. I’m backed up into a corner. I don’t have any choice.
You always have a choice.
No appealing choice.
So you’re looking to me to provide the magical key to this problem?
Yeah. I gotta say, you’ve been a little thin in the advice department lately.
Well give me a problem that actually has a solution and I’ll solve it.
You’re right. No matter what I do, someone gets hurt.
[Capeside High Cafeteria – Jack and Andie sit eating lunch. In the background, a girl sits at a table selling tickets to the prom.]
Andie: I hate the stupid prom. The stupid prom can kiss my ass.
Jack: What’s wrong with you?
Andie: I thought that Pacey was gonna ask me to the prom. But no, instead, I must humiliate myself and go alone.
Jack: It’s better than going with an ex-boyfriend that you’re not over yet.
Andie: I am so over him. I am! That’s why I want to go with him. Because it will be safe. What about you? Did you get your tickets yet?
Jack: I’m working on it. Did you see the theme this year? “Couples”. They’re gonna have every couples names on the balloons, on the little place cards, on the cheesy prom souveniers.
Andie: So?
Jack: So when you go to buy your tickets, you gotta say who you’re bringing. Which basically means I have to march over there and tell the world that I’m bringing a guy to the prom.
Andie: Don’t you think that when you show up with Ethan at the prom, they’re gonna kind figure out that he’s your date?
Jack: He’s not my date date. We’re just going as friends. He calls it taking it to the next step towards self acceptance and actualization. Whatever the hell that means.
Andie: I don’t see what you’re so worried about. I mean, it’s not like you to care what other people think.
Jack: Did you see who’s selling the tickets?
Andie: Barbara Johns?
[Capeside High Campus – Henry and Jen are just finishing lunch on a bench as the bell rings for class. They gather their stuff and get up to leave.]
Jen: So, you know what they’re having this weekend is the Junior Prom.
Henry: Really?
Jen: God, is there a more ridiculous and embarrassing ritual then the prom? The way it totally reinforces traditional gender roles, rewards the cool kids, punishes the geeks, and I mean… the pressure that this one single night exerts on the common teenager… to make hollow, awkward, romantic gestures like pinning a cheap corsage on taffita, having drunken sex with some guy who’s name you won’t even remember, and then puking in the back of some cheesy-ass rented limo. I mean, it’s all just so overwhelming.
Henry: You’ve never been to a prom before, have you?
Jen: Well, no. But I know enough about them to know it’s just a sad…
Henry: So in other words, you’re asking me to go.
Jen: (pause) Yeah.
Henry: I’d love to. (they smile at each other and kiss)
[Capeside High Cafeteria – Barbara Johns is at the table still selling prom tickets. Jack attempts to buy his.]
Barbara: The theme of this year’s prom is “Couples”. Please state your name as well as the name of your date.
Jack: Uhh, it’s uhh, Jack McPhee. And uhh, Ethan Brody.
Barbara: Excuse me?
Jack: Ethan Brody. E-t-h-a-n…
Barbara: No, no, no… A boy can not go to the prom with a boy. The definition of a prom date is a boy and a girl.
Jack: Yeah, well I don’t think that’s any of your business.
Barbara: To be honest, I don’t understand why you feel the need to cause a spectacle and ruin the prom for the rest of us. But, if you feel you have to do so, I can’t sell you a ticket until I talk to Mrs. Meyer, head of the prom committee.
Jack: So what, you’re not going to sell me a ticket?
Barbara: What exactly is it the two of you will do anyway? Take a nice prom photo for grandma’s photo album? Dance stubble cheek to stubble cheek? Share a romantic kiss under the moonlight? You mean, you don’t think that’s going to weird out even the ones who’s sympathetic to people like you?
Jack: You can’t do this.
Barbara: Like I said, Jack, I’ll check with Mrs. Meyer and you can come back and try again. Next!
Dawson: (walking up to the table and noticing Jack) What’s up, Jack? You okay?
Jack: Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I gotta go.
Barbara: The theme of this year’s prom is “Couples”. Please state your name as well as the name of your date.
Dawson: Barbara, you’re in my gym class. You know my name.
Barbara: Please state your name as well as the name of your date.
Dawson: Dawson Leery and Joey Potter. (Pacey is sitting at a table eating in the background and hears this.)
Barbara: Ohh, happy couple! Back together?
Dawson: Something like that, yeah. (He finishes paying for his ticket and turns to walk away. He sees Pacey watching him, looks at him, then continues on.)
[Capeside High Front Steps – Andie, Jack, Joey and Dawson sit in the steps. Jack looks utterly depressed. Joey and Andie flank Jack and try to console him. Dawson leans against the wall watching.]
Joey: They can’t do this to you, Jack. We won’t let them.
Andie: Yeah! Well, we’ll lodge a formal complaint! And not only will you get your ticket… for free… but we will get Barbara Johns to apologize in front of the whole school.
Joey: On her hands and knees.
Jack: Guys…
Andie: Or, we could just go straight to Mrs. Meyer and tell her exactly what Barbara did.
Joey: Yeah, I mean, she has to sell you the tickets, Jack. Otherwise it’s discrimination.
Jack: Guys! I appreciate the support, I do. It’s okay. I’m just not going to go to the prom.
Andie: What? You have to go!
Joey: At this point it’s political.
Jack: That’s just it. Okay, it’s a prom, it’s suppose to be fun. I mean, why is my entire life have to be a fight? Why is something that’s normal for someone else have to be so political for me?
Andie: That’s just the way it is, and until things change you have to fight.
Joey: And we’ll be there with you. All the way.
Jack: I just wanted to go to the prom.
Andie: Well, if you’re not going, I’m not going.
Joey: Me neither. (Dawson’s head perks up at this.)
Andie: Good, then we’ll boycott and we’ll organize.
Joey: Yeah!
Dawson: I got a better idea. Jack, you’re right. Let’s hold out own prom. Right? An alternative prom. I mean, think about it. Why are we paying 80 bucks a pop to sit where they tell us to sit, eat rubbery chicken and listen to a special selection of Barbara Johns favorite tunes, when we can hold the anti-prom? Where it’s not who you bring, it’s about who you are.
Joey: I like it.
Andie: Yeah, I think it’s a great idea, Dawson.
Jack: (everyone looks at him expectedly, waiting for an answer. After a long pause) Yeah. What would an alternative prom be without a couple of gay guys?
[Leery’s Fresh Fish – Dawson is trying to talk his parents into having the Anti-Prom at the restaurant.]
Dawson: If you guys choose to take me up on this proposal, I worked it out and the revenue from ticket sales will offset the cost. I’m telling you guys, we can totally make this work.
Mitch: You’ve obviously given this a lot of thought. I only have one questions – why?
Dawson: Well, big things are happening all around. I’m just kinda trying to facilitate one of those big things, if the answer is yes.
Gail: Well, should we say yes, or continue to torture him?
Dawson: Thank you! You guys will not regret this, I promise!
Gail: But you do realize this is my restaurant, so I will be here.
Mitch: And every prom needs a chaperone.
Dawson: Okay, great. I’m gonna go hang some flyers. (He leaves)
Gail: Well, he seems to have gotten through yesterday’s event unscathed.
Mitch: He says he’s numb at this point.
Gail: Oh, is that a good thing?
Mitch: I don’t know. But he did seem remarkably enough, totally okay.
Gail: Well, that’s a relief.
Mitch: Kinda got me to thinking, though…
Gail: (tasting from a pot, to the chefs) Mmm, who put cayenne pepper in this marinara sauce?
Mitch: Gail? I thought maybe we should discuss what we’re doing here.
Gail: (not really paying attention) What we’re doing where?
Mitch: This thing, you and I are doing. I thought maybe we should discuss what it means.
Gail: Can’t we just enjoy it and see where it leads? Why do we always have to analyze everything? (to the chefs) Umm, hello? I asked a question. Who put cayenne pepper in the marinara sauce? (Mitch looks disappointed that Gail’s mind is elsewhere.)
[Capeside High Cafeteria – Andie and Jack sit at a table next to Barbara’s. Over her table is a sign that says “Prom tickets” and over Jack and Andie’s table is a sign that says “Alternative Prom tickets”]
Girl: Two please. Thanks.
Andie: Here you go.
Jack: This thing could actually turn out to be a success.
Andie: In a manner of speaking. (to two punkers covered in piercings) Hi!
Barbara: Just because the dregs of society go to your prom does not make it a success. Nobody that matters would be caught dead there. I certainly wouldn’t go if you paid me.
Jack: Oh, that’s a good thing. Cause we don’t want your kind at our prom.
And what kind is that? The good Christian kind?
Jack: This is not about religion, Barbara. I mean, the kinds that hate people. You know, the intolerant, judgmental, hypocritical kind. Closed-minded, immature, bigoted kind.
Andie: With bad fashion sense.
Jack: Really bad.
Barbara: Look, at least I’m not going to hell.
Jack: That’s it? That’s your whole comeback?
Barbara: I’d say the threat of eternal damnation is a pretty good comeback.
Jack: Yeah, well, that threat is not yours to make. You just don’t get it, do you? You’re totally missing the point.
Barbara: Next!
[Gram’s House – Henry, Jen and Grams are in Jen’s room while Grams fits Henry for a suit.]
Grams: And to think I was going to give this to the Goodwill.
Jen: You’re gonna look great, Henry.
Henry: I feel like a busboy. (he IS a busboy!)
Grams: It’s the burden of men, dear. While out on town you must stand in the background and let your woman shine.
Jen: Oh, I think that Henry shines just fine on his own, Grams.
Grams: (a tea kettle whistles from the kitchen) He certainly does. Oh, there’s my tea. I’ll be right back. (she leaves)
Jen: I think that it’s time that you and I had the talk.
Henry: The talk?
Jen: Yeah, the prom sex talk.
Henry: The prom sex talk?
Jen: Come on, Henry. Like it wasn’t going to come up sooner or later.
Henry: Not necessarily.
Jen: Oh, okay, tell me you weren’t thinking of it. You, me and the prom didn’t mean the distinct possibility of a little drunken, backseat rented limo nookie.
Henry: I didn’t rent a limo…
Jen: Okay, that’s not the point. The prom puts a lot of pressure on kids to do it, just for the sake of it. And you end up doing it 15 minutes before curfew and it’s completely unromantic and it’s way too fast and it just generally sucks. And you can never take that back or change it. So I thought that we could make the decision right now, not to do it.
Henry: Umm, well, I’m in no race, and you know that. But, we are gonna do it eventually, right? (Jen smiles and kisses him)
[McPhee House – Andie’s Room. Pacey walks in with Andie. She goes back to her desk and sits.]
Andie: To what do I owe the honor of this visit?
Pacey: Umm, I’m just bored, I guess.
Andie: You always know how to flatter a girl.
Pacey: That’s right. So… umm, guess you’re probably going to be going to that whole alternative prom thing?
Andie: Mmm-hmm… Oh, you are not going to believe what I did today. I threw my ticket back in Barbara Johns’ face. Get what that witch said to me when I bought it. ‘Oh, that is so brave, Andie. A girl going to the prom alone.’
Pacey: Why would you go to the prom alone? I thought you were sifting through offers?
Andie: Yeah, well, it turns out that I didn’t have any.
