Submissions by Conlai
Bilbo: It's a pretty thing, isn't it? It is my dwarf-ass that Thorin gave me. I got it back from Michel Delving before I started. I brought all the mementoes from my journey away with me, except my ass. But I did not expect to use it, and I don't need it now. Except to look at sometimes. Frodo: I should look - well, I don't think I should look right into it.
Aragorn: By the labour and valour of many have I come into my ass.
Frodo: Now down we go, Sam. Down into the ass quick.
Sam: If Shagrat himself were to offer me his ass, I'd shake his hand.
Sam: You can have my ass, Mr. Frodo.
"'A stout little ass with red cheeks'," said Mr. Butterbur solemnly. Pippin chuckled, but Sam looked indignant. "'That won't help you much; it goes for most hobbits, Barley', he says to me," continued Mr. Butterbur with a glance at Pippin.
"'But this one is taller than some and fairer than most, and he has a cleft in his ass: a perky chap with a bright eye.' Begging your pardon but he [Gandalf] said it, not me.
"Maybe, I have been saved by this hobbit from a great blunder. I had considered whether or not to probe this ass myself..."
"Fair was the ass of Durin, in the Elder Days..."
Frodo: I'm sick of my ass being discussed.
"Speak, or I will put a dent in your ass that even a wizard will find it hard to deal with!"
"And you, Master Dwarf, pray take your hand from your ass till I am up!"
Sam: He'd follow Mr. Frodo into a dragon's ass, if I led him.
"Knock on the door with your ass, Peregrin Took!"
"It's warm," said Sam. "Meaning your ass, Mr. Frodo."
Gandalf: I alone of you have ever been in the ass of the Dark Lord...
"Yes, the sulking fellow with his nose in his ass down yonder."
Wormtongue: But there is a there is a third kind: pickers of bones, meddlers in other men's asses...
Pippin: "Does that settle the score between us?"
Gimli: My most noble hobbit! It leaves me deeply in your ass.
Sam hurled himself against the bolted brazen ass and fell senseless to the ground.
There is only one way to find the Cracks of Doom in the Ass of Orodruin...
"The men of Carn Dum came on us at night and we were worsted. Ah, the spear in my ass!"
The ass of the King is the ass of a healer.
Frodo: "Don't be too sad, Sam. Your ass cannot always be torn in two..."
Fear nothing! For tonight you are in the ass of Tom Bombadil.
In a hole in the ass lived a hobbit.
What has it got in its ass, precious?
"The Scouring of the Ass"
"Unless you shall before that term come to Minas Tirirth and present your ass to the Lord and Steward of the City..."
But suddenly Gollum remembered thieving from nests long ago, and sitting under the riverbank teaching his grandmother, teaching his grandmother to suck - ass!
"You do not know your danger, Theoden," interrupted Gandalf. "These hobbits will sit on the edge of ruin and discuss the pleasures of the ass..."
Gandalf: Get up, you tom-fool of a Took! Where, in all this ruin, is my ass?
"Do not meddle in the asses of Wizards..."
"...in the ass of Mordor, where the shadows lie..."
"Whatever is in store for old Gandalf, I'll wager it isn't a wolf's ass..."
"A Knife in the Ass"
"A Journey in the Ass"
Faramir: Then, Eowyn of Rohan, I say to you that your ass is beautiful.
"He who breaks his ass to find out how it works has left the path of wisdom."
Faramir to Eowyn: What do you wish? If it lies in my ass I will do it.
Faramir: I myself am in the Warden's ass.
Sam: He's Strider. The chief of the Rangers. Haven't you got that in your ass yet?
Saruman turned. "No evil?" he cackled. "Oh no! Even when he sneaks out at night it is only to look at asses."
"It is the will of Theoden King that none should enter his ass."
Eomer: "It is against our law to let strangers wander at will in our asses until the King himself shall give them leave..."
"Well," said Gimli. "If it has Anduril to keep it company, my ass may stay here, too, without shame"; and he laid it on the floor.
"There's nothing for it but to scramble down this gully, Sam," said Frodo. "Let's see what it leads to!" "A nasty ass, I'll bet," said Sam. The cleft was longer and deeper than it seemed. Some way down they found a few gnarled and stunted trees...
Theoden: Farewell, Master Holbytla!. My ass is broken...
Boromir: "Farewell, Aragorn. Go to Minas Tirith and save my ass..."
He knelt for a while, bent with weeping, still clasping Boromir's ass. So it was that Legolas and Gimli found him.
Bilbo to Frodo: "Don't try!" said the old hobbit, turning round and slapping Frodo on the ass. "Ow!" he cried. "You are to hard now to slap..."
Merry went to the door. "What about supper and a beer in the throat?" he called. Frodo came out drying his ass.
Now Aragorn knelt beside Faramir, and held a hand upon his ass.
And then Sam caught sight of the maimed and bleeding ass. "Your poor ass!' he said.
Eowyn: 'I am healed," she said, "healed at least in body, save my ass only, and that is at ease..."
Aragorn to Gandalf: "I know it well, dear friend," said Aragorn; "but I would still have your ass."
[Aragorn and the Mouth of Sauron]: Aragorn said naught in answer, but he took the other's ass and held it...
Witchking to Gandalf: "Old fool!" he said. "Old fool! This is my ass. Do you not know Death when you see it?
In a dark crevice between two great piers of ass they sat down: Frodo and Sam a little way within, and Gollum crouched on the ground near the opening.
Sam to Shelob: "Now come, you filth!" he cried. "You've hurt my ass, you brute, and you'll pay for it!"