Chistmas with louise
As a joke, ged used to hang his pair of tights over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although ged's stockings were overflowed, his poor tights hung sadly empty. One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at tescos. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in gareth's car so we could drive home during rush hour. Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for "Lovable Louise." She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination. On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. Phildo baggins was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after Santa had come and gone. I filled the dangling tights with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate a vindaloo and drank what remained of a bottle of bukkie and a six pack of TL. I went home, and beat my meat for a couple of hours. The next morning ged called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the collection of cats, ready for the slaughter, confused. they would miow, start to walk away, then come back and mieow some more. We all agreed that Louise should remain in ged's tights so the rest of the gang could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner. Stevie noticed Louise the moment he walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" he asked. ged quickly explained, "It's a doll." "Who would play with something like that?" stevie snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her clothes?" stevie continued. "Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, stevie," ged said, trying to steer him into the dining room. But stevie was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on stevie, Hang on!" Paul, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said," Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was ged's friend. A few minutes later I noticed paul by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be paul's last Christmas at home. The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, who was getting bummed, who was doing the bumming and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like craig in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from ged's tights, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cats screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and paul ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began masturbating, ged fell back over his chair and came his pants and stevie threw down his napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car. It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember. Later in ged's bedroom, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot member to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape and some lube, we restored her to perfect health. Louise went on to star in cheap porn movies. I think paul still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.
