Pills, Spills and Bamboozlement
By Brian Gerrard
Well jembalina......... On sat night i went to bamboozlment factory otherwise known as whistlers tavern to revell in the delight of happy hour. i entered the establishment at approx 7.12 to meet guys from ma fitba team and went straight to the bar, ordered 2 buds, and to my delight received 4 buds, u no the confusion that that can be easily entered whilst ordering a drink wen its 2 4 1....(at least it wisny 2 ciders, 1 lager and a coffee, eh??) anyhoo, noone bought them of me so i drank them all. I sampled another couple of buds before moving onto single voddies (please note, by singles i mean doubles). about 9.30 i went to funk to meet mr x's freinds, bumped into some old compadries and shared amusing anticdotes about ricos in his hot and steamy haydays over funks finest spirits.....left for harwoods were i would be meeting some freinds....but myself and mr x got sidetracked by the surprisily good smells coming from that hole 'tasty spot' formerly known as superfry....got a cheese burger, went outside and in true gedhead, gedhead, head, ged, gedhead style dropped it, the top half of the bum fell off, and the bottom was dirty so i just ate the burger and burnt the shit of ma mouth, but i was gettin there so i didny give a shit....got to harwoods and bought a few more bamboozlafieing spirits, namely madoory and lemonade......what a drink that is. Ma mate got the hickups and i was pissing maself laughing, he tried to blame it on the chicken pakora munched minuites previously, but i say it was because he was well up the staircase to blitzyland!!. Went to 204 and drank loads more and then the big moment happened...shaun ryder came on i though "mmmm am gonna talk to that prat" went up t him and said "oi, oi ,oi" he looked at me and i said "weres bez big shaun, weres bez"...he looked at me like i was a eagle eating a sandwich....i went away and got a pen from the bar....went bak to shaun after fighting of all his gaylord fucker bouncers and said "oi, sign my arm" so he did, then he signed a bit of paper and wrote on it 'get well soon'. (im not unwell) then i asked him to tok to jembub via the wonders of mobile phones coz we had seen then in concert wen we were wee guys, member you bought us a cerry-oot jem coz u had a beard since you were 13 and drinking it in that lane, then having to get of at bishopton and do a billy wizz in front of hunners of fellow public transporters!!! hahahaha, what a nite that was! Well he wasnt entertaining it so i shouted "oi shaun ur twisting ma melon man" i laughed and so did this guy called davis lamb, wot was his reply..." i canny hear u wee man" so in response i said "your twistin' ma melon big shaun" he again said " i canny hear u wee guy" i then realised i was a twat!!! Left soon after, went to the petrol station with that guy Davis? (he kept following me about but i was bandwagos_dos prompted right up so i didny realy give half a shite!) with shouts of "im a celebrity, give me a big bit of chicken for nought" (hope that aint copyrighted btw) went home...davis sed i fell asleep in the joe, canny remember...went in the hoose and thot that a wee glass of brandy was in order, i hate brandy so i spewed, went up to ma room and pished all over ma hnc....hahahahahahaha how i laughed. wot a fantastic way to end a blitzy mcbigtoed night out...the bamboozle was there, bamboozles little helpers were there, the bamboozlement shop was full to the brim and best of all i got in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
