| ~*My Poems Page*~ |
| -Midnight Lie- Silence grows in the back of her head. A fear of failing is more than what she dreads. She pretends to be happy around others. Not sure if she should bother, The striking pain that looms so close. Not sure if she can with hold, The tears the fall from her face. She's looking for an escape. Soon the heavens open and daylight is near. That is when she no longer fears, The evil that is held within. She knows one day, she'll be happy again.. |
| -Drama- Laughter creeps, I hate you. Smiles smirk, I hate you. Pain extends, I hate you. Lies pretend, I hate you. Whispers sneak, I hate you. And all of these things, portray you. A new facade, I hate you. Scarring eyes, I hate you. Secret times, I hate you. Crazy rhymes, I hate you. Nasty glares, I hate you. And all of these things, portray you. Life is new, Jealousy. Lies are true, Jealousy. Talents flare, Jealousy. Dissemble care, Jealousy. Unknowing truth, Jealousy. It all shows so clearly. Closed doors, Jealousy. Even scores, Jealousy. Fake names, Jealousy. Ungodly games, Jealousy. So ashamed, Jealousy. And it all shows so clearly. |
| -Book of Sorrows- Crying, cus love will always break me. Lying, cus the fakeness will always take me. Consumed by its every being. I'm starting to forget what it all means. Crumbling down until I fall. The earth breaks, and there's no hope left at all. You may have danced with the devil, but I married him. Well you get your break, I cry yet again. I'll never break free from his hold, But at the same time, my heart grows cold. A child no longer, A grown woman that ponders. What may the next day bring? More pain, chaos, or my final relief? Soon I strive for my very last breath. Breathing is harder, yet I still hold back. I dance with the elves, and sing with the fairies. But no matter how much I try, I will never be truly happy. I forget what's real, most of the time. And I can never do anything right. So as my tables turn more and more. I began to see my heart grow ever more sore. |
| -Imagine- A warm breeze blows in the distance. I wait for my savior. Trees sway in all out existence. I wait for my savior. Sun shines for no reason. I wait for my savior. Music plays to soothe my rage. I wait for my savior. Birds sing in a melody. I wait for my savior. Bells ring to a steady beat. I wait for my savior. Clouds form for a drop of rain. I'm waiting for my savior. Thunder booms from the strike of lightning. I wait for my savior. Animals seek refuge from the storm. As I wait for my savior. Water mixes with my tears. And I wait for my savior. Coldness lurks into my skin. As I wait for my savior. Cracks form in my heart. Yet I wait for my savior. Night falls, and the snow starts. As I wait for my savior. Frozen limbs, a broken soul. I wait for my savior. Sounds of horses come to near. As I wait for my savior. For my prince charming is here. I no longer wait for that savior. |
| -A better way out- Visualize, A child screaming as she's taking a beating. Visualize, A bloody nose, black eye and bruises on her insides. Visualize, Tears stream as she cries for a release. Visualize, A process that repeats itself and never lets her out. She's still afraid to feel, All the things she thought was never real. She's not sure what to do now. She's gonna have to find a better way out. Just feel, How it felt to get laughed at behind your back. Just feel, The ripping pain that your heart portrayed. Just feel, All your loved ones turn on you. Just feel, Your now alone with nowhere to go. She's still afraid to feel, All the things she thought was never real. She's not sure what to do now. She's gonna have to find a better way out. Listen, To her pleas as she sits and bleeds. Listen, As he yells, just to bring her down. Listen, To the silence cus no one ever noticed. Listen, To her breath fade as she passes away. She was afraid to feel, All the things she thought was never real. She never know what to do then. Looks like she made it in the end. |
| -Truth be told- I cried yesterday, But I'm still to weak. In a sense I'm afraid, Cus I can't be me. Everyone tries but they don't understand. I fall, no longer able to stand. The cries of this broken child screaming, please no more. The sounds of a cruel world outside my door. Expected to do so much, Unsure if I can stand up, To these stories that are bein' thrown at me. Growing colder, as I look away from the scene. Sticking to what I've got. Not sure if I can hold on. Pretending to be someone else, I laugh about the stupid shit, unsure if I can hold out. People think they know me, but their rudely mistake, For Im a grow woman with expectations. So until my legs give out, Can't shut my mouth. Until my bones collapse, Wont deal with this crap. Being told Im not good enough for them, Dealing with the constant stream, Of violence and mayhem, Its starting to turn into my plan. Your brainwashed from the stereotypes, Uncertain what living is really like. Its great how everyone thinks they can relate, When really they just want someone to degrade. Falling into the holes you create, Its hard to trust such a face. Im only human getting through day and day, Not some Goddess that you portray. I wear my soul on my sleeve, Its just a matter of if you can see, The tears I shed for just a moments peace. Everyone yells and screams just for their own release. Dead tomorrow, alive today. I'll always be here to share my pain. So until my legs give out, Can't shut my mouth. Until my bones collapse, Wont deal with this crap. |
| -Mistaken Identity- Its bull shit how much they lie, Even when looking into your painful eyes. Your not trusted as much as you thought, Their identity is secret so they wont get caught. Your labeled a fool for not seeing it clearly, So lost, well they swim in their own hypocrisy. You take, And you break, From this fake escape, But as clueless as you are Their still gonna be there. No matter were you go You cant hide from the fear. And then you'll finally know. Their pretend, not real. Dead behind a mask until they reveal. And you collapse, From this relapse, Unsure of how to get back to that, Life you once had, its gone for good. They tell you to wait, and you wish you could. But the strings hold you down so you can't move. You struggle and fight, but it still wont prove. Why you gotta waste your time, Well their out enjoying their mother fucking lives. You scream, For a release, Have the decency please, To let you die with little pain. Your sick of the wait. But your day grows closer, Before you pull the trigger, On life itself, They'll never let you out. |
| All of these poems are mine, so I ask of you, If your going to take any of them ask me first or at least give me credit. Thank you and enjoy. |
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| My Number 1~ The eyes to his soul were penetrating, staring so blankly at nothing. His words echo through my head, even though I cant remember what he said. His lies cross my mind, and I think of a thousand why's. Like, why was I told so many stories? Why should I be treated this way? Can I still trust him, even though he hurt me? I've seen so many masks cover his face, but he only puts one on for me. Beautiful eyes and a kind smile. But I'm to busy sworming in my own denial. The denial in which I know I miss him, and wish I had never left him. Could it have been love? Or maybe a new feeling that I just made up? Whatever it is, I wish he were here, so I could tell him how much I care. He was my friend and so much more, now may I prey he hurts no more. |
| ~Rain Angel~ I fear the future coming. Not understanding what lies ahead. I dream of what is now lonley. Thinking of differnet things I could have said. The sound of flight fills the air. Do I dare look? A smile plastered on his face, forgetting what life he took. Rain falls, but then I realize its me. More tears I shed for his love, and now I can't breathe. I ask why, but get no answer. Instead he lets me see, All of the pain he went through, I realize I went through it too! So if I'm still her and he's up there, God, if only he knew! How much I cared! How much he ment! But now its over, the rain has gone. I try to move on, but time takes its place. He will know when we meet again. Moving on, cus this is not the end |
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| R.I.P Josh Smith- |
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| -Save me- Why do you stay by my side, when you just hurt like I do? How can you stand my sorrow, well your problems need solving too? Im downing in my tears, save me! Call out my name and bring me to the light. I need your help, don't leave me! Show me everything that's right. I lay in pool of my own blood, you bid me to run. I fall to my knees cus I can't stand anymore. I'm weak, shallow, and sore. Acid dissolves my insides But the outer me looks just fine. You fall into my eyes, were it leads you to my core. But all you find is the emptiness and the cold. Its hard to stare into my face tears well in our eyes. You tell me that theres no such thing as disgrace. But that's all I seem to be hearing in this lifetime. A metaphoric freedom is what Im needing. But its not what Im seeing. Im drowning in my fears, save me! Call out my name and show me my purpose in life. I need your help, don't leave me! Show me to the light. I can't believe it took me this long to realize how much I need you. Now your to distant to tell. I pushed you away every time you tried to help me get through, This hard shell in which I hide myself. It can't protect me for long Will you stay, or will you leave again? So blind as the world fools us. We hide in the dark well it has its fun I dreamt a dreamless night of you, The signs have been there all along I wanna hear you whisper to me all the things I can do. I wanna hear you tell me the pain is wrong. If Im a Goddess, than send me home. Hold my hand well my soul is set free. Cover my body so I wont be alone, In my eyes is were you'll see, Im drowning in my tears, save me! Call out my name and bring me to the light. I need your help, don't leave me! Show me everything that's right. |
| -Black Out- I looked into the mirror, And Im disgusted with myself. Images from the past come into view, Windows and doors are locked with no way out. Tears fall outside, Rain pours from my face. While searching for the answers, The truth is left behind. I grip the wall to keep my balance, In my head the pictures move rapidly. I trip and hit the hard floor, The world becomes so blind to me. I toss and turn in my bed, Where I wake from another dream. Perspiration covers my forehead, The nightmares come more frequently. I sink beneath the covers, Gripping my dignity tight. I�ve become more paranoid, With every passing light. Footsteps sound outside my door again, The pictures show you in repeat. I prey to God this is the end, And taste my final defeat. |
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| -Always- Its there to bring me down, Its there to give me pain, Its there to show me no mercy, But it always hides away. Its what makes me cry at night, Its what tells me I should die, Its what takes me away from happiness, And it always tells me lies. Its where you�d least suspect it, Its where the torment grows, Its where every hurt soul lingers, And it always leaves you cold. Its how I became this way, Its how I know what I do, Its how it still exists today, Cause it always erases the good in you. Its when you want a shoulder to cry on, Its when the lights go out, Its when your alone sleeping, That it always sneaks about. Its why we�re so afraid, Its why I write to you, Its why you leave the light on, Cause its always out to get you. |
| -Fine- I hate the way you contradict me, I dislike how you think your better. All I wanted was the truth from you, But instead you gave me things that didn�t matter. Here in the ground I wait, The moments grow closer. The visions show the world above me, To many things to decipher. Some times your concepts just don�t make sense, I struggle to understand. Through this dark torment my bodies still, The blood is written on your hands. Screaming yet deceiving, your lies aren�t true, I can hear it in your voice. Slowly I wait for my time to come, To stay or run is my choice. I pierce the silence with my cry, A new fa�ade to comprehend. And though we live in a cruel world, It never hurts to pretend. A simple word is a slap across the face, You do it on purpose. And as my temper rises from the disrespect, I know some how I must escape this. |
| -In the Dark- I wait on a cliff to predict the future. The winds shift and the clouds decipher. My heart races at the pictures I see. The rain beats down, trying to drown me. Screams are heard till I realize its coming from myself. I un-grip my fist to cover my mouth. The Earth shakes trying to throw me off balance. My visions show me, there�s no way around this. I face my fears head on. Hoping I make it to the life beyond. |
| A line of red across my wrist Lets me breathe with sweet bliss Every drop that exists from me Is one of my only good memories I bit my lip to prevent the pain As it all flows away On the ground is where I lie Hoping everything will be better when I die |
| Pain. It can pierce the dark like a stone on water. Hatred. Violence a child should never know. Death. The only cure to this curse of life. And as the victory of ending it all runs through my head, I hold my knees to my chest. I think of all the good things to come, but my mind has become to numb with, Pain. |
| A Walk Down Memory Lane- The tears of an unwanted child cry with agony, Her soul is ripped from her chest and thrown against the wall. Sounds from the child�s music box plays stiffly, But she holds it close to keep the memories safe. His fist strikes once, She�s lying in bed with her eyes shut tightly. His fist strikes twice, She covers her ears-- tired of the abuse nightly. His fist strikes three times, She cries for her mothers sake, �God, please don�t take her away.� The girl opens her eyes to find morning light peeking through the curtains, A dream, yes, that�s what she�ll call it. But in her mind she is not certain. Stepping out from her room she finds an empty home, Slowly she moves, not even the mice hear her. And in her thoughts she realizes she�s alone, In the kitchen and living room-- no one is there. The desert windows are covered in dirt, Sand storms are like rain in her land. The child�s eyes tear from the hurt, But she only wipes away the disgrace with her hand. �I�ll grow stronger and pay them back the pain,� She whispers to the wind. But she knows she is scarred and insane, The girl doesn�t know she can mend. Life looks down on this child with pity, Unsure of how to pay her back for the years lost. He thinks to give her Immortality, But why live through pain at this cost. So instead of tears he laughs at her bruises, scars, and broken limbs, Thinking he can fuck her whenever he felt bored or just wanted to make things worse. And after all these years, it all makes sense, The day she was born, she was cursed. |
| The Dark- The dark is moving. I lie still so it doesn�t notice me. The dark is seeking. I�ll hold my breathe so it doesn�t hear me. The dark is speaking. I�ll clear my mind and listen to its words. The dark is waiting. I�ll wait with it, so not to be caught. The dark is pleading. I choke back tears to not show it sympathy. The dark has found me. I�ll stand tall, to show I�m not afraid. The dark is surrounding. I adjust my eyes to see it fully. The dark is my past. I run, to not face the horror I remember. The dark is following. I try not to look back, but the temptation is overwhelming. The dark is coming. I grow weak from the chase, only to realize, The dark is me. |
| Pondering Process- Will I ever be okay? I wanna be normal like everyone else. Can I relive my life? I would do things more differently. Will I hurt forever? The pain is to much, I think it�ll beat me soon. What did I do wrong to deserve this? I was never given a chance to redeem myself. Was he allowed to touch me that way? Everyone else seemed to think so. Were they allowed to say those things? Though the words were different, the meaning was the same. Things are going to get better right? Not everyone is poor forever. Do we have to act like everything is okay? I hate lying. Why do they love me? They have better things to do then help me. If I scream, will that give me some amount of peace? I�m to afraid to cut myself. Their not going to come out on top are they? I knew they didn�t deserve it for what they did. Is she really a bad mother? She took care of us the best she could, its their fault� I think. How many nights do I have to wake up crying? I hate sleeping alone, the nightmares are to real. Should I breathe? I think things would be better if I didn�t move on, who wants a past anyways. Will everyone judge me like they did? I am different from them, but they cant see that. Should I hide my scars or show the world I�ve made it this far? Showing means remembering�that hurts to much. Will I ever find true love? The last person I loved shot himself, I get the hint. I can get through this right? What other choice do I have. Why cant I find someone who hurts JUST like I do? Not everyone was physically, mentally and sexually abused. Are they caring enough to let me know I�m not alone? Some people are just to busy to care. Should I tell them? Some day� some day. |
| Suicide- I feel my body brake My bones shatter to dust I fall into my grave Where my waste will rust You are what you eat What eats you is your destiny Worms and beetles all around Fill on your flesh that�s on the ground Now I lay and ponder Thinking of things I could have done It all could have been better If there wasn�t a gun. You thought life was bull shit Suicide was your only prayer Now all you have to do is endure it While the crows pull at your hair. I couldn�t cut myself I wouldn�t drowned either So now I write for help Cursed to lie here forever |
| The Minds Window- Sometimes life feels unreal. One minute your okay, The next your numb with pain. Sometimes you see what you feel, You�re overwhelmed with curiosity, But then you see its all one big hypocrisy. (The plants soon die, As winter arrives. You shiver from the cold, While the memories grow old.) Some things catch you off guard. One minute your standing tall, Never expecting to fall. Some things are just too hard. You want to give in, To forget all of your sins. (The earth beings to drowned, Well the rain pours down. You�re wet from crying, As your bodies dying.) Some how you have to make it through. You decide not to give up, That life isn�t this rough. Some how you just knew. Cutting yourself was a waste of time, You�re still in pain only your bodies dyin�. (The trees give way, As the earth beings to shake. You rock to and fro, Thinking you�ll always be alone.) |
| Life- Life presents itself as uncanny. It has no real form of its own. And as I watch it, it fascinates me. Too long have I been in its shadow. Stress will soon follow life forever. Instead of when there�s hard times. We look back but cannot remember. Why we read between the lines. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, I should have learned better. Fool me thrice and karma will get you. To learn from our mistakes we must remember. Our curiosity takes hold, at the first site of blood. We watch and wait to see it again. And with one slip it begins to run. To see scars is to mend. Life presents itself as uncanny. It has no real form of its own. And as we learn from our tragedy. On our sleeve our past will show |
| Patience- Suffer. Gripping at your heart, you gasp. This torment has come way to fast. Suffer. Stumble till you find your balance. Now you realize there�s no way around this. Suffer. Illusions have finally come to play. You wish they�d all go away. Suffer. You cut and scream but its no use. Its still the same but with abuse. Suffer. End it now! You have to get out! ENOUGH! The voices soon stop. Your life can now go on. |
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| <*HoMe*> |