| Hello Dolly |
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| Sampaloc, Manila February 4, 1983 Dearest Mama, Hello! How are you? How�s your kidney? Hope everything�s going smooth. About my studies, okay lang. Our midterm exams will be next week. My subjects are not that difficult. As you know, I am now here in Sampaloc. Mama, I am really sorry for what happened. I didn�t want to run away. But I thought that if I asked them if I could leave, they might get mad at me. Then the more they would be strict and I was afraid that they might not let me leave the house anymore. You must think that this is a very shallow reasoning. But mama, I know them too well. I�ve lived with them every single day for the last two years. I know how they are. I know what would have happened. Yeah, it�s true that I didn�t notice any hint of hatred when I talked to Auntie Charito. Although, I knew that she felt hurt. I understand that. But I knew that she didn�t get mad only because it�s been done and also because Uncle Melchor talked to her even before she had the chance to get a hold of me. Mama, I have told you ever since that I didn�t want to live there. Even before you left two years ago until you came back here this August. I couldn�t take it any longer. You have experienced what it�s like to live with them. You knew what our life was like there. Another thing is I�m worried that I might grow up to be like them. It�s not impossible since I was with them every single day. I didn�t want that to happen. Besides, I want to learn to live on my own. I am old enough. I want to be independent. Actually, if you�ll let me, I already want to work. Mama, don�t worry about me. I have no intentions of settling down yet. And you know that I will finish my studies, no matter what. Mama, I am not mad at you. Please don�t ever think that anymore. We will support you with whatever plans you have. We know that you only have the best interests for both of us, Lina and me. And we are really grateful to HIM because he gave us a very loving mother like you. But of course, no matter how much we want to obey you and follow your wishes, there could be conflict of interests, like in my case. I so longed for freedom. I didn�t want them to hold my neck any longer. I am really sad that it has come to this and at a time when you are not in the best of health. About your plans of petitioning the person you want to marry so that, as you said, you can also easily sponsor us, I fully support that. But please forgive me if I can�t accept him. My father is still very much alive. No matter how bad my parents can be, I still love both of you unconditionally. You must be thinking that the reason I came here at Lola�s (my paternal grandmother) place is because I wanted to ask for financial help since you were unable to send us money lately. No mama. It was just a coincidence. I understand that you were not able to work because you were sick. Besides, we have some money saved in the bank. It was not enough reason. Mama, once again, please forgive me. You might not understand me now. But I hope that someday you will. I just can�t clearly explain to you the reason. Don�t worry about me. I know what I�m doing. Sige ma, Take care. Get well soon. Love lots, Irene |
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