nov16

November 16, 2001

Its bij today and that means I have to fast the entire day without food (can survive this), water (will manage this) and caffeine (yikes!!!!). Coincidentally, today is also the first day of Ramadan when muslims fast the entire month. Luckily, Ismailis don't have to do that..at least its not mandatory..i don't know why..but have enough sense to never question things like this..just in case the powers that be change their mind.

Fasting in Islam is supposed to be all about achieving self-restraint and Allah consciousness. Well, its 2 p.m. now and all I'm experiencing is a definitive 'lack-of-caffeine consciousness'. As for self restraint, i confess, i haven't got any of that..all my failed diets bear testimony to that. So i'm thinking if i get through this day..it will be only because of this stubborn streak in me. I'm prepared to starve myself all day and be caffeine deprived just so I can prove to myself that I can "do it". It's got nothing to do with religion. and what i'm trying to prove to myself that I can do..is something i don't even want to do..arrrgh!! how warped is this?

I guess it would make mum happy though if i fasted and lasted. She fasts all 30 days in Ramadan. Hey, i'd do that too but only because in the back of my head i'm thinking, maybe, at the end of it all i'll finally get into those DKNY jeans..which i've hung in my wardrobe as some sort of tribute to my glorious past (sigh). But mum says those are all the wrong reasons to fast. Ramadan is a time when muslims should be concentrating on their faith and spending less time on the concerns of their everyday lives. It's a time of worship and contemplation.

Right now, honestly, the only thing i'm contemplating is if i will survive the next 5 hours without coffee..or if i should simply succumb to my cravings..and get myself a latte. Decisions, Decisons!!