Okay, so that Passion of the Christ movie is making millions upon millions of dollars. Hollywood is going to learn from this movie and take the initiate. That’s right folks, we’re going to a slew of religious themed movies coming out this year. It just so happens I have a friend in Hollywood who leaked some information about these movies to me.
First we have the squeal to the Passion, which is sure to inspire more religiosity in our country. (Not to mention anti-Semitism, there’s one part in the script that has Jesus fighting a giant robot Jew!)
The best part about this movie is Supercrow, played by Alec Baldwin. Supercrow is a crow who became Jesus’ best friend after a horrible accident involving Hot Pockets. Not only did this horrible accident make the pair best friends, it also bestowed Supercrow with the power to….insight anti-Semitism for no apparent reason.
Now this is definitely a must see movie. It has 50 Cent playing our title character. 50 Cent does a great job of playing Buddha, a religious man whose life went horribly wrong when a spaceship landed on his temple. The spaceship was filled with aliens named “Glogomots”, and they told Buddha he had to fight the evil “Lucasianicas.” This is where 50 Cent delivers his a famous line about a convoluted plot and then begins to “cap” all them alien “hos” with his “meditation.”
If you don’t go to see this movie when it comes on, then truly the terrorists have won.
Now this next movie is about fighting crime. And the smart people at Hollywood thought up, “Who better to fight crime than a bunch of flag burning hippies with some weirdo Earth-based religion?” Thus this movie was born! The Wiccan Police Academy fights crime the hard way, by casting magic. The CG effects are really top notch in this movie, whether they’re being used for a fireball or to make the Samantha’s boobs appear much bigger than they really are. (The main character Samantha is played by Madonna.)
