Yes, I did ask her nicely if I could talk to her.
Yes, I did get the nod.
Here we were. The woman who never spoke to a living soul since she was hospitalized. And I.
She looked at me curiously, actually. Who was I to sit here on her bed? Noone had done that before, obviously.
-I belive you usually don't like talking very much, I said and she nodded. I want to ask why? Is there anything troubling you?
To my great astonishment she immediately answered:
-Yes, the nurses, but not you!
-What do the nurses do that troubles you? I asked.
-They fool around to much, talking nonsense all the time. Worst is at bedtime! They keep asking me if I want to eat, and I am not hungry. They come to ask me if I want the lamp lit or not. They want me to answer - and I am in the middle of my prayers! It is so disturbing!
-Is that what you are doing, when you are murmuring to yourself? I asked her. Praying?
-Yes. And they keep disturbing me. They talk to me in the middle of my prayers, then I forget where I was and I have to start all over again! - It is so annoying!
-I'm sure it is, I said. Would you mind me telling the other nurses not to disturb you in that hour?
-Please, do!
-If they want to talk to you, can they talk to you an another time?
-Yes, of course, but not at bed time. My mother taught me to pray before I sleep and I still do that every evening!
-It's a nice habit, I said. You keep doing that! Noone does that anymore, though... They thought you were crazy, sitting here, murmuring to yourself!
-Crazy? Me? Oh no! I' m not more crazy than they are! Just want wo pray my prayers, that's all!
(Few people pray in Sweden, where this happened, in these days. The young nurses couldn't guess what she was doing. - Why should they? They could have asked!
I'll keep it short: The example shows a total breakdown of communication, where two parts do not understand each other and do not even try to do so. They assume things about each other and act upon assumptions in stead of facts.
Seeing things with new eyes sometimes helps solving a problem.
Try not to get stuck in old ideas.
Find out for yourself by asking directly. It's the best way! Don't guess! It can get really wrong!
Use your own judgment before you decide on an opinion. Never rely on hear-say.
Communication skills and empathy are needed in all work that include nursing, as well as respect for the ones we nurse! It's the same thing if they are 3, or 93! Try to understand them and see things from their point of view, and you'll get the best of results!
I could of course have given you tens of examples from the school world, but for the sake of privacy of students and teachers, I preferred to do it this way! It's clear enough!