| Spirituality |
| I grew up in a small (and close-minded) farming village where Christianity was the norm and pagan spirituality was unheard of. I was raised as a Protestant, and when I was younger, I was the stereotypical "Jesus freak." As a kid, I enjoyed laying on my bed reading biblical stories from my Bible, and I grew faster than other children in a spiritual regard. But as the years past, I began to question the integrity of the Bible's truth, and much to the horror of my mother, I started researching other belief systems. Ever since I was a child, I held Egyptian history and mythology in high esteem, and over the years, I had felt a strong pull towards the Egyptian god Anubis. Before long, I ran across a site focusing on Anubis and Egyptian paganism, and I must say, it perked my interest. I was around the age of 14 at this particular point in time, and I was finishing the shedding of the Christian beliefs that had previously held me down in life. Soon I was faced with the decision of choosing my spiritual path in life, and I ended up choosing Wicca to satisfy my religious zeal in life. Now that I had finally settled with Wicca, I was still apphrehensive of not being accepted by my family for this new turn in my life. My mother was a strong, god-fearing woman who worked hard to ensure our family had a secure, stable home life, but she was generally close-minded and viewed anything outside of Christianity as "evil" and "works of Satan." My father on the other hand was an open-minded, compassionate man who was a perfectionist, and whenever he had his sights focused upon a goal, he worked with a passion that burned as bright as the flames of Hell. Coming forward to him wasn't too much of a problem, but my mother at the other end of the spectrum was an entirely different story. She claimed "Lucfier had gotten his grasp upon me," and I would spend the afterlife in the fiery realms of Hell for all eternity. Aside from being constantly lectured, I was forced to attend church with her every Sunday morning in hopes "I would come around soon enough." Though most of her efforts have waned, she still persists to this very day to convert me back to Christianity. In the summer of 2003, I attended a study camp for gifted students at the university in Greeley, Colorado. There I met a Druid whom was a bit arrogant on account of his intellect. We hung out together for the early phase of the program, but as time passed on, we began avoiding each other and despising one another. I was sickened by his arrogance and lack of humility, and I wasn't too fond of the time I spent there in that program either. But during the course of the two weeks spent there, I had grown stronger in faith, and became closer to the Gods. Upon returning home, my parents had purchased for me an Alaskan Malamute whom I fondly named Anubis. I returned to school the following Fall and that marked the beginning of a long journey of self-discovery. From the start of school to Christmas, I had felt betrayed by many people I had once known as friends, and so our friendships came to a screetching halt. I fell into a deep depression soon after, and I became harsh and bitter. I was tired of being treated like I was just some play thing for somebody's wicked desires, and I entered a state of deep interspection and contemplation. During this time, my bond to Anubis and the rest of the Gods was growing weaker as I became more materialistic and luke-warm. I began mutilating myself shortly afterward, and in the spring, I came to the brink of commiting suicide. As soon as my parents caught wind of it, I was rushed down to Saint Catherine's Hospital in Garden City. I stayed there in the mental ward for a week until I pulled myself out of my gloomy and morbid feelings. There in mental ward I met some unusual characters that were a bit strange, but nice nonetheless. Much of time spent in that place was spent reading and contemplating, and I came to the realization that Wicca just wasn't working out for me. When I returned back to my home town, I found out much to my dismay that my mother had overreacted to my depression and hid away all my tarot cards and occult books. To her, this was a perfect opportunity to blame my behavior on earth spirituality. I stood my ground and defended my choice to follow my chosen religion, and many bitter, heated arguments were initiated between us. But I soon I came to terms with the fact that Wicca wasn't doing jack shit, and soon I was once again off to researching other religions. Buddhism seemed to call to me, but being an atheistic religion, it just couldn't work out. I was still struggling with my major depression (I still do to this very day), but I felt that Anubis was calling me to come back to him. Having fallen into another suicidal state of depression, I willingly welcomed his love with open arms, and through the newly-found strength he had given me, I managed to embrace the light of hope. By following Lord Anubis and the rest of the Gods, I have found meaning in a life that once seemed dark and hopeless. I strive to follow the Gods to the best of my ability, and I hope to do so for many years to come. -Dakota June 22, 2004 |