Disclaimer: I don't own The Legend of Zelda, Nintendo, or my own country made of cheese.

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Link: *riding to the castle on Epona* :D

Epona: *thinking* Why can�t he just WALK?!

Link: Whoa, girl! We�re hooooome!

Epona: *stops short*

Link: *goes flying* WAH! *crashes through a window*

Zelda: LINK!!

Link: Uh� hi?

Zelda: Where have you been?! You know I have to go out!

Link: I was� training.

Zelda: For what?

Link: Um� parole?

Zelda: Huh? Wait, where were you really?

Link: The Gerudo training grounds�

Zelda: I don�t like you going there, Link. *glaaaare*

Link: But-

Zelda: But what?

Link: Haha, that rhymed XD

Zelda: -_-;

Link: *cough* So, why don�t you want me going there?

Zelda: Because they�re all prostitutes! *storms out of the room*

Stella: *cartwheels into the room* Hey daddy! Mommy�s really mad at you!

Link: I never would have guessed.

Stella: Daddy, what�s a prostitute?

Non-existent Narrator: And thus arrives another awkward moment in parenting!

Link: Um, they�re uh� magical� leprechauns o_O;;

Stella: Ohhhh. Ok ^_^ *cartwheels out of the room*

Victor: *walks into the room* Hey Link!

Link: Yo.

Victor: So, Zelda�s mad at you?

Link: Uh-huh. Just because I was at the Gerudo Fortress.

Victor: You don�t tell your wife you hang out in an all female fortress, Link. *coughMORONcough*

Stella: *cartwheels into the room* Mommy�s so mad, she says she�s gonna gouge out his eyes and roast them on a stick and feed them to Epona!

Epona: *eavesdropping* �omgyuckthat�sgross! *runs*

Victor: You are so dead! *laugh*

Link: Shut it, Vicky.

Victor: Don�t call me that!

Link: Anyway, tomorrow�s the big bonfire.

Victor: I have a bad feeling about it.

Link: Why?

Victor: It�s the fifth year!

Link: So?

Victor: Something that has to do with the number five happens every year! Year one, five people disappear and turn up five months later. Year two, a girl got five of her teeth knocked out after falling on her face five times during the dance contest. Year three, five chickens ran into the fire and died. Year four, five people got drunk and sang five songs five times!

Link: Well, chickens are stupid.

Victor: So are you! *leaves*

Stella: Daddy, I�m bored.

Link: -absently- Jump off the roof.

Stella: Ok! *cartwheels upstairs*

Link: �*realizes what he said* O_O WAIT, STELLA! *runs after her*

- - - -

Zelda: *arrives home with some shopping bags*

Stella: *cartwheels up to Zelda* Mommy, guess what? Daddy ran off the roof!

Zelda: WHAT?!

Stella: It was funny! He�s resting right now.

Both: *run upstairs to Link and Zelda�s room*

Link: *lying down* Oh, hi Zelda.

Zelda: What happened?

Link: I fell off the roof.

Zelda: But WHY?

Link: I was chasing after Stella.

Zelda: And you ran off the roof?

Link: Into the moat.

Stella: You should�ve seen it!

Zelda: Stella, how about you go play downstairs?

Stella: Ok! *cartwheels out of the room*

Zelda: You know Link, normal people just don�t run off roofs.

Link: I guess that makes me special :D

Zelda: *mutters* You�re damn right you�re special.

Link: What was that?

Zelda: Nothing.

Link: I�m hungry.

Zelda: Is that all you can think about right now?!

Link: I could also think about llamas and sunsets and bunnies and rainbows and you and hot actresses-

Zelda: What was that last one?

Link: You?

Zelda: � u.u *leaves the room*

- - - -

(The next day)

Everyone: *getting ready for the bonfire*

Zelda: Link, should I wear my blue dress, or my green dress?

Link: How about you don�t wear anything?

Zelda: Don�t make me divorce you. *glare*

Link: Alright, calm down.

Stella: *cartwheels into the room* Mommy, are chickens flammable?

Zelda: Um, I think so?

Stella: Ok! *cartwheels out of the room*

Link: Why would she ask that?

Zelda: Let�s check it out.

Both: *go outside*

Non-existent Narrator: And they see Stella, Victor, and two other guards surrounding a chicken and holding matches!

Link: Who are you? o_�

Non-existent Narrator: � *runs*

Victor: Ok, light it up!

Guard #1: *lights a match* *sets the chicken on fire*

Chicken: GREEEEEAAAAAAAAH!!! OH THE AGONY!!! AAARRRGH!

All: *stare*

Stella: Wait, how are gonna put it out?

Victor: Eek, you�re right! We don�t have water!!

Guard #2: Step on it!

All: *tackle the chicken*

Zelda: � let�s go inside.

Link: Right behind ya.

- - - -

(Later on)

Zelda: Alright, everyone have everything they need before we leave?

Link: *raises his hand*

Zelda: � what? -___-

Link: Can I get my sword?

Zelda: Fine! But hurry up!

Link: *runs upstairs*

Zelda: Jeez, we�re already late�

Victor: Your fault.

Stella: Yeah mommy, you take too long to pick out shoes.

Link: *comes back downstairs* Got it!

Victor: Got what?

Link: I don�t recall.

Victor: What?

Link: Huh?

Victor: Who?

Link: That�s nice.

Victor: Indeed.

Zelda: SHUT UP AND LET�S GO! *thunder, lighting, scary music, glass breaks*

Stella: Mommy, you can be so creepy sometimes! ^__^

All: *leave*

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So, how did you like the first chapter? Was it funny? Stupid? Deserving of an eternity in hell? All positive comments shall be loved and cherished, and flames will be used to melt the flamers kneecaps.