Joyce: "What's the matter, did your egg keep you up all night?"
Buffy: "You're killing me."
Joyce: "Wait till it starts dating."
-Joyce: "It's an outfit. An outfit that you may never buy."
Buffy: "But I looked good in it."
Joyce: "You looked like a streetwalker."
Buffy: "But a thin streetwalker." (gets a look from her mom) "That's probably not gonna be the winning argument, is it?"
-Joyce (sternly): "A little responsiblity is all I ask. Honestly, don't you ever think about anything besides boys and clothes?"
Buffy: "Saving the world from vampires?"
-Xander: "You know what? This would work a lot better for me if you didn't talk."
Cordelia: "Well, it'd work a lot better for me with the lights off."
-Mr Whitmore: "S-E-X. Sex. The sex drive in the human animal is intense. How many of us have lost countless productive hours plagued by unwanted sexual thoughts and feelings?"
Xander: "Yes!" (raises his hand and nods) "Mm-hm."
Mr Whitmore: "That was a rhetorical question, Mr Harris, not a poll."
-Cordelia (on the consequences of having sex): "Well, that depends. Are you talking about sex 'in' the car or 'out' of the car?" (Mr Whitmore looks confused) "Because I have a friend, not me, that was in a Miata, parked at the top of a hill, and then she kicked the gearshift, and, and..."
Mr Whitmore: "Yeah, I, I was thinking of something a little more commmonplace, Ms Chase."
-Willow: "Buffy! How come you weren't in class?"
Buffy: "Vampire issues. Did Mr Whitmore notice I was tardy?"
Xander: "I think the word you're searching for is 'absent'."
Willow: "Tardy people show."
Buffy: "Right."
Willow: "And, yes, he did notice, so he wanted me to give you this." (hands her an egg)
Buffy: "As far as punishments go this is fairly abstract."
-Xander: "You gotta take care of the egg. It's a baby. You gotta keep it safe and teach is Christian values."
Willow: "My egg is Jewish."
Xander: "Then teach it that Dreidel song."
-Xander: "Another secret to conscientious egg care: pot of scalding water and about eight minutes."
Willow: "You boiled your young?"
Xander: "Yeah! I know it sounds cruel, but sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind! I mean, you can bet that little Xander here is thick skinned now."
-Buffy: "Great. You know. I always say that a day without an autopsy is like a day without sunshine."
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