| TITLE: Growing Up on the Hellmouth pt 6/? AUTHOR: Faery FEEDBACK: Glowing responses and *Constructive* criticism will be cherished like chocolate. Flames will be fed to Angelus to tear up. DISTRIBUTION: I would be honoured, just let me know first. PAIRING: Spike/Dawn RATING: PG-13 for this part, only a little naughty DISCLAIMER: Joss owns all. Joss rules all. But if he ever wants to give up Spike I'd be more than happy to play with him for a while. AUTHOR'S NOTE: As always, not beta'd. Forgive the tiny mistakes that slip my mind SUMMARY: Dawn muses about her night with Spike and Buffy finds out Dawn was exhausted, she had spent most of the night very much awake in Spike's crypt, and then the call of nature had woken her despite her body's protestations at getting so little sleep. After Buffy dragged her home, there had been about an hour's worth of "I was so worried" and "don't ever do that again" sort of lecturing. Finally Dawn was allowed to retreat into the solitude of her room. Despite her deep fatigue, she couldn't resist the urge to write down all her thoughts about the previous night before they all flitted out of her head. Dawn scribbled furiously in the notebook she had designated as the first of her new journal series. She knew that she had sworn never to write in them again after she'd burned the others in a fit of rage and confusion, but she found that writing was a comfort. And luckily her mom had managed to salvage most of the journals before they burnt up. It takes a while for stacks of paper to burn completely through, so most of them were just singed around the edges. Dawn wrote until her vision got blurry, putting into words all of her scattered feelings about being the Key, Spike, and life in general. Finally she shut her journal with a satisfied sigh and lay down to go to sleep, clutching the notebook to her chest like a security blanket. Dawn wasn't awake to see Buffy come into her room. "Dawnie?" Buffy said softly. Seeing her all curled up on her bed, looking so innocent, brought a tender smile to Buffy's face. Being careful not to wake her, Buffy slipped the journal out of Dawn's arms and covered her with a blanket. Staring at the book in her hands, she couldn't help but wonder what had happened to Dawn, to make her start writing again after her fiery display of anger towards the journals the night before. Buffy wasn't able to contain her curiosity; it must be the nosiness inherrent in sisters to find out what the other is doing. Peeking at Dawn to make sure she was really asleep, Buffy cracked open the journal and began reading. "Dear Diary, I know I said I would never write in you again, and I'm really sorry. It was dumb to burn up my journals. Forgive me??? Right now you are like the only one I can talk to. I can't tell anyone what happened. Just think how this conversation would go with the kids at school. `Yeah, I just found out I'm not human. How is your day going?' I bet that would go over real well. I just don't understand it. I have all of these memories. Picnics at the beach with mom and Buffy. Getting the chicken pox in first grade. Going to the school dance and leaving because I spilt grape juice on my white dress. What kind of monk comes up with these kind of memories anyway? If they were gonna give me a life, why not just skip the embarrassing growing up stuff? I feel like a normal kid. But I'm anything but normal. I'm the Key, whatever that's supposed to mean. And I don't even get magical powers. How lame is that? It hurts so much I can't even describe it. Everyone acts all weird around me, as if I don't feel like enough of an outcast without them getting all super sensitive around me. I ran into the night, and all I wanted was to die. I mean, if I can die, that means I'm really alive doesn't it? Then Spike found me. Spike is so cool. He beat up 12 vampires for me. Actually, he didn't beat them up, he killed them, but that's ok cuz they're vampires. He' so brave, and a lot nicer than Buffy thinks he is. Buffy is stupid. If I had a guy like that mooning all over me, I wouldn't complain. I mean, look at him. He looks like Billy Idol, with that bleached blonde hair and all those black clothes. What a babe! I wonder if he feels anything for me. How am I supposed to compete with Buffy. All my `life' or at least what I remember as my life, I've had to compete with Buffy. I know mom loves her more. She's the real daughter, and she's the Slayer. `Oh look at me, I'm the Chosen One. Aren't I special?' She's the one Spike loves, not me. Spike was nice to me though, and he made me feel SO GOOD! Like better than eating a carton full of chocoalte ice cream sort of good. I can't even describe it. I felt like I was alive, like I was normal, for the first time in months. And I get this weird feeling between my legs when I'm around him. I've heard Buffy talking to Willow about sex when she thinks I'm not listening. Is that what happens when you have sex? I wonder what it would be like to have sex with Spike. He's like, ancient, so I bet he knows what he's doing. I don't think I'm ready for sex though. I've seen girls at my school get pregnant and have to drop out. The guys just use them for sex and then cast them aside. I don't want that, even if I can't get pregnant from a vampire. But sleeping with him was nice. He was such a gentleman. I didn't know a soulless demon could be a gentleman. He just held me all night long, made me feel protected. I wish I'd never got up to pee. I felt so guilty for leaving him when I came back. I was so afraid Buffy was going to kill him. I don't know what I'd do if he died. Right now he's my only friend. And he kissed me! I've never been kissed by anyone before, unless you count dad and that doesn't count. Sure it was one of those quick little pecks that usually mean `Gee I think you're swell' nothing like what you see in soap operas, or what Buffy and Riley used to do all the time. I definitely have a crush on him. I just hope he isn't nice to me for Buffy's sake." Buffy looked down at the notebook, her eyes filled with confusion, sadness and anger. She couldn't believe Dawn felt that way about her. It's not her fault that everyone paid so much attention to her. She had an important job to do. And Buffy had always thought that Mom loved Dawn best. Dawn got away with murder sometimes, and Buffy always got lectured. Buffy was definitely going to try to make Dawn feel like part of the gang. She sounded so alone in her writing, and looking at Dawn's curled up form lying in bed, she still looked every bit as isolated as her diary suggested. But Spike, she liked Spike? Gross. She was definitely going to have to do something about that. It wasn't healthy for a 14 year old to have a thing for a vampire. And since when had Dawn started thining about sex. Did she think about sex at that age? Well, yeah, but that's besides the point. Dawn shouldn't. Buffy wasn't quite sure what had gone on between the two�Dawn had been rather vague about that, but she did not like the idea of Spike kissing her sister, whether it was a chaste kiss or not. Spike was just the sort to take advantage of a young, willing girl. Buffy had to play it cool though. She couldn't let Dawn know that she'd read her diary or it might ruin everything. She'd think of some way to break Dawn's infatuation with Spike after dinner. She set Dawn's journal on the floor next to the bed, making it seem like it just fell naturally while Dawn was sleeping. Tiptoeing out of the room, Buffy went downstairs to see if her mom needed any help with the meal. ********************* "Hi honey, how was your sleep?" Joyce asked as Dawn groggily came down the stair. "Ok, I guess. I'm really hungry though. I heard your supposed to eat a lot after losing blood. What's for dinner?" "Come into the dining room and have a seat, dear. Dinner's almost ready." Dawn gaped as she walked into the other room. A veritable Thanksgiving's feast was spread out on the table. And everyone was there. Giles, Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara. The whole gang. A chorus of "Hi Dawn's" assailed her as she took a seat across from Xander. "Hey everyone. What's all this for?" Joyce walked in, carrying a bowl of mashed potatoes between two hot pads. "We thought you could use a bit of family time after everything that's been going on. And everyone here is like family in one way or another, so I invited them all over." "So, how're ya feelin' Dawnster" Xander asked. "I wish people would stop asking me that. It's like you think I'm made of porcelain or something." "I'm just worried about ya, that's all. If I lose you, who else will I beat at board games?" "Yes," Anya replied. "We would all be very sad if you continued to cut holes into your arm. There are much cleaner ways to die you know. Messier too I suppose," she mused. Xander glared at his tactless girlfriend. She could give Cordelia a run for her money in the competition for Queen of Bluntness. "Anya, honey. What did we discuss earlier about *good* and *bad* topics for dinner conversation." Xander spoke with a nervous tinge to his voice. He really didn't want Dawn to get upset again. To everyone's surprise, Dawn gave Anya a big smile. She was glad that a least one person wasn't walking on eggshells around her. "Thanks for caring, Anya." "See Xander, she thinks I'm nice!" Xander just rolled his eyes and let the comment slide. The rest of the dinner was spent relatively disaster free. They talked and chatted about things. They even mentioned Glory, and for once Buffy didn't try to protect her kid sister by keeping information hidden. Dawn really felt like one of the gang. The only eventful thing happened once Joyce brought pie out. There was a small incident involving whipped cream, resulting in Xander getting a face full of the white, sticky stuff. Dawn giggled, and Anya made a remark about having to buy some whipped cream for later. Overall though, dinner was a success. Giles got up to help Joyce clear, while Dawn tried to convince Anya to tell her just what she had planned for the whipped cream. Xander's hand planted over Anya's mouth was the only thing that kept Dawn from all the juicy details. Eventually, everyone moved into the living room to chat. Dawn groaned and said "I'm so full I think I'm gonna burst." "Well you did eat two whole plates of food," Willow commented. "I didn't think your Dawn-sized stomach could hold that much." "You�you're looking better though," Tara said. "Not nearly so pale as before." "I still feel like a pig though. Hey Mom, would you mind if I went for a little walk�try to burn off some of these calories? It's still light out." "I don't know Dawn. It's still dangerous out there. I don't want you to get hurt, not after what happened last night." "I'm not a kid! I just want to go for a walk...stop treating me like I'm a baby!" Buffy cut in, "It's ok Mom. I feel like I could use a walk too. I'll go with her. That is if you don't mind, Dawn." "Whatever." "Buffy, are you sure that's wise?" her mother asked, always concerned for any of her children when they went out at night. "We'll be fine...really. I'm sure Dawn will protect me." Dawn rolled her eyes at the attempt at humour, but agreed to let Buffy come with her. "We'll be back soon," Buffy said, leaving the room full of laughing and talking individuals. "Do be careful," Giles cautioned as they walked out the door. "So, where'd ya wanna go?" Buffy asked. Dawn shrugged and they walked in silence for a while. After a while they ended up at the cemetery where Spike lives. "Dawn, I don't know if it's the smartest thing for us to be walking through the cemetery. It's almost dark." "We'll be ok," Dawn replied quietly. Not adding her thought, "Spike is here. He'll protect us." Buffy wasn't a mind reader, but she had a good idea why her sister had steered them towards this place. "You're looking for Spike, aren't you?" "No I'm not. Ok, well maybe�How did you know?" "Just call it Big Sister sense. Dawn, I really think you need to be careful around Spike. He might not be able to bite, but he's still dangerous. He might....take advantage of you. I don't want you spending time with him." "You can't tell me what to do! Spike's my... friend...he cares about me. I'm sure he does!" "Dawn, what if I could prove to you that Spike doesn't care. Would you listen to me then?" "And how are you planning on doing that," Dawn replied angrily. "C'mon," Buffy said, dragging Dawn in the direction of Spike's crypt. "You stay out here, right by the door, ok?" Inside, Spike was getting ready to go out. He could feel the sun going down and he had a strong urge to get outside, work off some of his energy. Surprisingly, he wasn't that hungry. Not hungry at all in fact, but he was dying for some whiskey and a spot of violence. Spike had taken off his shirt and boots before going to sleep earlier that day, and now he stripped off his last piece of clothing, his dirty pants. He never really had felt the need for underwear of any sort. Standing there naked, he looked at his assortment of clothes, trying to decide just which combination of black and red he wanted to wear tonight. That's when Buffy walked in. "Spike!" "Buffy!" Dawn stared from the door, her eyes wide as saucers. Sure she had taken health class, but this was the first time she'd ever seen a real person naked. For a second she got to look at Spike in his full glory, just standing there pondering what to wear, before he hurriedly grabbed a blanket and held it over his groin area. "Bloody hell! Doesn't anyone in this godforsaken town ever knock?" "It's a *crypt* Spike. No one knocks when they come into a crypt." "Well this crypt happens to be my home. Have some respect would ya." After a short pause, where they both just stared at each other, Spike broke the silence. "I'm guessing you haven't come to just stare at me Slayer. What do you want? And make it quick�I'm feeling a bit�exposed�here." Buffy steeled herself. Think of Angel�think of Angel, she thought. "Actually Spike, I have you just where I want you." Buffy advanced towards him and began raking her nails over Spike's bare chest. She put on her poutiest voice. "I got very jealous when I found out you spent the whole night with Dawn. Very jealous," she said as she kissed the spot where she had rammed a stake earlier that day. "I thought you loved me Spike. You do love me don't you? And not her?" Buffy said the `and not her' part a bit louder than normal, ensuring Dawn would hear. She then ran her finger up Spike's thigh and used her other hand to pull his head down for a rough kiss. Dawn watched the spectacle from the doorway. At first Spike had just seemed stunned, not knowing what do to. When Buffy kissed him, his arms flailed about wildly for a second. Uncertain of himself, he gently cupped her face for a moment, rubbing his thumb along her jawbone. Then his whole body stiffened and his eyes snapped open. Dawn was sure she saw flecks of gold mixed with the blue as he used all of his strength to pull Buffy to him. His demon came forth as he ravaged her mouth and slid his hands over her, one to cup her ass and the other sliding under her shirt to roughly fondle her breast. Dawn couldn't take it anymore. With a choked sob, she ran out the door and into the ever-darkening evening. Faery |