| Growing Up Dawn Part 1 Author: Regina E-mail: [email protected] ****** They were doing it again, all of them. Staring at me like I didn�t know they were doing it. So I did what I always did, I got up and walked out of the magic shop. No one tried to stop me anymore. They knew it was no use. It had steadily gotten worse. I found out I�m the key, my mother dies, my sisters dies. They all thought I was a freak. A freak they had to care for since my dad was somewhere in South America and still wasn�t returning his calls. Giles had moved into my house, keeping his apartment for research and the occasional nights I was away at a friends or on a school trip. Boy was that situation ever awkward. I heard him at night, In Buffy�s room. I still don�t know what he does in there, and I�ll never ask. I just wake him up and point him to the direction of his room in the morning before school when he falls asleep on her bed. I felt like an intruder in my own house because I knew I reminded him, reminded all of them, that if I had never come, Buffy wouldn�t have died. I think on some level, they all d me for it. None of them will ever admit it, but I know. I�m not even human, and I know all to well that part deep inside of you where you stuff all the things you aren�t supposed to feel. I myself there, what I am, what I did. I killed my sister. I killed my sister, and no one understands I realize it. They treat me like a little kid, even though it�s been almost two years and I�m sixteen tomorrow. Willow and Tara tried vainly to plan a party for me, but their heart wasn�t in it, and neither was mine. Murderous energy blobs don�t need birthday parties. Technically, I would be turning 2 years old and 6 or so months. But whose counting? With a sigh, I hesitated before knocking on the crypt door. Although I always came here, it was the only place I felt safe anymore, there was still that momentary flutter of �he doesn�t want you either�. Before I could turn to go away, he pulled the door open like he always does, and I walked inside. �Hello, then, Nibblet. Come to watch Passions?� �Sure,� I said, following him into the crypt and sitting in the chair he had gotten for me after I complained the lid of the crypt hurt my back. �Something to drink?� I nodded, and caught the Dr. Pepper he threw me. The last two years had seen an increasing amount of my favorite things suddenly appearing in his crypt. No explanation was ever given; he�d just let me in, and hand me the salt and vinegar chips he�d always despised as if they were a normal addition to his shopping list. Then came the Dr. Peppers, and the Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. I�d asked him once how he got electricity in his crypt and he gave me a long speech about sewers and plug ins that I hadn�t really paid attention to. �What�s on your mind then?� �Huh?� �You only come over this early if something's got you upset, now what is it then? Is it something I can beat up?� �Sorry, just pesky humans again. I�ve got to remember to get more demon friends. Guess one if never enough.� �I�m not your friend luv! I�m ! You�re scared of me! See, GRRRR,� he cried, giving a rather impressive leap to land in front of me, vamp face on and fangs bared. �Spike, that didn�t work when I was younger, and it�s not going to work now. You are my friend, you�re not a regular vampire, you�re like a teddy bear vampire.� �You take that back, right now! I am not a bleeding teddy bear!� �Puppy Vampire?� �Dammit, Lil Bit, can�t you just pretend?� �I�m sorry. Oh, no! Maybe I have made a huge mistake walking into the lair of the big bad!� I said in a forced, �I�m so helpless� voice. �Is it wrong that that makes me feel better?� �What else am I good for, huh?� �A lot of things,� he said, ruffling my hair as he rose from in front of me. He�d taken to doing that, and then acting like it never happened. He settled into his worn out easy chair and turned on the television and for a little while, I was just a normal kid watching a soap opera. If you discounted the whole, �in a crypt with a vampire� factor. That�s what I loved about Spike. He was as weird as I was, but when we were together, he made me feel normal. Like he understood me. I always left from Spike�s feeling normal, feeling like at least someone wanted me around. Then I would get home, and all the thoughts I tried so hard to ignore would rise to the surface, and I would think that he only let me stay around because he had promised Buffy. He loved Buffy, not me. He wasn�t even my friend. I knew how irrational it was, I just couldn�t help. I couldn�t trust anyone anymore, not even the people I wanted to. Not even Spike. I turned to look at him, and was surprised to see him looking back at me. �What are you doing?� �What were you doing?� �I asked you first Spike!� �So!� Looking at each other, we both started to laugh. It was a rare occasion when Spike laughed and I liked to be the one who made him do it. �I was wondering what you were thinking about so hard over there, pet.� �How do you know I was thinking about anything at all?� �You�re nose got all scrunchy and such.� �Huh?� �Well, it does that. You�re nose gets scrunchy when you think, and you chew on your lip when you�re nervous. Oh and you make that little growling sound when your mad.� �And you know this because?� �Well, no one ever said I wasn�t observant. Just because I�m the big bad doesn�t mean I can�t have people skills. So why were you looking at me?� �Because I was thinking about you.� As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them. �Why?� �Because.� �Because why, Nibblet? Dammit, I have the right to know why you interrupted my show with your ogling.� �My ogling! I had just looked at you, and you were staring at me! I don�t think I was ogling!� �You were too.� �I was not.� �Fine then!� �Fine.� �Ok.� �Ok.� After a rather uncomfortable silence, I turned back to the television, seeing him do the same out the corner of my eye. A thousand thoughts were running through my head, and at the forefront was the fact that Spike noticed that my nose scrunched. My mom and Buffy used to always pick on me about that. No one else had ever mentioned it. Until now, at least. That made me wonder. �Spike?� �What, luv?� �Do you only hang out with me because you told Buffy you would?� The words raced out of my mouth before my head could make me stop. �Now where would you get an idea like from, Bit?� �Because no one else even wants me around. I just want to make sure I�m not fooling myself thinking you like me for me.� It was with this that the tears came. They were the tears I had refused to cry when Buffy died, the tears I held back every night when they threatened to break loose. They rolled down my face now, and I found myself unable to stop them this time. �Don�t cry now, please, ok?� A very flustered Spike hurried to my chair and held me awkwardly. �Look, I�m not good at all this, Pet. Get mad, break something. Just don�t cry.� �I�m sorry,� I choked out into his shoulder. �There now,� he said, as he adjusted himself so I fit more comfortably in his arms. He stoked my hair and let me cry. I let myself cry, because for the first time, I felt like it was ok. When the tears subsided, and I was back in my chair, I found myself looking everywhere but at Spike. My shoes looked shiny and new and there were a number of new and interesting in the wall. �Nibblet?� �What.� �Look at me.� �That�s ok.� �Dawn?� My head shot up with that one. �You�ve never called me that before.� �I know. I know I haven�t. That�s because you were never Dawn to me before. You�re going to be 16 tomorrow. You�re practically an , now aren�t you? You don�t need me babying you. I do want you to know that I do care for you. Not because Buffy told me to, not because I feel responsible, but because I just do. You�re an amazing woman, and if those stupid wankers who are taking care of you don�t see that, it�s their problem. You�re not some burden, and you�re not a key. You�re Dawn.� �Thank you, Spike,� I mumbled, the tears threatening to come again. �Don�t start your wailing just yet, there�s still something to do,� he said, heading to wards the stairs in the floor motioning for me to follow him. We descended the stairs, and what I saw nearly made me fall over. There were balloons, and a cake. An actual cake. �Happy Birthday.� �My birthday isn�t until tomorrow.� �Never was one for tradition. Now come on. Don�t you have to blow out candles or something?� �Spike?� I said, stopping him before he could get to the cake. �Yeah?� �Thank you,� I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he was so bewildered for a moment he almost fell over. �Well then, let�s get on with it. There�s presents and everything.� �I get presents?� �I�m not completely against tradition. Besides, isn�t 16 a big deal?� �Yeah, I guess it�s supposed to be.� �C�mon.� I followed him to the table, and laughed when he burnt himself trying to light candles. I laughed when he tried to sing �Happy Birthday�, and almost fell of my chair when he presented me with a small box wrapped in comic paper. �What�s so damned funny? If you don�t want it, I�ll be glad to take it back.� �No, it�s not that, it�s just that it�s been a long time since I laughed. I guess it�s kind of hard to stop.� �Oh. Well get to it then, open it.� �Impatient.� �So.� I tore off the paper, and found myself holding an odd looking jewelry box, shaped like one my mom and I had seen at an antique shop. Inside was an ornate silver cross nestled on red velvet. It too looked antique. �Spike, it�s beautiful!� �You like it then?� �I love it. Where�d you find it, it looks antique.� �It was mine. A long time ago. Before the vampire thing obviously.� �Yours? It looks like a woman's.� �Well, it was my mum�s. She gave it to me when I turned 18, I was supposed to give it to someone special. Even vampires can be sentimental now and then.� �Thank you Spike. I love it.� I hugged him again, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. �Let�s not make a habit of that, you�re friends will have my guts for garters.� �That�s disgusting.� �Yeah, well. C�mon, you need to get home. They�ll be wondering about you. I�ll walk you; sun�s just set.� I followed him up the stairs and out of the crypt, and for a moment, things didn�t seem quiet as bad. He was right, I wasn�t the key or some burden, I was Dawn. �Watch your step, Nibblet.� �I thought I didn�t need to be babied anymore.� �I lied.� As Spike placed a hand on the small of my back, Dawn seemed more and more like a pretty good person to be. To be continued.... |