| TITLE: A little less numb -- 3/? AUTHOR: Bree EMAIL: [email protected] RATING: PG-13 SPOILERS: BtVS Season 5 post "The Gift" CLASSIFICATION: Spike/Dawn SUMMARY: The third of Dawn's diary entries following Buffy's death. DISCLAIMER: As much as I'd love to claim ownership for all things BtVS, we all know that I don't own them and many more powerful, snake-handling professionals do. DISTRIBUTION: Tremble, Lil' Nibblin, RRS&S, The Adventures of Spike & Dawn, and any lists I'm on that archive. Anyone else, please ask first. FEEDBACK: It makes a great midnight snack and I'm really hungry tonight. AUTHOR'S NOTE #1: I have a feeling that some people aren't going to like the way this story is heading, but I hope you'll continue reading anyway. As I mentioned when the story first went out, I'm a S/D 'shipper. I see chemistry between the two characters, be it a crush or what-have-you, it's still there. I don't see Spike as a brother, or just as a protector for Dawn, but I'm also a confessed hopeless romantic. AUTHOR'S NOTE #2: I had a really hard time writing this entry. If it seems too forced and I get any negative feedback about it, I'll probably re-write it before it's archived at Tremble, which will be its finally resting-place. If this entry sucks, I apologize beforehand. It's beta'd by me, so if I missed anything major, I'll correct it after everyone tells me what I did wrong. My search for a beta tonight fell on deaf email accounts, but I did at least try to find help. DEDICATION: To everyone who gave me such positive feedback about my insecurities of writing a 14-year-old. I only hope I can write up to everyone's expectations now! *bg* ~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~ Entry - August 2, 2001 Giles is going back to England next week. He said that the Watchers' Council needs to discuss what happened in the fight against Glory and how we stopped her. But I know the real reason is because Buffy's dead. It makes perfect sense that they don't want him here anymore since he doesn't have a Slayer to watch over now. I found out second-hand, of course. He came by this afternoon thinking I'd be at summer school and that Spike would be asleep. I was in my room studying when I heard a noise in Buffy's room. It's usually quiet in the afternoon because that's when Spike sleeps. Anyway, I guess Giles didn't expect to find Spike in Buffy's room, and Spike didn't expect to be interrupted, especially by Giles, while he was sleeping. Giles was looking for Buffy's diaries. He said that the Council needs to keep them for reference. Spike didn't want to let him take them, and neither did I at first. But then I figured if they could help the next Slayer from dying or at least from dying really early, that the Council should have them. Spike wasn't so giving and it took me bribing him with buffalo wings for dinner to hand the diaries back to Giles. Of course, he mentioned that 'flowering onion thing', too. I *hate* onions, but if it means keeping Spike in line, then I'm willing to compromise. But only a little. And only for Spike. Or maybe Xander if he asked really nicely. Spike really hates being waked up when he's sleeping. I know because I do it on purpose at least twice a day. He makes this really cute face when he's mad, not the scary all fangs look, but a "you're really going to pay for this at sundown, little bit," look that makes his forehead all scrunchy and his cheekbones stand out. Plus his hair is all messy when he wakes up, and it looks so much better messed up than all slicked back. He gets irritated, but it makes me laugh because I know he'll never hurt me no matter what he says. He's just a big puppy with fangs and a really bad bark. Oh God, I really hope he never reads this because then he probably would hurt me! As if! Buffy would *so* come back as a ghost and kick his ass if he ever hurt me. But I still don't want him to read this. Last semester a letter I wrote to Lisa about Kevin fell out of my folder and that bee-otch Kirstie picked it up and actually *gave* it to Kevin! I was so embarrassed because I'd written about how cute I thought he was and how much I really wanted to go to the spring dance with him. Not that I would've been able to go anyway. I was sort of being held captive by Glory then. My birthday is in 3 days. Well, my fake birthday anyway. Who really knows exactly how old "The Key" is? I really hope no one remembers because I'm not in the mood for a big party and cake and everyone trying to make it a special day and all that rot, as Spike would say. Mom would totally freak if she knew I was talking like Spike. She was always getting onto him when he would say certain words around me. You'd never know he used to be all prim and proper before he became a vampire. I guess that's what 126 years of maiming and killing will do to a vamp. Of course, now you'd never know he spent 126 years of maiming and killing as a vampire if you didn't know Spike before he started to change. Spike's doing better and so am I. We haven't argued this week at all, except for his threatening me when I wake him up. I wonder if Buffy ever realized how much he cared about us, all of us - mom, Buffy and me. He proved it to me when he let Glory beat him up because he wouldn't tell her who the key was. Buffy never found out that I went to visit him a few days later. I thought he deserved to know how much it meant to me that he kept who I was a secret. I've accepted that Spike's my protector, and I don't resent him hovering as much now. But more importantly he's my friend and that is what I need right now to help the numbness fade. There's one diary Giles won't be giving to the Council. I made sure no one would find it after she died. I took it from Buffy's room the day of her funeral because it was her real diary. All of the others are just about her slaying experiences. Buffy didn't know I knew about this one, but I was her little sister and little sisters always know more than our big sisters think we do. Like all of the times that Riley spent the night and mom didn't have a clue. There are some things little sisters wish they *didn't'* know as well. I used to sneak it from Buffy's room while she was out patrolling. How else was I supposed to know what was going on? I wish I'd started reading it sooner because then I would've found out about who, or what, I really am. Buffy wrote a lot about Angel and Angelus in this diary, but she also wrote things about Spike. And me. Stuff that she didn't want anyone to find out about, and I'm not going to let them find out either. =========================== |