AUTHOR: Bree
RATING: PG-13 (talk of blood and feeding)
SPOILERS: BtVS Season 5 post "The Gift"
CLASSIFICATION: S/D (friendship - so don't get your knickers in a
twist)
SUMMARY: Dawn makes a journal entry for the first time since the
Scoobies went into hiding from Glory. This will probably be a
continuing story for a bit. I just have to see where Dawn takes me.
This first entry is short, but I expect future entries will get
longer as Dawn feels more comfortable writing again.
DISCLAIMER: As much as I'd love to claim ownership for all things
BtVS, most especially Spike, we all know that I don't own them, but
many more powerful, snake-handling professionals do. With that in
mind, it's all for the fun of it people. LIGHTEN UP!
DISTRIBUTION: Tremble, all of the Dawn and D/S lists I'm on that
archive (too many to remember). Anyone else, please ask first.
FEEDBACK: If you want to live through the night. *wicked smirk* The
choice is yours.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I am a bona fide Dawn and Spike 'shipper. If you
don't like it, then I suggest you don't continue reading any further.
I think the characters (and actors) have a lot of friendship
chemistry that I'd love to see go further *when* Dawn is of age.
It's time to open your minds up folks - Buffy was 15 when she met
Angel, who was 240+ years at the time; Dawn was 14 when she met
Spike, who is only 126+ years. What's the big deal? I beta-d this
myself, so if there are any huge mistakes, it's my fault and mine
alone.
DEDICATION: To all of the D/S 'shippers and whatever 'ship you hope
for them. Thanks for standing your ground everyone! And to Jen, my
best friend and confidante - I miss you terribly. This one's for
you!
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+
Journal entry - July 16, 2001
It's been a long time, a *very* long time since I've written anything
in my journal. It feels a little strange, but then again, everything
feels strange now.
Buffy's dead. Mom's dead. I'm not real, so other than dad, the
Summers family has become extinct. And dad's so non-existent in my
life he may as well be dead, too. He doesn't even know. Not about
Buffy or mom. I should be angry I guess, but I'm not. I'm pretty
much just numb.
I think Buffy said something to Spike the night she died because he
hasn't left my side since we found her. Not even to feed. I've been
feeding him. Well, not me personally, because he can't feed off of
humans, and besides, that's just gross. But I've been taking care of
him. And he's been taking care of me. Not that I need it because I
*am* 14 after all. I don't need a baby-sitter, and I'm tired of
everyone thinking I do. I've not made it easy on any of them either.
I don't mean to make trouble, it's just that I don't know what else
to do. Dad's still my legal guardian, but it may as well be Spike.
As much as I really just want to be alone, I'm afraid of being alone.
And I really don't mind so much when Willow and Tara stay over,
except when they work on spells because their spells usually go
freaky and I'd rather not be anywhere near them when they're
polishing one off. But I don't really want to be away from them
either. Buffy told me that I had to take care of them now. She
didn't say who exactly "them" included, but as far as I'm concerned,
Spike is one of "them." He's sitting in the tree outside the window
in Buffy's room right now smoking because he knows how much mom hated
the smell of cigarette smoke. He pretty much stays in Buffy's room,
saying it's closer to my room than staying in the basement. Giles
wasn't really happy about him staying here with me all the time at
first, but I think he's gotten used to it. Giles even helped move
Spike in by putting up some heavy curtains so could sleep up here
during the day.
Spike's calling me, something he doesn't do often, talk that is, so
I'm going to finish for now. It felt good writing some of this down.
It doesn't change anything, but I feel like a little more of me has
come back now. I guess I feel a little less numb after all.