Are you Canadian?
A Woman?
Both?
If you answered yes to one of those questions, get the hell out of here, your kind isn't welcome here. If you said yes to all of them, do the world a favor (favour, in your language), and jump off a bridge.
Now, with them gone, I can get down to business. This is a tribute to the Man in Black, Johnny Cash.
Johnny Cash died last week, as you should know, since you're not Canadian. They say it was all kinds of illnesses, I say it was from being too much of a badass. Look at it objectively - what kind of self respecting man would let himself live after losing like 18 million awards to Justin Timberlake? That's right, a Canadian "self-respecting" man. Johnny Cash wasn't one of them, which is part of his appeal. So, he checked out. I can respect that. Big ups to you, Johnny, for making that kind of stand.
Now, if that wasn't enough for you, just look at some of the things that Johnny Cash did. Successful addictions to painkillers AND booze, at the same time. A beaten wife. Best-selling books. Cool movies. The most iconic nickname EVER.
That's not even mentioning his music career. 100+ hit singles. A supergroup called the Highwaymen. He wrote songs 40 years ago that still get used in commercials. He showed pussies like Trent Reznor how to properly sing songs like "Hurt". He bitch slapped Depeche Mode's "Personal Jesus". Of course, that's focusing on his more pop based efforts. Look at songs like "Worried Man", "Drive On", or "Cocaine Blues". Completely different styles, moods, et cetera, and they kick the ass of any Top 40 song since 1990.
That's all you need to know. The man was a bad motherfucker, period. Don't believe me? Don't like what I said? Johnny and I have two words:
FUCK YOU!