Interview

Har D. Rection: This must have been very upsetting to you. Besides all this run-around with record companies, you were getting death threats. How did you handle that?
Boil Anger: Excuse you! I wasn't finished yet! After I was dropped from MCA in 2000, Joe helped me get re-signed by Craplantic Records. Isn't he like the best boyfriend? Like I said before dumbass, I deal with the antis by offering them dinner. I'm sweet and rise above it all. How could I not? I'm so incredibly blessed. I'm perfect, and I forgive them for what they cannot be - another me.
Har D. Rection: So, what's the best gift you ever got?
Boil Anger: Material-wise, I got a car for my Sweet Sixteenth. That was pretty cool, like, ya know? My dad's an airline captain, so he bought me a matching BMW - the M3. Except his is black, and mine is red. Those things are tight, man! All the girls were jealous of me when I started driving that to school. Hey, you either got it, or you don't! I can't help being perfect!

Boil Anger - Main

Har D. Rection: So, I understand that you quit school to tour with Joe?
Boil Anger: Yeah - I was done with my junior year when I decided to follow Joe on tour. He was gone for months at a time, and I was afraid he'd cheat. I really had no choice! I mean, Dad offered to put me in college and pay for it, along with the Beamer and insurance. But I gave all that up for Joe! Why? Because I love him. I did really like good in school. I had a 4.25 GPA from my school. Sure, it was no Center Grove, but it was pretty good. I was in all honors classes! Yup! I could've maybe even gotten into Indiana University if I wrote a totally kick butt essay, but I gave all that up for Joe. Why? Because I wanted to be a singer, and I knew he could help me. I know IU has the best School of Music in the nation, but that's for Opera singers. No offense, but I'm above that! I studied three years of Opera when I was a teen and could outsing anyone at that school! I'm too good to need any more training. That's how I feel about dance lessons, too.
People say I was afraid my singing and dancing wouldn't be good enough to make the Singing Hoosiers, but that's not true. I can totally sing and dance at the same time - even be good at it! All of the people who diss me are just so rude and jealous!
Har D. Rection: What are you going to do with all your money from your CD release. Do you plan to donate some to charity?
Boil Anger: Hell no! I worked hard for this money - it's mine! I was planning on buying a mansion - in either Soho or Jersey-
Har D. Rection: Soho doesn't have mansions - just apartments!
Boil Anger: Shut the fuck up! Did I give you permission to talk?! I don't think so!!! Anywayz, so like I want this totally kick ass Porsche. It's black with a red leather interior. Because I write all my songs, I'll get royalties and will be able to buy more things. I won't give any money to charity until I have everything I want. Because, you know, it's all about me! I do what I want, when I want, and I don't care what other people think. If they don't like me, then they can kiss my ass. So what if I piss off tons of people? I'm so talented and smart that I'll make it no matter what! So to all you antis out there, I have one word for you: Fuck off!!!

Boil Anger Interview
by Har D. Rection
   There've been some untrue rumors about the super-sweet Boil Anger floating around. My job as a serious journalist is to debunk the myths.
   Boil Anger is sitting in her lush three-bedroom house with warm cookies and milk. "This is quid pro quo, like totally!" she exclaims. "Eat some of my stuff, and you'll do a nice article, right?" I agree. "It works for my boyfriend - it works for any guy! You flirt, you get what you want. You put out, you get even more. How do you think I got that opening gig for his band?" She continues, "These anti-fans are just jealous and rude, but they're invited to my house for dinner - I make a really mean spaghetti! Just ask my boyfriend, Joe Ritchie. Anywayz, they stand in front of my house holding picket signs and hiss when I invite them in for dinner. I'm so nice - how can they hate me?"
   As I eat her freshly-baked snicherdoodles and drink some Hershey's chocolate milk, I sit on the plush La-Z-Boy sofa. "Why don't you sit on the loveseat with me?" she flirts. How can I refuse?!

Har D. Rection: So, tell me about yourself.
Boil Anger: I'm really sweet, smart, and ambitious. Ever since I was a fetus, I knew I was meant to become famous. I need to bless pathetic people with my talent.
Har D. Rection: So jealous girls hate you. Explain.
Boil Anger: I'm just like so beautiful and talented, I make like everyone totally jealous. Joe Ritchie is like my boyfriend of almost, like, ten years. He's in the group Old Kids on the Block. It like totally pissed us off when New Kids on the Block came out and became like way more famous! They broke the Old Kids' record for first week sales, and it pissed all us old schoolers off - big time!
Anywayz, so like Joe is totally hot and sexy, and everyone wants him. Girls throw themselves at him and say I'm using him for his money and connections. It's totally false! I'm not even materialistic. I love him for him. These girls just want to get down his pants - that's all. Whatever!!!

Har D. Rection: So how old were you when you got signed?
Boil Anger: I got signed when I was 19, for the first time. Madonna from Maverick came to in 1994 to offer me a record deal. I was like, "Ok, but things have to be my way!" Madonna wanted her input to be taken seriously, since it's like her record company. I told the bitch to kiss my fucking ass - I was way better than her! I still am, too.
Then after No Doubt made it big with "Don't Speak," in 1996, I sent my demo to Interscope. They said Trauma mainly dealt with No Doubt, so I went there. They said they aren't pop, so I needed to send it to University. I got so sick of the run-around, I thought, "Fuck 'em!" I'm better than Gwen!
In 1998, I got signed with MCA. That's when I opened for Old Kids on the Block - their "Into the Century Tour." Well, gossip spread that I only got that gig because I'm fucking Joe Ritchie. Of course it's true, but it hurt that people believed it anyway. They didn't release my album after the tour ended, like Jessica [Simpson] and Mandy [Moore]. They dropped me instead.

Right: Even before Boil's first dance recital, she knew she wanted to be a star. She claims to have wanted this since her womb-days.