Luton Town 1 v Wanky Watford FC 2, Kenilworth Road- 2/1/2006

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HEAVY DISCIPLINE

Ahh a regional derby.

There’s nothing like a regional derby match between two nowhere industrial backwaters. The big match sell out tension! The football violence! The police on horseback!

With little else for entertainment, for gutter glamour, for regional pride, fans look forward to this all year. It’s one of the few chances we get to vent our working class frustrations beyond the 9-5 / manual labour / dole weekend wage exodus of dirty pints and 3 am kebabs. You don’t have to watch the Football Factory to know football is a very real source of working class pride, entertainment, and tradition. These things mean something to so many people it’s unbelievable.

With the exception of Carlos “off to the world cup” Edwards, we couldn’t muster the small amount of skill, drive, and huff and puff needed to blow the Watford shit house down. The game was over within 20 minutes after McGregor drove in off his own flick on, via the Kenilworth Road bobbles, and the referee failed to see Malkay kick the ball out of keeper Beresford’s hands and over the goal line following a post-corner scramble. The next 60 minutes was divided neatly between Luton camping in the Watford half without any real penetration and shrewd time wasting by Watford (coined “game management” by manager Boothroyd after the match).

“Game management” is a fucking oxymoric term. You can’t separate what football stands for and a three point reward. The two are the same, and a footballing means to an end doesn’t exist. Eventually you get what you deserve. If Watford come to dive, connive and then expect a shred of credibility to appear on their piss stained reputation like a diamond in cold custard, they’re more fucked up than Elton John. I never thought I’d experience anything more bland and depressing than Sir Elton’s greatest hits, but this caused a vicious re-assertion of dull standards. No wonder Watford couldn’t sell out 1800 tickets for a game just a few miles down the M11.

Let’s get this straight, though. Long ball, negative football can work. But only as a short term solution. It picks up enough points to avoid relegation and keeps the manager and players in a job. But you can’t progress beyond mediocrity if winning a throw-in in the oppositions half is the basis of your attacking threat. You’ll forever stay pissing on the temple of football.

Super Luton lost to Scummy Watford.