This broken wheel is coming undone
And the road's exploding
But you're keeping me strong
Rolling along with you,...

Love is a tower
And you're the key
Leading me higher
When you let me in

Keeping us close,... so close
On down the line

Sometimes I burn like a dot on the sun
With no one knowing
But you're keeping me strong
Moving along with you

You are a tower of
Strength to me
The darkening hour
Sees light again... again

Love is a tower
Of strength to me
I am the shoreline
But you're the sea.. the sea

You are, you are, you are, you are, you...
You are, you are

Life and Death

"Ok, Spike's here, let's go!" Willow called up the stairs of the Summers' house to Tara. Her girlfriend hurried down and they sprinted out the door, waving goodbye to Dawn.

Spike sauntered into the living room, regarding the girl on the couch with a raised eyebrow. "So, what is it this time? New nest of vamps, demons from a hell dimension?"

Dawn shrugged as Spike flopped into the plush chair beside the couch. "I don't know. Nobody ever tells me anything. I thought by now they would let me go to their meetings, but no, still too young. I mean, how ridiculous is this? I'm 15 and they think I still need a babysitter. Other girls in my class have been working as babysitters for three years! Not that I don't like hanging out with you," she added hastily, looking at the floor.

"Well, I don't think I need to tell you you're not like the other girls in your class," Spike began.

Dawn interrupted him, "No, obviously not! I haven't even been a girl for a year. None of them have unleashed Hell on Earth. None of them have lost their mother and their sister!" Her voice cracked as her words became sobs.

Spike moved swiftly to sit beside her on the couch, one arm slipping behind her to rub her back soothingly. With the other hand the lifted her face to look him in the eye. "That's not what I meant. You're not like other girls because you know things they don't. You know how dangerous this town really is. You know little girls can't defend other children from the nasty evil things roaming the streets." He let go of her face but continued to rub her back. "You're also special because you're Buffy's sister. That makes you a likely target for any of the things that go bump in the night."

"Right, I know. You're only here because I'm just a helpless little girl who can't defend myself!" Dawn bit out between sobs.

"And what's wrong with that? Since when is a little protection from the Big Bad something to sneer at?" Spike stood up and strode around the room, frowning at the crying girl.

"Why do you even care? Buffy is dead! What do you have to gain by protecting me? It's not earning you any points with her!"

Spike stopped pacing to stand in front of Dawn who clapped her hand over her mouth and looked up at him with fear in her eyes. He answered her in a voice so low, it was almost inaudible. "I promised her I'd take care of you. I may be a demon, a soulless thing, but I'm also a man of my word. Do not tempt me to break it."

"Oh, God. I'm sorry, Spike. I didn't mean to say that. I just don't know what to do. You're all I have left." She began to cry again.

Grumbling something under his breath about weeping women and ponces, he sat back down next to her, patting her shoulder. "I'm not all you've got. Those witches and that buffoon, Xander, all care about you. Wouldn't know it by the way they're always running off leaving you in the care of a demon, but they do."

"I know, I just miss her. And Mom. And Giles. Why did he have to leave too? He took care of us after Mom died. When Buffy died, I thought he'd stay for me, but I guess he was really only here for her. I want her back, Spike. It's crazy, I know most of these memories I have that make me love her aren't even real, but I still want her back." Her body heaved under the force of another sob. When she regained control she asked, "Tell me something about her? Something real."

A pained look crossed Spike's normally smooth features but he said, "All right Little Bit, if it'll make you feel better. I've got to warn you though, most of my memories are of her kicking my ass."

Dawn sniffed and giggled at Spike's mildly inappropriate language.

Spike recounted his first meeting with Buffy for her little sister. He left nothing out, how he had threatened to kill her, how he had failed. He went on to explain how they'd come to hate each other and how they were eventually forced to work together to stop Angel from destroying the world. He told her that he'd left Sunnydale for awhile after that so he didn't know what she'd been up to in the meantime.

"So, you really left? You kept your word to her even then?" Dawn looked impressed. "Even when you didn't..." She stopped herself from finishing.

"Yes, Pet. I kept my word, even when I didn't love her. I told you, that's just the kind of bloke I am." He smirked and continued, telling her about his brief return to find a way to get Dru back. He didn't bother to get into how he'd captured Willow and Xander, choosing instead to focus on how Buffy had inspired him to take care of his love life himself and how he had given her some advice on her own. After that was another hole in his knowledge of Buffy's activities since he'd taken off again to find his dark lover.

On his next visit to Sunnydale, he'd been implanted with the chip. Spike again left out his unsuccessful attack on Willow which had brought to light the fact that he could no longer bite. They both remembered when he'd been invited in to the Summers' home. They reflected on how odd it was that she could remember him coming in and he could remember her being there, even though she really wasn't.

Spike could think of nothing else to tell her about her sister that she didn't already have a pretty accurate memory of. He tried to think of anything to tell her. She had stopped crying and had been listening to him intently, head on his shoulder, which he was all for, if it meant no more crying. He was spared further wracking of his brain by her next question. "I just don't get it though. I know everything you said is true. She beat you up all the time, even after you couldn't hit her back. How did that make you fall in love with her?"

Spike uttered a harsh laugh. "Hell if I know. How did Angel fall in love with her? Maybe we both have a death wish. I never tried harder NOT to love someone, but the thing is, you don't really get any say in it. You'll understand some day." He broke off at the strange look on her upturned face. "What is it, Pet?"

"Nothing. Just, I think, yeah, maybe I understand." He continued to look at her for a moment and then widened his eyes as comprehension dawned. He leapt off the couch and turned to face her.

"No. No. No, you don't. You don't love me. Don't even. No. Take it back."

Dawn stood and strode towards him as he stumbled back, connecting with the wall. Her fists were clenched by her sides, her face twisted in anger. "Why? Why is it so hard to imagine? We both loved Buffy. Now she's gone and you're the only one who show's me the least bit of understanding. How could I not love you? Do you think I want to? Do you think I want to waste the first love I've ever felt on a guy who's in love with a memory? A memory of my own sister no less? So, yeah, I think you could safely say I get it about not getting to pick who you love."

"Dawn, you know I don't... I can't. You, you're so young." He looked away from her, unable to meet the intensity of her gaze only a few inches from his face.

"Oh, I'm so young," she mocked. "Like I haven't heard that before! I suppose Buffy was sooo much closer to your age! Come on, once you get to be a hundred years older than all the pretty girls, what's another 5?"

He gripped her by the shoulders and moved her back to the couch, sitting her down firmly. "A lot. Five years is a lot at your age, not at mine. Think about it, 5 years ago you were 10. A child."

"No, five years ago I was some random ball of green energy."

Spike growled in exasperation. "You know what I mean. We are not having this conversation! This isn't just about your age. I mean, yeah, you're too young, but that's not the half of it."

"No, don't say it. I get it. You're still in love with Buffy. I probably remind you too much of her as it is," Dawn said in a quiet voice, finally calm.

Sitting beside her once more, he said, "Yeah, I am. But don't think that means I don't want to be around you. It's not like that. It's just, she would kill me if anything happened to you or if I did anything even slightly out of line. I don't know how, but she'd know, and she'd find a way."

Dawn sighed. "You're right, I know her, she'd do it too. Then where would I be? Everyone I love would be gone. No, it's ok. You don't have to love me, it's enough that you're here."

"Dawn," he took her hand and made her look at him, "I do love you. You know that right? You're the only thing on this bloody planet that matters to me anymore. I couldn't bear it if you got hurt. Especially not by me. I'm sorry I can't give you what you want, but you'll always have me here, if I've got anything to say about it. Understand?"

"Right." She smiled ruefully. "You love me like Buffy loved me. Like a sister." He nodded and gently released her hand, getting up to walk over to the cupboard, taking out a deck of cards.

"Alright then, now we've got that all sorted out, what'll it be tonight? Poker for puppies? Kings in the Corner for kittens?"

Dawn laughed and then they both looked up as the front door creaked open and Willow and Tara entered, chatting about their latest demon hunt. Seeing Spike staring at them they stopped and Willow said, "Oh, hi Spike. You can go now if you want. We'll be home for the rest of the night." The witches said a quick hi to Dawn and then headed into the kitchen.

Dawn went to the door to see Spike off. As he reached the front steps he turned to her. "We ok then, Pet? You know I'm here for you?"

"We're ok, Spike. And... thanks."

He flashed her a grin and headed home.

End