(Proverbs 3:5-6)
I wonder how God could be so powerful...to be everywhere all the time..there was a time when I didn't know a God like that existed. Coming from a non-Christian home where no part of religion was wanted...it was if not shunned.
I never felt that I could measure up to the expectations that were put on me growing up.....whether by family, teachers, or classmates.....with 4 brothers who got attention in their own ways, where was mine.....I got it ok but not in the way I wanted or needed....being always in conflict.......I grew from an angry, frustrated child into a confused, broken adult. I never felt accepted or worthy of any ones affection. I just found myself the object of someone's affection at age 9. My innocence was taken away from me...the innocence of growing up with my peers. Instead I had to grow up way past my time. Being forced in every way possible to keep my life at the time a secret took its toll. How can you be content with what you have and who you are when because of someone else's greed, you learn that what you have is to be taken away.
Finally it came to a head. With 2 nervous breakdowns and several suicide attempts in the span of 6 months...I blew...I could no longer hang on to my life....what life I had...I shut out the world...even to God...I wanted no part in that ...why would I want to be a part of God when he puts me through these trials? I learned a lot about myself through all of this...I do matter...the only one that I have to measure to is God. He is the only one I need ot be concerned with.
Through all of this I started being introduced to a God that was a new concept for me. I remember thinking who is this person? How could he be so incredible? I was being filled with a love that I could get without conditions! At the age of 16 I asked Jesus into my heart...a decision that I will never regret. He has showed me time and time again how much he loves and cares for me...and where does he go...NOWHERE...he tells me time and time again he will not leave me. When I think no one cares I have the assurance through his word that he does.
I thank God for what he has done fo me...for what he has given me including himself...for those who he has put into my path. I do not know what God has in store for me...but I know it will be awesome. Can I imagine my life without the Lord Jesus Christ......
NOT A CHANCE!
is
"As The Deer"
