Mourning
Star Productions presents:
A Satirical, Love-Encoded Commentary
Authored by someone who would say, “he
knows enough” about the Maya Calendar and 2012.
Warning: This may be a wake-up call for those of you
who still believe, even a little bit, in the 2012 Galactic Alignment story.
Psychotropic effects may be experienced by reading this out loud to a member of
the opposite sex.
Save the economy: Buy multiple copies of ALL the books
mentioned herein.
Check it out y’all. At
sunrise, on the morning of
While this celestial
pornographic imagery might give some anal-retentive Freudians a woody and
stimulate some sex-starved New Agers, it is in
reality a dire insult and a desecration of the most sacred teachings of the
Maya. In other words, it’s stupid. A sure-fire idiot test for writers and
public speakers is whether they indiscriminately quote John Major Jerkchain (NOT to be confused with John Major Jenkins) on
subjects such as 2012, the Maya Calendar or the Galactic Alignment. From here
on out, we’ll just call him “the John”. I have to admit here that I’m a bit
upset that his parents didn’t name him “Richard”. Maybe next
lifetime.
In A-Puking-Lips 2012,
the author, Larry E. JoeYourself calls “the John” a
“cultural imperialist”. Not too shabby for a two-word description. Emeritus
professor Vincent H. Malmstrom (real name) of
The following is for those of
you who know how to think for yourselves. If you don’t know how to do this,
then skip the next ten (10) paragraphs. If you don’t know how to count
that high, you can start reading again at: This is my first pubic sharing …
The ever increasingly quoted
dates for duh Galactic Misalignment, 1980-2016 are wrong. Simple
fact. Did a significant “galactic” event happen in 1980 corresponding to
the beginning of the alignment? Not! These stupid dates are based on the
alleged movement of the Winter Solstice Sun’s disk as it precesses
across the galactic plane. They originally come from “the John’s”
misunderstanding of a technique that he stole from me … that I made up. Yup,
that’s right, I MADE IT UP. I never intended it to be scientific, only a visual metaphor to assist people to better visualize what
the galactic alignment may be. This must have also helped "the John",
since he now uses it a lot here, ever since he stole it from my 2000-2001 Galaxy
Wave Maya Calendar. This illustration also appeared earlier (1999) in my
co-authored book, Maya Calendar, Voice of the Galaxy, on page 106 with
the CORRECT dates. I know he has a copy of the Galaxy Wave Calendar,
since I have an endorsement from him ("Galaxy
Wave is a simple and straightforward Maya calendar, free of unnecessary complications. Best of
all, it follows the same correlation that the Maya still follow today, the True
Count. This is the same count used at the great Classic Period cities of the
Maya. Now we can track time in solidarity with both the living and ancient
Maya."). Thanks John.
“The John’s” stupid version
of the illustration and its stupid dates did not appear in any of “the John’s”
publications prior to 1999. The imaginary 36-year cycle that the John stupidly
and mistakenly appropriated from my work has no precedence in astrology or
astronomy. Remember, I made it up. It’s an illustration, a piece of art, not a
scientific statement. There is also no 36-year cycle in the Maya calendar, so
people (hello authors in Mystery of 2012), wake
up, because it doesn’t get much more stupid than this. Giving “the John” the
benefit of the doubt, maybe he was just trying to protect himself from
copyright infringement. My attorney keeps reminding me that he hasn’t made
enough money yet to make him worth suing.
The source of this galactic
alignment with galactic center stupidity can be traced back to page 196
in a 1975 book called Invisible Landscape by Terence McKenna (real
title and real name, since he’s now in heaven). Terence was led to the
2012 date by some intergalactic “mushroom aliens” he encountered during his
psychedelic travels. I don’t have a problem with that part. His attempt at
rationalizing the date using pseudo-scientific imagery and astronomy really
sucks and is grossly misleading because his astronomy is bad, really bad. He
also was making shit up like a “heliacal rising of the galactic center”!? Bad
astronomy makes for some dangerous and misleading astrology that fatefully has
aroused the impressionable Pisces, John Major Jerkchain
to perpetual and relentless “acts of self-love”. Maybe someday he’ll do a Jim
Morrison (real name) and whip it out on stage for everyone to see. Then again,
maybe he’s more private, like Pee Wee Herman in a movie theater.
Terence’s “Time Wave” was his
own simplistic, scientific looking attempt at recreating what the actual Maya
Calendar actually does masterfully, like tracking time multi- and hyperdimensionally. It has yet to be scientifically
verified whether the brain tumor that killed Terence was in effect at that
time. In a recent channeling session, Terence came back from the dead and confessed
that he was just goofing everyone.
The most recent version of
this pseudoscientific shell game can be found in Fractal Crime: 2012 and a
New World Rage. This same
author in The Misery of 2012 claims that the 2012 galactic alignment is
fact and scientifically verified. He has been recently voted the most
likely to suckseed as the new reigning king of
2012alignment stupidity.
In reality, if you choose to
believe in such a thing, the galactic alignment peaked in 1998-1999, and ended
in 2001. This is the 1999 leading into the fearful Y2K hoax and September 2001,
the time of the even more fearful 911. I smell a cover-up. On the scientific
side, NASA has put out a press release warning people not to be fooled by such
2012 alignment misinformation. Please buy all this guy’s books as we don’t want
him working a real job anytime soon. The astrological connection, of the real
Galactic Alignment, with the date of one of the most important historical
events of our time (911) was forecast years before the fact, both here Keys Under the
Sphinx and here Galactic
Alignment. If you care, the Winter Solstice Sun is conjunct the
The dark rift in the Milky
Way is said by “the John” to be the Great Mother’s vagina leading into the
underworld. WTF? Leading Mayanist
epigrapher Davey Shoe Fart,
claims it to be an anal passage. Is this professor Shoe Fart’s polite and
academic way of calling “the John” an asshole? Double
WTF? Who’s right? If Shoe Fart is right, how in hell are we to cover our
asses in 2012? If “the John” is right and the First father gets a cosmic
hard-on, we may all get really fucked in 2012. Hide all Vaseline before it’s
too late! Then again, maybe this just means a giant fart will come down from
the sky, emanating from below the photon belt and we’ll just have to hold our
noses for a few hours. I really don’t want to think about it if they’re both
right.
For the scientifically and
left-brain inclined, the Sun never directly eclipses or aligns with the
Galactic Center and the dark rift does not reach the ecliptic, the visual path
of our Sun. In layman’s terms, the Sun never enters the dark rift or eclipses
the
Another one of “the John’s”
sleight of hand tricks concerns the total solar eclipse on
A discussion of 2012
stupidity would not be complete without a mention of Danny Pinchbutt,
the author of 2012, The Return of Kiss All Toads and Tail. After taking
lots of drugs, he claims at the end of his book to be the sole messenger of the
Aztec Serpent god, an obvious phallic symbol. This adds a new, well-written and
articulate psychomythic twist to the expression
“thinking with your dick”. He has also contracted a serious case of the highly
contagious 2012alignment virus. Contrary to rumors on the Internet, every 666th
word of his book is not dosed with a drop of liquid LSD.
This is my first public
sharing since 1999, expressing my new philosophy on life and Maya Calendar 2012
charlatanism: If you can’t beat ‘em, love ‘em like they’ve never been loved before. You may be
wondering by now, as my friends and students often do, about the three “P”s; whether I’m going to say anything “practical, positive
or productive”. Simply stated, here are your three options: 1. You realize that the Maya calendar, like all astrology, is a
map of inner states of being. Forget the big lie that something “out there” is
happening that has any influence on you whatsoever. Find a guide, an authentic
Calendar and start meditating with it, soon. This may lead you to levels of
consciousness beyond the ego where you may connect with your deeper and higher
Self and actually be lovingly present and conscious in your body now and
through when the shit goes down in 2012. Option 2: You fantasize and project
your parent’s genitals on the sky, believe in a galactic alignment that’s
already done and see where that takes you. And Door #3: Choose love fearlessly
in each and every moment. Come on now, how’s that for practical, positive and
productive!
I presently don’t receive any
income from sales of my books (Sedona Starseed
or Maya Calendar Voice of the Galaxy) either on-line or through
bookstores (another story for another time). So, if in your heart of hearts
you’d like to see me benefit from over 30-years of selfless service as the
greatest visionary astrologer on Earth, please send money to Raymond Mardyks P.O. Box 32964 Santa Fe, NM 87594. If you’re really
jonesing to understand WTF is happening to you, I
also do astrology readings. Most importantly, my test to see if humanity
really, really wants to know is whether a producer shows up with the financing
for the definitive 2012 documentary with high tech CGI and/or the full-length
motion picture with the working title Wake the Fuck Up, It’s 2013.
Before closing, let’s look
deeper into the phenomena. Maybe the ultimate secret is encoded in the name
“John Jerkchain.” Imagine now that some ancient Maya
were really, really high on some groovy plant medicines ingested during a
sacred enema ceremony. One of them, maybe even “the John” in a past incarnation
traveled out of his body and saw the truth; that our world was a bacterial
microbe on a turd in a “galactic” toilet. He returned
back to his body with his “vision”, created the Maya calendar and calculated
the inevitable end of the world … the “FLUSH”. Inevitably through the ages a
mistranslation occurred from “shit” in “concentric dish” to “shift” in
“consciousness”. Believe me on this, I’ve done research! As for me, I’m making
extra copies of my Maya calendar, heading back to
If you have reached this
point and are smiling, you are now welcome to request an application for the Preparing for 2013:
Maya Calendar Initiation training. The true inner workings of the Maya
Calendar and the real secrets of 2012 are only accessible after initiation.
Sorry, I didn’t make up the rules here.
If you’re not smiling, you
are karmically required to reread the first paragraph
from, “At sunrise …all the way through … get lucky again”, memorize these lines
and share them with everyone you know. The survival of the human species may
depend on it.
And the Postscript:
If you still haven’t gotten
what 2012 is all about yet, your last hope may be to listen to Taylor Swift’s
song “Change”, really, really loud, with or without headphones, at least two
thousand and twelve times before December 21st, the Winter Solstice
of 2012. Does it matter that December 21st is the Summer Solstice
for the entire southern hemisphere of the planet Earth? Uhhhh … maybe. And if for
some reason you just can’t keep up, remember one thing, it’s a “Love Story …
just say yes”.
Peace y’all.
Return of the Present Moment
will take you home.