What Informed LDS Mormons Want Others to Know Before Joining Mormonism
"This isn't just another 'church.' This 'church' has wrecked many lives, both financially and spiritually. It destroys marriages,..."
Taken from discussion at "Recovery From Mormonism" BBS
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People in Mormonism --- what they say about the religion -- weddings, garments, marriage, and families. This will give good insight to those who are thinking about joining Mormonism.
Taken from "Recovery From Mormonism" bulletin board on May 24, 2000
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Subject: Easy way to make Mormonism sound awful to non-members
Date: 2000-24-05 06:37:12
Author: Christian
As a non-tithe payer and parent of an about to be married in the temple child, I have found one way to make the Church sound awful to those around me is to tell them that I will be excluded from attending my child's wedding because I haven't paid up. You would be amazed at the reaction I get when I tell non-members this.
At least one person was about to investigate the church. When I supplied this information, they wouldn't even let the missionaries in the house again. And then when they see the huge building program of the Church going on (which many of them have actually noticed) they wonder why the Church is extorting the money. Because extortion is what it is, and all of my non-member friends can see it!
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Subject: My sentiments exactly
Date: 2000-24-05 06:53:07
Author: Anonymous
Amen. I agree with everything you've said. My mother will never get over the hurt of not being able to attend my wedding. She flew to the West Coast from New York, and wasn't allowed to attend, because Mormons don't consider her "worthy".
Much to her credit, she did come to the reception despite the immense hurt. I will get a dose of it too. Because like you, I'm a non-tithe payer. I had to stop paying tithing, because of numerous financial setbacks (so much for the theory that you'll be blessed if you pay a full tithing). So, I'm considered no longer worthy, despite the fact I've literally given the Mormon church tens of thousands of dollars in the past. I won't be able to attend the weddings of my children when they get married.
I'm glad you told the investigator what happened. Good for you. That's one less person they can brainwash and indoctrinate. If possible, refer him to this site. I wish you all the best Christian.
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Subject: Re: My sentiments exactly
Date: 2000-24-05 07:47:09
Author: Christian
Anonymous wrote: > I will get a dose of it too. Because like you, I'm a non-tithe payer. I had to stop paying tithing, because of numerous financial setbacks (so much for the theory that you'll be blessed if you pay a full tithing). So, I'm considered no longer worthy, despite the fact I've literally given the Mormon church tens of thousands of dollars in the past. I won't be able to attend the weddings of my children when they get married.
I wonder how many of us there are like this! I am in the exact same position -- after donating at least $40,000 during my working life to the Mormon Church I found myself so far in debt that something had to give.
And nobody would ever claim it was because of some spendthrift lifestyle -- a large family of children finally caught up to me as well as various mechanical failures around the house not to mention unforeseen accidents with automobiles, etc. that really weren't our fault, but left us in a position where we had to spend extra money just to have transportation to get to work. The blessings from tithing are simply not there!
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Subject: The way that works best for me...
Date: 2000-24-05 07:45:48
Author: kym
when I go home to visit friends, or back east to visit family, the topic of "those mormons" is always brought up. I have told them- are you ready for this?- two simple facts about the religion.
Every single person I've explained the church to, reacts very negatively. What DAMNING twist do I place on the church?- Temple weddings that exclude non-tithe paying moms and dads. Undergarments. That's ALL it takes to turn every single solitary person I've introduced the church to. Wedding exclusions and undergarments. Two of the church's most treasured items.
No WONDER they don't offer these things up for scrutiny for investigators. I believe that if most people knew the actual "truth" before joining, 9.8 out of ten would not join. For those who have been in it their whole lives- and surrounded by it- they honestly probably can't see how ricdiculous their "faith" is to the rest of the world.
I laughed a million times when I first learned about "the church". I thought my SIL and others were stretching the truth- couldn't any religion be THAT wacky and yet still be so able to survive.
Hey, that reminds me, what do missionaries tell investigators when they ask about the temple wedding exclusions?
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Subject: Re: The way that works best for me...
Date: 2000-24-05 08:00:12
Author: Christian
kym wrote: > when I go home to visit friends, or back east to visit family, the topic of "those mormons" is always brought up.
> I have told them- are you ready for this?- two simple facts about the religion. Every single person I've 'aplained the church to, reacts very negatively.
> What DAMNING twist do I place on the church?-
> Temple weddings that exclude non-tithe paying moms and dads.
> Undergarments.
> That's ALL it takes to turn every single solitary person I've introduced the church to. > Wedding exclusions and undergarments. Two of the church's most treasured items.
> No WONDER they don't offer these things up for scrutiny for investigators. I beleive that if most people knew the actual "truth" before joining, 9.8 out of ten would not join.
The reality is that only .2 out of ten actually ever join. It's the stupid .2 (I'm one of them) that we somehow have to get to. I look back and wonder how I ever got involved with this church. Actually, it's very explainable, but would require me to reveal more about myself than would be prudent. But let's just say I was in a situation where I was a single person and just about the only non-Mormon around. It was a situation where I literally had no non-Mormons to talk to and no non-Mormon influence. And my non-Mormon parents had practically forced me to get into this situation thinking they were doing me a favor by getting me involved with such moral folks. They now probably wonder what they were doing.
> Hey, that reminds me, what do missionaries tell investigators when they ask about the temple wedding exclusions?
I think they tell investigators as little as possible about this. I think the temple is just barely brought up to investigators by and large. I know when I was on a mission it was hardly ever mentioned except in the context of families can be forever. The main point was get them in the water as soon as possible and then let the Holy Spirit teach them once they get into the Church. In other words, once they're in it will be more easy to indoctrinate them because they've already made the commitment.
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Subject: peer pressure...
Date: 2000-24-05 08:16:26
Author: kym
is one of the reasons people join, it sounds like that was part (if not all) of what caused YOU to join. Any church which cannot allow people to feel "good" about it, and join because they want to- not because they feel pressured into- is just a pile-o-poop IMO [in my opinion].
Please don't feel "stupid" that you were conned into joining- you're not alone on this board! It doesn't help to beat yourself up over it. Just remember, the church does know how to present itself warmly, that's how people fall for it. They sure wouldn't fall for it if the church was presented realistically!
I have a nephew who was in love- and she insisted that he become mormon if he wanted her. He did. And hated it from the beginning. Peer pressure. Works better than reality- just look at how "peer pressure" sells everything on tv from lawn tractors to haircuts to Lexus cars (like who wants to spend THAT much to ride around town?- sorry any Lexis owners, nothing personal, JUST my opinion! A car's a car.)
See, don't beat yourself up- acknowledge and move on. And be glad you can tan your belly now, rather than hiding it as if it is a "bad" "sinful" flesh-pot!
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Subject: Re: peer pressure...
Date: 2000-24-05 08:33:29
Author: Christian
kym wrote: > See, don't beat yourself up- acknowledge and move on. And be glad you can tan your belly now, rather than hiding it as if it is a "bad" "sinful" flesh-pot!
I'm not writing this just to throw a pity party for myself, but it is not that easy. I am in much the same position as Eddie is -- a TBM [true believing Mormon] wife and kids who are tied to the Church completely. Still can't tan my belly in other words.
So I'm writing this for anyone who might be investigating, especially singles. Once you join the Church and marry someone within the Church it is very difficult to just move on when you decide it's a fraud. Escaping the trap can be very wrenching and indeed can destroy your marriage and family completely. This is not like becoming a Catholic or Lutheran or Methodist, folks. Your whole life is controlled by the expectation of the temple and the temple is the absolute source of all of the control over your life which is exercised by the Church.
They can tell you what to think, what to do, and what to say as well as what you can't do and say once they have you in the temple marriage trap. The only way to break out of the temple trap for many of us is a family break-up. Not a pretty picture.
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Subject: Reason number three to use as evidence...
Date: 2000-24-05 08:55:22
Author: kym
to not join the church. Often times you can't get out unless you're willing to leave your family behind. What a great ad campaign- "Families are forever, but only if you're one of us.
I'm sad that your belly is still white, btw [by the way] ...nothing beats a naked tummy on a hot summer afternoon. Perhaps you should try what some others here have done?- leave the garmies off once, just to see how your wife reacts. Tell her, "I'm too hot. If Heavenly Father wants to strike me dead now because of it, so be it!"
Good luck to you and your family. Maybe you should leave this board for her to see...you never know. BTW- I get the impression (from your handle), that you're Christian. If so, maybe you should start using Jesus from the bible- for instance, read scriptures about Jesus from the gospels...read the story of making water into WINE at the wedding (where EVERYBODY was invited, btw). Talk about how Jesus embraced the humble and ransacked the tithe collectors outside the temple.
If your wife starts to see that there is mucho-differenceo between the biblical accounts of "Christinaity" and the mormon accounts of it- she might start to doubt. "Once in doubt, there's no way but OUT"! (Sorry, I'm sort of a freak by nature.) :)
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Subject: Eddie and I must be twins
Date: 2000-24-05 08:55:55
Author: Anonymous
Like Eddie, I am heavily pressured into paying tithing from TBM [true believing Mormon] wife, but I've had to explain that there just is no money. We don't live extravagantly, live in a small house, drive two older cars, haven't even gone on a vacation in awhile, but the unexpected financial setbacks have really floored us. My wife blames me, because of my "lack of faith" and refusal to pay tithing. Of course, the fact that she quit her job, because the Prophet said that a woman shouldn't work outside the home never occurred to her. What brilliant logic!! I tried to gently point out that we wouldn't be in this financial mess if we didn't pay tithing. I said if I continue to get the kind of "blessings" that I did when I paid a full tithing, that I'll have to file for bankruptcy.
Like Eddie, I'm at a crossroads. I'm facing heavy pressure to pay tithing, and go along with the program, but refuse. I will literally lose my home if I pay tithing. I know the TBM's on the board are anxious to write back, and angrily say there are other options. Well, the other option is going on church welfare which I refuse to do. Is that really an option? Isn't that extortion?
Like Christian says, if there are any investigators out there watching these postings, I hope they learn from our mistakes, and realize what life in the church is really like. This isn't just another "church." This "church" has wrecked many lives, both financially and spiritually. It destroys marriages, because of the church's pressure on the non-active member to either join the church or to re-activate yourself. Like Christian says, it's not a pretty picture.
But going back to that original posting, it will bother me for the rest of my life that my mother couldn't attend the wedding of her only son. And it will bother her.
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Subject: What if...
Date: 2000-24-05 09:04:38
Author: kym
you guys have a second wedding? Reaffirm your vows? Do it YOUR way this time. I am shocked at how many people over the past year and a half (since I've been here) have said essentially what you say- that they will never get over missing their kids' weddings, or missing their parents at their own.
I was in the drs. office, and happened upon a copy of Ensign. Having heard about it here, but never having read it, I picked it up. Inside was an article about a girl who was "sad" because her non-member parents were not going to be able to attend her wedding. The article went on to quote the BOM etc., on how "worthy" people alone are allowed in, yada yada. It finally concluded with the girl, still tearful and sad, able to "accept doing the right thing in the eyes of our Heavenly Father".
I wish I'd have ripped that article out and plastered it someplace obvious- for it was supposed to make a person feel BETTER about not having parents at the wedding, but all I felt was sorry for that poor little naive girl who was denied her MOM AND DAD at her own wedding, which is supposed to be one of a person's most important "family" moments.
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Subject: Good idea kym, but...
Date: 2000-24-05 09:18:57
Author: Anonymous
My TBM [true believing Mormon] wife would never go along with it. If you were married to an obsessive TBM like I am, you'd understand that there is no such thing as a compromise. It would make the most sense, so that non-member family members and friends would be able to share your special day, but fanatical TBM's don't think that way.
That article you referred to in the Ensign really struck a chord with me... because I used to think the same way. How could I possibly have justified excluding my parent's from my wedding? It show's how complete a brainwashing job the church does on it's members, to teach their members that it's OK to exclude family members from weddings, because the church doesn't consider them "worthy". Excluding family members will promote stronger families and better family values?! I don't think so!!! My parents didn't rob a bank, they just weren't members.
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