current mood: thankful.
current music: dashboard confessional. melody
11/08/06 �
current mood: loved. and a bit crappy. and lonely.
current music: rocket summer (playing in my head). melody
10/29/06 �
current mood: happy.
current music: emery. melody
10/29/06 �
current mood: blah, i guess.
current music: the rocket summer. melody
10/28/06 �
current mood: eh, i dont know.
current music: paramore. melody
10/28/06 �
current mood: disapointed.
current music: thrice. melody
10/24/06 �
current mood: numb.
current music: explosions in the sky. melody
10/24/06 �
current mood: numb.
current music: dashboard confessional. melody
10/23/06 �
current mood: heart broken.
current music: nothing. melody
10/22/06 �
current mood: heart broken.
current music: damien rice. melody
10/21/06 �
current mood: content.
current music: further seems forever. melody
10/21/06 �
current mood: happy and content.
current music: dashboard confessional. melody
10/21/06 �
current mood: sad. very very sad.
current music: nothing. melody
10/21/06 �
current mood: loving.
current music: between the trees. melody
So today I have off from school. Finally. School is really getting to my head. I cant stand it anymore.
I do want to mention that I am very thankful for everyone who is or was in the service. They are/were so brave. Fighting and risking their lives for our freedom. Whether or not I support this war or any other war doesnt change that I support our troops. It's not their fault that we are in war. So anyways, thanks guys.
I'll write back when I have the energy. Ok, I care for you guys. Remember that. Every single one of you.
I'm am very thankful for the friends i have. The day before yesterday and last night I felt like a used-up piece of crap. I felt very very alone. I felt as if God had abandoned me. I was deeply hurting. I didnt say a word about feeling bad yesterday and my teacher could tell right away that something was wrong. I looked the same as when I'm normal. But he could read me and told me I needed a hug, which was true. I did need a hug. But not just from a human, but from God. I missed my friends in Orlando because no one here really understands me. People are usually nice to me but no one can relate to me as much as my friends back in Orlando could.
Anyway, back to the reason I am thankful for my friends. Last night, like I said, I felt like crap. I told my friends in Orlando and a couple from Chico (the ones that make up the band Everyday Heros, who you should really check out on http://www.myspace.com/everydayheroca) to pray for me and they said they would. Oh wow, I adore them. I love them. Pretty much. Basically. In a nut shell.
Oh, I have to go. If you could pray for me, that would be awesome. Please and thank you! Muah! Love ya!
Today I went to church at Chico Community Church. It was awesome. Kimm didn't go though. I was a little sad. But I got to have a really good conversation with John about God, Jesus, and some other things. He's really insightful. He�s a good guy. All of them are. I adore them. Come to think of it, I really admire them. When I say them I�m talking about John, Ian, Colin, and Brian. They are very sweet to me. Colin is letting me borrow his brother�s book, One Thing You Can�t Do In Heaven.. I can�t wait to read it.
I have so much more to say, but I can�t think of the words. So I guess instead I�m going to say goodbye for now, and I�ll write more later. God bless you all.
I went to Rylan's goodbye party. It makes me sad that he's leaving. He really made an impact on my life. Him, Lee, and Nick. They were my boys last year.
I went to the candle light rememberance thing. I almost cried at one point. I mostly laughed because everyone was telling funny stories about the boys. I saw Eva there. (She's a friend from when I went on a mission to New Orleans.) I saw a couple people who went to my elementary school and junior high school. I got to talk to Collin's parents. They were really nice.
I'm going to church today with Kimm, Brian, Ian, Colin, and John. Kimm doesn't usually come but she wants to go today. I didn't even know she was saved. It makes me so happy, because I really care about her.
Colin is getting me a book called One Thing You Can't Do In Heaven. I'm really excited. I think it's about sharing your faith.
Well, I'll write more later. I love you guys. God bless.
I want to lighten up the mood by showing you some love.
Hope you enjoyed.
So today is Colin and Allan's candle light rememberence at the crash site. I'm going, of course. I missed Allan's funeral because I had to go out of town yesterday. I was a little disapointed about that.
Today is also Rylan's going away party. Rylan is a good friend of mine. He's really helped me through hard, tough times in my life. I love him like a brother, honestly. That's how I see him. Anyway he is going into the service November first. He will be missed. I know I already miss him.
I am pretty much melancholy right now. Melancholy Melody. I am very... I don't know. My heart just breaks for all of Allan and Colin's friends and family. My heart rejoices when I think of how they are both in Heaven with their Father.�
Anyway I'm going to go. I love you all. Seriously. I do.
I'm numb. I miss Jesse. He was my best friend here in Chico and he's been missing since April. I loved him. He had turned into a meth addict. I am praying but I think he's dead.
Here are a few bible verses to help Chico get through the days after this tragic crash. I don't know if this is going to help or not, but I just thought I would show you what I read today.
Psalm 25:16-17 Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afficted. The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish.
Psalm 73:25-26 Whom have I in Heaven but you? And Earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Proverbs 3:3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding.
Ecclesiates 3:1-8 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Isaiah 40:29-31 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
John 14:1 Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Romans 5:3-4 Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Psalm 126:5 Those who sow in tears
will reap with songs of joy.
This last verse is important because the boys were Christians, which means they are in Heaven, looking down on us, sad that we are crying but yet still smiling over us.
John 6:47 I tell you the truth, he who believes has everlasting life.
REMEBER TO TELL PEOPLE TODAY HOW MUCH YOU LOVE FOR TOMORROW MAY BE TOO LATE.
The death of these young men reminds us how death can sneek up on you at anytime.
MAY GOD BLESS YOUR SOUL.
RIP ALLAN FLEMING AND COLLIN SWEENEY.
Okay, i just found out that both of the boys were Christians, so they are with Jesus in Heaven. This reminds me about the verse in Psalms 73:26 that says: "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." That is the last thing Staci Stevens wrote in her prayer jounal before she died.
I just want to tell you all how much I truely love you. I pray for you everyday. Please tell everyone you love and care about just how special and important they are to you today, for you never know when it will be too late. Just remember that I love you and care for you.
GOD BLESS YOU.
RIP ALLAN FLEMING AND COLLIN SWEENEY.
Turns out Collin was my good friend's neighbor, her close friend, and brother in friendship. Her name is Cambria and I want everyone to please pray for her broken heart and that Jesus would just wrap her in love, hold her, and that God will help her through the tragic time. Please pray the same thing for Collin and Allan's family. Cambria just told me that Collin was a Christian but we don't know about Allan. Anyway your prayers would mean a lot to them. Thank you so much.
This is a message that is going around myspace because of the boys deaths: Life is to short to sweat the small stuff... its to precious to fool around with...such a jewel to be treasured forever and always...to short to hold a grudge...please just REMEMBER THAT...and pass it on. Tell ur loved ones how much their TRUELY LOVED...as much as u can. I loved collin and alan...and always will and I love all of you!
GOD BLESS.
Hey again. I want to give praise to God for letting me meet these three boys who make up the (awesome, amazing) band Everyday Hero. They are all really nice. I'm glad I got to meet them. I pray that I will get to know them better because they seem nice and down-to-earth, unlike a lot of bands. So anyway if you don't know who they are, go to www.myspace.com/everydayheroca.
RIP ALLAN FLEMING AND COLLIN SWEENEY. (They died in a car crash today.) You will surely be missed. I pray that you are both with God in Heaven.
Dear friends, I went to a new church today. It was called Chico Community Church. I really liked it. The sermon was well done. We talked about how God looks at the heart. The pastor, Gary, talked about what God looks for in people. God is looking for who people who are willing and available, dare to be different, people who follow him completely and people who never give up. I am more than willing to be this person. I love God. Did I tell you about the "I love Jesus" hat? I wore it a couple days ago all proud of God and everything, but by second period I had taken it off. So many people teased me about it that I felt like being ashamed of my faith in God. But I realize now that I should be more than proud about my personal relationship with Him and by wearing the hat (which I will be tomorrow at school) and I hope that people ask me about it so I can share about my faith and God's love. Well I need to go do a couple of things so I will write back later.
Dear Jesus, I know You have a plan for everyone but I just don't understand it sometimes. Why was it PV student Alan's time to die? He was only a senior in high school. I know, I know. It was his time to go I guess. I wish I knew if he was saved or not. If he wasnt that would be the worst thing ever. I pray for his family right now that You would comfort them during this tragic time right now. Oh man, Jesus. No one who hasn't lost someone can comprehend how hard it is to lose someone close to you. I only know how hard it is for someone semi-close to you and it hurts so bad, so I can only imagion how amazingly difficult it is to lose someone in your immediate family! Oh wow, I cannot describe to you how much my heart is breaking right now for Alan's family. My heart is crushed. I didn't really know him, I mean he went to my school and my brother knew him and everything, but I didn't have a personal relationship with him, but still I cried for him and his family. All I can say is WOW and how sad. Jesus please please please just confort and hold Alan's friends and family. They need it so bad. I pray that if they don't know You that You would open their hearts to You and they would come to You. Amen.
Dear Jesus, I have a few things I would like to pray for.
First of all, I pray for Your forgiveness for myself, my family, and my friends. I pray for forgiveness for the world.
I pray that You will continue to bless and help lead my pastor, my youth leaders, my president, the government, state leaders, and local leaders.
I pray for all Christian missionaries around the world. Bless them and help guide them. Help them reach to people who need You but don�t already have You.
I pray for my church and everyone in it. Bless us and keep us.
I pray like the song that You would take me, and save me, and change me, and then make me, and embrace me, and then brave my heart for You.
Lord, I pray for myself that you will keep me strong during this time of hurt and confusion.
I pray that my trip to Orlando, FL in December will be fun and never a dull moment. I pray that it will be a safe trip. I pray that I can live there next year.
I pray that the ACE-Life academy trip to Yountville on Tuesday will be fun, exciting, and safe.
I pray for good health for all those I know and love, including myself. I also pray for happiness and joy for them and that they would know You.
I pray that You will answer my friends and family�s prayer request.
I pray for Matty and my relationship that it would only grow stronger and that You would be a big part of our relationship. I pray that neither of us would be tempted to be with someone else. I also pray the same thing for Beefy and Vianna�s relationship. I pray that the relationship between me and Erica would grow stronger everyday.
I thank you so much for every blessing You have given me, including Erica, Matty, the Leppards, all my other loving family, and the Ramirez family, who might as well be my family. I thank you for wonderful friends.
I pray that my relationship with You would grow stronger.
I pray lastly that You would answer my prayer requests. I love You with all of me. Let me not be ashamed of that. Amen.
