| words from the grave - part 1 killing me. . . ...under construction... "so you write me an e-mail, and you say that you don't want to offend me. then the e-mail you write is solely devoted to bashing me, and you expect me not to be offended. i could care less about your opinion, and if you wanted to have any chance of working things out, you went about it the wrong way. i don't know who you think you are, but you're not who you're trying to be. so don't try to impress me or try to make me think you're cool, because you act bad, or you're trying to make me think you're a rebel. [she] likes me because she gives respect and gets respect in return. maybe you should try that sometime. you may get somewhere in life. you don't try to fix relationships by attempting to make the person feel crappy, which you didn't because your opinion means nothing to me. you said things in the e-mail i just recieved that make me want to dislike you even more. so no i don't think this relationship will be fixed any time soon, and you think i'm mean, just think about all the stuff that you've said to me. and then think why i'm mean. [she] is my best friend in the world, and she loves me, as an awesome friend. neither of us care what you think about us and [she] heard your e-mail, and she's not too happy with what you said about my character, and obviously you were calling her a bad judge of character so i think that you should've thought that e-mail before you sent it because i don't think that you'll be gettin' this fixed. i care about [her], so much, with no equivocations, and neither i nor her care what you think. but anyways, thanks for the e-mail, write back if you want." "are you on drugs? . . .ok whatever you damn crack whore." "well, i'm darn sure it's nearer than mine. it doesn't work when you try to makes somebody's large problems smaller by trying to have your own problems and act like they are as bad. you don't know what i've dealt with, i bet you've never looked into your sister's eyes as you held her down because you had to fight with her to restrain her, i bet you've never actually had to fight somebody close to you, like actually hit them because if you didn't they were gonna try to beat the snot out of you. well i thought not. don't try to make your problems as big as mine if they aren't as big as mine, i seriously have so much emotional baggage it's not funny, but then again, what is?" "you are so damn witty. . .i'm just so happy that i have a friend who can insult me in 'new' and 'different' ways all the time, i mean what would our relationship be if we didn't have insults and backbiting and lack of respect for other people's space? oh yea, a friendship. maybe you should consider acting like a friend, not an outside cynical force screwing up my head by filling it up with insults and destroying and self esteem and sense of self worth that might have been there. now, thanks to you, i have been reduced to the emotional state of an 8-year-old. thanks a lot, why don't you go ruin somebody else's life? and don't say it's not your fault, because all you have done recently is tell me that i'm wierd or screwed up, or insult me in front of my friends. i hope you get it back 300 times as bad. i don't see what i did to you to make you hate me so much. all you do is treat me like a frickin 8-year-old and pat my fuckin head and humor me. then, of course, you have to make friends with my friends and destroy my relationships with then. i don't really care if this hurts your feelings, because you have hurt mine. can't you treat other people with dignity and respect sometimes? ot didn't you learn that in christian school? i know it's nice to have lots of friends, but why do you have to destroy my friendships with those people. you are so bloody controlling it's mind boggling. i think you're jealous of my other friends when i hang out with them instead of you. why else would you seek to make their opinions of me see less, and their opinions of you seem more, now this is going to be seem like i am a big jerk and i'm picking on you, but the thing is, i don't think you would be a very good psychologist, because although you have figured out some of how a person's mind works, you haven't managed to tell the difference between benefitting and destroying it. i hope you're happy, cause i'm fuckin miserable, and it's all your fault." "shut up about love, i don't wanna hear it. all i hear is this crap about love. truth is, i'm tired of love, if love is what you're in, you should get out. because it's killing me, and all i really want to do is be friends with you, but it's like you are trying to stop me from moving on, and it's bugging me. i am not your boyfriend, and we can't do anything, so if you don't want anything to happen you have to accept some responsibility in this, don't sit in the chair behind me, don't jokingly say things that have some meaning in then, and just don't. i don't and you don't need any of this grief. i'm an calling an end to your 'love'. and saying move on, please, it's what we both need. just move on. if you can't then i just can't talk to you anymore, the choice is here, either darn well move on and we can start being friends, or don't move on and there would be nothing. [this other girl] wouldn't move on for a while and now we aren't friends. there really is only one outcome, but there is the easy way and the hard way, the hard way means that there will be no friendship. i have to lay it down like this, because this whole thing sucks and you know it. i think that covers it all." "i never said that you had a perfect life. that wasn't the point of the last email. the point was, well, you know. anyway, stop being scarcastic. or maybe cynical. i'm not sure. i think there is a personality conflict here. you have too much of one, and i don't have one. maybe that's it. i just need some sonber seriousness out of you sometimes. don't you ever just stop and think and not say what you are thinking? maybe some things are better left unsaid, but other things just need to be." "and i'm not friggin in love either. love's not like this. i'm just confused cause one minute you're all like, i wanna have sex with you and the next you won't even talk to me. i don't get it. and it's hurting me more than you'll ever know. and i have moved on. i moved on a long time ago. i just don't think you have because if you had you wouldn't keep trying to make out with me. i mean, why can't we just be friends, plain and simple. i don't want to make out with you whenever i'm around you, contrary to whatever you may think. i just don't. k, i'll admit i like being close, but that's all. it doesn't mean anything. i just like it. it's not like i'm trying to make out with you every time i touch you or every time we're in the same room together. i just hope you'll realise that eventually." << back next >> |