| �When I met Andie � that first day, her sheer spirit and peppiness was what attracted me to her. I had never met someone who caught my attention without so as much trying at all. She � god, she was a wonderful soul. �But after we started dating, I noticed something. She was very emotionally at times, and sometimes little things would send her into hyperactive mode. This would have been highly unusual, but considering her family�� �Uncle Jack?� Mera questioned. Pacey shook his head. �You have another uncle. Tim was Andie and Jack�s older brother. He was killed in a car accident shortly before they moved to Capeside. But your grandma � she never got over the guilt of the accident. She had been driving. Jack and Andie were devastated, too. But your grandmother � went off the deep end. She had to be constantly monitored, and was heavily medicated. She saw Tim everywhere, believed that he was still alive.� �And my mother? Was she okay?� �For a while, yes. But she was the glue that held her family together. She had to play the mature mother figure, since her mother was not mentally stable enough. And that got to her.� �Was she sick too? Sick like I am?� Pacey thought back to his 16th year. He thought of Andie�s slow decline. At first it had been little things � a twitch here or there. But it had rapidly escalated. Before he knew it, he was confronting Andie at her home � locked in the bathroom with a vision of her dead brother Tim. He had been able to coax her out, but � mentally drained � she�d nearly collapsed. He had comforted her after the fact � she in her bed, beneath the covers � small and confused. Just like Mera now. Mera � the daughter she never got to watch grow up. Never got the pleasure of raising, of loving and guiding. Pacey relayed this to Mera. He told her how Andie�s final break down had prompted her father�s decision to send her away for help. How, over that summer, Andie had been confused and had made some mistakes. �She had an affair?� Mera asked, matter-of-factly. Pacey nodded. �Yeah. And when she returned, I couldn�t forgive her for it. She made one big mistake, but I couldn�t see past it. That was when we drifted apart. Those were the tough times.� He relayed how they had graduated together, and how Andie had disappeared. He�d foolishly convinced himself that she had gone off to a superior school. �She didn�t�� Mera submitted, getting a feel for the story�s direction. �No. She moved out to Providence. There on in, I don�t know the exact details. I was still here in Capeside, but she had gone to create a life for herself without me.� �With my father?� Mera questioned, tentatively. Pacey clenched his jaw, and for a moment, Mera was afraid he wouldn�t answer. When he did, his voice was low. �Yes. She married Ralston Mackey. He was from a prominent family, I suppose they moved in together. She was twenty-one years old when you were born. Mera Timothy McPhee. I assume the Timothy was for your Uncle Tim � as well as the cartoon mouse in Dumbo. She loved that movie�� his eyes shone once, before the dull indifference returned. �Mera � I can�t say anything about your father that I don�t know. I wasn�t there when he married Andie. I wasn�t there when you were born, or when you took your first steps.� Mera forced a smile. �Did he love me, Pacey?� �I � I don�t know, Mera. I can�t imagine him not. You were a well-behaved little girl. But he�� Pacey�s mind reeled, editing his words before they were spoken. �He did some things to your mother. He didn�t treat her the way he should have. The way I�d have treated her.� �He didn�t love her?� Pacey shrugged. �I don�t know that for sure. Maybe he did. Perhaps he just had a funny way of showing it � a cruel streak.� �Did he at least care when she was dying? Or was that when he left?� Pacey licked his lips. He thought about Jen�s words to him, �the longer she goes on believing a lie, the longer you�ll have deceived her.� �Mera. Your mother didn�t die of a terminal illness. I � I lied to you.� �You lied? You deceived me about my own mother? You had no right, Pacey!� She tore the covers off her bed, prepared to sit up. But when she looked into his eyes, when she was preparing to be angry � she couldn�t. She saw Pacey�s troubled expression. She saw the pain and guilt written on his face, the effort it had taken him to get this far. �I�m sorry.� �No, I�m the one should be sorry. I � I didn�t know what to do. You were beginning to ask me questions, and I had no idea how to answer them. I should have asked for help but � I didn�t. I was scared. When I adopted you, the doctor at the orphanage suggested therapy. He thought you could benefit from that type of help � thought I could too, after everything�� �But you disagreed.� �No, not so much. I � I didn�t want to accept help. You were two years old, Mera. Both your mother and grandmother had a mental illness. I knew the research on heredity links. I knew it could happen. But I refused to believe it. I fooled myself into believing that if I ignored it, if I ignored the warning signs � maybe I could prevent it. I could spare you the pain and the hurt. But�� |
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