what12

�Also with her history � mother murdered by father��

�Um � actually, Jen? Mera doesn�t know that.�

�What? Pacey! Every time we talk, I insist you tell her the truth. She can�t go on being lied to.�

�But I have lied to her, Jen. I already made that mistake. When she finds out I�ve lied to her for all those years��

�Pacey, the longer she goes on believing a lie, the longer you�ll have deceived her. It�s never too late to tell the truth. Even so, then � she lost her mother at a very young age. She didn�t have a stable family stance to begin with, either. Add in the being carted to a new town to live with a complete stranger � sorry � it has to have affected her. Maybe not at 2 �, but bad things have a nasty way of catching up.�

�So it�s not just teen angst?�

�Like I said, Pace. I can�t really say for sure over the phone.�

�But with what you know��

Her voice was solemn. �With what I know, what you�ve told me, no. It�s more. I�m sorry.�

A heaviness had entered his heart. After everything he�d done, every effort he�d made �Mera had still ended up ill. The curse from her mother�s family had caught up with her.

�What can I do?�

�Get help. And I�m serious about this Pacey, I�m not just suggesting this to you. I�m telling you now � as a professional and as a friend. If you want to help Mera � you need to get her help. If it�s as serious as it sounds, it won�t just go away.�

Pacey swallowed loudly. �Damn.� He thought of Mera, in her room, solitary confinement. What must she be thinking, how must she be feeling after her earlier explosion? Could she understand what was happening to her?

�Pacey � I�ll get a list of people to contact over there, and have it faxed to you. But please, please don�t wait. This could just be the beginning of something very bad.�

* * *

She didn�t want to hurt Pacey. The last thing she ever dreamed of was deliberate action that would result in the destruction of Pacey�s faith and trust in her � in the destruction of their little makeshift family unit.

But this was love. Mera told herself that, �love conquered all�, therefore love came above all else. If a stupid rule on Pacey�s part was going to deny her a chance at love � shouldn�t she defy said rule? In the future, wouldn�t Pacey forgive her anyway � when he realized how in love she was with Vartan, and how what he�d said could have ruined that?

�Thank goodness for your defiance,� he would tell her, bestowing a hug. �I could have ruined your life!�

Alright, or perhaps she was overestimating Pacey and a possible reaction. Still, she had to have some excuse, some logical reason to be sneaking out of the house on this Saturday morning.

It was ten thirty in the morning, and she was going to meet Vartan and Jeff downtown, where she hoped Jeff would then leave them to their own devices for the movie. She had many possible outcomes to this scenerio too.

Mera made a lot of possible outcome lists � for everything from tests, to arguments, to questions. It was a way for her mind to feel organized � and she had recently adopted it as something to help. A disorganized mind � for her � was like a messy room to a neat freak. She absolutely needed to feel organized to do anything � to continue with her days.

So the possible outcomes helped. It also lessened the impact of a negative outcome. With her emotions running seemingly wild lately � she couldn�t risk a blow out in a public area. Therefore, when she hypothesized a negative reaction, when/if it ever happened she was better equipped to deal with it.

But today she was happy � ecstatic even. She was going on her very first date. It was with Vartan O�Reilly, whom she thought absolutely divine. She was going to have her best friend there for morale support. And Pacey would never have to know � at least not yet.

First date. Jeff often told her she could not believe Mera had never been asked out before. That no guy had ever taken interest in her before enough to risk an ask-out. Truth was, though, guys had risked it, they had asked. But she�d always said no.

It wasn�t as though the interest wasn�t there � sometimes it was. But Mera simply believed that, like with her mother and Pacey, when true love arrived, she would know. She would be able to physically sense it in herself. And until then�
She had asked Joey about her mom and Pacey � what they had been like together, why they had parted. And though she remained mum on the parting element (�I really think Pacey should be the one to tell the stories��) she offered up bits of wisdom on her own life.

She loved talking to Mera about Dawson � about her growing up together, their joining with Pacey. Joey said that she had pretty much always been in love with Dawson Leery. But that she�d really shown and felt it in her 15th year. The group started high school, and Jen Lindley came to town � threatening any possibility with Dawson.
Year end, the two were together � though somewhat awkwardly. And though things had repeatedly pulled them apart � then back together again, bliss had ensued.

�I realized there was no running from my heart,� Joey liked to tell Mera, her eyes dreamy and her voice far away. �I had always known.�
It was this philosophy Mera based her own beliefs on. Joey was her confidant on matters of the heart. Asking Pacey would just have been too weird. Plus, he hardly ever openly spoke of her mother � and if she was his true love, as Joey and Dawson had told her, then he would not have been any help. As for dating advice, there had been an eager Jeff.