| She shook her head. �No� I owed it to you to tell you the truth after the way that I acted when I found out about you and Joey in the first place� Pacey I acted as if I was some scorned, betrayed girlfriend who had a right to know whom you were dating or loving. I felt justified in my actions but in all honesty I was just the jealous ex-girlfriend who got her feelings hurt. I said some really horrible things to you. I made it seem as if you coming and telling me beforehand that you felt something for Joey would have changed my reaction to what happened. It wouldn�t have and I acted like some high and mighty victim when I wasn�t. I reamed you for not being honest and keeping this secret when we both know that I have no room to talk. I just didn�t want this to be something that got between our friendship again. And after everything that has been said and done between us, I just felt like I owed it to you to be honest that�s all.� �I appreciate it.� He remarked. She nodded. �I�m glad.� He waited a beat before speaking. �I hope you don�t think that the four of us will be heading out on double dates anytime soon or anything.� He stated. �I wouldn�t dream of it� I�m optimistic Pacey, not suicidal.� He laughed as they stood there in the chilly Fall afternoon. Potter Bed and Breakfast� They sat across from one another with mugs of hot chocolate in front of them. They were at opposite ends of the table but it felt more like opposite ends of the world. Her hands clasped firmly around the hot mug she sighed as she took in the scent of her hot chocolate. �Your sister always made the best hot chocolate.� He threw out feeling the awkward silence engulf him. She nodded but said nothing. She didn�t know what to say. How do you hold a conversation with the guy that once had been closer to you then your sister? Brushing a lock of loose hair behind her ear she let her finger trail around the ring of the cup. He looked up at her briefly before letting his eyes drop back to the dark brown liquid that was in his cup. Taking one hand he ran it through his hair roughly as he sighed deeply before plunging in. �You know when you and Pacey got together, I thought� I thought it was the worst thing in the world that could happen to me.� She stared at him intensely almost afraid to blink. She knew how sensitive this subject was for him. �I mean� you were my best friend, my girlfriend, my better half. You were� you were mine. And you know when I say that it sounds so ridiculous because I should have known Joey that you don�t belong to anyone, not completely anyway. And that�s the way it should be. But for a long time there was a part of you that did belong to me. And then Pacey came along and you gave him a part of you� that even I couldn�t touch. And for some reason you two being together seemed like such a monumental ordeal. As if the heavens fell from the sky and were swallowed by engulfing waters. It was so huge and now that I sit here across from you� I realize that it�s not. I now understand that you two being together� it hurts, but I could get pass that. I�m not saying that I wouldn�t have been upset and angry but people can�t help the way they feel.� He stopped momentarily finally seeing where his ramblings were taking him. �It was never my place to forgive you for being with Pacey. I understand that. But it is my place to choose whether or not I can forgive you for lying to me. I think that�s why this is so hard for us. You have never blatantly lied to me before.� He stared at her and saw the unshed tears in her eyes which he knew mirrored his own. �Pacey and I never set out to hurt you Dawson.� �I know. No one sets out to hurt those that they love, but you had a choice. You made the decision to keep your feelings a secret from me and I just� I don�t know what to do with that. I just need time.� He whispered. She swallowed hard and brushed the tears from her cheeks. �I can do that. I can.� �The reason� why I came here is to tell you that Andie and I are seeing one another now. I wanted to tell you. I felt it was important to be honest with you. And maybe you don�t care about my social status because at this point I don�t know what we are anymore� but I never want you to feel as though I lied to you about anything� I�m going to go.� He finished quietly. Taking a stand he stared at her. There was still so much between them that couldn�t be said at the moment. There was this story left untold for the moment� and maybe that was their destiny. Turning he began the short walk to the door when her voice stopped him. �Does she make you happy?� Her voice was laced with a desperate need to hold on. To what he wasn�t sure. Happy? He didn�t know there could be happiness after life with Joey Potter. �Yes.� It was a short, quick response that needed no more of an explanation. |
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