"I know," I said.
"If you wish," said he, "we will slay you first."
"I," I said, "I do not want to die." I lowered my head, burning with shame.
In my eyes in that moment it seemed I had lost myself, that my codes had been betrayed, Ko-ro-ba my city dishonored, even the blade I had carried soiled.
I could not look Ho-Hak again in the eyes. In their eyes and in mine, I could now
be nothing, only slave.
"I had thought the better of you," said Ho-Hak.
"I had thought you were of the Warriors."
I could not speak to him.
"I see now," said Ho-Hak, "you are indeed of Port Kar." I could not raise my head, so shamed I was. It seemed I could never lift my head again. "Do you beg to be a slave? asked Ho-Hak. The question was cruel, but fair.
I looked at Ho-Hak, tears in my eyes. I saw only contempt on that broad, calm face. I lowered my head. "Yes," I said. "I beg to be a slave" ...
To me, at that moment, it seemed I cared not whether they chose to throw me to tharlarion or not. It seemed to me that I had lost what might be more precious than life itself. How could I face myself, or anyone? I had chosen ignominous bondage to the freedom of honorable death.
{Raiders of Gor, page 24}
I was ashamed that I had been brutal with her, but I would not show it. I knew, in my heart, that it had been I, I myself, who had betrayed me, I who had fallen short of the Warrior Codes, I who had dishonored my own Home Stone, and the blade I bore. It was I who was guilty. Not she.
{Raiders of Gor, page 86}
Again she regarded me with irritation. "Very well," she said. And then, angrily, loftily, she walked to the deck before me and then, movement by movement, to my fury, knelt before me, back on her heels, head down, and extended, wrists crossed,
as though for binding.
"You are a fool!" I told her. She lifted her head, and smiled.
"You may simply leave me here if you wish," she said.
"It is not in the codes," I said.
{Raiders of Gor, page 97}
"You chose," said Samos, "as warriors have it, ignominous bondage over the freedom of honorable death."
There were tears in my eyes. "I dishonored my sword, my city. I betrayed my codes."
"You found your humanity," said Samos.
"I betrayed my codes!" I cried.
"It is only in such moments," said Samos, "that a man sometimes learns that all truth and all reality is not written in one's own codes."
{Raiders of Gor, page 310}