Everyone saw on Hardcore TV, the return of Extreme Championship Wrestling. Everyone saw an action packed, hardcore stacked, INSANE filled show. Some highlights were Lance Storm getting 3-D'ed through a table. Raven getting GORED!!!, by Rhino. Taz choking out Steve Austin! And finally...*points to self* ROB! VAN! DAM! beating Stevie Richards. But that's not all. The reward for beating Richards, was also Vandaminating Raven! However, with the feeling of seeing Raven getting busted wide open, we also go to see RVD get driven to the mat by Raven a little later, by an Evenflow DDT. Well obviously, Rob Van Dam didn't take that well. We could only imagine how bad RVD wants to tear into Raven with everything he has. And on Hardcore TV, RVD gets his chance. How well will RVD do in the match? Well, let's get "Mr. Monday Night"'s take on it.
[You've been in this posistion before. Sitting at home, late at night, with nothing to watch. You see Martha Stewart, and comment how you'd like to bang her. You flip the channel, and come across an infomercial, advertising a vacuum cleaner. You comment how you'd like to get your dick stuck in it. But however, as you turn to USA, you see something different. You see a montage of guys beating the living PISS out of each other, and music playing. "Extreeeme... Championshiiip... Wrrrreeestttliiing!!" is heard, as the montage continues. You still watch, not wanting to miss something that actually be entertaining. And as this music stops, and you see who's standing before you..you realize you WON'T be dissapointed. Rob Van Dam stands in front of you, wearing a white tank-top, and his hair pulled back. Next to him, is his buddy Bill Alfonzo. He's wearing the "Rob Van Dam" hat with the "RVD" t-shirt. And of course...the famous whistle. As you sit there, you suddenly see Bill Alfonzo slip the whistle into his mouth, and start blowing. But after only a few moments he quits, and RVD speaks.]
Rob Van Dam: Last Friday, on ECW's comeback show, the entire world witnessed Stevie Richards in the ring with one person. Now this person has been talked about for weeks now. Everyone's been saying "this person that", "this person this". I wouldn't blame them. This person just happens to be the best. This person, just happens to be able to pull a 5 star match, with the worst of wrestlers. Look what he was able to do with Stevie Richards. He was actually able to make it so everyone sat on their asses, and WATCHED Stevie Richards wrestle. But it was for one reason only. Because *points to self* Rob-Van-Dam was in it.
Fonzie: That's right dadday! Robbie, on Hardcore TV, you showed the world that you are the best! Everyone's always saying "Raven! Raven! Raven!". Well I know this for sure. They were saying "R-V-D! R-V-D! R-V-D!" after that match was over with dadday! You showed them, that you are the best! You deserve to be World Champion dadday! *points to RVD* The Whole-Fucking-Show deserves to be World Champ dadday!
Rob Van Dam: That's right Fonzie. Who better then *points to self* Rob-Van-Dam?
Fonzie: NOBODY DADDAY! NOBODY!
Rob Van Dam: Tell em Fonzie.
Fonzie: Robbie, I will tell them! I'll tell them the same exact thing I always tell them dadday! Everybody is always talking about somebody else. Nobody ever talks about the real talent. When ECW first started up, everybody talked about Raven! Everybody talked about Taz. Everybody talked about "The Game", Triple H! But one person it seemed everybody forgot to mention, was you! Everybody completely skipped over you dadday! Sure, they had some good things to say about you. They said that you're "The Whole Fucking Show", how your "Mr. Monday Night", how your "Mr. Pay Per View", how your *points to RVD* ROB-VAN-DAM! But they don't say how your the best. Or how you dominate. Or how your the only one, that makes every single move, 5 Stars, and only 5 Stars! How did they forget to mention you Robbie, I don't know! But I know that when you win the Heavyweight Title, everybody will bow to you dadday! Everyone will love you! Everyone will be chanting your name! They won't chant it as loud as "SABU! SABU! SA-
Rob Van Dam: What are you talking about Fonzie? Sabu?
Fonzie: Sabu! The most homicidal, suici-
Fonzie: I'm sorry Robbie! I forgot dadday. It's just that I can't get Sabu off of my mind.
Rob Van Dam: It's ok Fonzie. Just try to keep your mind set on the person that matters here. The Whole F'n Show.
Fonzie: I'll try!
Rob Van Dam: It's ok. I know how your brain works Fonzie. You're always worked up about Sabu. But Fonzie, even you realize that nobody's better than me. Be for real Fonzie. Who else do you know could possibly be better then me? Triple H? Steve Austin? Rhino? Lance Storm? Chris Jericho? You might as well mention the entire roster, because I guarentee, nobody will be better then *points to self R-V-D!
Fonzie: Nice rhyme!
Rob Van Dam: Thanks Fonzie. A lot happens, even when I don't mean it. I mean, I didn't mean to be this great. It just happened! I didn't mean to be the "Whole F'n Show", it just happened. But most importantly, I didn't mean to have every girl come up to me. It just happens.
Fonzie: Did you mean to become World Heavyweight Champion?
Rob Vam Dam: Of course not Fonzie. However, I did join ECW on purpose. I meant to join ECW. ECW is home Fonzie. There's no where else I'd rather be. But it was kind of on accident. I was sitting at home, and Paul Heyman just happened to walk inside. But we all know what Paulie REALLY wanted. He wanted none other, then the services of *points to self*Rob-Van-Dam.
Fonzie: That's right Robbie! Joining ECW wasn't accident! We meant to, and there's no other place to be!
Rob Van Dam:Mainly, because anywhere else would be pointless. WWE is..well..Vince McMahon sucks. He knew I was the man that everyone wanted to see. But he let The Undertaker be Undisputed Champ. He had Hulk Hogan higher up then me. Fonzie, what's that? Didn't he hear all the fans chanting "R-V-D"? Even Chris Jericho, the Canadian Dumbass got better oppurtunities then me. Chris Jericho sucks.
Fonzie: It's true dadday! Chris Jericho runs around, acting like he's a fallen angel! Well I know this, Chris Jericho is only Canadian. And that ain't a good thing. Chris Jericho thinks he's the best. Well Chrissy, you ain't never stepped in the ring with Robbie! Because everybody knows that *points to RVD* Rob-Van-Dam is the best thing since sliced bread! Robbie is the most entertaining ATHLETE, this side of the World! You Chris Jericho, are just another speck on the winshield! One swipe, and you're nothing baby! But Robbie will be around as long as ECW will be around. And that'll be forever dadday! Because unlike you Jericho, RVD can do things you'll never dream of. And he can do it by himself. He doesn't hunt in packs! RVD does everything on his own, with me by his side! *points to RVD* The Whole-Fucking-Show, RVD isn't any normal man! He's a machine. He's nothing you've ever saw before! He'll kick you, punch you, drop from And dadday, that first thing is Raven. Raven, to tell you the truth, you are good. You've been through a lot. You "wear" barbed wire. You like pain. You give pain. But even the most physical, most sadistic wrestler..you..can't compare to *points to RVD* Rob-Van-Dam! And that was displayed on Friday night baby. You came out with your buddy Stevie Richards, hand in hand. You sat at ringside, letting "Come Out And Play" ring through-out the ECW Arena! ECW's home! Robbie's home! And you sat there, and then you heard "Respect" play. And what ran through your mind dadday? Everything. Defeat. Agony. Hatred. Pain. All because of this man right here! All because you knew Raven, that your friend had to deal with Robbie! For once in your pathetic life, you were scared! Scared for your friend! Scared of "Mr. Pay Per View!". It's ok dadday! Anybody would be scared of this. You knew that your friend would get torn, shattered, beaten, and mauled! All by *points to RVD* ROB-VAN-DAM! And then you saw how the match went. You saw Robbie tear apart your friend! You, the mentor, couldn't do anything dadday. But you thought you could. You tried to attack RVD. And what did you get for it? A VANDAMINATOR RIGHT TO YOUR FACE DADDAY! Robbie busted you wide open!
[After Fonzie said this, he slipped his whistle into his mouth, and started blowing as loud as possible. Going crazy, jumping up and down blowing his whistle, RVD let's it go for little bit. But after a very long, few moments, this is getting ridciulous. So RVD finally pushes Fonzie a little. Alfonzo stops when this happens, but he still looks like he wants to go crazy.]
Rob Van Dam: You scare me sometimes Fonzie.
Fonzie: I'm sorry Robbie! You know how I get excited!
Rob Van Dam: Haha. It's ok. I don't blame you for getting too excited over Rob Van Dam. But see Fonzie, before you went nuts-o on me, you didn't mention the worst part about Raven. No, it's not about his dreadful past. It's not about how he got beat every day. It's not the part that he's "dangerous". It's the part that he's a sneaky bastard, and that he attacked *points to self* Rob-Van-Dam from behind. Raven, like I said before Hardcore TV ended, I'm mad. And it's not everyday that you can piss me off. But some things just get to me. Like attacking me. Raven, I could understand how you'd be jealous. I was handed everything on a "silver plate", and I had a "gold" spoon in my mouth all my life. Hey, it's not my fault my parents weren't alchoholics with an ugly child stuck up their ass. It's not my fault I'm so good. Raven, I would gladly switch lives with you. If it makes little Scottie Levy happy, I would. But onfortunately, we can't. So you can whine a little more about your "crappy" childhood. But anyway, to get back on subject Raven, this Tuesday, me and you will be in a match. This could very well be the battle of the titans. I mean, you're evil...I'm good. You're hardcore...I'm the best. I can pull off 5 Star Matches...and you can't. It's life Raven. But your stuck with it. Just like I'm stuck with having you in a match. It's bad enough I had Stevie Richards in a match. To tell you the truth, the crappier the wrestler, the easier it is to make a 5 Star Match. I'll just kick them around a bit, and then when they're not ready, *points to self* Rob-Van-Dam will hit them with a move from the air. It's simple as that! But with you Raven, I'll have to work to hit my moves. It's ok though. You'll still be no problem for me. You're good, but you're no "Whole Fucking Show". You'll never be "Mr. Pay Per View". And you'll always lose to *points to self* ROB! VAN! DAM!
[RVD looks into the camera, as once again Bill Alfonzo slips the whistle into his mouth. The camera slowly fades out as they both stare itno the camera.]
Rob Van Dam: I know who he is Fonzie. But why are you talking about him? This isn't Sabu's time. It's *points to self* Rob-Van-Dam's.
10 feet in the air and fall on you. Then to top it off!...he'll 5 Star Frog Splash you! That's only the most electrifying, high flying, death defying move you'll ever see dadday! RVD will defy physics. He'll defy gravity. He'll defy anything that get's in his way!
