5. A SYMPTOM IS JUST A SYMPTOM AND NOT THE PROBLEM
Another Family
DR. KEITH: (to family of adolescent labeled as learning disabled) "What I think his learning problem is, is something that goes on in here. There's pain in this family and you're worried about whether or not he's going to collect the money for his paper route. That confuses kids� why that should be so important when you ignore your unhappiness! I couldn't stand to live the way you do."
THERAPIST: I don't think they see their unhappiness as important. They claim that they don't understand when I suggest they talk about themselves.
DR. KEITH: "I think you understand it. You just don't like it."
THERAPIST: The assumption is that they really do know what I'm saying.
DR. KEITH: Yes.
THERAPIST: Sometimes they convince me that they really are stupid.
DR. KEITH: �or that you're too stupid to explain it; that it's a dumb idea. You could translate this into, "I suppose it's what it's like to be your son, that anything he tries to explain that makes you upset, you say he's dumb. I think he hurts."
THERAPIST: They asked if I was going to talk to their son's psychiatrist and tell him what I think is going on.
DR. KEITH: I wouldn't be eager to talk to the psychiatrist. I'm not eager to explain things to people I don't know or don't have a relationship with. I'd say, "How about if I talk to you and you tell him (what we talked about), rather than us talking behind your back? That makes it seem like you're too dumb to understand anything. You explain it to him and if he's got a question, he can call me back...or he could come in for a session if he wants to."
...MORE THOUGHTS
One of the goals of Symbolic-Experiential Family Therapy is to expand the family's competence in dealing with the community, whether that being the school, police, another therapist or referring agency. To suggest that the family needs a go-between implies that the members are unable to explain themselves or talk about their own experiences. Underlying this goal is the belief in the unlimited potential of the human spirit. Family therapy is a counter-cultural process, where society wants adjustment and adapting. The family needs to unite to take society on. The members need to become a team.
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5. A SYMPTOM IS JUST A SYMPTOM AND NOT THE PROBLEM
Another Family
DR. KEITH: (to family of adolescent labeled as learning disabled) "What I think his learning problem is, is something that goes on in here. There's pain in this family and you're worried about whether or not he's going to collect the money for his paper route. That confuses kids� why that should be so important when you ignore your unhappiness! I couldn't stand to live the way you do."
THERAPIST: I don't think they see their unhappiness as important. They claim that they don't understand when I suggest they talk about themselves.
DR. KEITH: "I think you understand it. You just don't like it."
THERAPIST: The assumption is that they really do know what I'm saying.
DR. KEITH: Yes.
THERAPIST: Sometimes they convince me that they really are stupid.
DR. KEITH: �or that you're too stupid to explain it; that it's a dumb idea. You could translate this into, "I suppose it's what it's like to be your son, that anything he tries to explain that makes you upset, you say he's dumb. I think he hurts."
THERAPIST: They asked if I was going to talk to their son's psychiatrist and tell him what I think is going on.
DR. KEITH: I wouldn't be eager to talk to the psychiatrist. I'm not eager to explain things to people I don't know or don't have a relationship with. I'd say, "How about if I talk to you and you tell him (what we talked about), rather than us talking behind your back? That makes it seem like you're too dumb to understand anything. You explain it to him and if he's got a question, he can call me back...or he could come in for a session if he wants to."
...MORE THOUGHTS
One of the goals of Symbolic-Experiential Family Therapy is to expand the family's competence in dealing with the community, whether that being the school, police, another therapist or referring agency. To suggest that the family needs a go-between implies that the members are unable to explain themselves or talk about their own experiences. Underlying this goal is the belief in the unlimited potential of the human spirit. Family therapy is a counter-cultural process, where society wants adjustment and adapting. The family needs to unite to take society on. The members need to become a team.