The Direct to Video movie
The Ticker Page 3
by Michael A.H. Back
The opening scene were he accompanies the SWAT team into the basement of a restaurant below which bad guys have hostages is a perfect example. The team moves into view cautiously, in a half crouch, sweeping the room as they go. Very authentic, and well orchestrated to build suspense. Until Seagal appears. There he is, right in their midst, shoulders back, head held high, looking neither right nor left. He strides into the scene like he�s strutting into a boxing ring, with a bizarre, �I�m bulletproof� air that ruins the whole scene by completely destroying any semblance of tension generated by the good acting of the extras playing the SWAT team members.
Contrast that with his scenes from �Under Siege� where he very realistically creeps into each new space, gun ready, eyes sweeping the room, completely alert and ready to double tap any bogie he sees. So we know he act. The question is, why didn�t he do it here?
OK. So it�s a bad movie. This is a martial arts magazine. We don�t need no stinking plot, and acting is just a bonus. What we really want to know is: although he only has a supporting role, we do actually get to see Seagal kick booty, right?
Well, yes and no.
Yes, Seagal kicks some butt, but no, you don�t really get to see it.
There is ONE, that�s right, ONE scene where Seagal fights a gang of bad guys, but I can�t say for sure that Seagal does any martial arts in that scene. It takes place in a dimly lit hall, and the camera jumps around spastically making sure most of the action is a total blur. When it does focus on Seagal, it is an extreme close up of his determined scowl, and around the edge of the screen are occasional blurs that give the impression that he�s waving his arms or doing �something.� Then the camera cuts to stunt men flying down the hall and smashing into walls. So I guess, since it was Seagal, and guys went flying, there must have been martial arts in there somewhere. But for all I could see, it could have been modern dance accompanied by clumsy dudes on ice.
Why, I wonder, do you cast one of the most incredible martial artists in movies today, and then film his fight scene in such a way that you can�t see anything he is doing? Who are the morons who are making these decisions? NO ONE out there making movies today can do what Seagal does. He is the ONLY Aikido master that I know of making movies.
So why not let us SEE what he is doing, like they used to do in his early movies?
Which makes me wonder why they needed Seagal for this movie at all. You can�t actually see him do anything even remotely resembling the martial arts, so it might as well have been Tom Hanks standing there waving his arms around while stunt guys threw themselves into the walls. And with Tom Hanks, at least you could have enjoyed really good acting from the bomb squad leader.
In case you haven�t figured it out yet, this movie is BAD. I mean really BAD. My lowest rating is almost too high for this movie. Downright Terrible. If you see it, don�t blame me for the years of therapy you will need to recover from having made such a terrible choice at such a critical moment in your life (standing in the video store, wondering what to rent for the weekend).
Did I mention that this movie was bad? You want to see a movie with good martial arts this weekend, go see Lord of the Rings again.
You�ve been warned.
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I have a five level film rating system:
1: URP!!! Cinematic equivalent of a kick to the groin. While this movie may have some value as a psychological torture tool for covert CIA operations, only as an entry on that Science Theater 3000 show could the tiniest elements of entertainment be found. Terrible plot, dismal acting, stupid special effects, and most importantly of all: worthless martial arts! I can�t think of ANY reason to see this movie. Examples: Ticker, Highlander Endgame
2: OOF! About as much fun as a punch to the solar plexis. The plot, acting, and special effects are probably substandard, and although the martial arts are decent, you�ve probably seen everything you find here somewhere else. If you REALLY want to see it (which I�m not recommending), rent it, so you can fast forward over the bad acting, and get straight to the action. Examples: On Deadly Ground, Master Killer.
3: HMM! Pretty much as average as, say, a horse stance. OK plot, passable acting, decent special effects, and worthwhile martial arts. A video rental for those nights when light entertainment fits the bill, but mostly you just got an overwhelming need to see some bad guys get whooped! Comedies, parodies, and such tend to end up here. Examples: The Last Dragon, The One, Steel Dawn.
4: HA! A flying side kick into cinematic history. This is a pretty good movie. You will enjoy the story, and really like the martial arts. And even if you don�t enjoy the story, the martial arts will more than make up for it. An enjoyable evening at the theater is to be had here. Has the potential to be a classic based on the martial arts alone. Bring a date. Examples: Enter the Dragon, Above the Law.
5: WOW! A running, step off the wall, somersaulting, triple aerial kick with swords flashing, you-will-probably-want-to-see-this-movie-THREE-times-at-the-theater-not-to-mention-purchasing-the-DVD experience. An outstanding movie with exceptional martial arts. A truly rare cinematic experience. Don�t miss it, and make sure you bring friends so you have someone to talk with about the movie afterwards. Examples: Braveheart, The Matrix, Lord of the Rings.