Don't Tick Off Mara (A slight Cantina scene-alteration) A Humorous SW/JAG cross-over Author: Hugo "Animal" Chikamori E-mail: hchikamori@yahoo.com Rating: G Classification: Mac/Harm R Spoilers: Summary: Mac can't put up with Parker, and neither can Mara and it's best for Parker not to stick around when Mara gets even 'slightly' annoyed. DISCLAIMER: The characters Harm Rabb, Jr., AJ Chegwidden, et al. belong (in concept if not name) to CBS/Bellisarius. No profit is being made from this story, nor is any infringement intended. Mara Jade is the figment of Timothy Zahn's imagination and belongs to George Lucas. ************************************************************** JAG HEADQUARTERS FALLS CHURCH, VA 2030 ZULU 'Bright day, not a cloud around.' Mac mused to herself as she looked up at the azure sky. She was pondering what she was going to do for the rest of the afternoon, when a familiar sounding voice calling her name caused her to turn around and look in the direction where the hail had come from. "Mara?" Mac exclaimed, pleasantly startled."Where's Luke?" "Oh, he had another obligation elsewhere in the galaxy." Mara grinned "You know that farm-boy turned hero, he's always off saving the Outer Rim from destruction." Mac laughed. Mara was like a friend she never had. Even if she was from a different galaxy. Mara's red-gold hair glimmered as she tossed it back out of her face. She had kept her leather-like bodysuit on. "So, where is Harm?" Mara asked noticing Mac's grimace. "What's wrong?" "Nothing..." Mac replied. Mara didn't buy that. "C'mon...you can tell me...Jedi can't lie to one another." "Oh...alright." Mac said,"He's going out with this blonde bimbo by the name of Jordan Parker." "And you're jealous..." Mara continued."Well...what is she like?" "Typical airhead." Mac said."Wouldn't get through the first day of Marine Basic Training without dropping out." "I know the feeling..." Mara thought darkly thinking of Callista. Well friends stuck up for friends and she figured 'why not'. McMURPHY'S TAVERN FALLS CHURCH, VA 0030 ZULU Mara strode in confidently into McMurphy's Tavern. Wearing her usual garb, and her holdout blaster in her wrist holster concealed under the arm of her light jacket that she had bought. Mac had been sort of hesitant about Mara telling Parker to stay away from Harm. After-all, that could be constituted as a threat. Mara was not what one would call a subtle person. "Hey, there good looking." came a drunken proposition from the dark corner recesses. Mara looked at the fat slob in the corner with disdain. "Hey, sugar...wouldn't you like some honey?" "Sorry, I'm already married." Mara's voice was brittle ice, edged with the right implied menace. It didn't click. An arm grabbed on to her. "Sugar, sugar...don't go so fast..." Mara didn't hesitate. Letting the man drag her into the alcove, she flicked out a knife with a three inch blade shoving it in the man's face so that the point of it dangling right between the man's eyes. "I told you I was married, Sith-spit...now get your hands off of me or you'll get another hole, right where you breathe in from." she hissed. The man let go shaking like a leaf. Seeing the female Lieutenant Commander sitting by the bar, Mara sat down beside her. "Ale..." she said as she flicked over a gold credit piece. The bar-tender looked at it and said,"Hey, lady, you tryin' to bust me?" he turned the piece over, "This thing is pure gold? You know what the exchange rate on this is?" "Nope..." Mara said."Why don't you inform me?" "Well...lady, since you're so unaware of the gold situation here, Gold is a precious commodity. The piece that you handed over so cock-suredly is worth at least three-hundred and forty-five American dollars." "You have change?" Mara asked. "Shit, lady, you're going to bankrupt me. Tourists..." he muttered as he threw the piece into the till and brought out $340 change. "He doesn't know how right he is on that account..."Mara said off-hand- edly to the Lieutenant Commander who was watching all this with an amused look. "So, where you from?" the LCDR asked. "From a distant part of the world." "Oh...what part..." the LCDR looked at her with interest. "Nowhere that you might know." Mara grinned. "Oh?" the Lieutenant Commander looked confused. "Anyways, my name is Mara..." Mara extended a hand. At least she remembered that Terran greeting from her last time on Terra. "Mara Kelly." she said mentioning her previous name that she had used. "Jordan, Jordan Parker." was the blonde-haired Lieutenant Commander's response. Mara indicated to the bar-tender that she would pay for the Lieutenant Commander's next drink. "Alright...don't pass over another gold coin..." The bartender growled. Mara tossed him a $10 bill. She got $5 back, and the drink was served. "Why don't we move to a more private table." Mara indicated letting the Lieutenant Commander go first. "Actually, I was supposed to wait for Harm at the bar." Jordan replied. "Oh, it won't take long." was Mara's reassuring comment. When they had settled into the private corner table, Mara said,"Y'know, Mac and I were talking. She really likes Harm..." Jordan narrowed her eyes. Who did this woman think she was coming over out of nowhere and telling her that Harm's partner liked Harm. Mac was just a partner nothing more. "Why are you telling me this?" Jordan asked, her voice rapidly cooling off. "Because you are a threat...to their relationship. Those two mean a lot more to the world than you think." 'That did it' Jordan Parker was incensed,"Lady, I'll tell you, Harm is my boyfriend, and there's no one that will stop me from keeping him." Mara said,"Listen to reason, Parker...there are forces out there that will contrive to keep you apart if you persist in staking him out as your own. Do you realize that Mac and Harm are so attuned to one another that they know what each other is thinking, even if they are miles away from each other? Why do you think their danger-sense is so attuned. Wake up and smell the coffee...Parker." "You have some guts to come in here and tell me that Harm belongs with his partner...he willingly gave his love to me...and there's nothing that you can do or say that will keep me away from him." "It's your life, Parker." Mara said,"I'm just trying to tell you the odds against your having a relationship with him, and they're astronomical." "That's it...Get out..." Jordan snarled. "Suit yourself." Mara grinned an ingratiating grin and then said,"Look. Parker, you can have your pick of any man in the world? Here..." she tossed over a bunch of the gold coins. At least enough to buy a Rolls-Royce. " Here's enough to make you a very wealthy woman by your standards. Now why don't you lay-off Harm and things won't have to get ugly." Ugly thoughts went through Jordan Parker's mind. This woman reeked of danger and she knew that she would have to be smart about this. 'Take her money.' Jordan's sense cried out to her. 'Take it and run.' The other side of her, the manipulative side, thought,'If I take this money, think of what I could do with it...' She left the other thought un- searched. Mara thought,'Wise girl...' As Jordan Parker gathered in the coins. "I'll consider it." Parker said,"But this isn't the last you've seen of me, Kelly." "Count on it." Mara grinned. Parker wasn't too much of a challenge. She thought contemplatively as she stepped out from the private alcove and headed back towards the exit when a big burly man stepped out,"Where ya goin' so fast, honeybuns...You and me, we could make sweet music together..." "Move it, before I blow a hole through you..." Mara growled. "Oooh. Sassy..." He grinned..." I like 'em sassy..." He made an ob- scene gesture...and Mara struck. Lashing out like a cobra, the former Emperor's Hand slammed a hard kick into the man's groin and as the man buckled in pain, she slammed an elbow strike to the base of the neck, knock- ing him out. His three cronies got up and encircled her. Mara thought, 'Hmmm, can't kill them, so I'll just have to settle for knocking them un- conscious.' Grabbing the nearest hard object which happened to be a vase, she hurled it at the bridge of the nearest man's nose. Breaking it into a thousand pieces and causing the shards to cut the man's face. While the man howled in pain, she used the distraction to slide over and slam a fist into the other two mens' faces. Picking up a chair she brought it down hard on one man's back and the other fled. The chair and vase were broken in shards. Flipping a gold credit at the bar-tender she said,"Sorry..." as she stepped out. MAC'S APARTMENT FALLS CHURCH, VA 0245 ZULU "Hey, Mac." Mara said,"Well, I told Parker to stay away from Harm if she valued her life." "You did WHAT?" Mac said stunned." That constitutes a threat. That can get you in serious trouble." "Well...it's nothing that I can't get out of." Mara grinned as she contemplatively looked at Mac. "You know that Virginia has the gas chamber? If you threaten someone and carry out that threat, then you will be executed." Mac said. "Oh...well, I'll just have her shoot first." Mac laughed,"Now that would be a sight. Parker doesn't even know how to fire a semiauto, let alone which way to point one. Seriously, Mara, let this situation be..." She looked sadly,"So far, Harm doesn't really realize what he means to me." "Well, maybe it's about time to let him know. Goodness knows, I didn't let that Tatooine farmboy know until we were dodging blaster-bolts from two security-droids on Nirauan. We went from dodging blaster-bolts to sitting dripping wet on a ledge where he proposed. That was, I think, the quickest courtship in the history of the universe." Mara grinned as she remembered the awkward Luke Skywalker proposing. "Now we have to get Harm to that point. Now if Luke could do it, then Harm definitely could." Mara said. "B-but..." Mac sputtered helplessly. "No buts..." Mara said finally. "Why don't we go over to Harm's place right now." "Geez, do you have to push so darn hard..." Mac growled,"I'm a Marine ...you could get seriously hurt..." she complained. "You forget that I used to be the Emperor's Hand...and a professional assassin. So, enough squalling...Get moving...Mac." Mara replied. "OK...OK...geesh..." Mac complained but she got moving."Are you sure we shouldn't call Harm first." "Nope, he's over at McMurphy's...now enough stalling...MOVE..." Mara stopped that idea right in the tracks. McMURPHY'S TAVERN FALLS CHURCH, VA 0345 ZULU Harm sat there...wondering why Jordan Parker was not there. He had been there for over three hours now. He was dressed in civilian clothes and nursed a Rum & Coke. He had talked to Jordan and she had said that she was going to be there, but when he had arrived, she was not there. 'Well, it's getting late, I guess, I'd better call it an evening. Maybe it was the fact that I was delayed.' Just as he was about to get out of his seat, Mac came in with a familiar looking red-gold haired female in a black jumpsuit. "Mac, what are you doing here?" "Well, Flyboy, I was wondering if you want to go get some grub? Mara was in town and she decided to drop by. So, if you want, let's go get some- thing to eat." Mac replied. "Sure, sounds good." Evidently Jordan wasn't about to show, so Harm figured, may as well go with Mac and get some food. "Great let's get going." Harm said...Mac looked inquisitively at Mara, who waved them off... "Aren't you coming with us?" "Well...I figure, I might take in the quaint atmosphere...here..." Mara replied."Why don't you two take some time for yourselves and have a good meal. You don't want an old married woman tagging along with you." "You're not old...you're gorg-OUCH!!!" Harm grinned then grimaced in pain as Mac elbowed him. Mara said,"Thanks, I'll be sure to tell my husband that...Flattered, really. C'mon...go-on...get better acquainted. GO...before I have to sic the FORCE on you." Harm and Mac laughed as they exited McMurphy's together arm in arm. After a suitable time, Mara thought,"Ah. well...I guess that solved everything. She got up to go. Just then she felt the muzzle of an old fashioned slug-thrower in her back. "Going somewhere, Kelly?" the voice sounded sinisterly familiar. Mara turned around slowly to see Jordan Parker holding a Beretta at her. "As a matter of fact, I was just planning on raising ship, tonight. My job here is done..." "You're not from here, are you...so, why are you meddling around in my business...Get back into the alcove where people can't see my pistol... Kelly" Parker said, with a nasty glare as she motioned Mara back into the alcove. "And keep your gun hand away from your torso..." She didn't know that Mara always kept her wrist holster on her left arm. Mara raised her right hand away from her body. The table concealed the wrist holster drop- ping her blaster into the palm of her left hand. Mara's peripheral vision noticed a little corner of loose wallpaper, and her right hand picked absently away at it. "You know, Kelly, you're an irritation that just doesn't seem to go away. You took my Harm, you took the love of my life...So, why shouldn't it be me that takes your life away from you?" Parker said, as she gloated. "You had a job to do, well I have one too. And that's to eliminate anyone who comes between Harm and I." she said self-satisfiedly. "Too bad for you." Mara said,"You really don't want to do this, Parker, it's your life that you're taking into your own hands." "Well, why don't I take your ship that you hold so dearly, then. May- be I can auction it off at a Star Trek convention or something...It's going to make me even more rich." Mara subtly raised the muzzle of her blaster still concealed under the table and aimed it at Parker. "Over my dead body..." Mara snarled. This witch was really starting to annoy her. "That's the idea...I've been waiting for this for a long time..." Parker said as she raised the Beretta and fired. "I bet you have..." was Mara's reply. Smoke and light filled the little alcove in McMurphy's Tavern. When it had all faded, all that remain- ed was blonde-haired Lieutenant Commander with a big blaster burn in her stomach, slumped over the table. The patrons gasped as Mara stepped out of the alcove, smoking blaster held in her left hand. Returning it to her wrist holster, she stood there, glancing calmly at the patrons. Just before she exited the Tavern, she tossed the bartender a bag full of platinum credits as she said, "Sorry about the mess..." THE END **************************************** EPILOGUE The Virginia police didn't bother investigating this one. Finding a 9mm bullet, embedded in the wall of the tavern, they wrote this off as a unsubstantiated shooting with an unidentified weapon and that the shooter with the unidentified weapon fired in self defence. Mac and Harm eventually ended up together. And Mara...well, let's just say that she's around some- where around the galaxy, sometimes with her husband, Luke, or by herself... But that's another story.