All I Have Known
Liza Austen -lizaausten@tri-countynet.net 

For All I have known.
And the sister, hero, friend I'll never "meet", Trouble- who'll always hold a
place in my heart and my life, that No one will ever fill. She saved my life
once, and though I'll never return the favor, I and my children, will be forever
grateful.
This is for a true, American hero.
My best friend, the keeper of my smallest and biggest secrets... my big sister.

All I Have Known
"It's time to go now." A tiny voice beside me murmered.
"Go where?" I whispered back, pulling the robe encloaking me tighter. Staring
through a grim mist, I see the eyes of a child I once knew, a child I'll always
hold dear in my heart.
But the words she whispered tore at my soul, and made my blood run cold.
Unnoticed tears drip from my eyes, as I look wonderingly at the child standing
before me. Her eyes, a deep brown and hair to match. An open heart, the walls
needlessly there, lay as rubble at my feet.
Eyes I have known, the ghost, a spirit of one I have known.
Childish eyes, ones who have seen nothing, but at the same time_ everything.
In a world of pain, sorrow, anguish- a world where life itself is monstrous-
she held the light, and the hope of the world in her babyish hands.
Short, chubby fingers, reaching out to hold mine.
I watch her curiously.
Once afraid, I am no longer- a comforting prescence, the remnants of a past
triumphant- and a future I could only dream of.
One I could only observe.
"Home," the child answered simply, light shining through her eyes, the early
morning fog almost brightening.
The dew on the roses of the trelace above me fell silently, splashing upon my
cheeks, falling into the stream of tears dripping from my chin.
"I know you." I whisper, reaching out my hands- warm in comparison to hers- to
touch her face.'
Cool skin, that would never see life, met my fingers, the pale unfeeling tone
striking me.
"And I, you." She replied quietly, her other hand slowly reaching up to slide
along my face.
Quickly, she pulled her fingers away. "You're so *warm*." The girl said,
alarmed. "And I can feel you." She added with a whisper of something akin to
delight.
Unsure how to reply, I smiled slightly as her fingers reached back to touch,
lightly, my cheek.
"Is this what people feel like?" She murmured, in her little girl voice. Asking
a question no one she knew could answer, except-maybe-me.
An overwhelming sadness quickly gripped my heart, breathing suddenly a task.
And I hate the world, for the child that never knew love, her mother...never
knew... life. But on the same note, I'm thankful, she never met hate, contempt
or fear. Yet... my heart cries for her- it isn't fair.
I silently plea that one day she know these things... the good things. Even
though I know my plea will never be answered.
"Yes," I murmur, a sudden thought striking me. "Where is home?"
Suddenly, she smiled, "With me and daddy."
And my heart cried.
"My little girl."
Suddenly I knew the answered to the questions I never asked. The man and the
child... my most beloved... that left me half a century before...
Her tiny hand pats mine, and suddenly I look down, and I realize, I'm the woman
I used to be, and beside me is the child I never held.
"Yes, Mommy." She smiled happily, climbing upon the garden bench beside me.
"Daddy says hello. And he can't wait to see you. He says it's been too long."
Laying her head on my lap, I stroke the curly auburn hair I'd never before
touched.
"Yes, my angel, it's been too long." I whisper back, "Let's go see Daddy."
"Okay! Come on!" She smiled, jumping down and taking my hand. Soon she was
running, clinging still to my hand.
"Wait a second, let's pick Daddy a rose."
Smiling happily, she stopped in her tracks, waiting as I picked it.
Turning on my heel, a freshly picked rose- darker than the drops of blood that
fell on the thorn my finger laid upon- in hand, I saw.
She wasn't there.
Glancing around quickly, I realized, I had yet to learn her name.
Tears cascading down my cheeks, the coolness of her touch still there, I work
from the dream, once comforting- now frightening.
"Harm?!" I called, twisting the dampened sheets.
I was never answered.

~The good news is I'm better for the time we spent together,
and the bad news is, you're gone~