a speech and play by Amy Lynn
Introduction:
(As they are entering, play �Break the Silence?�)
Introduce myself and any guests I have with me
Our Purpose:
We are here to break the silence on abuse by showing you what really happens and what you can do to stop it. Abuse happens everywhere, and I can almost guarantee you or someone you know has been abused in some way, whether you know it or not. However, it is not something people talk about. It happens in the silence of our own homes or in the silence of our own relationships. We are too ashamed, embarrassed or feel too guilty to let anyone know what is going on. Not talking about it though, only allows it to continue and allows it to get terribly worse as time goes on. Anyone can be abusive. It�s not just one specific gender, it�s more like a specific trait in one�s personality. It could be your boyfriend, girlfriend, parents, your grandma on your step-mom�s side, or even your best friend�s brother. You will never know who is being abused unless you know the signs and you understand the pattern. So, if you want to protect yourself or help someone you know, pay attention. The only way to break the cycle of abuse is to break the silence.
Here�s a scenerio for you:
You have been married for two years and have a six month old baby. You�ve been a stay-at-home mom since the baby was born, which means you rely solely on your husband for money, food and clothes for yourself and the baby. Your husband has been pretty tense and cranky for a while, but you assumed that would subside once the baby was born. Well, that wasn�t the case, and tonight, you two got into a huge fight. Something inside him exploded and he slapped you across the face so hard it hurt to close your jaw. You fall to the floor and he starts telling you how stupid you were to piss him off like that when you knew he�d been tense lately. He goes in the bedroom, slams the door, and all you can see is your keys, the baby and the door. You grab the baby and the keys and bolt. You can hear him running after you as you speed down the road in the middle of the night. You can hear his crying and apologizing in the background getting farther away. The last thing you heard was, �I didn�t mean to hurt you, I love you...� You don�t want to go to your parents or friends, because you know he will go there looking for you. So you go to the police station. They want you to press charges, but you know he�s never been like that before, so maybe it was just an accident, a one time explosion. Still, you didn�t feel safe going back . Without pressing charges, there�s nothing the police can do for you but direct you to the local shelter. You go there only to find they are short on supplies and have no diapers or formula for the baby. They have a little food for you, but you know your baby can�t go without. They can�t even help you get a home or a job of your own without your ID and birth certificate, which were left at home in your purse in your mad dash out. So, you have no clothes, diapers, formula, money, or proper ID.
What do you do?
Go home? That�s what a lot of women do.
That�s how the pattern repeats itself and that�s why many women do go back.
My Story...
My own history of abuse didn�t start of with a cute boy that I fell in love with. It didn�t start with a perfect relationship that slowly got worse, or even one that got worse after we got comfortable with each other. I met him my senior year of high school, about the same time my parents were getting a divorce. This guy actually scared me when I first met him. I was uncomfortable around him. The first night I met him, a few girl friends of mine were riding around town with me and one of the girls saw some of her guy friends at a gas station who were looking for a ride. I had a van, so we had plenty of room and picked them up. He was in the crowd and as soon as he was introduced to me, he sat in the floor of my van right beside my driver seat and just stared at me. He kept unbuckling my seat belt and smiling while I was trying to drive. I asked him to stop, but I guess it was like the whole picking on the girl on the playground that you like. He kept pestering me and I felt nervous around him. He was weird and different and kinda scary. He wore all black, baggy clothes, which is common now, but at the time, I had never been around anyone like that before. I lived in a small town and had mostly hung out with the people who dressed a bit neater and were involved in all the clubs or sports in school. This whole crowd was different, especially this scary one giving me so much attention. I ignored him as much as possible, but he kept paying me a LOT of attention. The attention was actually nice though, even if it was coming from this scary guy who wasn�t even very attractive. Things at home weren�t so well and this was really the only attention I was getting from anywhere. So, after a little while, I got used to liking the attention and we began to become friends and talk more. He confided in me and made me feel special because he told me things he never told anyone before. I kinda felt sorry for him in a way. He got depressed a lot, and he was a party animal too. He was older , which was also pretty exciting to me. When I got a boyfriend, he wasn�t too happy about it though. He once took off in my boyfriend�s car at a party I was having and was driving pretty crazy up and down the road in it. Then, another time, he �jokingly� tied me up and called my boyfriend telling him stuff like I didn�t love him or whatever else he could do to sabotage my relationship. Finally, one day, he called me up while my boyfriend was over and asked me who I was lying to. He wanted to know if I loved him at all or not, because if I loved him, how could I be with another guy. He made me think our friendship was too powerful to be just a friendship. After I got off the phone with him, I took a walk with my boyfriend and told him I couldn�t stop thinking about my sad friend. My boyfriend told me he was manipulating me and I didn�t believe him, or maybe I just didn�t understand. Then we just calmly and quietly broke up and I started seeing Mr. Creepy more. Then we started dating. It was dramatic from the beginning. It was never a beautiful thing, but I believed that love conquered all and it could solve all problems. I thought love was everything and that I was supposed to sacrifice everything for it no matter what. I guess I never realized that it shouldn�t have hurt so much. I should�ve realized that love was supposed to feel good more than it felt bad. I was blind and didn�t recognize the signs though, and so my story got worse. I don�t remember the first time he hit me, but I remember the first time he tried to slit his wrist in front of me and I remember trying to fight him for the knife. I remember him sobbing in front of me saying he didn�t know what was wrong with him and that he couldn�t live without me. I promised to be with him always and I promised to help him any way I could. Then I also remember the first time he raped me. I was a virgin when I met him. Just because you are with someone doesn�t mean that it�s impossible to be raped by them. I was raped so many times by him that I lost count. Anytime I tried to say no or stand up to him, he would get violent and then he would always get his way. It was a lot of jealousy, power and control issues he insisted on having over me. Then he would always apologize afterward and sob or say that he would commit suicide if I ever left. He told me if he couldn�t have me then nobody would, and he would come after me and kill me and then kill himself. He literally got off on my fear and he was addicted to sex. He needed to have me sexually like an alcoholic needs a drink. I knew if I ever left he would come after me. He was crazy like that. I realized that all the attention he had given me in the beginning wasn�t cute love... It was an obsession.
So, our relationship began dramatic and stayed that way the whole time we were together. His jealousy and my fear of pissing him off eventually isolated me from all of my friends and therefore, I was only allowed to hang out with him and his friends if I wanted a social life at all. I knew deep down that eventually he would do something bad enough on his own to get sent to jail or something, so I wouldn�t have to be with him forever. I think he knew that too, and so he wanted to find a way to have me for the rest of his life no matter what. After he�d raped me so much that I found it pointless to try resist sex anymore, I got on birth control pills. Not even a month after I got on the pills, he hid them from me. He had found a way to keep me forever, he got me pregnant. Just because I was pregnant though, the abuse didn�t stop. It got worse, especially when his drug addictions got worse. He accused me of loving everything more than him, including my work. This was a clear sign he was crazy, because who in the world loves work??? Anyway, things kept getting crazier and more unimaginable. He used to want to drink my blood and would try to cut my neck to get it. It sounds horrible now, but at the time, even though I didn�t like it, it didn�t seem as crazy, because that�s just how life was for me then. Now, I look at some of your reactions to that and realize how messed up it really was :) Never through my relationship though, did I ever consider it abusive. I didn�t really even know to associate the word �abuse� with my situation. I always just referred to it as a bad relationship. The word abuse never even crossed my mind until after I got out. Then I saw it for what it really was.
I finally did get out of the relationship through the direction of my abusive fiance�s mom and step-dad. He didn�t leave me alone though and the drama continued. One night in my own second story apartment, I woke in the middle of the night to find him in my room and just watching me sleep. I didn�t realize how creepy it was until after I kicked him out and found a ladder to my back window the next day. I had an order of protection against him and that still didn�t stop him. Then, he raped me once again, and this time, I pressed charges. Of course, even then I didn�t do so until his counselor called and told me that mine and my baby�s lives were in major danger. The next day I went to the police station, pressed charges and went into hiding until the court date. He is now in prison and gets out in six months. There�s more to the story of course, but it would take a book to explain it.
Wait, there IS a book to explain it
It�s my book titled �Forced By Extremes �
It tells all about the horrible things that happened in my relationship and it has some actual letters from my abuser in it. Then, in the back of the book , I have listed warning signs, hotline numbers and tips for escape from these situations. There are also hotline numbers for other extreme situations you may find yourselves or someone you know in. They are all toll free too. So, check it out if you get the chance.
Go to www.geocities.com/hazelspec/amylynn.html
Or, go to myspace.com/forcedbook